Author Archives: KBarton10

Part 1: Spey Kung Fu : Because regular fly fishing just isn’t mysterious enough

A Two Hander in the Pooty Water My New Year’s resolution was to learn how to Spey cast. Sure, I’m carrying too many pounds of flab, and drink far too much, but this resolution has a better’n average chance of me following through.

I thought it might be fun to return to those hideous days of clueless “Noob” – experiencing a mixture of fear and trepidation as you walk hesitantly to the counter hoping no one laughs outright at your halting, semi-understandable question.

Instinctively you look for the oldest guy there, figuring he’ll just sigh loudly and hand you what you need, versus the “young guns” who are enamored of technical detail and entirely oblivious of your struggle to follow their sermon.

I can pick up fragments of commentary; my tackle is “ghey” – ditto for the line I was thinking of buying and the antiquated click-pawl reel I was thinking of putting it on … I feel like someone’s wife hoping to score a Christmas present that hubby can actually use, and not knowing whether I’m being steered in the right direction, or how many hundreds of dollars is overkill.

Why is it that Spey casting has to set fly fishing back a hundred years?

All that pain and suffering to adopt a standard nomenclature, and based on someone’s whim – it’s thrown out the window.

My ambition was to start the long slow process of learning the physics and timing, just as we did years ago with a single hand rod. You get a  nice serviceable outfit and beat the water to a frothy lather, in doing so, you learn a little about what feels good and what doesn’t.

Being methodical I started with the Internet – watching countless YouTube videos and gleaning what I could from web pages and their commentary.

Things started to sour when I discovered rod vendors make two handed spey rods for #7/8 or #5/6 – and line merchants make spey fly lines in #6/7/8 or #7/8/9. As the rod merchants are in the same boat – they can’t recommend a line for the rod they’re selling – do you want a “light” #8 (6/7/8) or a “heavy” #8 (7/8/9) ?

Most rod makers list a grain range for the line best suited, and many line vendors don’t list grain weights on their packaging or website.

Traditional fly lines are weighed by the sum of the first 30 feet, and Spey lines can be sold by the first 50 of belly, or first 70 feet. Add Skagit, Scandinavian, and regular spey into long belly, short head, and multiple tips – and you can’t help winding up with a short fuse.

Searching for someone that seems to have sorted it all out leads you through a miasma of forums and bulletin boards on the subject. Within the first half dozen posts someone is calling someone else “ghey” – and you’re not sure whether the guy called “BashMomsHead” or the other fellow, “MyDickInTrout” is correct.

I think neither, which really adds to the quandary.

Multiple sinktip configurations abound; some require the purchase of running line, and some have it integrated, many of the online fly shop descriptions are unclear as to which you’re buying, and all have multiple 15′ or 20′ tips to add varying sink rates. At $150 per multi-tip line, you’re still wondering whether the light #8 or the heavy flavor is best – and throwing a lot of money at a hunch.

… and whose bright idea was it to call a sinktip a “polyleader?”

The AFTMA standards were developed so we wouldn’t have to play this silly “vendor specific” game, and we could buy any line labeled an “8” and feel confident we got something that works.

If you’re like me – with no casting club available or fishing buddy that is practiced – you’ve got a better than average chance of putting the wrong line on a rod and wondering why everyone else likes the style – when your rod feels slow and impotent when cast.

The whole “fit and feel” issue dominates the forums, with every third question being “what should I use with my ..” – so I’m in good company. I’m just disappointed that every other response involves someone’s mother – making the learning process painstaking slow as chaff is sorted from wheat, and opinions are isolated from ego.

I’m sure most of the issue lies in the original lines being hand crafted, assembled in garages out of chunks of other lines and leadcore, but it’s odd the mainstream rod and line vendors haven’t taken the initiative and evolved something resembling a standard.

I tried my first cast in anger last week, and it was a total disaster. I’d managed to find a brand new Echo Classic #6/7 on eBay for $130, and paired it with an Orvis Spey Wonderline that was on sale for $25. Orvis makes Spey lines in single sizes, the rod is listed for multiple sizes, and the answers on their customer service forum makes me feel somewhat vindicated.

Q: Please inform on the length end weight of the body (incl. tips) of your multitip speyline # 6/7, and #7/8?

A: Hi there. I’m Crystal from Orvis Customer Service. Since no one has answered your question yet, I did a little research for you, and here’s what I found out:
For the #6/7 weight the total length is going to be 110′ and for the #7/8 weight the total length is going to be 120′.

Naturally Crystal failed to answer the weight question, after searching their site and the Internet, it appears no one knows.

After my first outing I figured the Orvis line was woefully underweight, as even roll casting wouldn’t work. The beauty of having an abundance of old sinking lines means I can cut a chunk out of one and add it – clipping additional off until I have something that “feels” like it is the proper weight.

