Brownline patriotism at its finest

The IAC 1090, hat's off - gent's As part of the continuing War on Terror – wherein our beloved government ensures we go to bed scared of our own shadow, major cities are securing their water supplies through deployment of the IAC 1090, Intelligent Aquatic Biomonitoring System.

Lt. Col. Matt Schofield, an environmental scientist at the U.S. Army Center for Environmental Health Research in Fort Detrick, Md., says, “Everybody drinks water, and the question of whether or not there’s a contaminant or a toxic substance in the water is very real.”

Each IAC 1090 contains 8 very patriotic Bluegill that endure a three week tour of duty sampling our water supply. In an era replete with $600 toilet seat covers, no need to ask where Haliburton the government recruits these finned patriots – or what’s the cost per pound…

Fish cough by flexing their gills to get rid of unwanted particles, like grains of sand, from their breathing passages. If the fish shows signs of distress in response to something in the water by coughing or increased activity, the system automatically trips an alarm, takes samples, and summons authorities by email and pager so that they can investigate whether there is a threat to humans. The cost of the system is between $45,000 and $110,000.

I’m sure they tried trout first, but exposure to normal tap water likely proved fatal. Given the flouride laced, estrogen cocktail served out of our spigot, only a hardened brown water fish could pull a tour of duty without cracking under the strain.

It’s definitely the water

Fishdoo If I’m growing my vegetables with fish crap – am I going to get the same curled upper lip when I mention it was Carp that made that Spinach?

Like people, the “good looking fish” get all the breaks – and fish with big tails, feelers, and roman noses, are relegated to a second tier of desirability – except for the Catfish, and only because 72 million Southerners insist on it.

I figure the next big outbreak of Ecoli will have everyone pointing at the Pikeminnow, while the Salmon responsible crap indiscriminately in your radishes.

Farmed fish effluent transformed by bacteria into fertilizer – feeding a hydroponic vegetable plot. It sounds like the best of both worlds; no Red dye #3 to taint the rockfish below, and no “trout chow” shoveled into the ocean causing oxygen deprivation and blight.

“Aquaponics” is still on the pricey side – and cannot compete with a ball of fish in the Ocean, but it doesn’t have all the detrimental side effects plaguing the large aqua-farms.

These demands make it tough to compete with foreign and industrial-scale aquaculturists on the metrics of price and size alone. (Luckily, the fast-growing vegetable crops are the primary moneymaker.) Cabbage Hill’s customers are mainly local restaurants and markets that prize what Ferry refers to as “farm-to-table” relationships. “These systems are fairly expensive,” Rakocy notes. “So you have to raise really high-value crops and look for niche markets.”

Now all you need is a hardy, fast growing fish that can thrive in tepid water, doesn’t migrate, and is content to munch stems and seeds, as we’re eating all the other stuff.

Confessions of a born-again Worm Drowner

I saw the big dip in the daytime temperatures and figured fishing would be better served come Sunday and Monday, thankfully my resolve weakened and I went Saturday – as the rest of the weekend was blowing topsoil and “hunker down” weather.

That's a lovely color - perfect for dipping wounded fingers into Saturday saw me at the bridge pool eyeballing the cocoa colored mass as it ebbed past the bridge, I could see the feeding Carp as an indistinct lump in midcurrent, trailing the traditional mud plume.

It was the bubbles that drew my attention, oxygen bubbles filtering up to the surface marked the forward progress of the fish. I’m not sure how that’s possible – but as each fish tipped forward to siphon mud, bubbles popped to the surface.

I suited up and got down into the creek bottom, sidling up against one of the bridge abutments for cover. Sure enough, I could see 6 or 8 plumes of bubbles out in the open water. Gauging the water depth from above and knowing where that mouth was headed meant I knew how far above to drop the fly.

I started off with the brightest of the experimental flies – a scarlet San Juan Worm with a collar of red Angelina fibers to add some needed flash. Visibility in this section is 12″ or less – and the hint of flash might make the fly visible rather than fearsome – spooking fish like in the clear water upstream.

I’d added a 4mm gunmetal bead just ahead of the collar, enough to reach bottom within seconds. I’m guessing that in brown water the fish don’t vary their path much as it’s too hard to see anything other than what’s in front of them.

