That was then and this is now

The gals in the lunchroom give me a wide berth as my work reputation  has fallen from Epsilon Semi-Moron to neo-primitive Undateable. It’s what happens when the really soft – brightly colored tuft of hair in my hand is identified as real animal. In their mind I probably kilt the SOB in the driveway and don’t dare ask what my sandwich is made from …

Monday and Tuesday was Shad flies, and the brightly colored tufts of whatnot scattered about my vise were a magnet for the curious, until they found out they were real.

Watery Armageddon sank all plans of Shad and Wednesday I had shifted to trout, which has even more gross and despicable things that add to my legend  …

American down 2000

Now the American has dropped 2000 CFS in a couple of days, and I’m back to bead chain and 0.20 lead. A wide gulf of empty tables separates me from the rest of the diners – but that’s not all bad.

At least I don’t have to answer the 10 Sacred Really Obvious Questions that You Shouldn’t Ask:

1) Is that a hook?

2) Do fish eat that?

3) Is that real fur?

4) are you a serial killer?

5) Did your Mother cut the crusts off your sandwich when you were little?

6) Does this make up for your having a small …

It’s scheduled to be only twice its normal size this weekend, but after six months of watching rain fall – my waistline is twice normal, allowing me to hold ground in everything but the fairway.

Next week I’ve got a date with trout again, so I’ll secret a couple of pheasant skins in my bag so I can sail them into the crowd whispering over at the Coke machine …

Makes you wonder what would happen if the butcher left a few feathers on those boneless skinless chicken breasts  – and whether it wouldn’t induce mass hysteria or famine in the metropolis.

Tags : cro-magnon, trout fishing, shad fishing, serial killer, pheasant skin, undateable, American river flow, fly fishing, fly tying humor

5.5 Million trout died for your sins

Everyone knows how fishermen simply open up to the polite inquiry of  a summer intern when statistics and national averages are involved. Notepad at the ready, some poor fellow interrupted in his watery reverie, glances up impatiently and answers, “anything large, but fishing’s crappy” – which immediately pads the numbers in favor of the warmwater crowd.

Trout_Statistics

The most recent and exhaustive study of trout fishermen and their habits has been released by the US Fish and Wildlife Service for the calendar year 2006, and trout remains fifth behind them padded numbers enjoyed by our warmwater brethren.

Brownliners fall under the “Another Type of Freshwater Fish” – as those summer interns didn’t dare get close enough to learn what we were really fishing for … or with … and with our lack of social graces, a big stack of clean white paper at the trailhead has a more fundamental use than make-work for the eggheads in statistics lab.

… thankfully there’s 12% less of us.

the number of freshwater and trout anglers 16 years and older in the U.S. has decreased. The number of trout anglers has decreased from around 9 million anglers in 1996 to 6.8 million in 2006. Diminished trout populations due to whirling disease and habitat destruction may have contributed to some of the decline in angler participation. As for freshwater anglers, their numbers have declined from 29 million anglers in 1996 to 25 million in 2006. Between 2001 and 2006 participation declined by 3 million freshwater anglers.

troutbyregion

Not surprising was the vast surge of anglers flocking to coarse fishing. Likely a response to the ravenous hordes of Asian Carp headed deep into the interior, fish fleeing the Gulf of Mexico – figuring a sewer drain in Sheboygan cleaner, and the fact that the Roughfisher had a couple of offspring during the census  …

Roughfisher skews things a bit

Gender
Fishing continues to be a male dominated sport. Females make up a quarter (25 percent) of all freshwater anglers and even fewer trout anglers (21 percent). This is disproportionately lower than the U.S. population where women are the majority at 52 percent (Table 7).
While many women 16 years of age and older participated in freshwater fishing (6.3 million), this comprised only five percent of the female population in the U.S.

Not to worry lads, the continual bikini posts from the likes of Trout Underground and Moldy Chum represent the vast uncounted population of single, buxom women – less than sixteen years old …

… and if you do anything but look, it’s the last trout you’ll see that’s not wearing trousers.

Age
Trout fishing is popular at any age (16 years or older). At least 21 percent of freshwater anglers in every age category fished for trout (Table 8). However, about half of all trout anglers (49 percent) are between the ages of 35 to 54 years old.

