I think Sylvester Nemes died for all of our sins

sylvester_nemes I’m sure most of you have seen reference to the passing of Sylvester Nemes earlier this week, author of The Soft-Hackled Fly and The Soft-Hackled Fly: A Trout Fisherman’s Guide.

I attribute much more to the man than most, as he appeared at exactly the right time and rescued fly fishing from a fate worse than death.

We were headed down the Dark Path, it was the ascension of Swisher & Richards, Caucci & Natasi, and the dawn of man-made synthetics. Fly fishing had jumped its historic banks and was destined to evolve into leg counting, the correct number of feelers, and making waxy-stiff imitations that were anatomically correct, but hamstrung the artist and lent imitations as much comely as an inflatable love doll. Legitimacy was to say something in Latin rather than English, and authors insisted we cast out the false prophets like Ted Williams, Joe Brooks, and Ray Bergman along with the rest of the baggage.

Sylvester Nemes was a much needed counter to all this sudden religious fervor, as the only mystery that Latin couldn’t dismiss was why precise imitation failed to outfish something made of dog hair and owl feathers.

… and to lend credence to this odd duck, on his heels came the second British invasion, authors and fishermen like Goddard & Clarke and Frank Sawyer suggesting that a bit of ambiguity could be as powerful as precisely knotted legs or a shiny carapace.

We all breathed a bit easier after that …

I had the good sense to know something horrible was wrong given the porcupine quills needed for “new wave precision” stonefly nymphs kept finding my fingers at regular intervals. Up till now fly tying had never been painful – unless I was showing my flies to others.

You won’t see many describing similar attributes to Mr. Nemes, like double-knits, most of us aren’t man enough to admit wearing them. We were caught up in the book burnings and New Entomology, and we didn’t realize how close we’d come to plastic insects and turning our beloved sport into something of complete snobbery.

One Adams too many, Rhode Island Red sought in fly tying homicide

You assumed my earlier warning a product of an overly active imagination, and scoffed at the notion that animals were capable of holding a grudge.

Now as you bar the door and shovel your fly tying stash out the rear window hoping to escape the vengeful eyes of the neighboring flock, it ain’t so funny, is it?  …

In California, Killer Whiting Saddles are roaming the streets, slashing car tires and innocents alike, incensed by the wanton wrenching of fistfuls of small hackles, compounded by winter’s chill on featherless and skinny hindquarters, and the constant barbaric and ritualistic deep frying of their womenfolk.

Attacks on humans have become so brazen, a citizen was killed while under the watchful protection of the local police.

Dry flies are a lot of fun, but are they worth your life?

I’d rather have an intelligent rod than a smart phone

Tomy Virtual Fishing Rod The smart phone revolution allows us practiced urbanites the luxury of ignoring both our fellow man and the world around us. We get to demonstrate to others how small our existence has become, as we grimace and mutter in digital isolation, sparing us the uncomfortable interaction with others on the bus bench nearby, or ignoring that old lady and her sacks of groceries, assuming it’s someone else’s problem.

While the successful feign their importance, us fishermen can brandish hand held virtual fishing rods, giggling as the phone crowd place their faith in four square inches of glowing screen; ignoring parked cars, a quick bath in a sidewalk fountain, and walk without hesitation into oncoming traffic …

Instead we can put out someone’s eye when the subway lurches forward, trading tweets, twits, and chirps, for whirring gears and a vibrating handful singing the lament of big fish and too little backing.

Not to mention the convenience of shape, allowing you to park your sandwich on the main stem should you hook something requiring both hands to subdue.

Makes me wonder just how compelling Tenkara is – given how quickly all these Japanese fishing appliances dump the rod and retain the reel …

I’ve got something to show for the four hours other than heartburn

I’d call it just enough to acknowledge the Orgy of Pigskin without inducing undue strain on belt or zippers.  A couple of pretzels and some Garlic Salsa, absent dripping sour cream or lard-based condiment whose mere presence causes artery walls to tremble …

Like you I endured the inane punditry and pre-game hype, but resolved to get some work done while enduring the hoopla.

Sure Bob, but if Green Bay overcomes Pittsburgh’s edge in Big Fat White ..”

“ … it’s not often Pittsburgh’s turns over the ball, looks like Green Bay really got lucky on that last play.”

1st Quarter

Like you I sat through what had to be the second to worst halftime show, thanking Janet Jackson’s wardrobe for alternating years of embalmed rock legends flown in from some Swiss clinic where they’re shot up with sheep embryos, and mostly tame newer acts that can’t carry a tune worth remembering …

halftime_Fur

… and the commercials sucked too … little in the way of memorable, and most leaked the week of the game versus their traditional debut.

