Author Archives: KBarton10

That’ll be a WMD, weapon of Mosquito Destruction

We’ve assumed we needed to preserve the outdoors for future generations, but we may have been hasty. These are urban sophisticates raised on Xbox and Halo, and angry bears and bolt action rifles may be too tame to sustain their interest for more than seven minutes.

Thanks to science, I’m not even sure I want to go fishing anymore – now that I’m “heeled” with my handheld mosquito laser.

I can remember the first time I saw the cold blue light of the BugZapper, how I howled in glee with every burst of sparks, and the smoky spiral of another victim. It was awful tempting not to drop trousers and moon the bloodsucking squadrons destined for my tender posterior.

Gleeful cries of “you want summa this?” and “come get some” were mingled with the steady “bzzzt”, “bzzzt” of six legged executions. When the power went off – we ran inside and hid, shivering.

Now, we’ve got options:

In experiments, the system could target mosquitoes with a flashlight, and then uses a zoom lens to feed the data to the computer, which fires at the insect. Each time the laser strikes a mosquito, the computer makes a gunshot sound. When the mosquito is hit, it bursts into flame and falls to the ground, and a thin plume of smoke rises.

Call me the Two Gun Kid. I may even return to guiding so’s I can protect wagon trains of tenderfeet from marauding wildlife, “… the Kid’s hammy hands were a blur in the noonday sun, twin Colts roared to life …”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSIWpFPkYrk[/youtube]

What kid would even consider fishing under the circumstances?

For us cagey older types immersed in the Catch and Release doctrine, will we succumb to setting our phasers to Stun, then winging Mayflies and Caddis to create our own hatch?

Nothing like struggling insects on the surface to trigger feeding trout. What dad would have the backbone not to employ Junior as his wingman?

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Will the new frugality reduce the hatchery bonuses paid to anglers?

Angling FatCats supping at the Public Trough? I like the sound of it regardless of motivation, a “put-grow-and-take” fishery versus the standard watery extrusion of 10″ fish through the gauntlet of floating Cheez-it scented Powerbait.

I’ve been many kinds of fisherman throughout my career, but the portrait of the “ovulating” hatchery truck being stalked by a cadre of militant anglers – has always been offputting.

It’s the Charge of the Bucket Brigade reenacted with great violence and no quarter; a stream of pellet-fattened silver splattered from the bridge, accompanied by the snarl of offroad tires, hoots and catcalls mixed with unruly sportsmen jostling for position, and the cheese scented screams of “federales” wrested from their new home.

Planting them at the fingerling stage would end the carnage, allowing them to populate something other than the pool they’re thrust in, and might even engender hatchery fish with “stream smarts.”

With state budgets in upheaval, and wildlife agencies among the first to suffer cutbacks – it might prove to be the economical alternative.

“A put-grow-and-take program is cheaper,” Young said. “It gets fish out of the hatchery system earlier — at six months instead of 18 months — and they look better and have more of a wild-fish behavior. It only takes a year for a fingerling to reach catchable size.”

High mortality rates are an issue with fingerlings, but the mortality rate of planted fish of catchable size may rival that of fingerlings in small waterways.

The costs of hatchery fish cited by the article are fairly astounding. If I were buying them off the restaurant menu, I’d be thinking I was in rarified company ..

The agency has scrapped a program it began five years ago in which it purchased hatchery trout from Tellico Fish Farm in North Carolina to make up for the 2001 closing of Pennsylvania’s Big Spring hatchery. Tellico had charged the state an average of $1.15 per fish (last year it was $1.27) — significantly less than the $2.14 it costs to raise a trout at a Fish and Boat Commission facility. When this year’s Tellico bid came in at $3.38 per trout, the commission drew the line.

Assuming three fish to the pound, that’s a $10 meal. I’d be staring down my nose only long enough to find a wedge of lemon.

First Squirrels now Cats?

The furry kind of cat If you thought squirrel fishing was the last frontier, think again.

Before you yell at me you may want to look closely at the areas where the hook is contacting fur, you’ll see the harness…

With that said, you may want to take a quick look at cat fishing, the “inhumane” flavor.

As small children and coworkers are likely to miss the harness, you may want to treat the link with respect, while fishermen might have a chuckle – distraught children, spouses, and angry coworkers will not.