Which is why your extreme angling e-zine whose every page dripped garishly with energy drink ads – vanished. Trout fishing is what guys do when they lack the reflexes for anything else – there to wax poetic until the Grim Reaper baits the hook …

Though trout fishing is predominately made up of a middle-aged generation, the trend is moving toward older participants.

Which is why those music video posts are wasted space. You’re thinking Johnny Larnyx and the Expectorants, and your audience is keen for Sinatra, Noob.

Overall, trout anglers tend to complete more years of education than freshwater anglers and the U.S. population.

They’re smart and discerning, yet claim their quarry smarter – making them humble too.

Twenty-four percent of trout angler households earned more than $100,000, compared with only 17 percent of households in the U.S.

I’ll have to add an asterisk to the above. Twenty-four percent (24%) earned more than $100,000 per year, most were spending in excess of $200,000 per year, went late on their house payment – tapped their 401K, and realized their house was underwater to the tune of $250,000.

As they’re smarter and hold more advanced degrees, most “jinglemailed” the house keys back to their mortgage broker, and are now living with Mom & Dad, complaining about the quality of the local Frappachino …

… collecting unemployment and fishing more often, the bastards.

More importantly we find the valuation in net economic benefit of a trout stream, and the arcane methodology by which pollution of same and the disappearance of all life results in a pittance fine and slap on the wrist for industry …

The difference between what the trout angler is willing to pay and what is actually paid is net economic value. Therefore, for this example, the net economic value is $175 [(($55–$20) ×10÷2) (triangle bcd in Figure 6)] and angler expenditures are $200 [($20×10) (rectangle abde in Figure 6)]. Thus, the trout anglers’ total willingness to pay ($375) is composed of net economic value ($175) and total expenditures ($200).

Net economic value is simply total willingness to pay minus expenditures. The relationship between net economic value and expenditures is the basis for asserting that net economic value is the appropriate measure of the benefit an individual derives from participation in an activity and that expenditures are not the appropriate benefit measure.

Expenditures are out-of-pocket expenses on items an angler purchases in order to fish. The remaining value, net willingness to pay (net economic value), is the economic measure of an individual’s satisfaction after all costs of participation have been paid. Summing the net economic values of all individuals who participate in an activity derives the value to society. For example, assume that there are 100 trout anglers who fish at a particular stream and all have demand curves identical to that of our typical trout angler presented in Figure 6. The total value of this stream to society is $17,500 [$175 × 100].

… despite a home on the banks of the now dead same creek being worth $6.5 million.

At $20 Billion for the entire Gulf of Mexico – I’m thinking those government negotiators was tough as nails.

The net economic values can be used to evaluate management actions that would have an impact on trout fishing. For example, the impact of dam construction, dam removal, and other human activities along trout streams can affect trout angler participation rates. Also, dams can negatively influence trout fishing by creating physical barriers to spawning areas or increasing water temperatures. Let’s assume that in 2006 the state of Maine proposed a policy action to remove an old dam from a trout stream to improve its water quality to blue ribbon status. If a fishery manager knows the number of days Maine residents go trout fishing on a blue ribbon trout stream with no dams over the whole season, 1,000 days for example, it is possible to develop an estimate of the fishery gains from the dam removal. This estimate is accomplished by multiplying the net economic value per fishing day ($30 from Table 13) by the days of participation, resulting in $30,000 ($30 x 1,000). If the fishery manager had data on the number of in-state and out-of-state anglers then the numbers could be adjusted to reflect their appropriate values.

… except it takes $4.5 million to remove the old dam, restock the native plants and historic populations of fish, another $60,000 because some well meaning angler likes Rainbows more than native Brookies, and you’ll get a net return on the investment in about 135 years.

Which is why dams aren’t being wrenched from their foundations by a gleeful mob of contractors.

Tags: Fish and Wildlife Service, trout angling statistics, fly fishing humor, damn lies and statistics, trout, trout fishing, Jinglemail, Sinatra

Fly fishing responsible for the decline in our collective morals

splitshot Last week’s announcement of the First National Fly Fishing competition sponsored by Marshall University just didn’t sit right with me. I may favor competition and most of you don’t, I was fixating on the larger issue – and couldn’t help wonder whether this may be the root cause of those shady hedge fund managers we’ve been cursing the last couple of years…

School spirit is one thing, but the first lesson an angler learns is never guarantee anything. If you were successful yesterday at the same spot, don’t breathe a word for fear of jinxing today’s trip.