The remnants of an earlier bridge lies in the water opposite me – and the morning sun allows me to see a big shadow coming around the concrete from downstream – bubbles start trickling up to the surface and I lay the fly in about three feet above. Just when he should be eating it the line pauses and I yank about 4 feet of branches and root mass off the bottom.

I’m looking at dead glassy water – and all them Carp are gone. Every fisherman is an optimist on the first 5 casts – the predatory tree branch set the bar where it needed to be.

It’s growing warm quickly and the thought of the long slog through the sand and pea gravel to move upstream is suddenly onerous. I’ve got all these flies to try, it’s going to be triple digits shortly, and the next available fish are at least three miles distant.

I crack out a foul smelling cigar and am content with my mortality.

After 10 minutes, I see some bubble streams appearing below me – but ignore them – I’m fixated on that small patch of water at the end of the concrete that I can see into. A brown shadow appears and more bubbles, moving slowly upstream like the first fish.

I outsmart myself again – figuring I could slip the fly into the water by bouncing it off the concrete above the fish; the plan was sound – I just didn’t see that foot long chunk of rebar that the fly wrapped itself around.

So now I’m a pessimist. All the swearing and tippet snapping occurred out of the water and the fish is still feeding peacefully.  I’ve got three left, and after knotting on a replacement – I managed to avoid roots and rebar and bounce the fly into the water where it’s needed.

Just about the time it should be in harm’s way – the steady “tic – tic – tic” of the bottom stops, I rear back on the rod and have something living on the other end. It heads down the pool, slams on the brakes, and heads back towards me – all the while I’m trying to get those precious fingers away from all the fast moving Sharkskin …

Note to self, stop using this ^%$# line, it’s dangerous.

Just as fast the fly comes unbuttoned. I’m still savaged by adrenaline and full of bravado, gesturing at the water. “Hah, you ain’t invincible Dammit, Golden lockjawed Ghost of the Pooty Water, you sure as hell ate that !”

That nice lady behind me must’ve blushed about seven shades of red watching my obscenity laced war dance. “Excuse me, are you fishing?”

I smiled a bit sheepishly, noting I was knee deep in the river, holding a rod and pulling coils of green fly line off me, “Yes, at least I think so.”

I chatted with her for a few minutes before she jogged off up the river, she’d never seen anyone fly fish before – and I had to assure her all the swearing wasn’t part of it. It bought me time to let the water cool down and get another fly attached.

As if on cue another big shadow appears at the end of the concrete and the bubbles start welling up from below. I slip the fly in above it and the line stops dead – I ear back on the rod and start getting fingers out of the way, the fish is headed south and the running line is coming up at me like a vinyl-jacketed coping saw. I sacrifice the thumb and index finger to get the loose line under control and the fish on the reel – while both fingerprints are removed.

The fish is still headed away and I’m cradling the rod with an elbow trying to blow the smoke off my fingers. It hits the end of the pool and reverses direction – forcing me to back up smartly and reel at the same time.

It goes dormant opposite me, and I can finally do the wounded angler dance, “Ow-oW-Ow, %$#$ – Jesus, who thunk this ^%$&# line up?” It didn’t help that the fine grit and sand had added to the texture – what with my big feet stomping it into the streambed between casts. 

The antiseptic qualities of the Little Stinking are well documented – and I opted to put them in my mouth instead.

I’ve got a 4X tippet and two fresh knots – so I’m feeling ahead of the game, until that big tail broke water and it headed downstream. This fish is much bigger than I figured and suddenly I’m mortal again.

On my side is the shortness of the deep water – it’s only 50 yards long and this beast insists on staying within the confines of the pool. We sawed back and forth for the better part of 15 minutes – then I waded out and grabbed a fistful of tail to end it.

I’ve learned a couple things from all this; double digit fish on a 5 weight is silly – that’s why they make 8 weight rods. The Golden Salmon are mortal, barely – and the SA Sharkskin is a wonderful casting line – but I grow tired of protecting myself from it’s excesses.