Well Bob, the momentum is shifting to the Pittsburg Steelers, given that Green Bay has been fielding mostly dead guys in the second half… “

4th Quarter mountain of hard work

Next time I’ll pick a color that doesn’t resemble Guacamole, as it was a close call during those tense moments of the fourth quarter. I might not have noticed but the guard hair made it nearly impossible to swallow.

… kind of like licking a cat …

Those Brown Trout do love their Mercury

donnerI’ve always associated the distance driven and the elevation climbed as proof positive I’ve left civilization in my wake.

Once the skyline changes from cement and glass rectangles to jaggy pines, I start getting those destructive thoughts; how I can drink the water, or bathe in it – as filters and iodine are no longer needed, Guardia and cow flop are in my wake – along with everything else the good doctor warned you about.

.. sure I know better, but it still takes the wind out of your sails when you see a blurb on a lake at the very crest of the Sierra’s, whose west side drains to the Pacific Ocean, and East side would flow to the Rockies, and the singularity you dare not forget is “only one meal a week, less if you’re pregnant.”

Nice to know that even the highest and farthest are neither pristine nor chaste – and the Blueliner’s are clinging to something that isn’t blue at all, it’s merely less brown, less odiferous than what I wade in and call home.

The report on Donner Lake’s ailments and contaminants has just been released by CALEPA.

No legislation needed your Honor, I’ll handle this trifling outbreak

starling_adult1 I guess I’m a bit less notorious with the authorities than the Trout Underground would have you think. In light of my sudden fascination with European Starling and then a mysterious kill of same – with carcasses scattered across most of Sonoma …

… the county next door that I never visit, ever.

Given a good bit of downhill and a tail wind, a silver Toyota pickup could resemble a big rig, especially when broadside to traffic and host to some idjit flailing around with a butterfly net …

It’s the perfect crime, given the fact they’re an invasive species and the Fish & Game folks wouldn’t  flinch if they caught me harvesting them with a Death Ray …

They should market it as a “waderless wading system”

Now that the Governor’s on the prowl – bent on trimming wasteful government spending, all the service unions are busy pointing fingers at one another trying to deflect attention to the the other guy, and how “them other fellows have been living really high on the Hog, your Frugalness .. “

Fish & Game’s new trout planting system

Fish & Game appears to have caught the Governor’s eye with their 13 million dollar deepwater trout planting system. Naturally the fingerling trout’s chance of survival is aided by a deep water release, versus running the gauntlet of salmon eggs and Cheetos thrown by eager anglers following the hatchery truck.

The governor is fuming, suggesting that planting trout for anglers to dabble with is an inappropriate waste of tax payer dollars, and amounts to an “angler bailout”, akin to greedy Wall Street investment professionals and banks.

When reminded that licensing fees are what pays for the hatchery system and the rainbow trout generated, Governor Brown responded with, “I already took them dollars months ago, they’re mine already, so that’s no longer true.”

A wild trout and a steelhead are the same thing

steelhead trout Research on Oregon’s Hood River steelhead population suggests a bit of good news may be in the offing. Wild trout inhabiting the river are the source of 40% of the genetic makeup of its steelhead brethren, which is neatly offsetting the “watering down” of genetic makeup due to hatchery fish.

The trout and steelhead are the same species, interbreeding between the two being commonplace.

In a field study in Hood River, Ore., researchers used DNA analysis to determine that up to 40 percent of the genes in returning steelhead came from wild rainbow trout, rather than other steelhead. And only 1 percent of the genes came from “residualized” hatchery fish – fish that had stayed in the stream and mated, but not gone to sea as intended by the hatchery program.

– via PhysOrg.com

No mention was made whether additional complications arise from hatchery steelhead and hatchery trout being planted in the same watershed, and whether that would prove an additional source of dilution.

The study reveals a complex picture of wild trout and steelhead intermingling as they reproduce. A steelhead might be produced by the spawning of two steelhead, two wild trout, or a returning steelhead and a trout.

Given the research covers a 15 year span and analysis of 12,000 steelhead, it’s fairly compelling. As scientists still cannot explain why one fish heads for saltwater and another doesn’t, it’s nice to know that as we pull down some of these old irrigation dams that are no longer needed, one or more small tributaries might contain remnants of the original strain trout – and therefore the original strain of steelhead, once thought extinct.

Makes for an unusual management issue. Many scientists are already on record that trout and steelhead are the same fish, and given that its no longer two distinct species how can you persist separate regulations for each? It would seem a canny lawyer could argue a 10 fish limit, 20 in possession held for the larger oceangoing variant as well as those pumped into the water at the Bridge Pool …

Coldstream Outfitters, I buy because Ma says so

The roots of change always seems to start with a couple of old guys whose ardor for fishing overcomes their good sense. It’s a fishing truism that hungry and willing fish make the trek up or downstream half as long, with each new bend or riffle gleefully exploited given the fish are in the mood to eat, and us fishermen always in the mood to feed them.