Hall is confident of a victory for the Marshall team, which will display Marshall logos on a banner and their fly fishing apparel throughout the tournament. “My partner has the secret fly to win the tournament,” Hall said, laughing.

Noob.

A nurse, a burnout guide, and a television host as former alumni, giving all those impressionable youngsters a taste of what’s in store once they pay off an insurmountable debt burden. Role models should be a couple of golf pro’s and a Vice President or two – not the fellow chatting up Ms. Maraschino about an E-ticket ride to the Bold & the Beautiful.

Is this the root of all our recent evils?

When I hear some fellow guaranteeing to win one for the Gipper – replete with school banner and alumnus film crew, I keep thinking I’ll see split shot roll out of something’s gullet – or worse.

Is this the classic Seduction of the Innocent, where well groomed youngsters watch attentively while a couple of over-the-hill professors bend the rules a bit (strictly for recruitment purposes), brush the telltale BB shot off the scales while the glee club leads the group in another cheer, the result another class of hedge fund managers intent on gutting sheep?

“This is about bringing exposure to Marshall University …  My partner and I will do our best to represent Marshall University and everyone associated with it. I personally can’t wait to get started.”

No mention of whether it’s catch and release, or whether anyone will pause to admire Momma Nature at all, it may be the laboratory segment of BloodSport 101, so you’ve got the jargon to network with the Cheese at Goldman Sachs.

… then again, it could be completely legitimate – and Marshall is another of a long line of “party” schools, where your offspring suddenly develop a bent for animal husbandry of the human kind and learn to grow hops.

“We want to let people know that they can get a great education at Marshall University and enjoy some great fly fishing just a few hours away,” Hall said.

… and if I’m late to class and endure the stony silence of the economics professor, will my stuttered claim of “sudden emergence of March Browns” grant leniency? Fly fishing is “in for a penny, in for a pound” and a national endorsement should carry some long term commitment.

Fly fishermen aren’t the best role models – what with dissembling, the outright lies, and withholding of pertinent details, all the really important skills necessary to deflect a group of angry senators and their righteous populist inquiry.

Tags: Marshall University, fly fishing competition, hedge fund managers, seduction of the innocent, BB shot, blood sport, fly fishing humor

… and the best fish all to yourself

dirtyharry While the competition admires each other in their gear, commenting on how burnt sienna makes a striking statement when paired with olive drab – I’ll be leaning on a rusting tailgate pulling on last year’s patched and worn.

… and while the rest of the crowd glances furtively at the competition, waiting to see who’s going upstream – and which are headed down, I’ll pour myself a second cup of coffee from a battered thermos.

As the gleaming burgundy shafts with imbedded jungle cock are lovingly unsheathed – beginning a new round of show and tell, I’ll wedge my aged neoprene into ancient Wienbrenner’s and lace them up good and tight.

“The California Penal Code allows anglers to carry a gun while fishing and while hiking to and from their angling site. However, section 12025 of the Penal Code prohibits carrying concealed firearms in California. Section 12027, meanwhile, provides exemptions to this prohibition: “Licensed hunters or fishermen carrying pistols, revolvers or other firearms capable of being concealed upon the person while engaged in hunting or fishing, or transporting those firearms unloaded when going to or returning from the hunting or fishing expedition.”

– via Modesto Bee

… and as the crowd begins to break up and head in my direction, I’ll pull that 8” Smith from inside the vest, pop the cylinder out and give it a menacing whirl before snapping the assembly together with a quick turn of the wrist …

… and to no one in particular, “I think I’ll go upstream…”

At that distance no one will notice my hog leg is unloaded, they’ll be too busy pirouetting in favor of the downstream section – and the suddenly compelling fish it contains.

Giving me the opportunity to slide that monstrosity under the seat, as the thought of taking a header while adorned with that much iron brings the nervous sweats.

Tags: California Penal Code, fishing sidearm, heeled while fishing, solitude

A trout’s eye view, minus the assumptions

While the balance of nature might be perfection, most of its inhabitants are less so. Us fishermen are often knotted up in our notions of behavior and only underwater footage or other form of proof is needed to get us thinking outside the conventional.

