Too old to stand in cold water? glimpse the future

By the time we’re ready for this it’ll be cell phone sized with superhero option. I don’t need to leap a tall building. I’ll settle for getting my last dry fly out of that dangling tree limb.

Can I get the miniaturized cell phone version?

Our skills have been diminishing steadily with the increase in paunch, this may be the Fountain of Youth we’ve been seeking.

“The suit, which weighs four kilos, presents “some safety concerns for elderly people,” he said.

“So for now we have limited the suit to caretakers or even construction workers whom I think would benefit greatly from this. But we hope in the future this will give old people more mobility with their arms,” he added “

We have breathing room, but once the wife straps this on and limits your couch time – urging you to “get off your backside and mow the lawn,” Malekind may be doomed.

The NFL will be taking a significant ratings hit on Sundays, at least until we can afford two of them.

A small cooler clipped into the belt, with on-demand four wheel drive, and I am all over this.

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The Fishing was Good, although the Catching was Slow

All the colors in the rainbowUs snow challenged Californians have little fear of Fall, the leaves change color and little else. The riot of color is always breathtaking and the fishing occasionally takes a back seat to the simple appreciation of the woods in full regalia.

I got spanked savagely this weekend, but wore a smile the whole time.

It was all there, leaves changing color, few fishermen, lots of bug life, and mild temperatures. The fish were conspicuously absent, and our finest efforts went unrewarded – spankage; humbling, and photogenic.

I flung dries, wets, damps, weighted, unweighted, and ill concieved, I envoked numerous dieties yet I can’t say with certainty whether I was even nibbled,  not even a refusal marred the drift of my flies.

Lunch while watching the Mergansers

Up at dawn and fighting current, blackberry thickets, and deadfalls. Watching in vain as mayflies trundled off the water ponderously, with sprinkles of Caddis and midges, all completely unmolested.

Half the reason to fish, the most memorable part

The scenery was stunning, and more than once I warmed on some rock midstream and counted my blessings. Catching is the fun part, but it’s not as enduring as what Fall can sear on a retina.

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Gourmet Streamside Cuisine: If Boiled Taters and Steak gets you emotional, then you live near the fish

chevronLike Tom Chandler I mourn those fabled fishing lunches , but if you have to drive more than two hours to fish, dining is like crapping, required, but kept at arm’s distance.

Hardened fishermen lack the servants and fine cutlery of TC’s Maine adventure , but as woodsmen and survivalists we always have a “three star” culinary pit stop close at hand, the Chevron Minimart.

One star is for gas, one is for restrooms, and the last is either the cuisine, or the freeway onramp, I’m never one to quibble…

California Cuisine, Nouveau Chevron

The entree, Jalapeno Beef Jerky. A piquant mix of searing flame with a hint of bovine.

Beef requires a full bodied “red” – and the overly warm Diet Dr. Pepper is a lifesaver, especially near the bottom of the jerky bag, when the Jalapeno stifles rational thought and the frantic reach for liquid is purely defensive.

A handful of blackberries from the thorn bush you fell in, matched with a partially trod upon banana completes the repast.

The Kashi Bar is to guarantee that once you’re cinched and buckled into the waders you can “cork” the entire gastro-intestinal tract, so there’s no need to tear the gear off as you bunny hop for the restroom.

Low Fat, Crustless Berry Pie

We spurn “Glam-pers” but recognize Berry Pie when we see it. The “No Fat, No Crust” kind, enough sugar to pull your way up the bank and realize you have no recognizable landmarks.

A fire and a follow on nap would be nice, but a road flare and damp waders will have to do.

Can we rethink our distaste for offroad vehicles?

…or is it too late, and we’ve gone on record too many times to take it all back?

Chalk it up to a burgeoning midlife crisis, or the dirty secret that my credit cards  are paid up, this augments those unmentionables folks claim are the purview of high powered hand guns.

tesseract.jpg

This is the latest in ecological damage compliments of Yamaha, all it needs is a rod scabbard and my overly large bottom affixed to it, and I command the Brownline – environment be damned.

Yes I’m joking, but the above picture is inspirational, no?

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Billy Bass Eats Chrome

big-mouth-billy-bassNo rocket scientist needed, as we were as nauseated by the “Billy Bass” phenomenon as you were. So what do you do with a warehouse full of singing articulated liability?

Simple, hammer them onto a trailer hitch.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention, and one million plastic bass wilting in a warehouse likely breeds desperation.

In this day and age of the Michael Vick Pet Backlash, this won’t sit terribly well with the animal rights crowd, but the shotgun displayed in your gun rack will keep them at distance.

For those that giggled at the testicle trailer hitch, and realized it was inappropriate on anything other than your wife’s car, now you’ve got options.

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Would you swear at a blacklash in Space?

World's Strongest Fiber I was interested in the post about European engineers attempting to return objects from space using a “really big fishing reel” and a 30 kilometer tether. Scientists rarely have a sense of humor, so the tether only paying out 5 miles of line before getting stuck was an “inconclusive experiment.”

I call it the “90 Mile High Monstrous Backlash”, but they likely wouldn’t see the humor in that…

What was interesting is that they mentioned the “strongest fiber on Earth” was used to make a tether only 2/100’s of an inch thick. The fiber is called “Dyneema” – and I’m  wondering does it have a practical fishing application?

It appears a number of vendors make it already. “Dyneema” is a braided fishing line that may be suitable for fly line backing.

