Category Archives: Fly tying Materials

Where to find them cheaply

How Yugoslavia put the adrenaline back in fly tying

I suppose some might consider it  “the fun’s back in fly tying” – but while I’m here sucking a forefinger, I don’t see it that way…

The Skalka and Knapek competition barbless hooks arrived yesterday, and with less than 24 hours before my march northward, I had to bang out as many flies as possible to have something to test.

I tested my coagulation rate thoroughly, that and my blood type…

Knapek dry fly and streamer hooks are a “squarish” bend with a wicked kirbed, barbless needle for a point that seeks human flesh with neither guilt nor remorse. Lacking a barb to slow its progress through your palm or forefinger – it’s added a new dimension to fly tying…

… and that’s what I’d expect of a hook that costs nearly $0.30 each – whose attributes might separate you from kissing “Miss Colorado Flyfish” and a five digit payday.

Knapek Streamer Hook

For the first time I found myself commiserating with the prey – as I alternately nursed one fingertip after another. Materials that obscure the hook point yet need to be coaxed backwards on the shank – like hackle or chenille, invariably put those precious highly-trained, coaxing fingers into Harm’s Way. 

The pain starts to register after it’s a quarter inch in – giving you a hint you should stop applying pressure – but the follow-through is still enroute, so the second quarter inch is just a bonus. Once the point encounters the back of your fingernail it slows down some …

I’m thinking that a standard hook set would drive a #14 Humpy clean through the trout’s skull – and with a bend designed to keep the corpse attached – telling the warden, “I didn’t do it” will be a bit of a dance – what with the lifeless parr-marked corpse bobbing nearby.

Tying on these requires the vise to grip the bend of the shank and none of the point, or just the point and none of the bend. With a 10 degree offset, grabbing both point and bend will bend the wire, removing the kirbed portion and possibly weakening the wire.

knapek Dry #14 The points are fiendish, much longer and sharper than what I’m used to – and beaked, turned up to hold onto the flesh its just violated.

They adhere to traditional Redditch sizing – which I like much better than the Tiemco / Mustad standards. Both the Tiemco 100 series and the Mustad 94840 / 3906B are about 1X longer than they should be – and the Knapek are sized true like the older and shorter Partridge, “Captain Hamilton” style.

In short, I’m in love – not the sappy “chick flick” kind, more of the sinister sado-masochistic thing – and with piercing all the rage, I can wait till “Mr BB-Lip” finishes wowing the girls with his fourteen piercings, then I can recount the last thousand I endured …

I’m not so sure the Masai might not induct me as a full blood brother…

Unlike Bell Bottoms this kind of tacky is a good thing

It was a crash course in paraffin, beeswax, petroleum distillates, herbal additives, and tropical fruit – none of which I’d anticipated with such a mundane bit of research.

I’ve gone through three sports, two industries, and a half dozen hobbies – hoping to find something special, and found that the ignoble Beeswax remains right up there with the tackiest waxes known. I found better, but the toilet ring from the local hardware store is still among the top waxes available.

As described in an earlier post, wax usage is on the decline – limited to those geezers like myself that learned prior to the debut of specialty fly tying threads and pre-waxed nylon. In those days small thread was size “A” – and most of it came from the sewing trade.

Part of the candidate pool

Desirable characteristics include being soft enough to use with materials other than thread, non-staining and colorless so it doesn’t change the material, non-oxidizing – so you can leave the cap off and the material doesn’t harden, and cheap as dirt – so you can indulge in obscene rituals without breaking the bank.

10 different surf board waxes and three different temperatures later, it’s safe to conclude that feet and flies don’t share any similarity. Surf wax is much harder and less tacky than Beeswax and is only a bit softer than candle wax. It has a light “tack” to the touch, is cheap – less than $2 per block, and is available with the best range of scents; Mango, Banana, Bubblegum – but no Nightcrawler or Salmon Egg, which would’ve tilted my research instantly.

While disappointing, it only whetted my appetite, knowing that somebody somewhere had a malleable wax with enough surface sticky to make fly tiers happy.

Casting and the mold making “lost wax” process uses a repair wax that’s soft and somewhat sticky, sold by the pound it fit only the malleable and cheap criteria.

40 Rivers mentioned bow wax, used to lubricate bow strings; it’s soft enough but it’s dual purpose – to adhere bow string filaments into a single strand and to lubricate the pulleys and gears used in modern compound bows. There’s many different kinds and was the sole industry distinguishing between sticky and tacky.

