Anglers rise to it without reservation, the Royal Nutritionist

For the last couple of decades it’s been as much fly fishing tradition as Jungle Cock, or Mallard flank. That pre-dawn car full of hopeful careening up the interstate before John Law pacifies it once again ..

… and the fellow in the back that hasn’t yet discovered he’s forgetten his reel, who caroused far into the night despite our warnings not to – and suggests one last civilized breakfast is needed and he’ll be fine.

Proximity to the creek means four guys racing to be the first to dampen boot, and one fellow trying to keep that civilized breakfast down. By Sunday, it’s three guys getting in some last licks, and one fellow hoping that meal will come out – at any cost.

With good reason, considering the campground Porta-Potty may be the next Valley of Kings …

Happy Meal Day 1

A recent non-scientific experiment suggests that same fine breakfast, when left on the sink, would not change significantly over the following six months. With plenty of photographic evidence to back the claim, little wonder there’s always one member of your party incapacitated completely, and the balance in some culinary-gastric hell they’re trying to fight through.

Happy Meal Day 180

Outside of the bun getting a bit pale, I can’t see much difference.

Contrasted with the righteous indignation us anglers displayed when fish DNA was being modified, yet we’ll gladly inhale genetically modified taters and irradiated beef patty without so much as hint of protest …

I guess our DNA doesn’t count.

First you take a deep fried potato skin then coat the bottom with styrofoam …

With all the recent furor over genetically modified fish, most have forgotten that the first commercially modified fish, the GloFish, was sold to kids as an techno-Goldfish …

Back then there were no pickets nor angry protestors. Fishermen didn’t see the genetically modified fish as much of a threat, largely as their kids were too busy hugging the adorable little tyke …

Big Arsed Goldfish

But like all pets eventually someone tires of something, and flushes it down the commode …

… where it isn’t so adorable – now that it’s developed a taste for children.

Chicken Scalps, large dollars, fly tying and dry flies merely add a pretty face

grizz Many would say that nothing in fly fishing is more addictive, the lure of the surface fly and the visual take. Most would insist that no component of fly tying is more expensive, as the surface fly and accompanying visuals come at a horrific price.

A novice stands in front of the abyss, the friends and expertise of the fly tying class a distant memory, the cautionary advice forgotten, and the long wall of genetic hackle menacing, unfamiliar, and incredibly expensive.

Need is well defined; brown and grizzly for the Adams, Humpy, and Western flies, ginger for the light Cahill, and medium dun for the Quill Gordon and most of the east coast. Price precludes grabbing one of everything, and there are a dozen capes labeled #2, each the better part of a hundred dollar bill – whose shade and cut look similar, only which one to buy?

Is someone going to yell if you take one out of the package? Do I really want to learn to tie flies? The book said to press the barbules against my lower lip, the instructor said to buy saddles, and that fellow mentioned Leon’s Coque made the best tails – I don’t seem him anywhere, and the sinister looking fellow at the register doesn’t seem interested …

… I could use some help!

Forums are ablaze with questions about hackle; where is it cheapest, which is the best-est, and how can I get the most-est – interspersed with; which do I want, what should I get first, are saddles just as good, and the ever-present, “… the guy in the book said …”

Like everything else on the Internet, there’s much wheat and even more chaff.

Chicken Necks – Past to Present

Compared to the past there is much less variety on the wall of the local shop. Most fly tiers are introduced to genetic chickens in their first tying lesson, and rarely encounter capes from China and India – which dominated the trade in year’s past.

Most of the non-genetic hackle goes to the costume market, where they’re made into long feather boas in both natural and brightly dyed colors. India capes are about a third the size of our hormone laced genetics, and Chinese capes are typically about 50% larger than India necks, but still markedly smaller than what Whiting packages.

Occasionally you’ll run across some in fly fishing stores, but not often. Instead you’ll find Chinchilla necks, that mimic the color and pattern of Grizzly, but have irregular barring and a hint of brown in the black markings. As large grizzly hackles have many uses including bass and saltwater flies – and are adored by costumers, it’s the most common non-genetic sold.

