Singlebarbed dabbles in Real Science to Prove Men are Gross!

doughnutsI can handle rejection but not if it’s a Chocolate Old Fashioned doing the rejecting. When you get to my age, you begin the downward spiral, taking something to get something up, taking something else to lower something, it’s like Hollywood drug therapy only worse.

Today’s health news suggests you guys are simply perverts. Little wonder that our distinguished representatives in congress are soliciting votes in airport wash rooms.

“Among all the odors tested, the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender produced the greatest increase in arousal…The next most arousing odors were a mix of cinnamon buns, doughnuts and licorice; pumpkin pie and doughnuts; orange; and lavender and doughnuts. Other stimulating aromas were buttered popcorn and cheese pizza.”

Doughnuts? I can try to spin this into a angling thing, how doughnuts are associated with early morning drives – and how the anticipation of fishing success is actually the reason you may sport wood.

Nope, I don’t buy that. So if doughnuts are so compelling, why aren’t all guys cops?

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Insect Porn, Entomology is like food additives, stuff you need to know, and can’t pronounce

Beware entomologyFor the newly christened fly fisherman entomology is one of many disciplines that you didn’t know you needed to know. It’s all part of the initial onslaught that demands attention; learning how to cast, accumulating an outfit, where to go, what to do when you get there, then suddenly bugs, and even worse, Latin and bugs.

If you were like the rest of us, there were only two kinds of insects worthy of note, those that sucked blood, and those that left the pretty yellow fresco on your windshield.

You figured something was amiss when you spied your first fly table at the shop; big ones, little ones, red, olive, black, dry, wet, damp, weighted, unweighted, and all completely necessary. When you asked for a little assistance, the clerk started throwing dozens of little expensive fluff motes into a container, each at $2.00 or better.

You followed him well enough through the preamble; “…there will be some Pale Morning Duns in the morning, maybe fish some Stonefly Nymphs at midday, but it’s too early for the October Caddis..” But were thrown badly by his reference; “a small Black Gnat might pass for a Trico Spinner, and that creek is loaded with Little Yellow Stones, get some with the red egg sack..”

Your questions just got you deeper, because the only “Infrequens” you’ve encountered to date is a urinary problem.

The answers don’t answer much at this stage, and the couple of magazines you’ve read suggest that bug knowledge is key to everything. They’re right, but like government, they have an agenda in keeping you fearful and ignorant, they want you to buy their next issue.

Most magazine references are for the accomplished angler, they rarely cater to the fellow attempting to make sense of it all. The real story involves two of your favorite topics, where you’ve acquired vast skills already, sex and drinking.

The sex angle is simple, remember when your Poppa had “The Talk” about girls in High School? It went something like this, “kid, you’ll spend 10% of the time in bed, and 90% of the time having to live with them, pick a good one.”

Entomology translation: Fish feed 10% of the time on the surface, and 90% of the time underwater, you want to catch fish? Do likewise.

Caddis LifecycleThe drinking portion is equally simple, Vodka is a clear alcohol, if you fill some small vials with it, you can collect bugs and bring them home. Isopropyl alcohol is a 70% solution available at any drugstore, it is the preferred bug marinade, but is not near as much fun to drink.

Dry fly fishing is an addiction, more importantly it’s a luxury. It’s visual therefore easy to understand. You can see the naturals and can make intelligent decisions on which imitation to use. Nymph fishing is feel, not sight, it’s harder to learn, and confronts the angler with baffling complexity, which bug should I use?

It’s important to wean a new angler off of dry fly fishing quickly. They don’t yet understand the hellish consequences of dry fly purism, or the social consequences of floating fly addiction, they need a nudge to get them slinging lead.

Textbook Trout Entomology:

In a typical freshwater stream, 90% of the trout’s diet is underwater insects comprised of 3 major groups; Mayflies, Caddis flies, and Stoneflies. These insects can be further broken down by their behavior; clingers, crawlers, burrowers, and free-swimmers.

Burrowers and free swimmers are nearly impossible to observe without diving gear, so the bulk of the insects available to you for collection will be the clinger and crawler groups.