Bow strings (both crossbow and compound bows) are made from a diverse mix of fibers, including many synthetics like Dyneema. Some waxes use a mixture of wax and silicon, others use Beeswax blends designed for older bows. Silicon suggested even more possibilities, being the dominant component of liquid dry fly floatants and many common pastes. A fellow that ties mostly dry flies might want to yield some sticky in lieu of a wax with water resistance and minor floatation qualities.

Bow wax is worthy of additional study.

Magician’s use tacky wax for palming cards and other magic tricks. Like bows and surfboards, dozens of different varieties exist – each touted as stickier than most or stickiest. Small balls of this semi-transparent white wax are concealed in the magician’s palm, allowing him to press the hand against the deck and remove cards.

These waxes are perfect for traditional thread work, quite sticky to the touch and will enable a thread to load considerable fur without assistance. As the wax sticks to everything; human skin, paper, fur, beer cans, etc., and is colorless and odorless – it’s perfect for fly tying.

… I suspect it’s stolen from another industry however, and as additional candidates were delivered the Holy Grail became clearer…

Museum wax.

Department 56 Tacky wax, Museum quality Designed to attach precious artifacts to glass display cases without staining or adding residue. Also called “Miniature Wax” – used by those hobbyists that delight in recreating the battle of Waterloo with lead soldiers, spending months building battle scenes complete with miniature foliage and regiments of soldiers, all of which is secured to the base substrate with small balls of semi-transparent white wax.

A white wax that sticks to absolutely everything …

Department 56 “Tacky Wax” was one of two finalists. Department 56 is known for miniaturized Christmas villages and provides a complete line of miniature building materials for hobbyists. Retail is $2.50 for about 1-1.5 ounces – and can be found on eBay for less than half retail. Like all eBay items it’ll be available at many prices – some more than retail, so wait for your price to appear.

Bard's Tacky Wax, six ounces suspended by a finger Bard’s Tacky Wax is another museum grade display wax, looks identical to the Department 56 product and is extremely tacky. It’s comparable in price to the Dept 56 product, but is also available in 6 ounce tubs for about $9.50.

The picture at right shows the six ounce container suspended by the grip of the wax on my finger – plenty of tack to suit us fly tying fiends – something Beeswax was unable to reproduce …

Both are perfectly suited for fly tying. Soft and malleable allowing you to press a feather into the surface, works exceptionally well on thread (once removed from the container), and both are odorless and colorless – allowing use on white or light colored materials, and doesn’t oxidize or harden when left with the container open.

Neither are derivatives of Beeswax – as they lack the “greasy” feel at room temperature common to Overton’s and the venerable toilet ring, which are Beeswax based. Handling the wax will add “tacky” to your fingers without any apparent residue – also different than Beeswax – which adds “sticky” and visible residue.

I suspect many of the Magician’s Wax products are actually miniature wax decanted into different containers. Comforting to note that fly tying isn’t the only hobby scrounging elsewhere for materials.

I’ll decant wax from the containers and encase the ball of material in simple saran wrap, exposing half to the elements for brushing on thread, while handling the wrapped side. Simply close the wrapping around the ball when leaving on your bench so it doesn’t pick up trimmed material from the work surface.

Wax is one of those materials never made for fly tying – merely lifted from another industry and decanted into a more suitable container. Brown waxes are traditionally blends of Beeswax and other compounds, white waxes can be paraffin based or an entirely different synthetic compound.

Synthetics offer tackiness without the room temperature greasiness of Beeswax nor the slight discoloring inherent in a darker wax. If you’re dissatisfied with your current fly tying wax you might want to look into either of the above museum waxes as an alternative.

Oxidation suggests a little caution is warranted

It’s one of those odd-duck materials that fills a need – only the need is ill defined. It’s a warning klaxon to us life long accumulators – we’ve learned the hard way, define the need before reaching for the 6.5 lb bulk spool…

I’ve been struggling with a lucid description for days; it’s akin to the rubberized “snot” that attachs your credit card to it’s stiff paper backing when delivered in the mail. Wrenching the plastic off the paper you’re left with a long swipe of transparent rubbery slime on the back of the card which peels off as a single piece.

If that isn’t awe inspiring I’m not sure what is…

The most recognizable name is Stretch-Magic, available as a bead cord for elastic bracelets and necklaces. It’s the only reason I dared take a chance on a rubbery material – as I’m still smarting over the Latex Craze of the mid-80’s.

