Category Archives: science

A "false positive" may shorten the outing considerable

False positives are a bad thing The California Department of Fish and Game is taking the offensive on the Quagga and Zebra Mussel issue. Inspections continue for boat owners in the Southern end of the state, and next week they’re planning on stopping all boat owners heading up the I-5 corridor.

Interstate 5 is the North-South highway that bisects California and extends from Mexico to Oregon.

All trailered boats will be required to stop at the Cottonwood Inspection Facility in Tehama county, where boat owners will be quizzed on usage and their craft will endure a mandatory Zebra/Quagga inspection.

Both May 22nd and 23rd from 2 – 8 PM, DFG will have both biologists and trained inspection dogs to facilitate the process.

Upon entrance to the scales, DFG Game Wardens will ask vessel owners a series of questions about their watercraft. Vessels found to be clean will be released and allowed back onto the Interstate; boaters with suspect vessels will be inspected onsite by trained biologists and specially trained detection dogs. “Dirty” vessels – those that have not been cleaned, drained and dried – will also be inspected and could be quarantined.

It’s illegal to transport either mussel, allowing the DFG to detain any boat so afflicted.

To be on the safe side, I’d make sure the salami and cheese sandwiches were stored in the vehicle cab – no sense getting a “false positive” when our four legged friends “lock up” on your cooler…

Technorati Tags: quagga, zebra, mussel, I-5, boat inspection, fishing

Pistols or Swords, Sweetpea?

Singlebarbed reader and resident correspondent on Ostentatious Luxury and Land Ownership, A.Wannabe.Travelwriter thumbed his nose at me today – citing irrefutable scientific evidence that I hadn’t caught nearly all the species the Little Stinking offers…

It’s the bottom one we’re considering eating

For them as are new, I call Cache Creek the “Little Stinking” – mainly because sometimes it is – and does. I dismissed his ~~unprovoked attack~~ premise, assuming it was an attempt at increasing the value of his ancestral estates – or the Winnebago he lives in – but science is science, and I may have overlooked the “good eats.”

Sacramento pikeminnow, Ptychocheilus grandis, native, resident, common
Pikeminnows are politically correct squawfish. Big ones are fish eaters, despite the lack of teeth in their jaws; they have sharp teeth in their throats instead. Pikeminnows are still common in free-flowing streams throughout the watershed. Much abused by anglers, they are in fact both good sport when hooked and good food when properly prepared.

Names like Roach, Hitch, Crappie, and Hardhead aren’t going to evoke much culinary interest even if we omit the off-the-scale Mercury levels, but the Indians set store by these fish – perhaps they’re tastier than we think.

At this late stage all I’m risking is a couple thousand dead brain cells and two days off work.. I’m thinking I’ll try a fillet if he does …

He’s making nice inviting me on the 17 mile Cache Creek walk – but it may be an eco-terrorist trap; three full days in the company of “ologists” and ecology buffs may be more than my patience can handle.

The scientists would be fun to listen to – and likely could answer many of the questions I have, but if Mrs. Winterbotham does the “..oOo, lookit..” one more time – I’d have to point out the diseased bloodsucking leech boring into her ankle, and how amputation was her only hope.

I’m waiting for you guys to double-dog dare me …

Technorati Tags: cache creek, little stinking, river walk, ecology buffs, travel writers, double dog dare

The Urban Safari next door

Like a trout only smaller Alert to trends in fly fishing, fish, and tackle – we’re just going to have to point the bat at the left field fence, so’s you can flock to the cutting edge…

It’s the next great “Urban Safari” – pools teeming with voracious, predatory fish and only you know about them. It’s light tackle and gossamer tippets, but the best part is it’s next door.

Subprime mortgages and thousands of foreclosed homes means abandoned pools swarming with Mosquito larvae. To combat the potential for West Nile virus outbreaks state agencies are turning to the Mosquitofish to eliminate the threat.

Thousands of swimming pools in Florida and California are being planted to ensure the mosquito population is held in check until a new owner can assume maintenance.

Located along the delta where the Sacramento River meets the salt waters of the San Francisco Bay area, Contra Costa County’s warm climate makes for prime mosquito country. The area is also struggling with foreclosures. Default notices more than doubled to 4,718 in the first quarter from the previous year, according to the research firm, DataQuick Information Systems.

But like everything else about the housing crisis, the fish aren’t a perfect fix. They baffle some bankers and agents hired by lenders to look after the vacant homes, says Carlos Sanabria, the Contra Costa mosquito control district’s operations manager. “People think some trout-size thing is going to be swimming around in there clogging up the vents,” he says. “I explain it’s not something you are going to have for dinner.”

