Author Archives: KBarton10

I’d be more sensitive to the environment if I wasn’t constantly attacked by it

Change it oftenForgetting to purchase new tippet each season is an Opening Day ritual. Some fish slurps your offering, looks bigger than average, and you’re reduced to sweating bullets knowing 6X is more like 9X due to oxidation.

Only a visit to the dentist results in more prayer …

Many hundreds of years of discarded fishing tackle and a half century of old monofilament has us in the crosshairs of numerous organizations, all intent on cleaning up our act.

It’s logical that with monofilament and its shelf life of 600 years, somebody comes up with Bioline, a “green” monofilament/fluorocarbon alternative.

Bioline biofilament fishing line biodegrades in the environment in five years.. Further during years 2-5 it is significantly degraded permitting wildife to easily break free should accidental entanglement occur.

Guaranteed to decompose in only 5 years, which includes the two seasons your vest hung in the closet, and us fly fishermen will need to be extra diligent in changing out old tippet spools. Even the Bioline spool decomposes, so you’ll be reminded by the handful of oxidized powder in your vest pocket if you haven’t fished in a while.

It smells expensive – and we’re supposed to absorb the extra cost knowing we’ve done right by the environment.

Brownliner’s will save a ton of money as fluorocarbon tippet decomposes in six months in brown water – only slightly faster then our waders and boots.

I’ll be haunting all the closeout sales while the eco-friendly types chastise me for not being sensitive. I can take the heat –  none of the stuff I’m walking in was made by Mother Nature…

A Brownliner’s Christmas is like yours only there’s less people

Brownliner’s traditionally avoid holidays and the mistletoe scene despite our relish for eggnog. The wrinkled noses, pointed fingers, and whispered conversations usually results in us guzzling it out of a brown paper bag whilst perched on a tail gate – eyeballing  some unknown (and possibly) septic holding water.

Like you, Ma insists we send an Xmas list each year.

Med-E-Jet Inoculating kit

Tops on our list is the Med-E-Jet inoculation kit. Abrupt shifts in water color usually bespeak of fresh toxin and the indiscrete angler can be the unwitting host to a variety of plagues and pandemics.

With this little darling we can scrounge ammo from bankside vegetation, as medical waste and quality fishing are often hand in hand.

Most brownliner’s prefer hip waders  because it leaves both arse cheeks exposed – an ample target for the quick delivery of the appropriate antitoxin.

I’ve always preferred the ambidextrous model, allowing the use of either hand … comes with a fetching naugahyde shoulder holster.

AcuPed 50 Home Chelating Kit The AcuPed 50 Chelating kit for Health Professionals is a unanimous second choice. Few brownliner’s are squeamish – but most have stepped on enough hypodermic needles to prefer oral delivery of heavy metal detoxification remedies.

I’ve suffered through accidental bouts of heavy metal poisoning, always remember to keep your mouth closed when submerged, it’s the first and best line of defense.

Ken-Tool Brownline Preist The Ken-Tool 34645 Tire Iron is the “wading staff” of the brown water angler. It’s the most efficient way of dismounting a bothersome ATV rider regardless of their forward speed or approach angle. 

Religion is an important part of Brownlining, and in “Preist” mode, its 37″ length can be swung 30 or 40 times without pause, important when attempting to retrieve your fly from the lip of an unknown yet energetic Brownline fish.

If you encounter “crossed KT’s” imbedded in a streambed, give them a wide berth. It’s likely marking the final resting place of a fellow Brownliner – and there’s no telling whether the area has been sanitized or remains contagious..

Brownliner’s respect the beauty of their surroundings despite little respect shown us by our environment. We’re thankful for small things; an energetic and invigorating day afield, our successful return to the car, and the retrieval of all flies in between…

Tanaka Power Tree Trimmer The Tanaka Power Tree Pruner ensures that an errant cast allows us to terraform bankside vegetation in any manner we see fit, as we all have a bit of “Edward Scissorhands” – and Brownline watersheds are frequently choked with invasive flora, like barbed wire and “No Trespassing” signs. Often it’s “three with a single stone” – fly recovered, invasive species thwarted, and new holding water constructed – all with a single yank of its sturdy nylon cord.

 

Romance Doggy - Size Small Big slathering dogs are a constant source of angst among Brownliners. Farm owners delight in supplementing their diet with trespassing anglers, and traditional defensive tactics like flight or pepper spray are completely ineffective.

Usually the snarls and barking alert us to the approaching ravenous canine – buying us precious moments to inflate the Hawt Doggy.

Both time and size matters, so it’s best to keep a pocket full of “extra-large” and “monstrous” close at hand. There’s no time to be short of breath, or squeamish about the ensuing festivities – merely back away slowly once you’re no longer the object of their affection.