Stretch Magic & Stretchy - a knock off

If you remember everyone was tying latex flies; peeling the skin off of golf balls and pestering their dentist for Latex Dental Dam – thin sheets of rubbery goodness that made spectacular caddis worms…

… spectacular that season, the next year you opened your fly box to find oxidized fragments and bare hooks. Like everyone else I’d succumbed and had a drawer that looked like the bottom of the potato chip bag after someone sat on it.

I learned a hint of caution around rubbery…

Stretch Stone Amber

I dropped $2.50 to test a spool, then went to eBay to see what I should’ve paid – found a generic knockoff in Korea for $2.00 for 10 spools, in hot pink.  I banged out a dozen Shad flies which were quickly ate – and buoyed by success I scored 8 more colors from China for a total of 99¢.

Stretch Stone Yellow

It’s available in 1mm, 0.8mm, 0.7mm, 0.6mm, and 0.5mm, and is a really tough gelatinous ribbing material. The fiber is round in shape and takes marking pen well, allowing smaller sizes to be used as rubberlegs on nymphs as well as traditional body material. (the flies shown above #8’s using 0.6mm and 0.5mm)

Close up of the body On most patterns I’ll stick a dubbing needle between coils and yank out the underbody. Slick and glassy looks great in a magazine – but I like scruffy and dirty, and have never had much luck on flies that seemed stiff and glossy.

No solid entomology to back my assertion just personal preference.

Whatever is underneath the material will influence the final result, factor the color of the underbody with the color of overlay chosen. On Shad flies I used silver tinsel to turn the body into a glowing pink, the above flies used gray dubbing as the underbody.

I’m working on solving a Damselfly dilemma for next week’s adventure, having a rubbery lifelike material appears to fit that paradigm as well – one of a number of damsel possibilities I’ve got to test.

Me fiddling with the material and it’s success on Shad does not a season make – so be cautious if you purchase some; start with small amounts of black or clear and try it on a few patterns. If it’s intact and remains supple after a year in storage, you may consider buying a few more colors.

Fish like you’ve got a pair

In a typical shad season I’ll plow through 10 feet of bead chain easy. Handing out handfuls of whatever works combined with those buried into the bottom consumes plenty. It’s the weighting standard for most shad flies because it flips the hook over giving a shot at the upper jaw, traditional hook-ups tear through the sides – which is why so many fish are lost.

Years ago I had the foresight to score about 10 lbs of the silver and gold 3.2mm style, I was tying commercially and winter would bring steelhead orders, summer it’d be shad – and I was burning through a fair amount each year.

This season I’d seen little packs of anodized aluminum beadchain in two or three colors – and the lamp section of Home Depot had a couple pull chains in a nice glossy black – so I figured somebody was making this in quantity.

Black bead chain They are – the assortment is broader than what we’ve seen in fly shops. Many styles are available; brass, stainless steel, bronze, and aluminum – and those can be broken down into additional finishes like black nickel, polished brass, and all the colors of the rainbow.

Fly shops sell the basic chain for $0.10 per inch, and most of the online chain vendors are half that, metal is heavy and large quantities will drive up the postage, but the resulting selection is worth it.

Tungsten and brass beads are expensive – and I’ve often wished I could find the cheaper bead chain in colors suitable for trout flies – as the physics of a weighted nymph suggest if the hook rode up – we’d be losing less of them. With bead chain so much cheaper than tungsten or brass there might be some small economic reward as well.

Enough of a motive to get me to dig through the Internet looking for them…

Regular Silver and Gold are available at Home Depot and Lowe’s – what I needed was the “freak” stuff – the beads we don’t know exist, and would kill for should they ever surface …

All the colors you'll ever need

I’m just starting to work through the respective vendor offerings – but I saw the above spool and about spewed lunch through my nose. Infinite combinations and colors and all of them yelling “Eat me.”

I’m interested in both brass and aluminum; brass for obvious reasons it’s heavy as can be and cheaper than beads, aluminum because it’s not – and I can envision many uses for both. Shad and steelhead will remain brass, but I can envision stonefly nymphs and lake flies, damsels and dragonflies, where I don’t need the massive sink rate yet could still use weight and the “eye” affect.

Beady-Eyed Olive Stonefly

Here’s the Olive Mutt that worked so well on the Upper Sacramento last weekend, adapted to the Black beadchain. The fly will ride as shown so it’s tied “upside down” in the vise….

… fish don’t really care which side the wingcase is on – but we sure as hell do – hence the attention to detail.