As well as the Indian or Chinese capes, you can encounter a semi-genetic flavor. Some grower that’s attempting to perfect a strain or color to compete with Whiting, whose flock is not yet into that rarified zone commanding ultra-high dollars. These are often Grizzly also, as dyed Grizzly in any size or length is quite saleable.

Packaged saddle hackle is still dominated by non-genetic chickens, in large part because eating chickens are raised by the millions and all are white, or off-white, much easier to dye than naturally colored chickens from off shore. Most are hens, but white roosters still abound in great numbers. Genetic roosters must be fed and pampered for two or more years to yield those foot-long saddles, our domestic rooster is likely to live about half as long before it becomes a MSM chicken.

“MSM” is “mechanically separated meat” – which is a process that yanks non-prime elements like lips, snouts, and pucker off the bone once it’s been boiled into softness. It’s commonly known as a Chicken McNugget, or Hot Dog.

Many shades of Awesome

Parts of a Genetic Neck Today’s tiers still insist on the finest, cheapest, and best – but they’re picking between “great” and “fantastic” in comparison with the past. Dry flies always required two (or more) hackles in the 80’s, and a typical size #16 was about 1.5” long.

If you were lucky there was a couple dozen in the inch wide nape of India cape, unlucky and you tied mostly #12’s and above.

The worst of todays genetics would have driven tiers into paroxysm’s of joy. It would of been something to stroke or trot out to the amazement of the rest of the crowd, left pristine or given a female name and worshiped.

Those vendors that grade necks – and mention their methodology – use feather count to determine #1’s, #2’s, and #3’s. More feathers per inch yielding more flies tied, and increased value to both breeder and fly tyer. The grade given by the breeder can be ignored. Simple feather count may be useful to differentiate one chicken from another, but it’s not an adequate measure of value to the fly tyer.

Fly tier’s are unique. Each is a different mix of favorite flies, favorite fish, number tied per year, and most common size fished. While feather count has some meaning, so does cut of the neck, color of the cape, and shape and size of the feathers too large for dry flies.

Cut of the Neck: An improper cut usually comes at the expense of the tailing material. Tails are from the right and left edge of the neck’s shoulder, markedly darker and stiffer than the rest of the cape, shaped like a “spade” versus long and skinny, and can be too few to tail all the dry flies the hackle can produce.

Color of the Cape: Color is responsible for probably half of the purchases, especially if the color is uncommon or rare. Color would also describe other visual features such as dark barring, light barring, or black tipped – such as Badger and Furnace necks. Dun necks are particularly valuable in different shades, and is often purchased for the color alone.

Shape and Size of the Feather: Genetic necks make poor hackle tip wings, largely because of the narrowness of the feather. At the tip a slim feather can be quite small and the effect lost amid a thickly hackled fly, especially on Western flies which use much more hackle than their Eastern counterparts. Some genetics can offer a wider large feather which may be suitable for hackle tip wings, and this quality weighed in the purchase decision.

Feather Count: It matters certainly, but is best used to select a candidate tuned to your fishing, not the single criteria that drives purchase. (I’ll have more on the subject below)

How to select the best Neck

The most common size tied should be high on the neck, not down at the narrows Most fly fishermen tie many more flies than the traditional dry, and often fish for other species in addition to trout. It should be no surprise that there are many great necks offered on the rack, but the best neck may have qualities unique to the tyer, with “best” differing from one angler to the next.

The dry fly capable hackle may only be spread over 30% of the genetic cape, why not consider the other 70% as part of an overall grade?

If the tier has a split season, or fishes for multiple species, the shape of the large feathers may dictate his steelhead hackle, bass poppers, or his large saltwater flies. Some necks may be suited for tying these flies more so than others, based on long narrow feathers, or extra wide webby hackles, or just wide blunt tips for wings. A fly tyer conscious of his planned double-use may find the best neck is a combination of his dry fly needs, coupled with his other interests.

… and the grading system used to price the necks, has less value when averaging all the requirements.

You have to remove the neck from the packaging to examine it closely. There should be no objection from the shop staff, but you’ll have to be considerate and not mangle the cape in the process. Both necks and saddles are often stapled to cardboard backing. Flexing the cape a lot will start pulling at the staples – and may even add a bend into both feathers and backing. Your proprietor will not mind a casual exam, but would prefer your hammy-handed tendencies not mar the package permanently.