Utah Fly Guides posted a video of Green Drake nymphs struggling to the surface – and as the video plainly demonstrates, they’re tumbling around in the water column and in the unfamiliar medium stability only comes with a solid anchor.

If this is what the fish sees; first a flash of light belly, then a split second of dark back, enduring all that effort to separate colors may be worth the effort. Then again, woven bodies involve considerable pain and suffering and share a certain stiffness coupled with a tendency to rotate around the hook with abuse.

With an upcoming foray into the Pristine scheduled, and a couple of ideas, I brushed the Orange and Pink materials out of the way to see what I could dream up.

Four colors of dubbing to blend belly to back color

As always efficiency is better than painstaking detail, and if they prove successful you’ll be better off with a couple dozen versus a couple period…

I started with the traditional color for the Drakes I’ve fished over in California, and the color of its underbelly. I made a quick blend of 1/2 belly – 1/2 back, and 3/4 belly – 1/4 back, then used all four colors to dub the body in short stages.

The effect is a nice harmony – a color spectrum that shifts from light to dark (in Olives) – and should make both back and belly colors visible to matter what attitude the fish has to the fly.

Transitional colors belly to back

In watching the video a couple times, I noticed the belly color offers the starkest contrast with the surrounding water – allowing me to pick out the “food” from the bits of leaves rather quickly.

We’ll never know what the trout sees, but transitioning colors in this manner yields no additional complexity and a rather striking end result.

Tags: Green Drakes, fly tying, color transition, trout fishing, blended dubbing, fly tying complexity,

I’m less than sensitive to your antiquated notion of dating

I’m feeling particularly turgid at the prospect of a spending the weekend with you, yet you remain swollen and bloated, claiming you’re retaining water and in no mood for a frolic. In my feverish condition I’m past considering your feelings, so I looked up other flames and they’re in similar shape, singing the same sorrowful tune and disinterested in a passionate tryst.

While reluctant to pay for pleasure, most of the guides won’t take my money, claiming everything North of South is blown out, knocked up, and stay away. Even the party boat skippers claim the ocean bereft of salmon, and my idyllic little stinkwater a lifeless yet burgeoning plume of dam release unable to provide the release I so sorely need.

I’ve little choice and fewer options, and the prospect of fixing sprinklers versus putting the boots to your watery, yet supple form, is just increasing my ire … and as a vindictive SOB I’ll spend those agonizing moments of forced idleness producing even more things that’ll prove irresistible later.

Pink and Orange Pee Wee

We’ve done dinner and the obligatory romantic comedy, now I’m requiring more than a peck on the cheek, or nervous handshake on your dimly lit boat launch – I’m not looking for your regard or your respect, I’m looking for some action.

… that’s right, I’m looking for the nasty.

Sure, you’re the coquette and playing the field – but them other fellows are nice guys, who’ll keep their hands off your ample shoreline and respect your irritating seasonal largesse.

… flirt with Igor, the Hunchback of Folsom Dam … but while you’re giggling over the scowls of fishermen below, I’ll be in the bushes contemplating the unspeakable … waiting for your return home.

Tags: American River, enforced idleness, tired of this bullshit, Pink Pee Wee, fishless weekend, snow melt,

Stifle the Giggles or you’re in Contempt

I’m not sure my wooden visage could stand the strain. Facing the Magistrate in all seriousness – and staring at 12 years in the Big House, I’d make a yeoman’s attempt …

“Honest, Your Honor, me and Bob there – was actually shark fishing, and them chocolate swizzling Dutchmen just opened fire out of pure orneriness …

Yessir, it was my AK and the RPG was mine too, but we was toodling around looking for a big Finn to blow holes in – not them scrawny Dutchies …”

If Twinkies and coke could get Dan White a reduced sentence, I’d gamble Hizzonor was a fisherman and take my chances – hoping “Bob” could keep his giggles under control – and not blow snot all over my sweet smelling defense attorney.

Captured by Danish commandos, after having their inflatable sunk by freighter-based signal flares, five Somali’s are opting for the “we wuz merely fishing” defense …

Farah Ahmed Yusuf, 25, accused the cargo ship of attacking the Somalis after engine failure had forced them to abandon their shark fishing expedition and seek help.

"The intention was to fish," he said.

"As we came closer, we put our hands in the air. While we had our hands in the air, they shot at us. They attacked us."