I returned Sunday for the long march upstream, armed with a Sage 7 weight and a beautifully smooth Cortland 444 Nymph tip I had laying around. I upped the backing to 30lb after Saturday’s fish – there isn’t much room for error with only standard 20lb Micron. 

I did manage to hook one large Carp in the upper stretch – also on the San Juan Worm, but the hook came free just after the struggle started. My ears were feeling pretty good what with the extra power to push the fly through the stiffening breeze, so I’ll likely start carrying this on the dedicated “Golden Salmon” outings.

With low water I don’t have to worry about runs more than 100 yards, and the #7 allows the smaller Pikeminnow and Bass that attack the fly to give a good account of themselves.

I figure it’s a draw, both the Carp and I came to grips with mortality, and we both retired bleeding…

I suppose it wouldn’t be so funny if a couple fission clouds were the result

Coast Guard to the rescue The hideous part is no one is likely to believe their story. I’m still trying to determine if it’s the greatest fishing yarn ever told – or a someone’s worst nightmare.

I can’t possibly do the story justice – or embellish it, it’s too good already.

Weekend fishermen crash a 46′ WellCraft into a poorly lit Tuna pen in international waters, causing  incident with three different governments, and while the impasse unfolds – they break out the tackle and slurp tuna while gunboats and helicopters posture on the high seas?

I’d say they made the best of a bad situation, fortunately there’s plenty of pictures and narrative to substantiate the account.

You start with deductive reasoning, when that fails – you’re getting close to a solution

Logic and fishing is an uncomfortable pairing in the same sentence, but it gives you someplace to start.

I need a small olive clam whose shell is about the size of the nail on your index finger, light enough to cast with a #5 line, heavy enough to sink to the bottom quickly, resembles a clam in profile (loosely) – and has some small motion if lifted and moved.

Clams aren’t known for hopping away from your Linguini, so motion may not be a realistic factor. I’d like to have something move should I lift the fly out of the mud in front of a siphoning Carp, possibly drawing attention to the morsel.

The fly needs to be small (no larger than a #10) and drab, and the clam shell shouldn’t hinder hooking if possible.

The first that satisfies ALL of my requirements

Those are the requirements – and I’ve been mulling over solutions all week. I’m aiming to return to the feeding Carp I found on the Little Stinking, with a half dozen prototypes. Solving riddles is always a slow evolutionary process, and I don’t expect to be rewarded – at best I’m thinking I might eliminate some of the variables.

I’m an impressionist fly tier, convinced that knotted legs and precise imitation catch fishermen and not fish, and that credo imbues all the flies I invent. *

I’m leaning towards Prototype #19 (pictured above) – which uses the Bernat Boa fringe to give me an Olive cone shape that hides a 4mm gunmetal bead. The bead sinks the fly and prevents the yarn from altering it’s cone shape – keeping it flared and simulating the desired profile.

Both John Paul Lipton and John Montana put great store in the San Juan Worm, and Roughfisher’s “Clam Before the Storm” uses a similar “San Juan” style of fleshy foot – so I added that to give it a bit of movement.

With a three day weekend on the horizon this’ll give me a chance to start discarding what doesn’t work – and get me closer to what might.

* Invent = I’ve never tied it, I’ve never seen anyone tie it, it hasn’t appeared in any book, periodical, or magazine – but that doesn’t mean some fellow 100 years ago didn’t tie it first.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

I just need a grubstake Wayne Mumford over at Willfishforwork.com sent me a quick note on the 2008 Northern Pikeminnow Sport Reward Program. Factoring in the special rules for September – all I need is a patron willing to front me a grubstake.

This ain’t Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel, I just need enough to keep me in beef jerky and foul cigars…

I considered getting a battered drift boat, painting it in eco-sensitive camouflage and rowing myself into the path of all that barbed death, but outside of a couple of sound bites from my hospital bed, there’s no money in it.

At $4 to $8 per nine inch fish, I can make a couple of folks a tidy fortune. Figure on a snappy logo and a rented storefront – and “Jelly’s Pikeminnow Guide Service and Brownline Flies” should be a cash cow.

For all them fellows that insisted I was “wasting my time with them crap fish” – consider the above prices makes a pound of Pikeminnow worth the equivalent of a pound of wild Salmon.