Spey lines with their multi-tip configuration run $150 each, and if you squawked at the Scientific Angler Sharkskin price, you can see why I’m being tentative, with the hideous price of the equipment and the lack of standards, I’d rather make a $30 mistake.

There’s little question that mastery of this style will allow any angler to add a couple tricks to his repertoire, especially if the space behind him is limited.

I’ll know how much help it’ll be once I can get a cast further than 20′ – which is my current personal best.

Buy one of these before you sober up

I’m not going to ask why you woke up on the fire escape wearing a tattered lampshade and a dog collar, I just thought I’d add the gentle reminder that you need one of these..

2009 California Fishing license

The solace of the piney woods is denied you until you visit your local Dept of Fish and Game reseller.

Yes, the price has gone up dramatically, no – you didn’t use it half enough last year, but this year is different.

We’re not looking for some austere New Year’s resolution, we figure if 2009 is anything like last year, this may be your ticket to the soup kitchen.

Then we can enforce a two year ban if they’re caught sober

M If an ancient and venerable sport like Chess makes guys pee in a cup, why aren’t we following the trend?

… because we know the plastic would melt?

Call it a byproduct of the entire sordid Political Correctness movement, but since most of our heroes have fallen in disrepute, and only absolute fairness is acceptable, I wonder if it’s time to make the fly fishing elite submit to the catheter.

The World Games is but a short step from the Olympics, and now that the Fips-Mouche contest garners participants from every corner of the globe, shouldn’t we legitimize the sport further with scandal?

Alcohol and fly fishing are joined forever in angling lore, what with Izaak Walton the son of a bartender, and Dame Juliana Berners known for tapping the sacrament wine closet – slurring her speech even on her trademark tome, “Fysshing with an Angle.”

Whatever they missed Charles Ritz and Ernest Schweibert drank, their combined works containing more toasts than a Wonderbread bakery.

The hard part is figuring out what to ban … and if that proves overly complicated should we medicate them all to the same level?

” Potayivich, Gregor, team Serbia, weight 110 kilos, that’ll be three stiff shots of Bourbon, two Quaaludes, and a stick of Thai. Gregor, make sure you blow the Doob outside of the spectator area, understand?

… Next contestant…”

I’d consider coffee as a temporary performance enhancing drug. A couple stiff cups with breakfast enhances the first five minutes of my outing – then I’m headed for the bank to enhance bushes.

Wax on Wax off

Non-drying, tacky toilet wax I’ve always assumed it fell from favor based on the unyielding goo Danville dips its spools into, their idea of waxed thread doesn’t share any of the properties that made wax a staple on every fly tying bench.

Both smaller thread and fly tying specific threads assisted in removing wax as a mainstay, but it’s still has capabilities that pre-waxed nylon and head cements have never been able to reproduce.

I still use quite a bit of it, mainly to stymie the smiling fellow in the plumbing department when he sees me pawing over the toilet gaskets. A two dollar gasket is the better part of a decade of non drying, tacky wax designed to stay supple with even my ponderous bulk on the throne.

dubbed_chenille

I use it to tame the unruly and coat materials that take a lot of abuse, where even a flexible vinyl cement will flake off … and on occasion, I’ll stretch the boundaries of materials – sometimes the results are useful, sometimes not.

The fly at left is flat forest green chenille that’s been dubbed_chenille_wet stroked with wax, then amber rabbit dubbed onto the chenille, which is spun, trapping the fibers. It’s a simple caddis imitation that once dampened offers a good looking scruffy pupa – akin to what Gary Lafontaine was after …

Naturally I like mine better, but I’ll let you be the judge.

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Extra padding might prevent that near fatal case of Tennis elbow

I've never fished with an angler that even resembled the model I’d never seen a book on angling injuries, and after reading how some fellow imbedded a sinker in his skull breaking loose a snag, I made the mistake of pausing.

Fit to Fish: How to Tackle Angling Injuries, sounded like it might be a quick read, possibly containing some sage advice about posture and negotiating slippery boulders; how to fall while protecting your rod, yet not breaking anything more precious.

One glimpse at the model was enough, my funny bone was piqued, and I asked myself who fishes with guys like that?

Perhaps the most famous of all Fishing is a sandwich that was stepped on earlier, and beer the temperature of the water, fishing is large breakfasts and the entire day spent fighting white water and scrambling up cliffs – with a damp cigar and creek water chaser, fishing is not rock hard muscles and taut physique.

If it was – there wouldn’t be injuries.

Certainly the most prolific angler of our day

Pictured are some of the famous anglers of our day. Known world wide for innovation, authorship, skill in casting or simulation, and have dominated the fly fishing landscape for decades.

… and there ain’t a skinny SOB amongst them.

I wouldn’t buy a car from some brawny introvert who paused to admire himself in the overhead mirror – give me some sweating fat guy that’ll lower his price just to get me to stop running all over his sales lot.

