It’s a food chain issue, I’m at the top so I’m a bully

Vegan Zombie Quoting PETA to generate controversy is as tired as Britney Spears minus undergarments, a quick blip of interest followed by an unpleasant aftertaste, knowing you’ve been played.

Bad taste was what I was left with after reading another nebulous, fluffy article about “Catch and Release” in the Sacramento Bee; grab a couple facts, quote the lunatic fringe, then sign off with a question mark.

I figured to complete the article, purely in the interests of Science.

Biologists are certain that releasing fish helps sustain populations that would falter if those fish were eaten. But they know much less about how repeated releases may affect breeding, behavior and more.

Humans that are released repeatedly show little ill effects; initial relief, then despair as assets are carved up, within weeks the male shows the same self destructive behavior as before the marriage, implying males learned little or nothing from the experience.

It is a comparison that does not sit well with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

“Every parent who fishes is telling their kids that it’s fun to torment and abuse animals,” said Lindsay Rajt, manager of the group’s factory farming and vegan campaigns.

“There are a variety of ways to enjoy the outdoors that don’t involve hooking a live animal by the mouth and dragging them into an environment where they can’t breathe,” she said.

Perhaps the above would be a bit more revealing if we altered a couple of words.

Every parent who abuses their spouse is telling their kids that it’s fun to torment and abuse animals. There are a variety of ways to enjoy others that don’t involve hooking a live animal by the mouth and dragging them into an environment where they can’t breathe,” she said.

Most of the husbands I spoke with would consider “holding her purse at Macy’s” or visiting the In-Laws to be just such an environment. Mankind seems to have bounced back from the experience, so can it be as insufferable as the PETA radicals make out?

“Even the world’s most renowned expert in pain can’t tell you if a fish feels pain,” said Steve Jinks, a professor of anesthesiology and pain medicine at UC Davis Medical School.

The medical community is split on whether “pain” is only felt by sentient critters, requiring higher brain development than fish exhibit. I have little doubt that fish feel pain, to say otherwise is to dabble in human arrogance.

On the human front pain is essential to our survival, it teaches us what is safe and what’s unsafe, with animals it can be no different.

We are putting selective pressure on every bass fishery around and selecting for the least aggressive fish,” he said. “It probably means they’re not as good defenders of their babies … which can’t be good for the population.”

I disagree completely. If a fish is caught and associates a Royal Trude with flesh damage, it’s likely that it won’t eat another one. Angling is the art of presenting the Royal Trude in a manner that disguises it as something else, hence the fish can be caught more than once.

For the PETA loyalists,I enjoy both fishing and catching, and I do so with the knowledge that I am causing fish pain. I attempt to minimize suffering by releasing fish with as little stress as possible, even when it pains me to do so.

I am a brute, I share the top of the food chain with other brutes.

Rather than trying to get me to stop fishing, why don’t you prove that a radish has no feelings, as long as there’s reasonable doubt, you’re treading on thin ice.

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I think I’ll sidestep the issue and add Pickles

Fish recall The latest Chinese toy recalls include 14000 fishing games, containing a fishing pole and 4 practice fish – all exceeding the allowable levels of lead. With all the furor associated with lead in toys, I’m wondering whether anyone has thought to test real fish?

We yank the plastic rod out of the little tyke’s hands, and to keep him from crying – hand him a Tuna sandwich?

Mercury and Arsenic always get top billing, but lead has to be right up there, and what better way to smooth Sino-American relations then by recalling all them Beijing Fillet O’ Fish sandwiches?

Lead in fish is measured in PPM (parts per million), lead exposure is in micro-grams, lacking a conversion table I’m not sure whether to spit out the tuna or  add additional mayo to thin it … This is where it gets really complex, as additional celery or onions may contain Ecoli, mayo is oily “white death”, and more tuna boosts the exposure – it’s a case of “pick your favorite poison.”

Too darn complex for me, I’ll duck the issue by adding pickles and take my chances.

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Even a Brownliner would scream like a little girl

If you want the fly back, you reach in there It’s called “the things you can’t Un-See,” an Internet phenomenon where a buddy sends you a non-descriptive link with some bland come-hither line like, “I thought you would like this…”

Clicking it results in an involuntary gag, or a spouse that thinks she’s married a pervert – now you’re obliged to find something equally gross to return the compliment to this erstwhile friend.