Tied on a #8 3X long shank, it’ll make a wonderful dragon fly nymph at the same time – in fact, if asked what you’re catching all them fish on I’d call it a dragonfly nymph, it’d scare hell out of all them fellows playing Mayfly-Stonefly-Caddis, and you’re guaranteed they won’t have anything close as they left those in their “lake” box.

… besides, when they see the color and tinsel they’ll think you’re an idjit – everyone knows stoneflies is either brown, black, or golden …

…except us.

These are 25 foot spools of 3.2mm (#6) Brass beadchain – sold by the folks at BallChain.com – available in 19 colors if you include the silver and gold. You may be interested in Mystic Red and Antique finishes they have as well.

colors available at BallChain.com Called “Cool Spools” – they show the connector colors but only have violet, rainbow (shown above), black, and dark blue to purchase online. It’s a rather poor web presence – but I called and they mentioned the other colors were available – but not all were in stock.

I’m itching to try the Rainbow for shad – I’m sure the orange would work really well also. I’ll keep looking for a better deal – and the aluminum is already enroute from a different source, we’ll feature that when it arrives. Note the hollow tubes available in similar colors – just right for tube flies; either insert a nylon sleeve or make sure you deburr both ends.

Tacky but uniquely qualified

Globally Right On, no less I figured I was uniquely qualified – knowing the stiff and austere demeanor of the Trout Underground, if either of us was capable of “hanging ten” it would be us native Californian’s, bro…

I routinely hang about 36, but that’s over my belt …

Like the Picante sauce, I’m not so sure dry fly purist’s aren’t always from out-of-state, fleeing to the coast to out themselves from whatever depraved closet their skeletons are hid.

I sure don’t fit the tawny, golden stereotype; don’t go near the surf without a sand spike and a couple pounds of anchovies, Speedo’s would cut off all blood to my entire body (and drain the blood of onlookers), so that’s out of the question – but if you wanted a treatise on surfboard wax, I’m learning more than I care to – and more product is enroute.

I’m still adjusting to their technical lingo, but as far as I can tell they’re the only fellows doing to wax what we’re doing to carbon fiber, and with the advent of numerous synthetic waxes – free of paraffin – this is where we’ll find the next really clever replacement to the toilet ring.

… and there’s much less tendency for strangers to recoil from a pasty brownish lump if reassured it belongs on a surfboard, versus a lavatory.

Australia's finest, ultra sticky Tropical, Cold, and Lukewarm, describe the melt point of the material so it doesn’t slough off once applied. It also describes whether it’ll be stiff or soft at room temperature and how it’ll wear with you running threads and other materials over its surface.

I’m trying all three temperatures just to see what the differences are to the touch – and despite the claims of “super tacky” or “stickiest” there’s considerable differences in each compound.

Wax has fallen from grace over the last 20 years, and those that learned during those years don’t use it – despite the continued use of materials we tamed with wax many decades ago. I’d attribute that to the fly tying thread industry – whose unyielding-decidedly-unsticky version used on pre-waxed thread turned off an entire generation of tiers to its benefits.

Now that I can get a synthetic wax – yet still choose between coconut, mango, bubblegum, or anchovy scents, I’ll be the bane of sausage dogs the north woods.

I use wax on many materials unrelated to thread, it’s water repelling characteristics are especially useful for those thin, tight dry fly bodies, and can counteract the absorbent fur nemesis to some degree.

Considering 70 grams of wax is a decade, 99¢ worth is a prudent investment, half the price of a toilet gasket and in line with the New Frugality, and as the advert mentions, it’s globally right on, Bra ..

… and yes, TC – you can test the Sex Wax …

We’ll make tequila later, the flies come first

Cactus chenille - "Fritz" in the UK, olive strand is 6mm, pink is 16mm There’s nothing quite like an epic outage of materials on the eve of a trip – where your own shortcomings cause you to lack whatever was required to catch fish…

I’ve been fishing rather than shopping – temporarily abandoning the quest for more materials in lieu of using some in anger.

Running out of Pink Cactus chenille was epic, so were the oaths sworn in the semi-darkness, wherein only trace amounts of the “perfect fly” would be available on the morn.

Steve Parton has addressed the entire Cactus Chenille issue for me. Steve has a store in the UK that sells “Fritz” by the pound and I’m no longer dependant on the microdot of material Hareline sees fit to hide behind its label.