Mother Nature always uses the same camouflage scheme, light belly and dark back. As a rule the better the camouflage the better the survivability, you can assume that the insect’s dark back will be roughly the same color as the stream bottom. Note that in dense weed, the weed acts as the stream bottom, you will see local adaptation of color on the insects that live there.

Mayfly LifecycleWhether you’re new to fly fishing, or are fishing an unfamiliar body of water, a little time spent in investigation usually yields some clues of what to fish. The clinger and crawler groups are readily available on underwater objects, rocks, sticks, and weeds.

Armed with the Vodka vials, sample some underwater debris in the different types of water available. No need to collect everything, just make a mental census as you take selected specimens.

If you find yourself thinking, “..there is a ton of the little brown ones.” That is a good starting point for what to use. Having some in alcohol allows you to compare the flies at the shop with the naturals. If you are learning to tie flies, they are valuable “goals” to imitate, especially if you plan on fishing this body of water many times.

Congratulations, if you have made it this far you are now angling scientifically.

The Difference Between Wheat and Chaff

It is difficult not to go overboard, as the science of our sport is why we can out fish the fellow slinging salted clams. Identification of insects down to the species level is important to entomologists, but has little value to a fisherman. Insect scientists use “keys” to determine group and species , a series of yes/no questions that result in the exact Latin name for the bug.

Our interest ends when we know the color, size, and behavior. Color and size are fairly easy, as we have a sample in front of us, behavior requires a mixture of observation and deduction.

Key features of behavior include; how does it swim, is it readily available to trout all day (clinger, crawler), when and how does it emerge, how long will it live, and what is the mating behavior.

  • How does it swim?

A white bowl that is 4-5 inches deep can reveal the swimming pattern. Toss a natural into the bowl and observe the motion, this will teach you what an appropriate retrieve should imitate. Small insects swim with small motions, a short retrieve will likely match the natural best.

  • Is it readily available to trout all day?

Chances are yes, as the nymphs that you are able to collect are likely the clinger/crawler type. Cased caddis would fall into this designation, as would stonefly nymphs, damsel flies, and many mayflies.

  • When/how does it emerge?

When is a tough question. Insects emerge based on certain conditions, most importantly; temperature and light. Underwater nymphs are vulnerable as they have to shuck the nymphal skin and dry their adult wings. Mother Nature protects them as best she can by making them emerge at dusk – low light, predators are at a disadvantage.

This is why you can have really good fishing on overcast days, as clouds can diminish the light enough to trigger a hatch.

How it emerges determines what tools are available to you in your angling arsenal. If it crawls out of the water to emerge on dry land, your only option is the heavily weighted nymph. If it swims up through the column of water and pops out onto the surface, you can fish the heavy nymph(starting emergence), the unweighted nymph (the emerger), the emerger (part nymph part dry), and the winged bug (adult).

Here’s the rub. Remember the water is moving during all of this activity. The location of each of these phases will occur at different distances from the starting point. The insect may be carried hundreds of feet from where it started swimming up through the water,  by the time it makes the surface, it may be 50 or 100 yards from where it started.

Despite all the different stages you have to imitate, some of these stages can be localized. If the insect lives in weed beds, the crawler activity will be localized there only, downstream only emergers and adults will be available. As the bulk of this activity occurs underwater and invisible to the angler, use the rise forms of the trout as a guide – did he take a dry, or something just under the surface?

  • How long will it live?

Aquatic insects live out their lives underwater, they can exist as long as three years in the nymphal form, and will only last 7 days in the adult, winged flavor. The adult is a “sex-engine” – it’s mouth parts are sealed, so it cannot survive. In fact, the longest lived mayfly is the lowly Trico, it’s entire time out of the water is about 2 weeks.

  • What is the mating behavior?

Males and females form a cloud above the water and go “Buck Wild.” Females then drop to the surface depositing egg packets, males share the human male trait by rolling over and snoring, males of any species are reluctant to cuddle.

Mating behavior doesn’t seem like it’s that important, but looks are deceptive.

In mayflies, the color of the wing tells volumes. Both emerging insects and mating insects are found on the surface, but only during an emergence will a nymph be as effective. There is no nymph activity when the insects return to the water to lay eggs.

The returning adult has transparent wings, the emerging adult has opaque wings, typically these are gray. This is a huge factoid for the fisherman, it tells him what flies will be successful.