The link I clicked was not so innocent, entitled “The 10 Nastiest Fish in the World,” – and the result would send a hardened Brownliner fleeing in terror. A better descriptor would be “The 10 Fish you’d cut the fly line to Avoid” – featuring lots of teeth, slime, and the urge to go vegetarian.

Fly fishing for the above Goliath Tigerfish is billed as “one of the last frontiers” by the folks at North Wales Flyfishing School, 9-11 weight, with 40lb single trace wire leader required. It looks more like suicide to me, I’d be lucky if I could summon the nerve to stick my toe in the river.

The Daytripper is tieing for ’08 and I haven’t even tasted Eggnog yet

I figured I was safe, neatly tucked away on the bottom left margin of the Daytripper’s Blog was the “Tying for 2008” entry. Like all great procrastinators I assumed he wouldn’t dare increment it until February, minimum.

Now he’s ahead of us and we’re playing “catch up.”

Brownlining is hell on flies, nymphs mostly, and my nymph stash has been getting augmented regularly. It’s part and parcel of the smallmouth fishing on the Little Stinking – I tie a dozen and leave six on tree limbs trying for that tight cast against the underbrush. Naturally the one cast that gets in close is traveling at 150 mph and blows hell out of whatever I thought lived there..

The concussion alone teaches them fish a lesson.

Prodded by Alex, I cracked open the dry fly box to see what’s missing and found a lot of work for this winter. I should be able to stay abreast of Daytripper, as all of my small dries, rough water caddis, and cripples have been sorely used.

Pale Morning Dun Cripple (Hat Creek, Fall River)I was introduced to Bob Quigley’s “cripples” years ago when he lived near Fall River, one of those rare fly tiers whose creations are both graceful and practical, flies that fool fish rather than fishermen.

The theory is simple, tie the rear half of the fly in the colors of the nymph, and the front half in the colors of the adult. Grease the front portion only, and the fly will lay “arse down” at an angle simulating an emerger.

I use them interchangeably with the adult dry fly, they work well as the mature imitation in hatch conditions, and in many cases, work better. Any traditional mayfly dry can be adapted to the “cripple” style, just by adding the appropriate nymph coloration.

I had heard that the idea came when he was eyeballing a semi-destroyed Humpy, that may be myth, it was the prevailing story of the time.

Emerger patterns can be frustrating to fish, many rely on the bug being partially sunken, while effective as an imitation it’s difficult to see. Cripple wings are cocked forward at a 45 degree angle intentionally, as the rear portion sinks down into the surface film, the wing rises to the vertical position allowing the angler to retain the traditional dry fly profile, enhancing the flies visibility.

This’ll give you something to keep pace with the Daytripper, he’s got seven done – where’s yours?

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Don’t mind us, we’re just tormenting the Trout Underground

Halving my gruel ration” is pretty sacred stuff for us portly types. It’s like hearing the “Defcon 4” klaxon echoing through Cheyenne Mountain, requiring instantaneous response.

Hate Keeps A Man alive, write well and live #41 …that’s OK, this was what TC was going to unwrap for Christmas, a genuine bamboo monitor, with matching bamboo mouse.

Now I’m thinking the rubber dogdoo or the inflatable fish bladder is the appropriate gift, that’ll teach him to mess with fat guys.

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Lake Davis gets some new residents

Lake Davis, California I was only kidding about the “too-big” trout for pike to eat, it appears the Department of Fish and Game was paying attention however, as they’ve just planted 33,000 pounds of 2-4lb Eagle Lake rainbows in Lake Davis.

Actually it was the American River hatchery that pressed the issue, as the trout earmarked to restock the lake were growing too large to retain in pens.

Results of the poisoning were also published, 50,000 pounds of dead fish were recovered after the lake was treated, 6% were pike, 80% were bullheads, less than 1% were trout.

75,000 more trout will be released in the Spring, the lake will remain closed to all fishing in the interim.

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The new measure of success: you still have all 10 fingers

I wasn't paying attention and that last one go me I remember seeing my first leader dispenser wondering why was this gadget necessary? Naturally, I was looking at the “dry” version and had no idea that you had to soak a catgut leader to make it supple.

We’re the “monofilament” generation, and it’s possible some small gadget may linger for your kids to ponder. Synthetic filaments are on the rise from many kinds of unrelated science, many have superior qualities over what we currently use, but none are mass produced, and no “heir apparent” exists to replace nylon and its many variations.

From Japan comes the latest entry, genetic manipulation of silkworms to produce “Spider Silk,” actual spider web that can be spun into threads and fabric.