RAPTOR Line (Diameter) — Compared to — Monofilament Line

10 LB.         .003″                                                         2-4 LB.

20 LB.         .007″                                                         4-8 LB.

30 LB.         .009″                                                        6-12 LB.

50 LB.         .012″                                                     12-20 LB.

80 LB.         .025″                                                     30-50 LB.

130 LB.       .032″                                                     50-80 LB.

The above demonstrates how much thinner this round braided line is than monofilament, it may be capable of packing considerablly more yardage on a spool than Dacron. Due to the small diameter, it’ll likely slice you to ribbons if you aren’t careful, so you won’t want to grip it firmly if a large fish is in full flight.

 The Raptor line above was $6.95 per 100 yds, Berkeley makes it for $15.95 for 125 yds  – certainly bears looking into especially for smaller reels.

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Clarity is always fleeting, Oops, we missed it

madscientist2 A fly tyer is responsible for the entire sub-prime mortgage debacle, and the proof is on my tying bench.

I know where I’m fishing, I know what bugs live there, yet I insist on tinkering with what works, in favor of just tying what’s needed. It’s not just me that’s afflicted, as I have heard many fly tyers gnash teeth over the same self destructive behavior.

Local intel reveals ALL the fish are committing suicide on any Gold Ribbed Hare’s Ear. In response, you starting digging out bunny parts slamming them onto the hook, and a vision appears;

The Gold Ribbed Hare’s Ear would be better if it had a red tail.”

Just as quickly the vision is gone, and you look down at your blistered fingers and see 34 dozen Hare’s Ear’s with a red tail.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

As I’m a willing victim of this aberration I’m not sure I can shed light – but intuition suggests greed and ego may have a hand in the outcome, it could also be a left brain/right brain issue, as I always struggled to keep the crayon inside the lines in elementary school.

I assume that “good can be made great” which is why most tiers tinker with patterns, and all the great chefs in the world are men. (Even more than fly tiers, men share the “tinker-lust” despite repeated and very public failures.)

I don’t want a fly tyer managing my 401K because the self destructive dimwit would be swinging for the fences with every purchase. If a safe but staid 10% return is available, he would ignore that in favor of some shady penny stock that he “visioned” was going up five bucks.

Plagued by these artistic visions, it’s little wonder that greed and excess have spilled into the mortgage market, as all of the fly tying mortgage brokers and hedge fund managers said, “Hell yes you qualify, I seen it!”

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Tinker Tying – How to screw up something that works fine

Never quite satisfied by what works, and always succumbing to base instincts, artistic flair, and some esoteric material ill suited for whatever you should be tying.

#20 BWO ParachutesI had a live sample for the #20 Blue Wing Olives, complements of the Trout Undergrounds precise photography. Modified to give me more to see, as old eyes and tiny dries are not a good match.

I needed some standard searching patterns for the traditional midday grind, simple nymphs to replace those left imbedded in brownline shrubbery; Olive AP nymphs in size 14, and some Hare’s Ear’s in size 12.

AP Olive in size 16, Angelina infusedNot having to give them all away is a first, normally all the fishing pals show up at my door with their hand out. No matter how many I tie up I am left with two after the feeding frenzy.

Until all of the sewage and wastewater effluent is washed off the waders it’s best I fish alone. I figure the fish downstream will be too busy complaining to notice the hook until it’s too late.

October Caddis looking hairball, Size 10, Angelina ribbedOctober Caddis in case they’re needed, if not these will make a nice carp fly, heavy wire hook and ribbed with Angelina to add a dab of flash.

I tied some Elk Hair Caddis which always receive a warm welcome, and added some #18 Pale Morning Duns to give me something visible and a color change. With the odd scraps already in my fly box, it will give me added versatility, and should any prove tasty, I have a dozen or more of every pattern.

Pale Olive Paradun #18 - A Northern California stapleThe Pale Olive Paraduns were spared my fiddling with the recipe, in large part because in my youth I had to tie 200-300 dozen of them per year. It’s quite possible I was asleep when I tied these, as were the only pattern that escaped augmentation.

I managed to repair the significant holes in my fly box for this weekends expedition, I carry so few flies that I am quite practiced at forcefeeding something to a trout. In a pinch – that’s why God made rocks. 

A Briquette nestled among the Pines

There is a bit of liability that comes with that beautiful vacation cottage or fishing chalet you’ve been salivating over, and unfortunately protecting yourself often flies in the face of all the reasons you made the purchase.

“Nestled in the pine trees” is something from the fairy tales – and the ambiance and picturesque nature of your woodland fishing retreat is why it may kill you. All them pine trees and that isolating brush guarantees you may be a charcoal briquette.

Not what we were expecting when we thought of the evening hatch

California’s fire agencies recommend a “100 foot clearance” for all brush and timber around your structure. Naturally that won’t make the cottage photogenic, but if you are up fishing and a major fire erupts, you may not be defensible – and you may not get out.

The interface between Nature and civilization continues to creep ever outward; more buildings, more developments, more people – and not enough resources to keep them all safe – especially when they don’t take the precautions seriously.

MSNBC has posted an article describing the mounting losses of firefighters and the tough choices fire bosses have with their limited resources.

Too many people in the woods, and too few have cleared either brush or timber to give the firefighters a chance at a defensible space. Not a pleasant thought, but you may want to consider the maintenance required when you dream of retirement to some little trout stream, tucked in the woods.

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