Stonefly LifecycleForgive the generalities, as there could be nymph activity from an entirely different insect, another hatch occurring of the same insect, or a completely different one. A watershed is a complex entity, more than one bug can occupy the same stretch of water at once.

In summary, what distinguishes the fly fisherman from all others is the application of science and deduction. Observation and collection are powerful tools to assist you over the learning curve, and will give you precious insight into the behavior of both aquatic predator and its prey.

Armed with this knowledge, you can narrow your choices of fly size and pattern, and can learn how to retrieve your imitation akin to the natural, completing the deception.

Nowhere in all of this is Latin. Latin is for pretentious dry fly purists SOB’s that are attempting to make the club exclusive. Insects are “little yellow,” or “big Olive,” or “giant mean variegated bastard.”

…and you can tell that SOB I said so.

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Hold the Press, guaranteed legal No Fault Divorce, no Hidden Strings

caddisearringsOn second thought, now might not be such a good time, what with the Preachers wife getting off with a slap on the wrist. It’s akin to the Loreena Bobbitt case, suddenly every guy on the planet wants to snuggle rather than snooze.

Then again, if she is ticklish, you may have found something, as that hackle looks like it will have her in stitches, or you’ll be in stitches – real ones…

You just never know what the Internet will display next, Fishing Earrings, designed for that highly charged romantic moment, in between her falling in, and your getting bit by Black flies.

Singlebarbed, cutting edge marriage counseling a specialty.

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Are you stuck in a Beauty Rut? We know we are…

We just need cucumber slices for the eyesI’m still struggling with the “bathe regular” concept, and the only “signature scent” I know is when someone complains.

Don’t mind me, I was just commiserating with the poor SOB I saw at the department store. This unfortunate had an anniversary to celebrate and was ill prepared to brave the Perfume Lady’s questions.

But it does bring to mind the gentrification angle, how the angling press is moving from guys with a day’s growth of stubble wearing yesterday’s shirt, to the new ultra clean, white smile, accessorized fisherman … like James Bond we can spend all day fishing, then slip into a white dinner jacket?

The folks here at SingleBarbed have always been free with our grooming tips,  we are poster children for a Beauty rut.

  • When roughing it, use a disposable fork for a comb, they’re free with a McDonald’s Happy meal.
  • Falling in to a river unintentionally counts as two showers. If you are wearing waders, then it is only one.
  • Waders condense and aggregate pheremones, remember the fair sex is unprepared for that much masculinity
  • Insect repellant mixed with wood smoke is an acceptable exfoliant

More importantly, if you have a significant romantic moment soon, and need that perfect gift, remember anyone can do diamonds. Get her that new fly rod you’ve always wanted, or a Lifehammer, anything’s better than facing the Perfume Lady’s scathing interrogation.

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Only Lard comes with a worse warning label

I think catch and release will do fine, thankee“Death Metal” usually is a type of rock and roll, but in my case the local fish are a close second.

We define “Brownlining” as attempting to catch something that if eaten more than once a month, kills you dead.

I was doing some research on the area on the Fish & Game regulation web site, confirming that the season is year round. Now that I know there is the possibility of steelhead, a smart fellow always reads the rule book. Migratory fish often have special closures and seasons, and “I didn’t know” isn’t the excuse it once was…

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Eat Your Heart Out, Singlebarbed Survives Mass Killing Spree on the Little Stinking

Now that them Mountain Folk of Trout Underground fame have cast a pall on us “Brownliners” – I figure it’s up to me to settle scores. Rather than spend the morning searching for Bikini pictures, I hit the “Little Stinking” with rod and dry waders..

Last evening we confirmed the kind and type of fish present, while the temperatures were mild I wanted to cover some ground to see what was available.

 Dawn on the Little Stinking, Brownliner Paradise

This is an “olive” stream, Mother Nature will cloak most of the fish and bug life to match the color of the stream bottom. A fine cobble stream, with all of the cobble edged in olive green filament, ideal for spawning fish and ATV’s. Knowing the predominant camouflage color makes fly choice easy, Olive anything, with size the only real variable.

 Olive is the color of the day, Caddis

For starters I hit the same couple of spots I had tried the night before, flinging a #14 Olive Bird’s Nest to a luke warm reception. Went down to a #18 and picked up about 8 smallmouth, none larger than 6 inches.