Each fisherman has a “most common dry fly size” that he uses, and an examination of his fly box will reveal what size that is – this will be our examination criteria for neck selection.

Find the most common size used : Flex the neck just enough so that the feathers lift off those behind, and find the horizontal line on the neck containing your unique “most tied” size. A great neck will have that area in the widest part of the cape, not down low on the narrow isthmus area. Wide equals more feathers, and ensures your most common flies fished match the neck you’re purchasing. It’s very simple, as higher up the cape means better in every cases.

Examine the tailing area : Now examine the shoulders of the cape to ensure the cut has preserved both areas of darker tailing material – and the two regions appear as mirrors of one another.

Examine the larger feathers for optimal uses : Take a look at the shape and size of the larger feathers at the top of the cape. Ensure they match any other use you’ve planned. For hackle tip wings you want broad rounded points, for steelhead hackles you’ll want nice dark barring and the appropriate sizes present, bass poppers should have nice wide feathers to assist in moving water, and saltwater or Pike – perhaps length is the only criteria.

Ensure the color extends to the webby area : On those necks where color is a primary requirement, ensure the desired color extends down through the area you’ll peel off and discard. Avoid those whose color at the tips is perfect – but the color doesn’t extend far enough down the feather.

If you’ve satisfied the criteria above and selected the neck that’s the best fit for all, you’ve got a great neck. Now look at the price, as vendor grade and price is the least important of all.

If it boils down to a #3 and a #1 that are the final two, buying the #3 will the better choice … “a good deal” being the last check on our requirements.

The Neck versus Saddle debate is Over

A Whiting Medium Dun Saddle Necks are no longer as compelling as a quality saddle patch. If you’ve marveled over a 12” #16 hackle you’ll understand what I mean. Necks have been considerably refined from the days of the India cape, but saddles have come even further, to the point where #16 hackles can be a foot long – or even longer.

A quality neck may feature 30 or more hackles that match a single size, perhaps another 15-20 that are a bit too long, or a bit too short. Assuming you get about 50 feathers suitable for a #14, and it’s often one feather per dry fly, the neck has exhausted the supply after four dozen flies.

Take a similar quality saddle with hackles 10-11 inches long, and you can get 3-4 traditional dries with a single feather. If a saddle has more than a dozen such feathers you’ve equaled the capacity of the more expensive neck, and whatever remains is why saddles are a better deal than necks.

I’d suggest that a quality saddle can produce 15-20 dozen flies in the same size versus 4 dozen for the cape.

I converted to saddles some three years ago, the down side being there’s no tool or container on the bench to hold scraps of hackle that’s seven inches long …

But nothing is the Perfect Feather

Saddles offer greater value, but there are pros and cons with both necks and saddles, and it’s important to understand all the issues.

Necks:

Stiffer stems, greater variety of sizes, tailing material present, wider feathers, blunter tips, hackle under size #18 available.

Saddles:

Flexible stems, fewer sizes, longer length, no tailing material present, narrower feathers, needle tips, no hackle under #18 available.

Each of the attributes mentioned above has a corollary in tying that will either be hindered or assisted. Probably the most important difference between necks and saddles is that no tailing material exists on saddles where it is plentiful on necks. Perhaps the fibers on the largest saddles can be long enough for tails, but they are not the hard, shiny, fibers present on the shoulder of a chicken neck – they are much softer by comparison.

Having dozens of left over capes lying around, most of which are missing the small trout hackle, means that I can find tails on older necks and use the saddle only for the hackle that supports the fly.

In summary, a tyer needs both – but necks are likely to be upstaged by saddles via cost and additional capacity.

While genetic feathers show no signs of relinquishing their grip on the hackle market, there is still plenty of uses for a non genetic neck or saddle, only they’re becoming increasingly hard to find. Both hackle tip wings (Grizzly) and large well marked feathers are still in great demand on many styles of fly, and while we get increasingly spoiled with better and longer hackles, we’ll still need plenty of the regular feathers to handle the ignoble tasks other than holding up a dry fly.

