The Angling Dream Trip and we leave nothing to chance

Peta strikes the pose While the mighty minions of Peta are busy protecting innocent school children  by soliciting colleges to give up their fishing teams – picking up the slack for lazy, insensitive parents who raised their children to adore fried chicken, comic books, and thick steaks …

… still, occasionally, they hatch a pretty good idea.

This time it’s free advertising when your hindquarters are scanned by the uncaring TSA louts manning the Cavity Search & Irradiation unit at your local airport.

The idea has merit, metal augmented underwear that provides a bit more opaque for those naturally shy, and allows a brief extension of digit for those not at all shy …

Angling boxers

Like us anglers …

Your opportunity to beard the prophet is available whether you’re boxers or briefs, as a touch of rubber cement and a dab of tinfoil and watch their scowl deepen.

Even better, when your fishing buddy lapses into unconsciousness after a full day of hot sun, exotic dream trip, and drinks containing umbrellas; rather than shave his eyebrows you can just rearrange the outfit he’s laid out for tomorrow’s triumphant return to civilization ..

this may backfire

… which may backfire, as the both of you will miss your flight while they remove his fillings looking for contraband.

A pal would have the courtesy to save a couple ice cubes from the airport bar, so Mr. Biggest Fish Mostest Fish can sit comfortably between visits to the Bastille …

Didymo bloom affects California’s Bear River, there’s algae in them there hills

Diatomes are tiny, invisible even It was only a matter of time, the Sacramento Bee reports that a nuisance bloom of Didymo has been identified in a 10 mile stretch of the Bear River, outside of Grass Valley, California.

But scientists know very little about the algae, and they’ve grown alarmed by a mysterious change in its behavior in recent years.

So-called “nuisance blooms” of didymo, like that in the Bear River, are being reported with increasing frequency around the world. Experts don’t know why, but suspect everything from climate change to a genetic mutation in the algae itself.

What’s unfortunate is that the Bear River is a popular gold panning site, and the modern day 49er and his suction dredge doesn’t fit the “clean, dry, protect” solution popularized for fishermen.

… and with Grass Valley being a compelling gateway to the Sierra’s and the gold bearing forks of the American, it’s possible we may see a few more pollination vectors than the birds, bears, anglers, and boat owner crowd.

Those of you frequenting this nearby watershed should be on heightened alert, and anything dampened should be quarantined per standard procedure.

This isn’t a zebra or quagga mussel the size of a sand grain, this is a single celled algae that is too small to see with the naked eye. Anything damp is a potential carrier, and that includes your fly line backing, trapped water in your wading staff, and your flies.

With last week’s Lake Tahoe mix up, where a visiting boater was barred from launching his craft after he identified its use at a “high risk” lake in Arizona, who promptly drove to another ramp and gave the officers different information and launched without decontamination, suggests us wading fishermen may be the only folks taking the invasive message to heart.

A nice $5000 dollar fine doesn’t offset what our pal from Arizona may have left us, but he can tell his pals we take our water serious …

9.5% Unemployment and most are fly tiers

Cubicle wars If you’ve ever supervised others you understand how closely work resembles high school. Inkwells replaced by cubicles and communal refrigerators, pigtails a thing of the past, but the guy that dries his shoes in the microwave, or thumbs the donuts is a worthy substitute.

Come lunch I’d like to be in a happy place, tossing all the responsibility, and with brown bagging the new frugal, take my tasteful little repast into a unused conference room or break room along with a small sack of fly tying materials.

There to repel vegans and animal lovers, answer the questions of the curious, amaze onlookers, and dispense fly fishing doctrine to all those whose dad or grandfather did it years ago, who were always interested, yet never picked it up permanently.

Most tiers would be a tad reluctant, and with good cause, but I find the exercise both relaxing and productive, more focused than the casual version done at home. Time and space are constraints, but the tinkle of the brook and vision of soaring pine trees can make a marginal stress-filled afternoon seem less so, so I keep doing it.

Every couple of weeks I empty out my kit and the flybox and find seven or ten dozen more flies to add to my already cramped vest.

But with all the perils and restraint due the workplace, you should always be low on the radar, alert to avoid complaint or fur-induced adverse action.

The Sacred Tenets of Workplace Fishing

Practice casting or instruction in the parking lot is fine, just make sure you have an old line that can take the abrasion, and don’t mind the labels “Creep” or “Weirdo.”

Nobody likes being seen as a beginner, especially the well tanned, coifed, and fit. Start the lesson after most of the folks have left for lunch.

Recognize the evangelical before you’re in a discussion you can’t win. Animal freaks and Vegans disguise themselves well, they could be your Boss, or even your Boss’s Boss. Their zeal gives them away quickly, so point out that nearly all your materials are synthetic – even when there’s hide visible or whiskers attached.