Saw my first dry fly action, could not make out anything on the water, so I retrieved small nymphs through the rises and landed some more minuscule bass and pikeminnows. The midges that were present were about size 32, not suitable for imitation, at least not with these tired old eyes.

Olive Damselfly NymphBriefly I considered baiting TC with the “Brownliner Three Three-Oh” club, catching a fish under 3 inches on a fly smaller than 30, but if he lost he would pummel me with soft porn posts, better not…

Found some nice water about a mile upstream, small pools of 6 feet depth, deep enough to have some real fish. Switched to a bead head Pheasant Tail and thrashed about briefly. Landed a 10″ pikeminnow, which was a big thrill – 10 inches of anything is fun to catch, and these torpedos are movers, Brownliner Bonefish, they do everything but jump.

 Weed Beds and a riffle, note truck tire pier

My favorite run had a nice riffle leading into a pool dominated by a gigantic earth mover tire, easily 6 feet in diameter. Made for a nice perch to fish from – unfortunately the deepest cut was under the tire, and I spooked a pod of fast movers getting on it.

Snow White Mayfly, I dub thee a White SomethingOrOtherFound my first evidence of mayflies. A snow white #16, saw one in the air, and found one adrift in some weeds. This is sure going to be easy to imitate. The presence of the riffle water and some weed beds likely was the cause, the ecology had undergone a change with the water depth. Riffle water increases the oxygen content, and some beds of elodea added cover for more varied bug life.

I ran the riffle with a Bird’s Nest and landed about a dozen fish. One bass and 11 pikeminnows, to about 7-8 inches. Nothing quite like small fish, their aggression overcomes all other instincts, with us Brownliners reaping the proceeds.

Two hours into a stellar morning, temperatures starting to rise, and I can hear the roar of ATV’s and the staccato bark of paint ball guns flaring from across the creek, looks like the Armored Cav hit an ambush.

I beat a hasty retreat, Brownlining is fun, but when those Phantoms roll in with the Napalm, you’d best be at distance…

See you on the foam line.

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Singlebarbed Maritime Products, We Pretend to be Aloof, but hock the Volvo Anyway

norsemanSo what is it about the Northern latitudes that prevents anglers from baiting their own hook? The proud Norse heritage, the blond invaders that held Europe in terror, discovered the New World, and invented Volvo, are suddenly squeamish?

Earlier we reported on the The Perfect Gift for the angler with everything, now another Icelandic beer guzzling couch potato entrepreneur wades in with the mini fish trawler. (MSN Video)

I have no idea what they cost, but this figures prominently in our plan for world domination.

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Bird’s Nest History, and How One Man’s Soup is Another Man’s Fly

Spectral Bird’s NestI mentioned the “Bird’s Nest” fly in last nights post, I had the privilege of knowing Calvert Bird years ago when it was created. Cal was one of the most singular and gentle fellows I’ve ever known, he had a weakness for coffee and wreath cake, which I exploited unmercifully.

All of Cal’s well known flies are generalist patterns, you won’t find individual legs, or precise structure that limits the fly to a single genus and species; Cal was a trained artist, a calligrapher by trade, and his artistic skills imbued all of his work.

Cal had retired and lived across the street from Frank Matarelli, the “father” of all of the fly tying tools we use today. Watching that pair in action was always a treat, as gentle and soft spoken as Cal was, Frank was strident and bellicose. They often collaborated, Cal would fiddle with Frank’s tools, and Frank would berate Cal for using them wrong, or some other imagined offense.

The Bird’s Nest pattern was invented around 1984. Cal tested the fly on trips to Hat Creek, and handed them with a knowing wink to his friends, “Try these,” was all he would say.

The original pattern was a precise blend of fur not seen in today’s commercial versions. 50% gray Australian Opossum, 40% Hare’s Mask (with guard hairs intact) and 10% Natural baby Seal fur. Cal preferred the heavily barred Teal flank feathers for the hackle, these were dyed with RIT Maple Sugar cloth dye.

The rear of the fly was left naturally unruly, the combination of the guard hairs, coarse seal fur, and Australian Opossum was untamable. The head of the fly was combed with the male side of Velcro, to increase the visible spike of the hair, and merge it with the teal flank.