At least we’ve determined the impact of PETA’s “sea kitten” campaign on saltwater angling…

I’d guess we can’t preach any longer

The cover of the Wall Street Journal has taken our dirty little secret into the hallowed halls of the mainstream.

WSJ logo

I figured to make the paper at some point, but assumed it would be some small obituary when they found me sprawled lifeless across a rusting Ford buried in the bank, fly rod clutched in cold, blue fingers.

It’s like reading wanted posters at the post office; Roughfisher, Urban Flyfisher, Trout Underground, Fat Guy Fly Fishing, and Michael Gracie all mentioned prominently with our beloved sport.

Initially I had trouble recognizing the parties mentioned as the author uses “Mister” and our given names. Brownliners prefer the familiar to address each other, with monikers akin to “Nosebleed”, “Meathead”, or “Buckwheat.”

The next step would include a major motion picture deal, but there’s not enough portly stout  sweaty and overweight leading men to cover our merry band.

A green solution to Carp infestation billed as an infrastructure project?

It's the Green Solution Commissioner Gordon had the Bat Signal to summon reinforcements, and based on a roll up of recent headlines I’m not sure some type of Brownline Reaction Force isn’t needed to assist ailing cities, states, and foreign continents.

Australia is about to be eaten from the inside by invasive carp, and there’s a steady litany of similar stories worldwide. Naturally, us fellows that trod brown water gets ignored – as each municipality hatches some potent toxin to kill the underwater cockroach, and maims half their population in the doing.

“Delta Force” would be a handsome label – but it’s taken already, and even legions of fly fishing carp aficionados wouldn’t risk angering Chuck Norris. His carefully pressed black fatigues don’t do justice to the brownish toxins we wade through, although years of watery diversions to feed the voracious lawns of Southern California have reduced our Delta to a fetid porridge.

Sigourney Weaver had a great idea with, “… nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” – but that was said before the housing crisis, and nobody wants to depreciate precious lakefront real estate further…

Taiwan is appealing for foreign fly fishermen to assist in depopulating a couple of carp infested creeks – and begs the question, “if we lent all those F-16’s and M1A1 Abrams to the Saudi’s and Iraqi’s to lift the yoke of the despot – can we spare a couple of C-47’s to get us and our tackle to Taiwan?”

With the Army Corp of Engineer’s drawing straws to see who licks his fingers and touches the carp barrier to the Great Lakes, and plodding local agencies fist fighting over who gets the biggest bailout if they make it past, maybe it’s time to unleash a brigade of oversexed, opinionated, foul smelling fishermen on the problem.

There’s an even chance they’d make a much bigger problem, but “kill your limit and don’t limit your kill” would likely trigger a mass migration to the afflicted region and since half are out of work, perhaps a small bounty (based on raw tonnage) would keep body and soul together for a couple more mortgage payments.

Call it an “infrastructure” buildout – as that crowd could assemble a couple extra bridges from their empty beercans and discarded monofilament.

You could start with an officer cadre of Roughfisher, 40 Rivers, Fat Guy’s Fly Fishing, Michael Gracie, Fishing Jones, and John Montana of Carp on the Fly – and let them pick a brigade or two of the deadliest potbellied killers, give them fancy camo, teach them a parade formation, and you’d have the makings of the better mousetrap – assisting in restoring relations with alienated dictators, tribal leaders, and the balance of NATO.

Now loan them to whichever city or state had seen enough civilian posterior tossing bread slices into brackish water, hide the cold beer and wimmenfolk and run for cover.

It’s a “Green” solution, and while the rest of us are busy expending normal energy at work, they’d be burning “alternative energy” draped across lawn furniture stroking a couple days growth of beard and sporting yesterday’s underwear. Boost the GDP with the addition of a couple Sushi chef’s, a refrigerated truck, and we could export flash frozen fillets to whomever developed a taste for watery bovines.

No smell except for them, no toxic backlash except for them, and a pristine riparian enclave the result. Isn’t this what was meant when the President suggested we were going to have to buckle down and do our share?

Backorder is out of the Question

With the government’s intent to pursue the assets of the Madoff clan, it would suggest that Abel Reels might be inching closer to receivership. News announced yesterday states the government’s intent to freeze the assets of both Ruth Madoff and her two sons, and their interest in “20 other entities.”