While I’m acclimated to the local conditions a bit better than Older Bro, the both of us recognize that the Sweet Bird of Youth has long flown away, leaving us portly and out-of-shape anglers, versus the virile and manly form of our earlier misspent youth.

While we wheeze loudly cursing the scorching sands and unstable cobble, husbanding our water supply as best we can while looking for shade, it doesn’t take more than a single trip-gone-bad before we’re resolving to bring more water, less flies, and lighter gear.

coldstreamTraditional vests with their multiple layers of fabric and pockets, whose siren song lures anglers into carrying twice as much as needed,  are a hellish addition to an angler’s heat burden. More so when temperatures enter triple digits, something all too common in my summers.

What’s needed is a reduced flavor, something that will accommodate a couple boxes of flies, a couple spools of tippet, nippers and forceps, a pocket or two on the front for split shot. leaders, or indicators, and the rest left at camp with the packrat SIMM’s vest, with its hoard of extra pockets filled with the forgotten debris of dozens of fishing trips, most of which is carried needlessly.

Learning from our “near death” experiences – made doubly so by the proximity to air conditioning and cold beer, and armed with a couple soiled napkins, we roughed a Brownliner Special design, something  that could be worn in blazing hot weather that wouldn’t interfere with a hydration pack, that would provide basic storage.

Brownliner_Special_Camo

It’s a shorty vest, which have nearly disappeared off the market with the dominance of the traditional length vests. Less material adds less heat and allows me to use the same model Shad fishing without having to dry my vest and all my fly boxes after each trip. More importantly as it doesn’t get wet, I’ve lowered my invasive species absorption rate – and can trundle around different watersheds without having multiple vests drying in the garage.

… which my brother would as soon change, given his preference for us owning three or four each, just to be safe …

With nothing in the back of the vest save a neck level D-ring, you can wear a hydration pack with comfort.

G10 Front View

Work requires me to wear a cell phone on certain weekends, so I had him add a cell pocket on the shoulder (removable) that will accommodate most models of smart phone. High on the shoulder means a better survivability rate for non-waterproof cameras and phones.

Mine has survived three such dunkings without damaging the phone – as most mishaps aren’t full submergence.

G10 Back View

Cinched tight with the front snapped together you should be able to do away with your wading belt altogether, given the vest has your belt built into it.

Extra spool pockets lower the chest-area bulk by locating them on the belt versus a front pocket.

Shad fishing often requires two or three sinking shooting heads of different density on different spools, adding additional bulk to the front pockets and increasing water drag on a traditional length vest. The G10 keeps them out of the water and dry.

I was relieved when I got my prototype, now that Older Bro had something to trade for the fistfuls of flies I donate each trip, I assumed I’d be able to return the favor by light-fingering some extra spools pockets. Ma unfortunately rose to his defense, “… he did all that sewing, so you fork over some cash to your Bro …”

Full Disclosure: Despite being kin to the vendor, Ma insisted I pay the fly stealing SOB full retail, blood being thicker than water stops short of entitling me to a discount apparently ..

It pains me to admit that my brother’s handiwork was most appreciated this last summer. The creek might have had low fish populations, and the Shad coincided with heavy releases from the dam, but I was able to cut quite the figure as I pirouetted through the humidity and heat of the brown water.

Handmade in the US of A, and every stitch sewn by a retard Renaissance man …

Where we pay a little homage to the cockroach of the Skies

At times I think even PETA hates starlings, universally reviled – it seems even little old ladies consider them cockroaches of the sky …

When I lived in the woods the local rice farmers would pay for your ammo, sending great groups of killers onto the paddies to blow hell out of yellow-hooded and redwing blackbirds. I tried desperately to come up with fly patterns that would allow for an orderly disposal of so many carcasses and failed miserably…

… something about black makes it an absolute must-have – but like licorice, you “must-have” in small doses …

Having re-upped the half dozen skins I keep around, and flush with small, soft black hackle – I’m reminded of all the other uses it was put to back in the day…

Starling_Skins

Strangely enough outside of using it for black hackle on all forms of sinking flies, mostly I used it as Poor Man’s Jungle Cock …

Starling_Feather

Most of the hackle feathers on the back and shoulders have a nicely defined yellow tip. Grab a pair of them and slide one down about a quarter inch …

starling_cocque A bit of wax or vinyl head cement (flexible) is all that’s needed to transform a tawdry little bird into something a rich kid that likes flutes is willing to steal for

… knowing where he’s headed we’ll observe a brief moment of solemn knowing his fly tying is bound to suffer in the face of the sudden demand for his flautist skills …