Each fly could be a big fish or a new friend

I’ve tried to hold the worst of the excess until you knew me better. Only then could I count on an outpouring of sympathy, versus the clamor of naked greed …

An earlier post referencing a subtle quirk, a brace of delicates for you to view, and exiting on a high note, leaving little trace of the sordid frenzy to follow.

There’s no such thing as a retired commercial tier, there’s only those that still do it – and those that still do it but don’t get paid.

I emptied out my “done during lunch” box to add to those already tied last weekend, and staring at all them Claret & Olive Clods it dawned on me that while I hadn’t detected noticeable change in the before commercial versus the after, I think setting them fingers on automatic might have changed the definition of “enough.”

Considering they’re all a single size and I’ve got three other sizes to replace, I should make plenty of new friends next season.

It’s the same scene with experimentals, unless there’s a fistful available something’s wrong. Which may shed light on why I talk so much of skeins, grosses, pallets and thousands, we both do the same thing, only I consume a bit more.

Something to think about when you mull the idea of defraying the cost of that new rod with a few dozen for the local shop. The next step might be everlasting.

Cannabis to save the Pacific Salmon

Golden Gate Park 2011, we're bringing back the "Be in" I’d always assumed I was fortunate being raised in the Haight-Ashbury during the ‘60’s. Exposed to different ideas, religions, and a litany of self proclaimed holy men. Now I find out the old neighborhood has been classified as a “part of the World.”

Meaning this world. For most of two decades it was unknown which planet rotated nearby, and which Galaxy was the better question …

Today, there are still parts of the world that rely on Cannabis stalks as a primary fiber, mainly because of its ability to grow “like a weed,” without requiring lots of water, fertilizers, or high-grade inputs to flourish. But the seeds, which house the plant’s natural oils, are often discarded. Parnas points out that this apparent waste product could be put to good use by turning it into fuel.

Now when I visit the folks, instead of fellows rushing the intersection to wash my window for spare change, they’ll be huffing the exhaust and causing my car to stall.

With the election a short month distant, California has the potential to piss all over J. Edgar’s memory with the legal morass that’ll come with legalization. It could be a Second Gold Rush – with the pharmaceutical industry claiming all the acres North of Sacramento, and Exxon claiming everything South …

Eureka, Dude.

The hemp biodiesel showed a high efficiency of conversion – 97 percent of the hemp oil was converted to biodiesel – and it passed all the laboratory’s tests, even showing properties that suggest it could be used at lower temperatures than any biodiesel currently on the market.

If it doesn’t need the water of the current vascular crops and all those orange groves, might it be the salvation of the Pacific Salmon, or will Los Angeles merely annex most of Arizona for a parking garage?

As for other industries that utilize Cannabis plants, Parnas makes a clear distinction between industrial hemp, which contains less than 1 percent psychoactive chemicals in its flowers, and some of its cousins, which contain up to 22 percent. “This stuff,” he points out, “won’t get you high.”

– via PhysOrg

Want to bet? An entire generation thought dried banana peels were an e-ticket to Utopia. They’re all bankers, lawyers, and hedge fund managers at the moment, but they’ll just use a bigger pipe this time.

It’s the most expensive “Caddis” in the world, and fly tiers are determined to kill it dead

I was in a hurry naturally, so I grabbed a pelt off the latest shipment and sheared the beast on the spot. Plastic container brimming with fur I rushed back into the kitchen, refastened the jumper cables to the grinder and glanced skyward, hoping for another lightning bolt.

Gals have it easy. They say “ … maybe” and create life. Guys are forced to wade in dead stuff, endure hellish amperages and archaic lab apparatus, then peer hesitantly at our efforts and wish we’d stopped when it needed stitches…

That's one expensive Caddis, Pal

With 20 eager fly tiers expecting more samples of Singlebarbed’s Madness – and me thinking another six colors would be enough, 120 packs of fur is a weekend of hand labor.

I’m in between pack 86 and the finish line, and reach down into the jug to see a moth emerge from that freshly shorn pile.

Nice.

I shook some moth ice into the container, sealed it, and put it in quarantine.

Packs 1 through 86 went into the trash.