Could "Poppa Behind Bars" be the last in the line of fancy finishes?

That would suggest the Abel Reels might have their production curtailed, as both Andrew and Mark Madoff are co-owners of Abel Holdings LLC, the firm that owns the company. If you’ve considered owning some of their product, I’d think you’d move smartly.

Details are sketchy and rumors are flying, and forum chatter suggests a connection to the venerable Thomas & Thomas Rod Co, and Sharpe’s of Aberdeen.

Rumors should be taken with a large dose of salt, other than their ownership of Abel, nothing else has been confirmed. Abel Holdings LLC may have bid on other enterprises or expressed interest – I can find nothing that suggests either company is owned by Abel Holdings LLC.

From the Abel Press release (of November 2007):

Andrew Madoff, Abel Holdings LLC lead investor, said, “Abel’s 20-year legacy of unparalleled quality and performance makes it an attractive investment. As I’ve gotten to know the company through this process it has become clear that its most important assets are the people that create these excellent products. We’re thrilled to lend our expertise and join them in building this business and the Abel brand.

“We will work with existing management to help refine all operations of the business, reposition it for growth, and maintain the manufacturing processes that allows Abel to produce the finest fly reels in the world.”

Swanson, with Abel in various capacities since 1994, will continue to run the company day-to-day and assumes the title of president and chief operating officer. Representing Abel Holdings LLC, Madoff will be the CEO.

With the legacy of Poppa Madoff, backorder is out of the question.

Update: The tie in between Sharpe’s of Aberdeen and Thomas & Thomas rods does not involve the Madoff’s or Abel Holdings LLC. Sharpe’s attempted to purchase Thomas & Thomas in 2007, an agreement was reached for the sale of the company, but Sharpe’s became insolvent and was run by the Bank of Scotland.

While making the initial payment for T&T (in the amount of $100,000) Sharpe’s failed to make any other payments nor surrender 10% of their stock to the owners of T&T.

T&T sued them in Ohio courts, but the Articles of Incorporation show T&T’s president remains (as of 11/2008) John Metcalf, who was appointed by Sharpe’s, so the deal has apparently completed. Part of the court record is available including the terms of the purchase and subsequent suit.

It’s the Secret Spot known only to Google Earth

It’s part and parcel of the angling culture, you call up a buddy to invite him fishing, mention you’re taking someone else and he can’t go. The next thing you hear, ” … whatever you do don’t show him my spot!”

Fishing myth in Japan includes wading into the water where you see a spider web – proof that no one has fished there recently.

It’s the same whether you claw your way up a mountainside, or lose the tailing traffic in a Gordian Knot of dirt roads – you’re busy patting yourself on the back and glance down to see an arrowhead.

Face it, your spot is the best kept secret of a couple hundred fishermen, so when another dog nears your hydrant, there’s no need to show teeth.

 1000 Year old fishing trap

The Mother of all Red Faced-ness is the fellow that thought the above spot was known only to him. With the assistance of Google Earth, scientists have discovered the remnants of a thousand year old fishing trap off the coastline of Wales.

Stones stacked a meter wide with the overall dimension 835 feet, it’s the Stonehenge of Angling – with some fellow on the bank wondering why “his” spot is suddenly so popular.

They apparently don’t mind snorting Mayflies

They probably have an early retirement The survey says, “Hydroelectric workers exposed to massive amounts of Caddis hate ’em.” Without additional facts I can only conclude that they must be talking about caddis parts, rather than the flies themselves.

A cross sectional survey was conducted in a hydroelectric power plant in which the workforce was exposed to large numbers of caddis flies. About 50% of the participants reported work related eye, nose, and sinus symptoms and wheezing.

Most of us have been exposed to the intact bug, and other than an occasional wiggle caused by their disappearance down a butt crack or shirt front, I’ve never heard complaint.

Take a cloud of caddis, inhale it into a pipe headed towards the turbines, mash the resultant brew against concrete and spinning impellers, and inhale the result?

Added to the proof positive, Salmon incur brain damage if they smack the dam, fish ladder, impeller blades, and anything else more permanent than they are – and it’s unanimous.

Dams, nobody wants ’em.

We’re talking finance, not Fission

Better'n facing facts ourselves It’d be like finding out Hitler’s Mom lived next door … Can you imagine?