“Researchers at Shinshu University have succeeded in injecting spider genes into silkworms to create a thread that is stronger, softer and more durable than conventional silk. A Japanese manufacturer is already experimenting with the thread, and spider socks, stockings and even fishing lines are expected to appear on the market within a few years.”

At the moment only 10% of the modified silkworms produce spider web rather than silk, but research continues with the goal of 50% production.

“Dragline silk”, which spiders use to raise and lower themselves and to construct the spokes of their webs, has one of the highest tensile strengths of any natural substance – five times that of a thread of steel of the same thickness. In terms of its ability to absorb impact, it is superior to Kevlar, the plastic fibre used for antistab vests and body armour.”

Anyone that’s worked with Kevlar thread knows its inherent danger; the small diameter opposed to breaking strength means you don’t want it wrapped around flesh if you’re trying to break it. The same would be true for a leader with 15X tippet, but rated at 5lb test – it would slice you to ribbons with a flopping fish on the end.

Fly tiers will lust after it due to the fine diameter and bulk reduction, it may require us to rethink some fly tying mechanics as it may simply slice through material rather than bind it to the hook shank. 40,000 yards of 20lb backing on a trout reel would be interesting, until it crushed your large arbor spool from the pressure…

Yep, you guessed it, they’re going to make us buy all new everything again..

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Fantasy Sports have finally reached their pinnacle

The fantasy partGuilty. I am a devotee of fantasy football, usually my fantasy ends on draft night and becomes a horrid reality the following Sunday.

I knew it was only a matter of time, but now we’ve got Fantasy Fishing –  I can look forward to public humiliation at the hands of my favorite bass pro.

Any fantasy sports aficionado knows the strength of his team lies in avoiding injury, while “torn anterior cruciate” ligaments end the season for football players, I can only imagine how a strained Gluteus Maximus would cut a season short for a fisherman.

I suppose I can check injury reports by reading the Police Blotter, scanning the “drunk and disorderly” section, thankfully most newspapers are online now.

A $1,000,000 cash prize is available, so start preparing your draft. I’ll trade Tom Chandler and Ernie Schwiebert for Cal Bird, any takers?

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Fishing and Success is a pair I’ve never drawn, I figured they were both Jokers

A fly fisherman delivers a motivational speech?That’s a helluva question, the kind that gnaws at a fellow for most of the day. I stumbled on a story of George M. Daniel, a fly fishing champion who was asked to speak to 182 graduating college students on the secrets of success.

Daniel is a national and international fly-fishing champion, with several gold and silver medals and first-place finishes under his belt. It’s likely he would know a thing or two about success.

Imagine being asked for the same speech based on your fishing career, and with 182 freshly scrubbed smiling faces peering intently at you, how would you mold your story into a positive message?

Fishing and Success are not always in the same hand of cards, at least not in most of the hands I’ve been dealt. You could flounder away through the message your  folks gave you, “..don’t do drugs, don’t get pregnant, don’t…” – but that’d fall on deaf ears…

Figuring a 30 minute lecture with everything I’ve learned, here’s the highlights:

  • You’ll be in over your head many times, if you lose your bearings swim in the direction the bubbles are going.
  • Fail repeatedly until success gets careless and is foul hooked.
  • Change careers often, and if you don’t get a rise, there’s always unemployment.
  • You have limitless potential and can be anything you want to be, make sure you want to be rich.
  • Never marry a woman with more tattoo’s than you, failing that, make sure you’re barbless.

Maybe four quality bullet points would cover me, the rest is all that “feel good” filler that is requisite for such an occasion. No mention of fly tying, as this is supposed to be a positive and uplifting speech.

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Tools of the Trade – Extended Storage

Typical flytying mess, even when you try to keep it contained

In the prior installment I described a “professional” tyer as “someone who ties flies an hour per day”, fun or profit being immaterial. This is the start of flytying season, complete with area closures, holiday madness, Egg Nog obsession, and bitter cold. Lots of folks will fit this category for the next six months, applying the lessons of last season to their arsenal of flies for next.

They’ll do so in cramped quarters, using whatever table or flat spot is available, hoping not to earn the wrath of their equally housebound spouse. Some have their own room, others attempt to remain inconspicuous in an overlooked corner in their apartment –  all share the same issue; “real” jobs that limit tying to evenings where lighting, table height, and chair dictate how long they can tie without fatigue.