The bulk skeins are available through the ebay version of Spartonfly, available in UV treated, untreated, straggle style, and regular cactus chenille in 6mm (Hareline) and 16mm sizes. 100grams ($16) is about a 1/4 pound and should serve the average tyer for a decade or so – saving considerable money in the process.

quarter pounder with coffee

There’s more than one kind of “Cactus chenille”; the coarse filament material the Roughfisher uses, and the soft fiber material sold by Hareline in the traditional 3 yard pack. Three yards is about 3 dozen flies; no sooner do you discover the Shad’s innate weakness than you’re back at the store looking at the empty hook where pink used to be…

This type of chenille is (usually) 50% opalescent and 50% nylon, and while nylon takes acid dye quite well, the opalescent component – usually polyester, won’t. That gives the finished material a lighter sheen, as polyester requires a very hot dye bath with caustic chemicals to assist the color absorption.

Not seeing the colors I needed, Steve was nice enough to custom dye five colors of the 6mm and 16mm at my request, so if you don’t see what’s needed, drop the fellow a note.

Custom dyeing requires a reference color, so always supply a picture on the Internet that your vendor can see to give him which of the thousand shades of Olive you’re after… As different monitors and different resolutions can change colors a couple shades, send him the color by mail if you’re after an exact match.

The 16mm actually wraps as a hackle, its filaments being of long enough length to lose the chenille look. It makes a hell of a comet collar for steelhead and will cause shad to turn pirouettes on demand.

Roughfisher has been busy tinkering as well, and appears to have triggered a sudden lust for white on his home water.

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Contains no Transfat, no calories either

It’s due to the unnatural preoccupation with foodstuffs – create a fly and it almost always has a food name. The debris field from the vise suggests I’m up to no good – with an equal mixture of Orange Carrot flies and Pink Grapefruit.

… it’s California, we’re not allowed to subvert our youth with manly cholesterol names – it’s got to rhyme with “tofu” usually..

Pink Grapefruit and the debris field

Both flies got into Harm’s Way this morning so I was pleased. I’m testing the flexible beading filament (pink) to see how the abusive casting and fish treat it.

So far it holds up very well, none of the flies showed damage despite the harsh environment.

.. and if it doesn’t work I can always make a charm bracelet

I’d call it “Michael’s to the Rescue” only I’m not sure it isn’t the Shad being done the favor. Fiddling with substitutes keeps me off the water long enough to allow fish to move upriver unmolested, which hardly seems fair.

While researching a “bow serving” replacement, only a few pale shades of pink and orange fishing line were available on the Internet, forcing me to look to other crafts for a likely substitute.

Michael's has assorted craftlace available in the target colors

Michael’s surrendered some items along a common theme, most are of the “craftlace” family – used to make woven keychains and bracelets. All of them are much larger than the 20lb mono and varying degrees of cumbersome to lash to the hook.

Rexlace is the most popular brand, it’s a rectangular shaped PVC that is available in a riot of colors – including all the fluorescent mainstays; hot pink, orange, and chartreuse.

Wierd and Bulky

No clearcut winners emerge, although the Stretch Magic fly looks most like the original bow serving. The real test is not so much the fish, who have marginal selectivity, as what remains of the fly next season when all those polymers have been exposed to direct sunlight and head cement.

In the meantime, we can fix the bulky issue with a teakettle and some steam. Drawing the Rexlace through the steam column while pulling on each end halves the filament size – making it much more manageable to use. 3-5 seconds of steam allows you to draw 10 or 20 yards of the smaller size in a couple minutes.

If you repeat the process you should be able to reduce it to trout sizes, saving you some money on some of those high dollar synthetic ribbings from the fly shop. Rexlace is about $3 per 100 yards – and you’ll wind up with triple that when you’re finished.

Now the Rexlace is a manageable size, making the old Green Weenie get a facelift 

The above fly is a longtime Shad classic, the “Green Weenie.” Normally it uses the florescent chartreuse floss for both body and tail, all I’ve done is give it a silver tinsel underbody and wrapped the chartreuse Rexlace over the top – giving it the “glow” factor.

The unsteamed version is in front to show the original versus steamed filament.

We’ll see how they look next season. It won’t be the first time I’ve had gaily colored bits of oxidized plastic and a lot of bare metal in my fly box after winter storage – remember all those latex caddis nymphs that turned into exploded golf balls?

… and don’t let the above colors fool you, I’ve got plenty of pink flies already tied, orange and chartreuse round out the “well heeled” angler.

