Sure I’m bitter and resentful but as a lay scientist I thought I’d find out first hand which is higher in my esteem, cheap produce or inedible fish.

If we measure just the carbon footprint, fish win. But as half of the populace disagrees with it being an issue, and despite my frantic attempts at dodging semi’s loaded with bell peppers and tomatoes, it’s a poor measure of inherent value.

I needed a common metric that was unimpeachable, some simplistic test that would be readily apparent to the casual onlooker, yet was based solely on the respective merits of the two species.

Bell Peppers aren’t bad on pizza or a good hearty stew, and assuming the flatulence they cause is due to potential energy stored within its fibrous core, would that translate into a horrific struggle when they feel the sting of steel, or would it be like most produce – requiring farm machinery and a good waxing before showing signs of life?

Capsicum don’t range far for food, but don’t spook much either. They take surface flies extremely well as most of their food is delivered aerially – by both plane and tractor. Patience, coupled with their cunning predatory instincts allows them to remain motionless and invisible – despite the noise and commotion of nearby farm equipment.

I caught this gaggle of “Red’s” growing flaccid in the sunlight – approaching them directly and casting right at the alpha bell itself …

As I’d never landed a bell pepper in full mating plumage, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

They’re bulky and muscular and retain their texture despite frying, boiling, or baking, so I was hoping they’d give a reasonable account of themselves – some small payback for extincting the fish in my creek.

I felt a brief jolt when I stripped the fly through the pack and set hook tentatively, unsure whether to get the reel handle clear of the vest or whether to duck to avoid incoming angered Capsicum. The lead pepper was clearly startled by the hook – and came out of the rye grass like an avenging angel …

Airborne and headed away in a hurry, and I’m frantically “bowing” to the beast each time it clears the fescue.

It stem-walked towards a couple of fir trees, and I’m leaning into the butt section trying to steer opposite – thankful that I’d rigged an 0X tippet.

It was plain this wasn’t merely a red pepper, it was likely a “Waldo” Pepper – known for aerial hyjinks and often sport a similar coloration when drinking heavily or during harvest months…

The leader knot is getting close and I entertain visions of landing this brute. I’d tucked a plain brown double-bagger into my vest hoping sight of a familiar shopping bag with its welcoming Halloween colors and festive label would serve me better than the expected violence once “Waldo” spied the unfamiliar net.

Like the Roma tomato I fought earlier, aerial antics appear to jostle the delicate internal organs of Capsicum Annum as well. It’s unfortunate, despite the heroics shown early in the fight, these internal injuries tend to take the starch out of the quarry if the battle is prolonged.

Any chance of “Catch and Release” will require a firm authoritative hand on the rod in order to keep the fight decisive and short.

As the rest of the bushel was alert to my presence, I faded back onto the patio and let them “cool” a little.

In summary, a tenacious yet fragile foe. A bit of Smallmouth bass mixed with the aerial grace of a deflated football, try not to get any on you …

They’re not a complete replacement for my beloved Salmon, Pikeminnow, Carp, and all the other tainted inhabitants of the local waters … but if I was “hope to die” desperate and needed to get bit, they’d be right up there with rabid dogs and hookers.

Tags: Capsicum Annum, red bell pepper, angling for vegetables, catch and release, fly fishing humor, tippet, rabid dogs, hookers