Despite their beliefs, most have little knowledge of animals outside the freezer section of the store, or their cat – and having never turned either inside out, they’ll be fairly clueless.

If the Office Babe shows an interest, everyone at the table will be as talented and interested as you are. Loosen the reins and let the suitors trip over their shoelaces, it’s like guiding – with the clients ignoring your advice, and always a great show.

“Timmy” the obnoxious kid from High School is now Tim, but if one of the gals shows fear when shown a pheasant skin, or is repelled that it’s a dead-anything, Mr. Tim will chase her around the office with it. Keep the dead stuff close to you – even closer if an eyeball is visible.

Find a quiet corner so you can avoid most of the traffic, even the most hardened fly tier will tire of answering the same question over and over.

Yes, that’s a dead thing, yes, fish eat this, no, I don’t always keep them, yes, that hook is sharp

Your most interested spectator will be the guy that never brings donuts, the lunchroom Ghost. By feigning interest, he can keep an eye on unattended sandwiches, unwanted chips, and what few donuts remain.

Only bring enough materials to tie a single pattern. At most you’ll finish five or six flies, and few materials is fast to gather if you’re summoned for an impromptu meeting or calamity.

An occasional dust mote or loose feather won’t cause alarm, but a fish hook will be an issue. Only lay out a half dozen hooks at a time and return the box to the carrying bag, that way you won’t spill any and can account for strays.

… and resist the urge to imbed a couple in the remaining donut to settle scores with the Ghost. Just restore the donut’s luster with a generous dollop of fast drying head cement. It’s difficult to be sneaky when the entire pink box comes with the prey ..

Don’t be surprised if you unearth a kindred spirit, or a classic rod last used by someone’s grandfather. While most work sites promote sterility and conformity, fearing litigation, what you do to put money on the table is not who you are, and demonstrating same can have occasional benefits.

Just be real vague about key dates like the Trout Season Opener, so you can be sick again.

Fishy Kid, Three Months of Summer contest

fishykidlogo Just a quick reminder that the Three Months of Summer contest is drawing to a close over at the Fishy Kid website. Four categories with kids seventeen and under eligible for some nice prizes. All that’s required is to upload a picture of your beaming child and his catch.

… and it’s not the traditional venue, with prizes for biggest – the other categories are smallest, most unique, most, and a random prize.

… which may be for the kid with the biggest smile …

Funky, like skateboarding, Gee.

Sup' Gee Now it all fits. We can’t lure young folks into the sport as we’re using the wrong bait, and the entire “X-treme” movement is fostered by old guys wishing they could flash gang sign – but can’t knowing white boys from Vermont only get laughed at …

There appears to be an underlying movement (and I’m not sure when or how it started) to make fishing funky – along the lines of skateboarding or in-line skating.

Different terms are being bandied about to sum up what it is all about, but I guess the best is ‘urban fishing’. Basically it’s all about trying to get youngsters involved in the sport for a couple of hours a day, particularly on the inner-city rivers, canals and waterways.

– via Tackle Trade World

… and it makes perfect sense. All we need add to cedar dog beds and Georgia Fatwood, is Dr. Dre and Snoop Dawg dropping dope rhyme like, “I’m down like Lead Free Solder,” featuring a couple reels of Eminem getting his fillings rattled by a Blue Marlin, and then we can trot out Lefty Kreh with his belly tatt’d with “ZUG LIFE.”

The Zero Gravity could have been the “Sup, G” – and Gary Loomis could have discarded all that legal trouble by debuting the “Gee Money” line of graphite rods – then sued the pants off anyone else with a “Gee.”

… and the kids would have abandoned Playstation’s and X-Box’s enmasse.

Given a decade of use, it works out to the price of my license

Dude, Sorry According to my jaundiced perspective, three hundred and fifty bucks is a fair price for a fly rod expected to last me a lifetime.

Figure a lifetime is about a decade or so – usually accompanied by a hammy handed pal closing a car door when you’re preoccupied extinguishing a fire or shooing flies off the cold cuts …

The both of you hear that sickening crunch at the same time, and he starts apologizing about a millisecond after. The best that can be hoped is that you’re closer to the end of the trip than the beginning, if not, you kick his ass and take his rod.

It’s the Law, in any water, blue or otherwise …

I wasn’t expecting to see much in that zone when I opened the Orvis flyer, and I was taken off guard to see their new line of Access rods for both fresh and salt – both filling the bill for a low cost serviceable weapon.

I am a sonofabitch as regards vendors, and am completely unapologetic for my opinions of their conduct. After 25 years and a half dozen fly shops, and with most of the industry cuddling up for fear of giving affront, mean guys are mighty few, making them especially valuable.