I’ll just use up the last of the trout hooks before moving on to the big and shiny

I’m unashamed at an unnatural fascination for Claret; mostly I’ll blame Andre Puyans – many of my tying references were black and white and seeing him with a handful of Claret was the same eye-opening experience as finding out that Fruit-Of-The-Loom made something other than tidy whities..

I recognize it’s a weakness, some deep seated fascination with red – which has no obvious parallel in Nature, is bled out by the water column posthaste, and yet some rebellious gene has me throwing a pinch in when it’s least warranted.

Michael’s and eBay take turns catering to my obsession, but it was the claret floss that played to my base nature, sending me lurching for the counter dribbling little bundles of metallic thread in “nickel” bags.

 Mouline DMC Jewel Effects

Call it a six-strand, floss-cored, mylar-wrapped, tinsel sold in the floss aisle. Each strand is multicolored, tough as nails, and can be unwrapped from the other five with a twist.

Mouline DMC of France is the maker, offering “Jewel Effects” and “Metal Effects” the two types shown above. It’s available in pearlescent and glow in the dark – neither of which were available for me to paw over.

Shad are at the mouth of the American, just minutes down the road – and when they’re available the Brown water looks dingy and lonesome, as I’m crunching big water gravel intent on silver torpedoes.

It was the Claret that done it, each fiber about as thick as a strand of Moose hair; ribbing for trout flies, sparkle for the dirty water, and irresistible metallic gleam for the voracious maw of the American River Lesser Tarpon.

This time of year is an embarrassment of riches, and I’ll shove aside the earth tones and pastels and crack out fluorescence; limes, reds, pinks, and yellows.

Last year it was the “Peppermint Kestrel” that took all my fish, this year it’ll be reborn with an accumulation of brightly colored tidbits purchased just to make it more so. I’ll pile on the Angelina and hot pink Bernat Boa I purchased, wrap a flashy mutt yarn around what’s left and introduce it as the “Vomit Comet”…

A single thread wrapped as the body of an AP Nymph 

… making it easy to tell last year’s lies fish stories this year – changing just enough so it sounds different.

In the meantime, a little sparkle on a trout fly shouldn’t offend our sensibilities too terrible much.

Michael’s will teach that tawdry strumpet, JoAnne’s a thing or two

It just opened up, and now I must tithe one tenth my get For some it’s drugs, booze, or gambling, for others it’s the rush of adrenaline. For the chaste, it’s religion, or a triple decker, three cheese, bacon-wrapped grease-meat with a side of stained paper bag.

Fly tier’s eschew such quaint mood-altering luxuries. We’ve pissed away the “milk n’ egg” money, and when we squealed out of the driveway it was with the vision of pleading wife clutching half dressed waifs, dry eyed as they watched Poppa in wonderment.

We’re the Lurkers, the Night People – the frantic males dashing for the door; 17 minutes before closing – intent on bead encrusted, yarn draped, mayhem – the bane of disinterested teenie-boppers milling absently behind the register, counting seconds to the closing klaxon.

“You got any acid dye?

“Huh? … Betty, we got any “acid dye?”

Each clerk swivels expertly like Rockettes, looking expectantly at their neighbor until the grizzled gal with the manager pin heaves her bulk into view, “You see any over in dyes?” She fixes me with them gimlet eyes, intent – waiting for me to make a wrong move.

“Madam Treblinka” is awe inspiring, somehow avoiding censure at Nuremberg – and hired as Michael’s “muscle” – knowledge expert and den mother.

“No, ma’am.”

“Then we ain’t got any.”

I beat a hasty retreat back to the floss aisle, expertly throwing elbows at the obvious noOb’s. The press of fly tying humanity is stifling, so I point to the scrapbook area and let fly, ” Ooo, that’s Jungle Cock!”

It’s a mad scramble as the throng departs, leaving some motherly looking “bluehair” moaning on the floor, her bent walker wedged between glitter canisters.

A quick boot heel to the ribs leaves her gasping, and doubled over she’s no longer blocking the Claret silk, I reach for a handful just as the Two Minute Warning sounds.

Mission Accomplished.

The rest is merely a mop up – a police action, sifting through their dumpster for a stray fragment of gaily colored ribbon, or bent pipe cleaner.

Michael’s, a SuperStore that I don’t have to protest – except when I see my bill. It’s a fly shop without silly tackle in the way, it’s a freshly downed Wildebeest with us carrion-birds lurking in every aisle.

Driving by twice a day, it’s the Sirens calling to Odysseus – and I’m thinking Nurse “Treblinka” wasn’t sporting no ring …