… now who’s laughing? Hmmm?

A fat kid’s blog, masquerading as a fly fishing site

I think I’ve been outed … as I had the choice of painstakingly researching today’s post or scoring free food. You guy’s lost – but that holds for the bulk of my work..

Far enough from the creek to avoid most of the Mercury A.Wannabe.Travelwriter lured some unsuspecting landowner into thinking we represented a charitable organization, and they gave us pillaging rights to all the Black Mission Figs we could carry.

That’s not true, but embellishment always makes for a better story.

I read somewhere that a landscape shot leading a fishing article meant the guy didn’t catch anything – I use big fish pictures to draw your attention away from me scaling your back fence ..

This is a fat kid’s blog, masquerading as a fly fishing site. It’s revenge for picking me last on every sports team you captained in High School …

How many pheasant tails would it take to fill one of these? You ever wonder why we always have to do everything the hard way? Every trip is a memory exercise where the thousand things you need have to be rediscovered in every dark cranny of the house – then piled in the living room so you’ll remember to take them with you.

A couple of low wattage solar panels on the roof – a handful of quarters, and every nuance in fish mood, and every hatch countered.

Why not sandwich one of these between the Porta-Potties in the parking lot? You could make it eco-friendly by skipping the Plasticine container – just dump what’s owed you into your palm.

How many #16 Light Cahill’s do you think it’ll hold – and can that possibly be exhausted in a season?

Great menu, Cookie – but is that char or dirt on my Dog

The first fishing trip with an unknown angler is always a source of trepidation for both parties; you’re never sure what hand is being dealt, as prowess at the watercooler can turn into any number of outcomes when Nature’s involved.

Anything’s possible, a grizzled veteran or an utter novice, an incessant whiner, or that fellow surprised to find he’s only carrying hundreds.

It’s all part of the new-fishing-buddy pre-nuptial agreement; one or both lowers their guard and reveals the sacred fishing hole hoping they’ve found someone of similar mettle.

Those trashy Louis Lamour Westerns that I memorized described it as, “someone to ride the ridges with ..” – but Louie’s heroes never had to worry about going Dutch at Mickey Dee’s or camping with a metrosexual.

It’s worse than marriage and far more permanent – as you’re stuck with each other for the entire weekend

Week after next it’s me and [name_redacted] doing a duet on pristine water. I’ve lowered my guard as Brownline activities have me shunned from the marble terraces of clubs, fraternities, and any real angling organizations – and fishing pals is hard to come by.

It’s not personal, I just refuse to be sprayed with 409 prior to the banquet – it plays hell with my complexion.

I open my email last night and [name_redacted] and I have finished the negotiation phase of the pending orgy; he’s doing the cooking, and I’m reclining on a divan helping, “Uh, needs more Garlic..”

I get the below update:

Got an invite to join some friends on a small Sierra
stillwater, so this past Friday night I met my brother
at his house and we headed east up into the Sierras.

We got a late start on Saturday, and saw fish rising
and the tail end of a massive midge hatch, but by the time
we got our float tubes in the water the sun was high and
the fish were down.  I strung up a pair of rods – one
with a floating line and the other with a sink tip – and
started working my way through my fly boxes. It had been
awhile since I’d fished a stillwater, and I had some new
patterns/techniques I wanted to try out.  Long story
short:  everything failed, and I eventually tied on
an olive wooly bugger and just trolled it behind me while
I kicked right down the middle and enjoyed a beer and a
cigar.  That’s when the brown hit and I was once
again reminded that sometimes easy and simple work best.

That's a [name_redacted] fish and I'll be able to learn photography at the very least

Everything’s good up to this point; punctual, adversity met and conquered – the whole astute angler bit – adapt, evolve, overcome.

Then it gets a bit … squeamish?

I had volunteered to cook lunch that day – grilled
Polish sausages with mustard, sauerkraut, and red onions – so
I kicked back to the takeout and started setting up the
new Coleman stove I’d recently purchased.  This is the
first stove I’ve owned that uses propane instead of white
gas, and I’d forgotten that you can’t attach a propane
cylinder directly to the stove without a regulator,
and the regulator was at home.  Without an artificial heat
source, I did the next best thing:  I put the Polish in a
cast iron skillet and set it out in the sun for about a half
hour or so – long enough for sausages to build up a sweat, but not long enough for any insect larvae to appear.
  It was a memorable meal, but not in a good way.