The hackle was also applied differently, Cal would cut the center out of a flank feather and strip back the balance, leaving a small “chevron” of flank feather on each side. The amount depended on the size of the finished fly, perhaps a 1/4″ for small flies, 1/2″ for larger #8’s and above. He would press one side onto the fly with his thumb, and would use the thread to distribute the fibers. As the thread circled the far side of the fly, he would press the remaining teal close to the shank with his forefinger, then allow the thread to distribute the fibers along the far side and belly of the fly.

The fly originally debuted in two flavors, Natural (the fly we use today) and Spectral.

The Color WheelThe Spectral Bird’s Nest was pure artist. Formal art training introduces the Artist’s Color Wheel, all colors are mixed from only three; Red, Yellow, and Blue. Secondary colors are mid-way between primaries, mix yellow and blue to get green, red and yellow to get orange, red and blue yields purple.

To get the Spectral Bird’s Nest, Cal used the Australian Opossum / Hare’s Ear base, and replaced the 10% natural seal, with 10% comprised of red, yellow, blue, orange, green, and purple, seal. All of the primary and secondary colors on the color wheel.

He would press a couple into your hand, with, “Fish see whatever they want with these.”

It is one of the best all-round searching flies I’ve used, and I can find no reference to it anywhere. Today’s tiers can substitute any coarse synthetic for the seal, it must be unruly enough to stick out from the Opossum/Hare’s Mask blend – as seal does. The completed fly should have “guard hairs” of colored fiber sticking out of the grey base, not buried in the gray where it will not be seen.

Spectral Bird’s Nest HiRez image

I have a date with an effluent creek, see you on the “Brownline” …

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Mystery Fish, It Runs, It Jumps, It Eats Salmon

Mystery Solved, unfortunately they eat salmon

Update: It may be missing the yellow and black lateral line, but the Doctor was dead right. It puts me at a dilemma, as these critters have a bounty on their head in Oregon, $4 per fish for the first 1000, up to $8 per fish thereafter. They eat baby salmon, lots of them. The bounty is paid for a specific area, but the dollar totals some of those anglers put away is staggering. I guess they were here first, I will leave them be.

I also found a list of species for Cache Creek, among them were steelhead trout. So I have a new goal, catch a steelhead and a salmon from this little brownline treasure.

Mystery fish, slender, yellow and black center strip

Original Post: Last night’s foray into unknown waters yielded an equally unknown fish. Narrow, silver, and  a bottom feeder. I would classify it loosely as a “sucker” but it has a superior mouth, like a trout. Black and yellow lateral line, very distinctive.

Never seen these before, they fought well and ate anything thrown their way.

They’re Hungry and I’m all Wet

Birdsnest VictimExperience has driven home the lesson Never Predict Anything, just when you think you can’t miss, fate finds a new way to humble you.

The converse is true when some terrible calamity happens early, like forgetting your fishing rod. Then all hell busts loose and the fish commit suicide, with you grinding your teeth, and some other angler the beneficiary.

I should have known something was going to happen when I pulled on my waders and saw my pants leg where my waders should be. My own fault, as I had grabbed an old set not knowing what I was going to be wading through.

I was about a mile and half from my house on the maiden foray into “Effluent Creek”, figuring evening would be a good scout trip. This is actually lower Cache Creek, it doesn’t resemble much where I fish it, but it’s close, has water, and may hold something with fins.

I had done the initial investigation last week, mentioned in an earlier post.

Now I was equipped with a rod, and a fist sized hole in my waders, about 18″ up the calf. It was about 100 degrees out, so the left pants leg full of water was welcome.

With about 30″ of water under the far bank, I started flipping nymphs under the alder branches. I spooked some large carp in the process, figuring they would be fun to catch. After leaving a couple of nymphs in trees I felt like I was really fishing.

A 10? smallmouth is my new best friendAfter landing the first fish, I felt even better, smallmouth bass, about 5″ long. Smallmouth? This creek shows promise…

I have a bonafide fishery in my backyard, and victory smells like a #14 Olive Birdsnest.

Say hello to my little friends, I was wet – but they were hungry.

  Bluegill? That’s a bonus 

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