Casting Phenom

Hard core angling doesn’t fit the gym crowd, we’re not out there for the “burn” – we get burned, and as fast as our exertions melt unwanted flab, we’re quick to refill once the sun sets.

Fat guys are lippy, insouciant, and well rounded  – the kind of fellow that’s takes adverse conditions in stride, knows all the best holding water, the cleanest sheets, and which greasy spoon has homemade muffins, and can recite them even when drunk.

Fat guys know they can’t make it on looks alone – only skill will merit them a kiss from the Prom Queen.

Better brush up on your casting, accuracy is your friend

Get used to it We could certainly use some of those fresh faces, but with the barrier to entry multiple thousands of dollars, our economic woes won’t lend itself to any uptick in fly fishermen. Too bad, we could’ve used the votes.

Subsistence fishing is a torrid growth industry in Asia, what with the decline in worldwide markets, burgeoning layoffs, and plenty of folks with extra time on their hands.

“In the past, the number of anglers would usually be in the single digits on weekdays, but now they turn up in hordes and pack both sides of the river,” says Lin, forced to take unpaid leave by his employer, a memory chip vendor.

I expect we’ll see something similar, especially in urban waters with high population density, straining what few wardens remain on the payroll even further – and increasing the frustration level of regular anglers.

What’s needed is more artists and humor

hughmacdonald Fly fishermen are only slightly worse than the Pro Bass circuit, we’ve got more theories and a better pedigree than Sir Isaac Newton, and enough bluster and ego to believe our own press ..

Anglers only tolerate humorists and artists for trodding on our beloved pastime – and then only reluctantly.

davidkrys I say we need more of both, keeps us focused on the important stuff … lying to the Boss and stealing an extra day off work, developing an unemotional and scientific argument for yet another rod, and why you should be allowed to go fishing Sunday.

I’ve always assumed fishing should be like sex; four seconds of bliss followed by a lengthy apology – most of my outings bear witness.

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"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Brownline Santa Twas the night before Xmas, and all through the house

No one was speaking to me, not even my spouse.

Mamma in her kerchief, In-Laws aghast

I’m focused on nothing, but tomorrows first cast.

The children cowered, alone in their bed

While visions of monstrous fish danced in my head.

When out on the drive there arose such a clatter

I leapt to the window to discern what’s the matter.

Asshole buddy, drunk and in disarray

Resolved to drive for tomorrow’s foray.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

A Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleader, armed with beer.

More rapid than eagles my truck I did start

Leaving snoring buddy, in-laws, and Dear Heart.

My only concern is when food is dispensed from an aerosol can

Now with more GirlsSure your house is only worth half what it once was – but is it Salmon Safe? In my case I’d say “no” – based on how quickly I vacuumed that last carcass and the contented belly that resulted.

Salmon Safe refers to a Puget Sound organization that assists developers and land owners to adopt “salmon safe” environmental practices to ensure the effect of runoff and new construction has little impact to waterways.

It’s not all stern looks and clipboards, as Salmon Safe ensures microbreweries and wineries adopt similar guidelines. While the computer-beer makers fight over “tastes-great-less-filling” – we can take the moral high ground as we chug real hops and fling bottles into the river …

… they’re salmon safe too, right?

I see this type of “eco-consulting” as one of the next great business models. We’re not allowed to lower the population, and insist on roto-tilling all the remaining open space; if we expect to eat something more than “Soylent Green” – our needs will have to get modified enough to allow something else to prosper.

Briefly. Prosper. Until we stomp life out of it and smear on a cracker.

Game Over

The end of modern society Normally Singlebarbed waits until New Year’s Eve to wax sentimental, a combination of cheap rotgut and a friendly ear gets us out of our antisocial fantasy-world and reminds our pals why they shouldn’t invite us … anywhere.

Some things are just too earth shattering, too horrific to contemplate and will reshape the angling world forever.

Scientists have invented the “Sex Chip” to induce the combined pleasures of eating and the “raw nasty” into the human nervous system.

How is a full dress Jock Scott going to compete with that?

Outside of the entire economy falling to pieces, dwarfing anything seen in the Great Depression, somehow we’ll still want to drive 6 hours and sleep on the cold, hard ground – versus a recliner and taping down the Red Button?

An electronic machine, named the Orgasmatron, taken from the 1973 Woody Allen film Sleeper, is already under development by a North Carolina doctor, who is modifying a spinal cord stimulator to produce pleasure in women.

Lack of spousal sex drive drove many to seek solace in the woods, with Trout merely an available and willing surrogate. Now that “Poppa’s got a brand new bag,” are we fleeing in panic, or completely enraptured?

I see the bottom falling out of the tackle industry – most industries actually, and pioneer outdoorsman replaced by couch potatoes that no longer watch even the NFL.

“In 10 years’ time the range of therapies available will be amazing – we don’t know half the possibilities yet.”

… and you won’t if you hit that red button one more time …