Kevlar, it's the choice of the Prudent angler The Brownline is the home of ersatz gunmen and aspiring gang bangers, and the safest place to be is in their sights – as most can’t hit the broad side of a barn, and indirect fire is a constant worry in every riffle and shaded pool.

Landowners and their offspring are a humorless lot and take great glee in making it difficult for the adventurous. Most use the “multiple hit theory” and spray bullets rather than aim. On the outside chance you’re hit by a grazing round, or wish to wrap your rod for protection, the camoflage Kevlar flak vest is the perfect mixture of Brown water fashion and functionality.

Without the benefit of steady traffic, most brownline watersheds are a jungle of castoff furniture bound together with blackberry vines and stinging nettles. Bait fishermen and indigents frequent the bridges and easy access points – causing tensions to flare and making unsavory conditions worse.

Beulah 11' 30 - SwitchBlade

Brambles and drunken toffs are handled easily with the Beulah Switch-Blade, an 11 foot masterwork of IM8 graphite, coupled with 30″ of hidden finely honed German steel.

A simple twist lock frees the switch handle from its reinforced IM8 sheath, giving the owner 30″ of razor sharp surgical steel to negotiate disputes over cold beer and prime water – and nullifying watershed-limiting obstacles like interlocked blackberry vines or barbed wire.

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Brownliner’s on your shopping list, and you’re looking for childlike squeals of glee once the paper’s torn? Most states outlaw fully automatic weapons – but the above should bring Christmas spirit to the most jaded angler, and ensure you’re paramount in his thoughts and the beneficiary of all his dead fish for seasons to come.

Could Abel reels be a victim of Bernie Madoff

wallstreet The Drake has uncovered a link between one of the Madoff sons and the investment group that recently purchased Abel reels.

If the “Madoff” name is familiar it’s due to Bernie Madoff slurping 50 Billion dollars in what’s considered to be the largest Ponzi scheme ever uncovered.

Most of the details of the Madoff scam have yet to be unearthed, but some accounts have the Madoff sons as being swindled along with the rest of the crowd. Investigators are tight lipped – and the fear is Poppa Madoff had to have accomplices to pull the wool over so many for so long.

In either case, if you’re a big fan of Abel – you may want to keep a close eye on developments, as they might vanish overnight. You may want to get a couple spools beforehand.

Ten fingers on the fender

busted Now that the screaming has died down, Mom’s in the bedroom sobbing and the “little criminal” has been banished to his room for life, you still have to dispose of the half ounce of dope Ma found in his underwear drawer.

One option is to flush it quickly, but the other is to toss it in your tackle box…

Proof that fishing bait can be genuinely addictive! Hemp seed is one of the most effective and well-known fishing baits; so find out why this is and how to exploit this drug-containing bait for the best big fish catches!

I’m not so sure that on a slow day you won’t be tempted to eat the stuff yourself – which may be the real root of it’s popularity among anglers. Boilie baits are a dough-based bait extremely popular for coarse fish in Europe. The recipes are as archaic and secretive as any other construct in fishing – closely guarded, and passed down from father to son.

A great method commonly used in the past in the UK was to super-glue seeds onto individual hairs on the hook and this was very effective … If you really want to exploit hemp you can produce an homemade boilie made primarily from crushed and shelled seeds and hemp protein powder, (plus a binder,) and also readymade base mixes are available from bait companies (with varying nutritional effects.)

Assuming it works, do you let the kid out so he can score you a dime bag, you’re going to run out at some point, no?

…And remember that water is lost by evaporation not just absorption, so do avoid burning your hemp and the bottom of your pan by keeping an eye on water levels and stirring helps prevent this.

Yes, careful not to burn the hemp, that would be counterproductive.

Seems like an awful lot of work and I bet them Carp would eat a brownie as quickly as a boilie – stick with the tried and true…

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A taste of the future pristine, so’s you can wax sentimental over its present

salmon_lifecycle It’s just another Brownliner saga where fellows turn up their nose and giggle about who’s got what on their waders – and how they wouldn’t be caught dead in the company of me or Roughfisher …

We get you don’t want us dating your sister, and are resigned to our fate, we were  just attempting to get you to peer over the rim of your latte’ and consider waters other than pristine.

We knew the lines would blur eventually.

… and did they ever – blurred with a vengeance. Now we’re able to enjoy the efforts of hundreds of noble salmon, while cloaked in water where we feel at home, the local sewage plant.

You can scoff at us from the safety of the guardrail – but the satisfying thump of large fish in an orgy of feeding, will be known only to the odiferous few.

The journey from Lake Michigan would have meant swimming through a shipping channel that bisects the ArcelorMittal steel mill and the BP oil refinery, then heading up the Grand Calumet River, through a shallow 700-foot stream that starts at the outflow pipe, then shooting 200 feet up a drain pipe that churns out more than 15 million gallons of water a day.