Mean has to be tempered with fair, and this is a step in the right direction. Given the economic maelstrom occurring outside the sport, and their stated desire to assist in bringing the halt, lame, and fishless into our beloved sport – you’d better have a comprehensive line of fair-priced tackle to back up that play.

I’d suggest the Access line appears especially comprehensive given the 10’ 4wt, and 10’ 5wt – which fit the tournament/Czech nymph rods that dominate Europe. The 10’ and 11’ 7wt sound like a nice answer to a two-hander – and a nice size to use for Capr and their saltwater cousins, and cater to us single hand types that are still better with five fingers than ten.

It appears the Access line will replace the aging TLS Power Matrix rods, which appear on their website at significant discount, likely in preparation for these new beasts.

I simply like the trend. Prices peeling back from the haughty nosebleed levels of 2008, and offering more than a half dozen models – created solely for the purposes of “we got those too.”

Full Disclosure: I’ve never seen, touched, or cast, anything described above, nor am I getting soft in my dotage, just saying is all.

Capr Orvis, Access fly rod, Czech nymph, fly fishing tournament, carp, bonefish, fly fishing

Anglers no longer passive in battle against invasive species

solar_toothbrush The War against Invasives takes a bloody turn this week compliments of weapons that assist the socially responsible angler maintain his squeaky clean.

The Solar-Powered Toothbrush is a multi-purpose tool allowing the ecologically concious angler to eradicate germs and plaque-causing microbes in his mouth, then aggressively scrub his wading gear and boots of all threats to the watershed.

The Soladey-J3X has a solar panel at its base that transmits electrons to the top of the toothbrush through a lead wire. The electrons react with acid in the mouth, creating a chemical reaction that breaks down plaque and kills bacteria. The toothbrush requires no toothpaste, and can operate with about the same amount of light as needed by a solar-powered calculator.

The researchers have already tested the toothbrush in cultures of bacteria that cause periodontal disease, and demonstrated that the brush causes “complete destruction of bacterial cells,” Komiyama said.

It’s the end of standing around the ice machine at the gas station, hoping your waders will freeze and thaw before the evening grab. Now you can go after the little bastards, listen to their screams of anguish –and watch them pop and sizzle.

Of course the next morning your mouth will taste like you’ve licked the inside of Goldfish bowl, but what’s a little suffering when it comes to ensuring the Pristine for future generations …

Me, I use an old head cement bottle and a dram of single-malt, making the entire experience heady and rewarding.

Test Invasive species, solar powered toothbrush, fly fishing hygiene, wading boots, waders, fly fishing humor, clean dry mantra

When waist deep in the brown water, it’s all about the antibodies

I’m sure myself or my brown water brethren would have attempted to cool their ardor some. As much as we like standing on the bank giggling while you discover that it’s not Rock Snot – and really is toilet paper, we’re still obligated to get you home safely …

… mostly, a limb missing or suppurating infection is close enough.

It’s been all over the papers and is likely old news, but when you take a passel of hedge fund managers with those dainty dry fly only predilections, mix in an urban setting with white wine and a pedicure,  the results are predictable enough.

Bleached and embalmed

Those aren’t little chalk outlines, those are the bleached and embalmed participants.

We’ve harped on this many times, regardless of Orvis’s release of a carp podcast, sanctioning roman noses and inferior fish, if you lack the proper antibodies, you’re a goner.

It'll be a while before next of kin are notified

– via luzinterruptus

Sure, I wish I’d been there to give them a wave off, but the combination of dry fly purism and one-upmanship would’ve had the crowd ignoring most of my lecture. I would’ve consoled myself by gathering up all those expensive rods and accoutrements – and felt pretty good about the whole experience, however.

It’ll be awhile before the shockwaves hit Wall Street, most of their DNA has been wiped clean, and notification of kin will be problematic.

Test brown water fly fishing, dry fly purism, carp, Orvis podcast, fly fishing humor, pedicure

It’s the hardest color in the world but only because it isn’t a color at all

It's a red black Ask anyone who’s ever fiddled with materials and you’ll see the involuntary shudder when Black is mentioned. While it enjoys status of being a must-have color among fly fishermen, getting a good permanent black will drive both professional and hobbyist to tears.

… and you don’t have to do it yourself to grit your teeth, as most packages of black materials stain fingers, clothing, and skin.

Dye companies have an asterisk next to their black(s), requiring you to double the amount of dye used to achieve a complete deep color. That translates into stained sinks, discolored fingers, and rinsing the material at least three times as much before the water even resembles clear.

Slurps and dribbles are permanent, and the evidence can’t be hidden, as you and the sink are the same color of sepia.

Dyed once, about to be dipped a second time Black is the absence of all color,  it can only be approximated by adding dark colors together – and as a result every vendor’s recipe is different.