No better way to meet the new neighbors than slide over the fence in full angling regalia – a new twist on the old “casserole” introduction. We’re predicting a lot of short, 1 and 2 weight rods being sold, so you may want to get yours quickly.

See you in the deep end.

Technorati Tags: mosquito fish, mosquito abatement, subprime mess, urban safari

He sure looks like the guy that crowded me last weekend

Toss the wine and crackers, empty the fly box and reach for the loincloth, we’re not nearly as smart as we make out – and while fly fishing (fishing with a feathered lure) has a written record that spans as far back as pre-biblical times, it may be older than that…

Consider the evidence recently surfacing from Borneo that angling may be older than the fossil record – then again, someone could make the case that the average IQ of anglers hasn’t grown much, despite what history thinks.

Orangutan fishing for Salmon

In short, you don’t need a fancy rod nor gear – you don’t require flies representing all possible phases of insect minutia, what’s needed is an opposable thumb – the rest is gravy.

He’s a little rough on the presentation, but he looks receptive to a pointer or two, banana’s may be bad luck, but at least I get to ask what he’s using…

Technorati Tags: orangutan, borneo, opposable thumb, fishing

We’re assuming standard "cover two" formation

We’ve seen clothes that can store and generate power, what’s always been in doubt is what we need the power for….

The Boys at MIT have answered part of the mystery with the HCID (Handwear Computer Input Device), a glove based computer interface currently destined for the military.

“Old Guys” use fishing to “get away from it all” – but the Youngblood’s want to bring it with them, interfaced digitally with their cellular network, their Blackberry device, and satellite if needs be.

Why? Hell, that’s the easy part – so they can taunt their pals.

Can be a versatile electronics platform for a variety of possible
devices (e.g., metal detector, lifesign sensor, etc)

Select the view mode of your helmet-mounted display without having to take your hand off your weapon or vehicle handgrip.

Translation: Film the proceedings midstream and upload it to YouTube without changing the grip on your rod. Dial your buddy and via the audio component question his ancestry, simultaneously grinding your point home with slo-motion or instant replay.

Input commands into your computer using intuitive hand-arm gestures

I’m assuming you can desensitize the device to the common fly fishing hand gestures:

You should have been here last week

I was here first, don’t forget I’m next to you in the parking area

My fly is imbedded in your ear, no hurry, but could you…

You’re blind, that fish was no more than 10″

Nice fish, you hooked it in the ass so it doesn’t count

I’ve none of the good flies left, I want half of yours.

Large hole in my waders, I’m done

Warden visible

Tailing loop and split shot, you’re in jeopardy

My sandwich might have Salmonella

Spinner Fall

My flybox is headed your way, grab it before it sinks

You’re wasting time with that fly

You’re mistaken, I did not take the last beer

It’s safe to cross here, you first..

(Props to the lads at unconventional.airsoft.com for their illustrations.)

Technorati Tags: HCID, connectivity freaks, common hand signals, fishing

Science to put the "gamey" in Fish and Game’s mail

It’s a novel approach, the California Department of Fish and Game drove this year’s salmon smolts to San Pablo Bay bypassing their normal migration. It’s fitting, we take party boats and get seasick, it’s fair they get a little motion sickness compliments of stop and go traffic.

Research has shown that trucking hatchery salmon doubles or triples their odds of reaching the ocean by avoiding threats along the way, said Alice Low, an environmental scientist at the state Department of Fish and Game..

Some 8 million will have a microscopic tag imbedded in their nose. The tags are laser etched to determine where the fish was bred, and they’ll assist in determining how well hatchery fish survive and where they were eventually caught.

If and when salmon season is reopened they’ll ask anglers to remove the head and send it to a DFG laboratory for analysis.

I sure hope someone warns the guys in the mailroom…

Technorati Tags: salmon tag, DFG, maggot mail

Moules de Quagga, comes with a large diet Coke

Want Rock Snot with that? It’s the best advice I’ve seen to date and based on our track record would work swimmingly, the downside is you’d have to develop a taste for Zebra Mussel Meatloaf, or Quagga Milkshake.

“How to handle an invasive species? Eat it” – an article from the NY Times suggesting there’s something we can do about a seemingly impossible problem. I can’t name a culinary delicacy that’s not already on the decline or completely extinct, it seems that the best weapon against aliens is our gut.

If these species have only the most rudimentary thought processes, would they be so eager to hitch a ride on the waders of “Mr. Supersize,” or will that dark spot under the rock be “.. just fine, thankee…”

Don’t act all squeamish, as you ain’t tried it yet, some garlic and rosemary and we could be sitting on the next great fast food franchise. Mix a little patriotism in, as it’s an election year, and we could declare a culinary Jihad.