Once inside the plant, they laid eggs, which hatched into fingerlings that feed on microscopic daphnia — another creature known for dying off quickly when exposed to toxics common to wastewater — then grow and swim back out into the lake. Years later, mature fish return to the spot where they were laid to spawn again.

Baranyai, who started out shoveling sludge as a laborer more than 30 years ago, said watching the annual circle of life unfold in the unlikely environment has made him into a naturalist.

“At first, no one believed us,” said Baranyai, who sought experts to identify the species. “They said they must be carp, then they saw the pictures. Then they said we had salmon, but there was no way they were spawning here, but we had genetic testing that showed they were from the same breeding stock.

I’ll leave it to the magazines to butcher the flies we’re using, I’d be flirting with the boundaries of taste and risking my hard fought PG rating – but there’s tons of white marabou involved…

I’d think they could get some good answers studying the folks living under high voltage transmission lines

Magnets are a growth industry I’m a firm believer in science, I’m also firm in my belief that Walmart will own the technology before the first salmon return successfully…

Scientists are attempting to hack the magnetic signature in Salmon that cause them to return to their birth stream, hoping they can redirect fish to different streams and increase their rate of survival.

“We would set up a large magnetic-coil system that lets us dial in the precise magnetic field that we want,” he said. “Then we could take fish from a location where they still survive, raise them in the magnetic field of the tanks, and see if they go to the new river.”

It’s all hypothetical still, but if the Exxon Valdez smashed into an Alaskan peninsula soiling a couple dozen watersheds in the process, fry could be gathered as they migrate downstream and be “magneto-zapped” to return to the Klamath River in California, until them precious Alaskan rivers are restored to full health.

… of course the Klamath locals will enjoy fishing unlike anything ever seen before, and will protest their fry being “brain zapped” to return to  Alaska, but the theory is kinda sound, maybe …

Assuming all this works, someone in a white lab coat would zap a hatchery tank full of alevins to return to undammed, pristine waters enjoying the highest chance of survival. That person would then sell the information to us (if they were smart) as they can tell us which river and what year to be lieing in wait.

By then Walmart will have installed the gizmo in their parking lot to irradiate us continuously, sending us to whichever store has the most  unsold inventory, or we’re wandering around aimlessly wondering why we want a Tofu-Watermelon milk shake in Modesto, when we live 300 miles away.

Ready for the resurgence of Donny Beaver? Even the Brownliner’s won’t be safe as big city swells lease-option the toxic brown water so’s they can program monstrous salmon runs to the delight of their paying membership. Buying massive amounts of fry pre-programmed to return to a questionable waterway will be a simple “pay for play” transaction, accompanied by two or three years of fresh “No Trespassing” signs, resentment, and litigation.

“Home” is imprinted on all of us, and I’d guess Mother Nature uses a similar mechanism for all species – so it’s only a matter of time before some creep magnetizes the girl’s gym.

War on Six Dollar Items – Head Cement

Lacquer and thinner There’s thousands of glues, lacquers, shellacs, and cements, but no such thing as “head cement,”  that’s a term we invented to describe grabbing a gallon jug of something used in the woodworking industry, decanting into a tiny little jar and selling it for 97 times what the jug costs.

Fly tying cements are one of two types; the vinyl cement family, and the lacquer-shellac family. A good rule of thumb is high gloss = lacquer, and dull = vinyl cement.

Vinyl cement is available in many viscosities – and most of those sold in fly shops are thinned to a water consistency for maximum penetration. Lacquer is usually thicker and is almost always sold with thinner, allowing you to customize the mix to your liking.

Lacquer gets thicker as it gets older and is subjected to oxygen, vinyl cement mostly evaporates with exposure to air – without changing viscosity. Most tiers have both in their desk; vinyl cement is flexible and works well with feathers, lacquer dries shinier, harder and is brittle.

Both have great qualities, reinforcing a feather to make a wingcase would be vinyl cement; it doesn’t add shine, is more flexible than lacquer, and the first couple of fish won’t destroy feathers as it retains some of the original flex despite the coating. Exposed thread would be best served with lacquer as it dries harder and often the shine is desirable, like the larger exposed heads of steelhead or salmon flies.

Last year I wrote where to find cheap vinyl cement but I never touched on the glossy lacquers and what to look for…

I prefer the nitrocellulose lacquers once used in the automobile industry (which has since shifted to water based lacquer). These are the thin lacquers used with spray guns and are now used for finishing musical instruments.

Violins and guitars derive much of their sound from the resonance of the body, and a hard glossy lacquer is preferred to enhance its musical qualities (I assume a flexible sealer would dampen sound).