Most could be described as warm or cold blacks, as they depend heavily on purple which is a mixture of red and blue. Tossing other colors into purple will raise or lower the red or blue – yielding a warm or cold color.

To further complicate matters is the presence of many colors of black. Black, jet black, carbon black, true black, and even new black, are labels used by dye vendors to distinguish between black-as-night and dark charcoal gray.

They’re all a pain to reproduce and your only certainty is the result will be messy, stain the top half of your torso, and won’t be black enough.

What we think of as black is actually Jet Black, the darkest and deepest of all the vendor variants. Not all vendors call it as such, when presented with a choice, that’s the darkest of all.

rinsewater Many things can interfere with the coloring process, including natural colors (we assume the black will cover them up), dirt, grease, and oil, and the blend of dye itself. Dyes are made from rare earths and minerals, all of which activate at different times and temperatures – and if the bath doesn’t get hot enough, or is too hot – it’s possible to have a color misfire.

The rinse water at left shows you how visuals cannot be trusted. Rinsing a pound of loose fur in dish detergent yielded a great deal more dirt than we suspected. It also shows why scissors grow dull, not only will the dirt prevent color from setting on the material, but this kind of grit is hell on the sharpest of scissors.

Familiarity with your dye vendor is the only way to know whether your result has been influenced by other agents. Dyeing six or seven batches of material will commit the shade to memory, allowing you to fiddle with heat and quantity if you get something unexpected.

Over dyeing the material a second time, with partial drying in between can usually fix a poor initial attempt, but sometimes it’s the material itself that resists coloration.

How many blacks are shown? Guard hairs and stiff shiny materials are quite hard compared to loose fur or marabou. A rich deep black in Marabou may not be the same shade when dyeing a slab of Polar Bear, or similar tough material. Over dyeing a second time may fix a dark gray, and it may be enough to over dye it with a deep purple, or dark brown, rather than black.

At left is about seven pounds of loose fur (multiple animals), how many “blacks” do you see?

Only the foreground two were listed as Jet Black (left) and True Black (right). The rearmost is Gunmetal Gray, Purple in the center, and the rightmost dark color is Silver Gray. The True Black (right foreground) has been dyed twice with twice the amount of dye as normal, yet is still a close match to both Gunmetal and Silver Gray. This shows why familiarity with the vendor is so important – the labeled color is of little help.

outdoors_black

Outdoor light adds a bit of blue to the bucket of True Black. The Jet Black on the mound of drying material shows little change from indoor lighting, it’s still the darkest black in any condition.

For my use the current color of the True Black will work just fine, it’s a component of a larger batch of dubbing that will be a dark gray.

While it showed red in the drain (see above picture) once on the material and exposed outdoors it shows blue, suggesting that if I wish to darken it further I would over dye it with a dark brown – as the red of the brown would cancel the bluish tint shown in the photo.

The rest of the table is yellow that was fast dipped in orange, and then soaked in a weak olive, just one of many secrets to my Golden Stone mix.

I mention it only because my porcelain dye pot sprung a leak while cooking three pounds of hair. Yellow being the most forgiving color and dyeing even in lukewarm water, once I heard the burner sputter – I had time to jam my hand into the pot and cover the hole without parboiling them precious fly tier fingers …

… jaundiced to the elbow is easy for us brown water types to explain.

Test Jet Black, True Black, dyeing hair, bulk fly tying materials, dubbing, Golden Stone, fly fishing, fly tier, acid dyes, protein dyes

Just toss some leaves and branches over the top and wait for the V8 Hatch

While we’ve taken great pains to illuminate dozens of devices to clear your riffle of unwanted interlopers, it’s time to spread some love to the stillwater crowd, how they no longer need to endure sand kicked in their sandwich by insensitive power boat Nazi’s ….

If you’re getting sick from bobbing in other’s wake, and if that tawny nubile at the end of the ski rope just flipped you off, then it’s munchy time! 

Badass Great White

… able to submerge for thirty seconds, leap from submerged mode into midair, 50 mph on surface and 20 mph submerged – well, payback is going to be a watery bitch…

Only an FA-18 can pull more gee's

-via the Daily Mail Online

You can toy with the “fresh meat” screaming on the tow rope while the rest of the gals abandon their sodden beau and antiquated watercraft. insisting they share the really cramped two seat environment with you …

They’ll bring the beer. It’ll be cold.

‘This isn’t a submarine  –  you’re not going to visit the Titanic in it,’ Rob warns. ‘It’s more of a cross between a plane and a boat, and we’ve been improving the models constantly so they can do more and more tricks.’

Insist on the Great White paint scheme, it’s worth every penny of the $93,500.

Marker – Seabreacher, Great White shark, submersible, big boys toys, nubiles, tow rope trollops, free beer, stillwater vengeance, fly fishing humor