I’ve always linked sex and fishing and assumed the pair inseparable.

My fishing has always been a curious form of “date rape”, that despite my best efforts at planning an expedition to coincide with a locales peak fishing, I usually miss the best hatch and must listen to how “last week” was epic and now … not so much.

I (We) consult bosses, horoscopes, tide tables, Ouiji boards, psychics, priests, homeless neighborhood shaman, and our shrink, for signs as to when to leave, where to go, what to throw, and despite all the careful preparation we’re forced to relay our lack of success using terms of sex and violence, both intentional and unwitting.

If concerned coworkers inquire, or are curious as to the source of a visible bruise or abrasion, I’ll attempt to save face with some petulant comment involving the watershed, my adversary. and sex, where we were the unwilling “bottom” in the coupling, or in the instance of a successful trip, how we raped and pillaged our quarry without thought to his/her feelings, nor the moral consequences of our crime.

I’ve always assumed that backpacking fishermen like their suffering, and their sex, rough … and those favoring “glamping,” select guides and accomodations as they’d choose a hooker and motel room. Regardless of the flavour of your favorite kink, we always blame our inadequacies or premature conclusion on external factors; rain, wind, or insect activity – completely ignoring the obvious … that we rarely practice, and are fumbling our way through nearly every encounter.

With these musings as backdrop, I was recently surprised to read that most forms of sex and fishing are illegal, and the only reason trout streams aren’t echoing of police sirens and whose bankside vegetation masks undercover officers, is that we are licensed for purient behavior, under the auspices of Department of Fish and Game, and the folks being hauled off to jail lack immunity (and a license).

Hallam, from Dolphin Sands in Tasmania’s south-east was charged with two counts of making or reproducing a bestiality product and three counts of possessing a bestiality product

Due to the pending nature of the trial, information is thankfully scant, but we can assume rods, vests, waders, are considered props and/or accessories, subject to confiscation or contribute to additional charges. Ditto for any photograph depicting you and your dripping quarry, no matter whom is assuming the dominant role.

Neither am i sure of the quality of reporting, given the perpetrator was wielding “a live brown trout” in an ocean environment. Looks like my stilted prose and questionable source materials are rivaled by our obviously non-fishing, Jimmy Olsen ..

More importantly, as we don’t yet know the statute of limitations for past offences, it may be time to purge your camera, social media accounts, and accumulated scrapbooks of past sordid exploits.