Normally I’m proof against such things, as “invasives” are just a fly shop visit away. In the old days every shop had unwanted lifeforms and us budding entomologists weren’t limited to aquatic bugs, we could rattle off genus, species, and the address of the source with a single glance …

Big brown speckled sucker with a yen for Bucktail? Yep, that’s from Creative Sports in Walnut Creek, they call ‘em ‘Shallow Flapping Retail Duns.’ “

Moth eggs being teensy little things capable of trickling into every crack and crevasse – it’s only a matter of time before something hungry starts on the pile of undefended in the back room.

As mentioned many times, jobbers have replaced all those caches of local material, but rest assured they’re infected too – it’s part and parcel of storing so much tasty, if you stack it, They will come.

As we’re a well known hoarder, where net value is measured in pounds versus square inches, I’ve had my share of strange looks at the dinner table – especially after the fork falls nervelessly at my feet and I’m running down something slow and moth-like. It’s them or me, and no quarter is asked nor granted.

While I don’t mind so much the occasional overlooked baggie that falls under the storage area and became lunch, the idea of sending pestilence to someone else is completely horrid.

…which is why the garbage man will be puzzling over the contents of my can for some time.

The Killing Fields

Cedar chests have long been recommended for use in clothes moths control. However, claims for the repellency of cedar compounds are frequently overstated. It is true that the heartwood of red cedar (Juniperus virginiana) contains volatile oils that kill clothes moth larvae, when the oils are in high concentration. However, these oils do not repel adult stages nor do they affect other woolen pests, such as carpet beetles. Furthermore, the effectiveness of cedar declines in older chests, as the concentration of the oils dissipates due to evaporation. One study suggests that chests more than three years are practically useless for killing clothes moth larvae.

Now that I’m receiving hides in volume I recognize the only strategy possible is a defense-in-depth.

… which is located outside, so I don’t pickle myself in the process. If a neighbor wrinkles their nose and asks “what’s that smell” just tell them it’s embalming fluid, they won’t ask a follow up.

Paradichlorobenzene (Moth Ice – KB) is generally more toxic to insects than naphthalene, particularly for carpet beetles. At temperatures above about 50 degrees F it turns into a heavier-than-air gas that kills all stages of clothes moths and carpet beetles if maintained at high concentrations for 2 to 3 weeks.

A shipment (or a fly shop visit) is quickly pored over outside, then it’s placed in the chamber of death, a large cardboard box lined with mothballs. I’m never sure which is better, moth ice or the ball flavor, so after three or four days of that I’ll decant them into the middle box whose substrate is pure moth ice.

Naphthalene is most often available as ‘moth balls’ and is an effective fumigant against clothes moths. Carpet beetles, however, are much more resistant to naphthalene and often are poorly controlled. Naphthalene is a fumigant, and is effective only if high concentrations of the gas are produced.

After a week it makes the top box, where it often sits for another week to see if anything emerges. The exception being hides that I’ll dye – as the exposure to scalding acid-laced water seems to kill everything just as permanent.

High temperatures can also disinfest woolen materials from insects. Temperatures of 110 degrees F to 120 degrees F are generally lethal to all insects if maintained for 30 minutes or more.

After the suspect material has passed all levels of decontamination, I’ll wash the hide or feathers in shampoo and dry for storage. Human shampoo and conditioner works on animal fur just as it does on your mane, pick something with a pleasing scent to assist in disguising rotting flesh or naptha.

I find decontaminated hides that haven’t had the Naptha residue washed off an irritant, especially to my eyes. A casual scratch or back of the hand passed over the eye area can leave a residual trail of chemical, hence the shampoo before storage.

In 1997, a plant-derived repellent, lavandin oil, received registration. It is marketed under the trade name OFF! Moth ProoferR. This is sold in a sachet form. It is designed to hang between clothes in closets or placed in storage chests.

Directions indicate use on clothes after they have been dry cleaned, so use under other conditions (such as stored wool or woven goods not easily dry cleaned) is unknown. However, lavandin oil is lethal to clothes moths. Use directions also indicate that the product should be used in a closed storage area to allow the lavandin oil to be in effective concentrations.