Massive “pioneer” points scored in the above, but no mention of alerting his flesh and blood to the cooking methodology or the gastronomic risk. Think wilderness, doubled over in acute pain, and a multiple hour drive to safety.

That evening the fish started rising again, but I’ll
be damned if I could figure out what they were after, and
eventually I went back to dragging a bugger. That’s when
I got my second brown (not pictured), an angry beast
that gave me one helluva fight.

Sunday my brother and I decided to take a little hike
little fish, but nothing to hand. Later that day we heard
rumors of some guys who had caught fish on the stillwater
by drifting midges under indicators, so we decided to give
that a try before heading home. There was a film of dead
midges covering the water, mixed into the mess I could
see an occasional mayfly,not much bigger than the midges.
I couldn’t see anything coming off the water, but there
were fish coming up all around us, giving us the fin
I suppose.  I tried some of the smallest stuff I had.
Nothing.  We finally packed it in and headed home.

One final note:  Igneous Rock will be happy to know
that no rods were broken on this trip, and my ass came
through unscathed
.

So I’m left with the impression of an angler of uncommon skill, wit, and no remorse over feeding flyspecked food to his kinfolk? This same fellow who’s the designated cook on our pending expedition?

If it was my brother I would’ve emptied the pan near the RV hookup, kicked the sausage around a bit, then aged the result in my extra pair of wading socks, so I can overlook that crime …

… It’s the not telling part that’s pure evil.

Do I beg off, insisting that weekend was reserved for a pedicure – or should I renegotiate?

Don’t be fooled, I dip my hooks in this stuff

It’s been some time since I paused before releasing a freshwater fish – that hesitation that precludes stomping the life out of something, a glance at the water restored my senses and I opted to let the beast go..

It wasn’t due to some periodic male ritual, wherein we bend the environment to our will, it was an unlikely source – Singlebarbed as Locust.

Dawn had me wading through free garlic, and with 45 pounds of the Precious stashed in my kitchen, that Largemouth Bass took on new meaning.

45 lbs of aromatic tuber

In my youth, someone mentioned the presence of largemouth bass in Lake Merced – a pair of lakes sandwiched between the San Francisco Zoo and Ocean Beach, within San Francisco proper. It was a put and take fishery allowing city dwellers the ability to seduce trout with “Floating EggDeath” – salmon eggs and marshmallows.

About midway down the lake something shouldered aside the tules and latched onto the monstrous grape spinnerbait I was hurling. A 6lb largemouth, which confirmed the rumor – and sans camera I stomped the life out of it for proof.

While I’m tucking my napkin in place – I missed the “bitter beer face” of older brother, and stuffed that trophy fillet in my gob…

It was if I’d emptied a goldfish bowl and licked the algae off in one monstrous swipe.

20 years later, it’s the memory of that Lake Merced Largemouth that gave me pause, and while 45 pounds of Garlic may cover the initial fillet – it’s the other one I’m worried about.

 

Swirling green water looked back at me with the promise of flavors never tasted before … and I got cold feet, the Jungle stretch of Putah Creek looks a bit cleaner than the Little Stinking, but not worth the gamble.

I’d returned to test the X-Factor nymph on some of those huge Pikeminnow, saw one give it a half hearted bump – and then caught a pair of Largemouth and a matched brace of Smallmouth bass.

I’d tied some with gold beads and some with the traditional black, and black was the winner.

The bank side canopy allows me to poke the rod out and literally jig the fly in front of the fish – which is invaluable when testing out some silly theory or oddball prototype.

… and after Sunday’s adventure, I’ve got the resolve to explore the bizarre and absurd, leaving silliness to the guys that actually catch fish.

Asps… very dangerous. You go first

“You’re keeping an eye out for snakes, right?”

You can’t help a furtive glance at your feet when you hear that refrain. Here I’ve been stomping around the Little Stinking with impunity and I’m getting the real story from one of the landowners who stopped to chat.