All them catchy McDonald’s jingles you’ve memorized over the years can’t compete with “You want Rock Snot with that?”

We’re not the only ones with the savvy, as Jellyfish Ice cream has made one fellow a small fortune, but there’s plenty more invasive species that taste twice as good. With canny marketing, lobsters could be coerced to invade Nebraska, and perhaps we can get a sentient strain of Blackberries to invade Phoenix, or Illinois – then really hit it big.

The profit potential is limitless provided you can keep a straight face, add a fancy french pronunciation, and the Northern Snakehead becomes anything you want…

Technorati Tags: invasive species, snakehead, culinary cutting edge

A little Red Dye #3 and we’re there

One million dollars for the inventor of the next great Fake Meat? I figured they ought to award some posthumously to the inventor of SPAM, and while they’re at it – something like a Nobel Prize for Culinary Bait & Switch for the scientists at Mickey Dees…

Most are too young to think of SPAM as anything other than unwanted email – us old guys know better. Technically it was meat, according to Doctor Mom, but in reality Ma was hoping we’d disappear the can with no complaints.

In her favor was the fact we’d been abandoned at the wharf and couldn’t drive, so that meant Pop was in on it too… We cursed a blue streak and contemplated whether the bait shrimp would make for better flavor – in the end, it was on the hook with even the fish curling their nose.

Now PETA is tired of us violating the unalienable rights of Bovines, and is offering to award one million dollars to the first scientist able to grow meat from a test tube.

That’s just fine by me, but the inner cloister of PETA probably is assuming we’d use stem cells from something without feelings, like dandelions or politicians. Fat goddamn chance of that happening – as the faux meat has to contain lard so the medical profession has something to scold us about.

I figure Hormel will get in there first, claiming their test tube is older than everyone else’s hence they’ll command the higher price. It’ll be the resurgence of “born on” dating – like they tried with beer.

One thing is certain – when it spews from the extruder, it’ll make a sound that rhymes with “blort.”

Technorati Tags: PETA, fake meat, 1 million bucks, science, lard

One brief spark of hope – ruthlessly extinguished

Plenty of Wisdom and damn little else We tuned them out once we heard the “lecture” tone, some old SOB wanted to tell us how it’s done, as if he knew anything. Maturity does have value, and fish research is postulating that we’ve got the regulations reversed, and should harvest all them young and dumb fish – as their absence isn’t missed.

“It’s not the young ones that should be thrown back, but the larger, older fish that should be spared. Not only do the older fish provide stability … to the population, they provide more and better quality offspring.

This isn’t going to fly with the “Gurl’s Gone Wild” crowd, ~~you lecherous SOB~~ but it does give you a bit of validation.

“Stability” in fish could be “wisdom” in humans – we’ve been preaching its benefits for years, not that it’s done much good – just count the number of stainless studs in your kid’s nose for proof..

A single large fish will simply grow a little when it gets more food, or lose a little weight when food is scarce. A population of many young, small fish, however, may explode in number or collapse depending on food availability.

Translation: Old guys learned a long time ago that consensus was the root of all societal ills, the younger crowd do everything at the same time causing massive upheaval – ’cause upheaval’s fun as hell.

This is especially important to know when trying to rebuild fish stocks.

This is where the research falls on it’s face, experience has taught us that despite our willingness to “rebuild,” the “grilse” will take one look at the available “mature” genetic material – holding their breath to make their gut smaller – and the species is doomed.

Technorati Tags: kill the young guys, fishery research, young and dumb

Just one more thing to dance around enroute to the crick

I figured carp and bass would still be plentiful and assumed I could move to Canada before they close the borders.

We’ve known the Cockroach is a survivor, and now it’ll have company – as the CO2 enriched atmosphere is building a Poison Ivy superstrain.

New research shows the rash-inducing plant appears to be growing faster and producing more potent oil compared with earlier decades. The reason? Rising ambient carbon-dioxide levels create ideal conditions for the plant, producing bigger leaves, faster growth, hardier plants and oil that’s even more irritating.

Both National Geographic and the Wall Street Journal have published short articles describing how the active ingredient Urushiol has become more virulent since the ’50’s. CO2 is akin to airborne fertilizer for most plants, Poison Ivy reacts with a hardier plant, larger leaves, and a more virulent toxin.

I suppose we can always “winch” ourselves out of our waders akin to the armored knights of year’s past, or wader technology might simply opt for the disposable flavor – incinerated in a flash of smoke as your wife ushers you through the decontamination room.

Technorati Tags: poison ivy, urushiol, ivy superstrain, greenhouse gas