Long term storage I use cedar shavings (available as hampster bedding in pet stores) or I’ll line the bottom of the chest or drawer with cedar tongue and groove – available as closet liner from Lowe’s or the hardware store. Every year I’ll go through and take a sander to the wood to refresh the pleasing scent and whatever protection it provides, at the same time it forces me to inspect some of those forgotten materials – seldom used – that will host intruders without my noticing.

Moths are quite sensitive to drying agents, and many arid states like Colorado have much less of an issue. As computer electronics is always shipped with big packets of chemical desiccant, I store the extra packs that I’ll use to dry surface flies (but don’t need yet) among my tying materials.

Clothes moths are very sensitive to drying conditions as well. Optimal relative humidity (RH) is around 75 percent. In RH less than 20 percent to 30 percent clothes moths will not survive.

– via Colorado State University

Especially those areas of confined space, where the odorless desiccant can drop the relative humidity to lethal levels.

It’s bad enough that fly tying is frustrating as well as hellishly expensive, especially so if you’re losing much of your older purchases to unwelcome guests.

Defense in depth and the backbone not to rush to the table with a sack full of newly purchased which is promptly intermingled with all your pristine materials. No less precautions than our wading mantra; Clean, Fry, and Giggle.

… and there’ll be no samples this week, fellows. I was thinking of you however …

Thinking outside the Lakes, the charismatic solution to a double invasive

We're here to make things different, kinda It’s akin to Ponce De Leon traveling up the isthmus of South America and into Mexico lured by the tales of a city of gold. Surviving disease and pestilence, angry Indians and ritual sacrifice – and with the payoff in sight, he sees the dust of Sir Francis Drake making off with everything.

Much is being made of the Great Lakes being unfit for man nor beast, and with Asian Carp poised at the gates, it appears scientists are suggesting the Quagga Mussel ate everything already.

But Fahnenstiel said that if carp evade electronic barriers and reach the lake, they’ll probably find so little nourishment they’ll either go back or starve.

via Cleveland.com

Mother Nature being the poster child for adaptive processes, the Silver Horde turning around may not be in the cards, every culvert headed east or west is an option, yet them voracious plankton eaters may surprise us and develop a taste for clams.

It won’t be the first time the Great Lakes had to be restored completely, and as little can be done about the ballast water / invasive issue, short of retrofitting everything flagged in Liberia with ballast treatment, we may want to consider taking a page from Aliens …

… nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

Then again, despite the renewed interest in atomic power, radioactive waste, and domestic energy independence, the fission cloud may drift towards Montana, or Canada – and the result even more fish in peril.

So I propose a less intrusive option, one that won’t cost the taxpayer a farthing.

We’ll simply drop the problem in BP’s lap, as they’re charged with “making this right” … Toss a couple of freebie drilling leases into the package, write off the Gulf as toast, then let them demonstrate their willingness to make amends by laying a protective blanket of crude over them mussel beds.

…open the locks wide, let the phalanxes of Carp through, then drop match.

Sure, there’ll be a couple of seasons without steelhead or salmon, but if California can do it, can we ask the Midwest for less?

Where we dabble in Dirt and Mud, and rediscover our youthful passions for same

Despite all of the maturity and sophistication of my later years I retain a child’s fascination for dirt. It exists at two levels really, the notion of washing a fishing vest or well seasoned hat being completely repugnant, and a lot of my fly tying revolves around “dirt” and its many colors.

Harken back to those heady watercolor and finger painting episodes of grade school and you’ll remember it as the puddle of all colors; a brownish tinge to whatever else you’d slapped on the paper and the budding Picasso next to you.

Faced with a plethora of hides, yarns, and synthetics, in both drab and riotous colors, the fly tying artist makes “dirt” about every third attempt. It’s a natural tendency when exploring a new medium, and often the “less is more” idiom is learned before something other than dirt colors are the end product.

If chocolate and peanut butter taste good together, let’s add strawberry preserves and yogurt, then some sauerkraut …”

Like all crafts, clean colors lies in the edit rather than the inspiration.

The Secret Dirt Recipe, almost

You nodded vigorously when “Momma” told you to document everything, then ignored this all important chore completely. As that bulging baggy slimmed down and the bodycount of duped fish increased, you found yourself asking, “was it Orange Hare’s Ear I added, or was it Yellow?”