I buy the Lawrence-McFadden lacquers by the quart ($18.00), along with a quart of thinner ($10.65) and either use it as a 50/50 mixture for general fly tying – occasionally using it un-thinned for the “large head” flies, where gloss is part of the overall presentation.

Nitrocellulose lacquers produce a very hard yet flexible, durable finish that can be polished to a high sheen. Drawbacks of these lacquers include the hazardous nature of the solvent, which is flammable, volatile and toxic.

Decanting and resealing the larger containers has always led to quarts of wasted wood finishing products lining your garage, and how each time you’d opened one it had turned into a dried hardened mass.

Instead of pouring into a smaller container, save a couple of straws from your favorite fast food vendor – those big round ones that induce an aneurism because the milk-shake-substance hasn’t thawed yet.

Cut one of those about two inches above the height of your quart jug. When you need to refill your bench bottle – just press it down into the lacquer and when it hits bottom put your finger over the end. Hold your small bottle over the lacquer jug and transfer the straw – about three trips with the straw and you’ve filled a head cement bottle half way, repeat with the thinner, and stir. Toss the straw when you’re done.

No mess, no drips, and the large cans reseal tightly so you get to use all the goody.

I’m not sure how many years two quarts of head cement represents – but to a casual tyer it’s measured in decades. Store-bought head cement is at least $5 per bottle – double that if you buy thinner, so it’s a considerable savings over their product – whose bottles often leak or evaporates the product anyhow.

Finer than human hair, shiny as baby seal, and colors like the peacock

Mother Nature just doesn’t color critters that way. Natural feathers and fibers might have a range of three or four shades from tip to arse, some strident color down the center as in furnace or badger, but the complete color wheel within a six inch length – is an exclusive property of synthetics.

As in the past, I lock into new materials like a pit bull on a postman’s leg, boring you fellows to tears mostly…

 Baby Sunfish

I figure sculptors have the same vision, something in that block of marble says, “Whack away until everyone else sees it.”

This weekend was mostly rain and for unknown reasons maturity got a foothold and I stayed indoors to shake a persistent cough. With nothing better to do I fiddled with the “Fishing Jones” yarn until I had a fast method of removing the center stitched area.

A combination of trimming with scissors and flame to cauterize the edges, makes for fast conversion of the thick band of yarn into two identically colored hackles.

Given the Baby Sunfish above, I think it was worth it.

I’m thinking Steelhead and Shad flies when I see this yarn, Matuka streamers are just a side benefit. All the wild and vibrant hackle colors in an indestructible nylon versus weak chicken feathers is too good to be true.

In direct contrast to the Boa yarn – the center stem of this material is about the same size as a chicken saddle stem, allowing you to pile on the turns of hackle (and colors) with as much gusto as your imagination permits.

The above fly was modeled after the Sunfish I’ve got in the Little Stinking – bright little aggressive SOB’s – with me assuming their eagerness to eat means they’re prey as well as predator.

I’m hoping for a break in the weather Sunday, I just might get to fling this in anger.

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Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime

Join Now for the best seats While doling out all that cash to banks and insurance companies the Bush administration managed to find the remaining 70 million owed to the West Coast salmon fishery.

Maybe it’s my fondness for the Brotherhood, but of all the folks receiving federal aid, these lads need it least.

Fishermen have always been a proud and capable crowd, and rather than enforced idleness, what would serve the commercial fishing industry best is some of that leftover Iraqi ordinance – not money.

They’ve got the boats already, why not offload the unnecessary nets and winches – add a couple extra crews from neighboring trawlers, and go hijack some merchant shipping?

Everyone loves pirates, so why not cash in on the tanker hatch?

Middle America could enjoy a resurgent auto industry after a half dozen Nissan or Toyota container ships are met by the “Salmolian” navy and held for ransom.

We’ve got ample natural preserves off the coast to host the next “Tortuga” – throw a couple casinos on some sandy beach, add some colorful personalities wearing eye-patches and gold teeth, and it’s a poster child for self sufficiency.

Loosely allied with our government and not subject to the niceties of the Geneva convention – we could export all them hedge fund managers that were expecting to fold laundry at Club Fed, and feed them to sharks instead.

I smell a cash cow, especially with the Pay Per View royalties…

It’s the invention destined to make Catch and Release agreeable to the most hardened killer

Take a proud and noble prey and reduce it to a “turd” of shapeless fish flesh? The Wunder Boner is the greatest argument for catch and release ever devised…

Not even McDonalds has the nerve to display how a Fillet of Fish sandwich is made – with good reason, it’s liable to be as photogenic and noisy as pressure extruding a carp through a garden hose.

Freshly imbued with your day-long coaching of Wood’s Lore and sportsmanship – your proud child offers Mom the stringer, only to see them mashed into the cutting board as a sodden lump of flesh?

Why not just step on them first … and tell me you gutted the thing, or is that Sushi roll already stuffed?