Against my better judgement I’d taken a dawn hike up the river to see if there were any Carp above the normal spots fished. Last year I’d gone up an extra two miles and found a riffle feeding a deep pool, figuring that might block any upstream migration, and with the low water, eyeballing it might be appropriate.

Last week’s success required failure, as fish aren’t very smart – but they’re vindictive as hell. A momentary weakness for the “X-Factor” nymph means this week they’ll feign disinterest and give you the finger. Hoping to outsmart my destiny, I had a pocket full of new experimental variations of X-Factor nymphs and other beaded monstrosities.

They got the finger too.

The only bright spot was San Mateo Joe’s “Buffalo Stone” nymph. I’d been holding these in reserve for that special moment when you want to crush the spirit of the angler next to you ..

“Buffalo Stone? Never heard of it, what’s the pattern?”

“Buffalo shed.”

I figure just enough emphasis on the wrong syllable will have the guy reaching for plastic bags and a shovel… 

Black Hackle tail, shed buffalo fur for the body and thorax, with a couple turns of black rooster under the wingcase. It proved a slow sinking “change up” – which fooled a lot of bass this morning.

I spent two hours chasing a pod of six carp fruitlessly. I resolved to stop fishing for the “patrolling” fish, if it isn’t feeding, don’t cast to it. Tried every fly I had with me, including those from Minnesota and Oregon, and merely spooked a lot of large fish. 

OK, so the Carp are gone, and despite the 100 degree temperatures I feel … invigorated, refreshed even. Clay substrate is like grease – and the budding naturalist interested in Carp photos was taught a lesson.

At least I had one shot in focus … and an underwater camera.

The affect of low water is a boost to the bass population. Tules are now coming out of the creekbed and offering ample cover for hundreds of smallmouth. Most of the fish are four inches long – and should be six to eight inches by the winter flood. I’m hoping that’s large enough to survive the surge – and next year could be something special.

There used to be only 3 large bass here - now there's 300

Remains to be seen, but that’s a lot of cover for small fish – and most should escape the herons, egrets, and mergansers. This stretch used to have only three large bass – now it has hundreds of small bass hiding under the mats of vegetation.

My inventory shows one water and a six month old “hooter” bar, the bane of the social angler. I’d found it trapped in the catch pocket of the passenger side door, knew it tasted like granulated cardboard when new – so age could only be an improvement.

“Hooter” bars are shown on TV – always some fit, smiling, office denizen skipping the fatty lunch for the pleasure of a rich and satisfying soy-laced, protein substance, glazed with a faux sugar exterior – often resembling chocolate.

What they don’t show is the percussive effects of such a hearty, well balanced treat. The fat doesn’t melt away, it bloody vaporizes … Age didn’t help the flavor, and right now some coyote is wondering what in God’s name he ate.

I go by visuals and my eyesight ain’t what it once was, he lives by a keen sense of smell, both of us should have been smarter.

The riffle and pool combination had some feeding carp that I could get to – but like the earlier fish, wanted nothing to do with flies. I flung and stripped, left them on the bottom, dead drifted over the top, and were either ignored or caused the fish to spook and run for the deep water.

Sorry, but if you think selective trout are difficult, I’ve got something much worse.

I’ve got to rethink everything, as something is fundamentally wrong with what I’m doing. Large flies spook the fish, whether bright or somber, and the only fish I’ve landed took a #14 caddis emerger.

Watching them feed is a bit of a conundrum, they’re not mowing weedbeds, rather they’re in the muddy areas siphoning the bottom like a vacuum cleaner. Outside of the “burrowing nymph” class of insects are the tiny clams – that’s the only visible prey I can see when wading the same locations.

Roughfisher has an imitation that I’ll try next week, “Clam before the Storm” – and if that doesn’t work I may try creamed corn, just to get even.

The landowner that paused his work to visit was a cheerful and informative fellow, he was astounded that I’d walked the entire length from town and lived.

“Once they flood the ditches the Rattlesnakes are all over, killed two in my driveway yesterday.”

That may be the reason my right leg is full of water, remind me to check for fang marks.

“… and we had a mountain lion here in March, big fellow ..”

Hopefully he likes Hooter bars, at least I’d hear him coming.