Above is a sample page of my color book, showing the detail needed to make an awesome color a second time, any damn fool can make a great color once …

Samples of each of the materials used are taped to the page, as well as a generous dollop of the final dubbing at top left. I’ve coded the component description in my own unique system, designed to obfuscate and confuse – while the wife may get half the pages, they won’t be worth much without an interpreter.

Snippets of the original materials are included because they won’t always be available. At some point the yarn or one of the furs will be rare or no longer made, and a small snip of the original allows you to search for a replacement with a sample in hand.

It’s a lesson every fly tier learns painfully, some not at all.

As many of the above components are dyed from the original color, the color book allows you to compare with the contents of the dye pot, so you can reproduce a needed shade without guesswork.

Mix more than four colors together in roughly equal amounts, and you’re playing with mud. But “mud” isn’t as bad as those first grade self portraits might’ve seemed …

A Claret and Olive Dirt

The proof being when you get in close. Paint molecules being so much smaller than hair follicles, color loses integrity, while fur still retains the sum of its parts.

Gold Ribbed Olive&Claret Dirt Clod

I can’t shake the feeling there’s something special about a touch of claret or burgundy in any fly. While on paper adding bits of this and that yields a muddy and largely indescribable brown, the finished Gold Ribbed Dirt Clod (Olive & Claret) shows its true self as plenty alluring.

This is one of many tidbits that Andy Puyans and some of his ilk adored. The debut of the AP nymph in Angler magazine had nearly 10 variants of the now standard AP Nymph, two of those featured claret highlights as shown above.

Better bring a Frisbee if you want to make friends

While the furor over Tiger Woods paving a half mile of a North Carolina trout stream has begun to subside, my regret is that I tipped you fellows to boutique fish first, and in typical conservation fashion you opted to think about it until the Pristine was in crisis  …

Tiger settled with the court and Trout Unlimited by halving the proposed impacts to the creek and contacting AquaDoubleHelix to create a boutique fish that wouldn’t upset the delicate balance of Nature, yet wouldn’t anger those patrons sending a steady stream of Titleists into the fast water.

Fetches anything

Dubbed the “Fairway Trout”, it subsists on a diet of Rock Snot and dry Kibble, isn’t interested in flies whatsoever, fetches anything tossed into the water, sees breathable waders as a hydrant, and announces itself rather soulfully whenever the moon is full.

But most of the time it drapes itself over a hot rock and snores loudly, husbanding precious energy that it semi-promises to use later – were you only to scratch its ears …

It’s Version 1.0, they’ll work the bugs out …

If corporations read newspapers we might see a little synergy

Dear McDonalds Management,

fofdollI was at a loss when I found out the New Zealand Hoki had made the Endangered Species List. It’s not front page news as the name is unfamiliar to most, but you and I know it as the fourth fish  used in your popular Fillet O’ Fish sandwich.

You started with Halibut whose price thankfully prevented their extinction, but you’ve mostly eaten the other three.

On the chance you might be interested in a bit of positive press, I thought I’d bring to your attention a white meat fish that would fillet nicely, and may garner you a mention in a “green” vein, rather than the traditional, “Ronald McDonald, Corruptor of Youth, Pied Piper of Saturated Fats and Red Dye #3.”

More importantly, the Asian Carp – a.k.a Silverfin, Kentucky Tuna, etc., is available in virtually limitless numbers, reproduces unlike anything we’ve measured to date, and is available domestically. You can employ US citizens, most of which have lost jobs and homes and could use the work, plus achieve all kinds of Brownie points with the Obama administration and six or seven states – and all at the same time.

It sure does, you don't even change the slogan

That kind of positive press is bankable, and any corporation would give both McNuggets for a crack at enhancing their brand in such a positive manner.

It should be relatively easy to find a series of spices and deep fry methodology that will replicate the unnaturally firm texture of your Hoki offering. Asian Carp being a freshwater fish might be a bit softer – but nothing you couldn’t fix with a touch of Portland cement.

The marketing possibilities are endless.

If there’s any environmentalist backlash, or Greenpeace inserts a schooner between you and the Great Lakes – you may want to consider the Frankenfish – but you have to kill it two or three times before it stops moving…