I’d call it a dry, it’s mostly barbless, but I’m unsure whether it’s cast with a one hander or something bigger … I’ll take a dozen however – as an RPG would prove useful in heavy traffic.

and only this oldie-but-goodie to demonstrate proper technique.

Tags: RPG, Somalia pirates, Fishing Defense, shark fishing, Dan White, Twinkies

Spread of Invasives coincide with the density of Hedge fund Managers, anglers are in the clear

The National Academy of Sciences claims the “filthy rich” are living up to their moniker, as population density and per capita income are corresponding closely with the volume of invasive species in Europe – more closely than climate, geography, or physical barriers to species introduction.

… which shouldn’t be that startling, as rich countries have the taste for exotic imports and the means to consume them – and rich people have the ability to globe hop to distant and rarified climes and take nasty with them – or bring nasty back…

High numbers of alien species are supported by
a high human population density and great wealth, reaching the highest values in regions with more than 91.1 inhabitants/km2 and wealth exceeding about US$ 250,000 per capita

Using a similar algorithm and a map of the per capita income for the US, I’d think Maryland is a ticking time bomb of infestation, being the richest state in the Union on a per capita basis.

While you contemplate flight to those last pricey enclaves of pristine, remember you’re statically certain to infect those upon arrival. Do us all a favor, migrate to some pricey loft in the Big City – we’ll allow you the occasional visitation rights once you’ve been thoroughly decontaminated.

Tags: invasive species, the rich done it, National Academy of Sciences

I don’t remember my vest being wet

The snarling black lab with the faded red kerchief reminds me it’s his garbage can – and despite my wish to pass, he’s unwilling to share either contents or the path.

Fishing of late has become a series of indignities; rain when there shouldn’t be any, sun when there shouldn’t be any, and mean arsed black Labradors who beat me to the river just to harsh my mellow.

I can’t wade anywhere near where I fished last year, the water being too high and too cold, and can’t cast far enough – now that the river’s twice as wide. Yet I still wade out with high hopes and practice something or fiddle with flies, and after a couple hours stride back to the truck contented.

American River flows

Make that three times as wide, as of today’s graph…

aircraftfabric I had an opportunity to confirm model plane fabric is tough as nails. Thirty minutes of abuse on a seven weight head didn’t even scratch the carapace.

… and despite being hung up on rocks a half dozen times, that point is still sharp enough to make any gamefish blanch …

Tags: American River, fly fishing for shad, cubic feet per second, terra firma, wino dog

The new austerity and the dawn of the dollar bag

ziploc_bigbag Been a big week for the Singlebarbed staffers, first we’re designated a “High Value Site” by the Trout Underground and it’s too late to take it back, and we’ve moved to swanky new digs on the Internet – which has left us broke and penniless …

So we’ll start with an austerity post, a belt tightening move that’ll show those spendthrifts in government they’re doomed, hopefully a preview of tomorrow’s primary election.

The much anticipated, oft imitated, debut of the $1 wader bag.

A glimpse at the Singlebarbed Freezer

Ziploc bags big enough to hold a set of damp and odiferous waders – or their companion felt soled shoes, destined for freezing or quarantine. Now “Mama” won’t come unglued at the sight of your muddy brogans taking up precious space in her freezer – or leaving tell tale signs of your trespass.

… and for the fly tying crowd, we can finally secure those long graceful tail feathers, and not find them chewed past usefulness and in the process of infecting the rest of the drawer.

Ziploc® Brand Big Bags are available in three big sizes:

  • L equivalent to 3 Gallon (11.4L) 1.25 FT. x 1.25 FT. (38.1cm x 38.1cm) 5ct.
  • XL equivalent to 10 Gallon (37.8L) 2 FT. x 1.7 FT. (60cm x 51 cm) 4ct.
  • XXL equivalent to 20 Gallon (75.7L) 2 FT. x 2.7 FT. (60cm x 82 cm) 3ct.

A canny fellow would find a way to secrete a box under the driver’s seat. After you swerve to accidentally blindside that cud chewing Milk Cow in your out-of-control-Prius, you can toss the carcass into the back seat in a tasteful and sanitary bundle.

Tags: Ziploc bags, fly tying, tail feathers, felt soled waders, Internet service provider, high dollar web site, austerity, California primary election