Storage and the actual tying infrastructure are as overlooked as scissor choice. Materials are expensive and they always seem to get first crack at the budget. Trying to keep an accumulation of materials bug free, out of reach of children or an inquisitive pooch, usually has your collection moving vertical.  For them as are apartment bound, either dating or married, you’re in worse shape – as there are no out-of-the-way locations.

Gals do not appreciate dead stuff, you don’t want to explain why a rancid  “bunny’s face” is featured prominently on the coffee table – not on the first date, as there will never be a second. If married, your spouse is a reluctant participant in your hobby, while tolerant – few things can strain a relationship more than a significant moth infestation, or the family pooch burping up a hairball of orange bucktail.

Bulk storage needs to address three issues; insects, space, and ease of use. It must proof you against insect loss, be attractive enough so that your spouse permits guests to see it, offer enough space to be effective, and it must be close enough to the tying area to make it functional.

Storage is two parts, the space available in or on your tying table, and extended space available in boxes, a chest, or closet.

Phase 2: Chemical solution to everything -including girlfriendsWhen a fly tyer is learning, he goes the cardboard box route; he’s tying on the kitchen table, so both he and his storage needs to be portable. After his first serious bug infestation the cardboard box is abandoned – he learns that if everything is in one box, it all gets eaten.

Next comes the “chemical” phase, where he pours mothballs into his storage area figuring his troubles are over. Armed insurrection results, as the spouse hates the odor, you hate the odor, and the family dog is now barfing up a potent chemical brew onto the rug.

Materials in contact with Mothballs or Crystals will retain the chemical on their surface, you’re tying at night and brush your eyes with the back of your hand, and now you are blinking toxic waste. Applied liberally, mothball odor will dominate an entire room and for an apartment dweller that’s not a recipe for domestic bliss.

After tying for 35 years, I haven’t figured it out either, the solution I have is multi-faceted and appears to have kept an uneasy peace on the domestic front.

A refinished chest of drawers from a garage sale

I always have an eye open for old chests of drawers at garage sales, most are made of pine or better, and will refinish into something fairly attractive. Almost all of them are stained or painted, a quick glance at the interior of the drawer will identify the wood and its original color. The older the construction, the easier the finish comes off – as old lacquers become brittle and flake easily.

Line all the drawers with red cedar slats, available at any hardware store, sold as closet lining. Red cedar repels all the bugs, has a wonderful smell, and can be touched up with a belt sander every couple of years to restore the protection and aroma. Lay them loose on the bottom of each drawer, or you can tack them down with a little contact cement.

Red Cedar closet liner, laid in the bottom of each drawerApparently Madam approves as the frilly socks shown are not mine. This isn’t proof against a domestic dispute, she’ll question your sanity when you bring in the garage sale item – after it’s refinished,  she’ll insist you promised it to her for her unmentionables.

Gals love the smell of cedar and you’ll have to defend your space aggressively. A smart fellow will realize this argument may be winnable, the “moth crystal eviction” argument is not.

Cedar closet liner available in any hardware storeAlways keep your materials in sealed bags. Incense (Red) cedar will ensure that nothing is disturbed, but why take the chance – especially with extended storage, where you’re not in it everyday to notice an issue. Bagging ensures all infestations are localized to a single bag rather than the entire drawer.

Fly shops have moths, lots of them. Quarantine all newly purchased items in a separate drawer for a couple of weeks. During the quarantine period avoid mixing them on top of other materials on your bench surface, moth eggs are tiny and they’ll shower onto anything like salt out of a salt shaker.

If you’re done for the year take your fly boxes out of your vest and add them to the bug protection, it’ll be six months before you wear the vest again, you don’t want any rude surprises on the eve of the season opener.

Scorched earth is the only policy on unbagged loose material, if the bugs get in the entire drawer should be thrown away. Synthetic materials will not be damaged, they’ll just harbor the eggs safely so that the infestation can be transmitted to other places. Dry your tears, and toss the entire supply.

The seams in the drawers will contain live eggs even when the drawer is empty, treat it as a quarantine area, and add only sealed bagged materials to that drawer initially. Give the cedar lining time to ferret out all the critters and cleanse the unseen areas.

Like I’ve said, I don’t have the answer – your storage needs are as big as your appetite, you can make do with a couple nicely refinished furniture items, it’ll keep you in Madam’s good graces (after she claims them), and will allow you to increase your addiction in a socially acceptable manner.

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