An unrelated factoid I stumbled across this weekend while doing some research on something entirely different. I call it “the Miracle that is the Internet”, if you can focus on one subject while searching, it’s a miracle.

With all of the debris and suffering of the financial system, with Wall Street demanding bonuses for shoddy work, and the hoopla of the media desperately attempting to assign blame, have you ever heard of David X. Li?

I figured as much.

The model Mr. Li devised helped estimate what return investors in certain credit derivatives should demand, how much they have at risk and what strategies they should employ to minimize that risk. Big investors started using the model to make trades that entailed giant bets with little or none of their money tied up. Now, hundreds of billions of dollars ride on variations of the model every day.

“David Li deserves recognition,” says Darrell Duffie, a Stanford University professor who consults for banks. He “brought that innovation into the markets [and] it has facilitated dramatic growth of the credit-derivatives markets.”

Wall Street took Mr. Li’s work (the Gaussian Copula) as gospel, it allowed them to value and bundle many kinds of derivatives, how to charge for the risk, and enabled the rating system under which they were sold.

Without his formula none of this would have happened.

A hundred years from now will the high school textbooks still list Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, and David Li – and will they be in that order?

Recently a review of the work might have found a teensy little error … he may have to return the Nobel prize, but he’ll still have the Edwin Teller Award for Money Fission.

Philoplumes and the shaft after

Lead gray skies offered little hope so I swung by the Little Stinking to see what a week’s changes had wrought. The water was clear enough to fish but still much too high to wade – many tons of gravel have changed the entire streambed and scoured every vestige of weed and bank foliage.

With the vegetation gone the creek looks like a construction site. Barring another downpour it’ll be fishable next week.

I took advantage and banged out all my lingering chores; removing lock plates swollen by the wet and removing enough metal so the bolts once again lined up with door jambs.

The water table is being replenished, which makes the entire Central Valley rise nearly four feet. Naturally you hope your slab foundation rises with it, and every year some small thing winds up needing coaxing.

philoplume With all the pressing chores finished I started working on the Caddis flies. I’d been sidetracked by an “old school” reference to Polly Rosborough – whose fur collared flies reminded me of Jack Gartside’s Sparrow nymph, which suggested Cal Bird’s woven bodies, and the drone of Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Westerns hummed in the background while I rediscovered my attraction to Philoplumes.

Philoplumes (aftershaft feathers) are the little marabou feather attached to each pheasant body feather. They’re largely overlooked but Jack Gartside made great use of them on a lot of his flies, and were popular on the Gimp Nymph back in the 80’s.

 Jack Gartside's Sparrow Nymph (minus the tail)

The Gartside Sparrow uses the philoplume as the collar at the fly’s head. It’s quite delicate but offers considerable movement, and the fly is a tremendous caddis imitation. Tied in a variety of colors, using a similar shade of pheasant body as the hackle.

The original Sparrow has a tail of grizzly marabou which I omit on all but the largest sizes.

I thought I’d finished with the stoneflies, but the “Philo-urge” had me fiddling with a combination of Cal Bird’s techniques. Cal used a copper wire tail support on his steelhead flies which also added breadth to the body for woven materials.

I grabbed a hair collar from Polly, a philoplume from Gartside, and Cal’s tail and woven body to come up with flies destined for my box; it’s “tier’s prerogative” – untested intricate flies that only the creator gets to fish.

 Should we call it a Cal Poly?

It’s not that they’ll catch more fish than anything else – they’re twice as much work as the rest of the box, so in-laws and relatives can just keep their grabby mitts off…

That was when I realized I hadn’t tied any of the patented-death stonefly nymphs that actually work. The orange and black variegated chenille monsters, complete with black rubberlegs. It’s the pattern you pass over enroute to the sexy woven body flies – thinking “if I was a fish, I’d eat those multi-colored sumbitches first.”

Huge mistake.

 The Orange and Black Death

In the fly shop they look like Bluegill flies – when wet the orange turns brown and you’ve got mottled death on your hands.

I sure hope there’s a lot of stonefly activity this Spring, I’ve got an entire box full of shapes and colors and would be sorely put out if the fish wanted to eat the itty-bitty stuff instead.

I’m sure Carp would eat them too, so I’ll find something other than a tree branch to hang these on.