Some poor fellow probably spent a decade or two on this – not knowing I was planning something nefarious. He’s looking to improve Mankind and all I see is a better way to torture fellow anglers.

In-stream substrate has always been my weakness, as abandoned cars and sectional sofa’s take on new meaning to a brownline devotee. This may be a “mainstream moment” as I can see hundreds of uses to put the “wireless rock speaker” to work increasing both habitat for critters, and amusement for us sinister types, crouched in the bushes with a microphone.

At $150 these suckers are cheap. Add a dozen to your favorite run crank the volume knob, and eliminate rock snot, mud snails, and all interlopers.

Some fellow intent on his fly with you hidden offering timely elementary school tips, “Hey Batter-Batter, Swing!”

If that doesn’t get him off his game, queue the Grizzly Bear growl…

Technorati Tags: wireless rock speaker, instream substrate, age approximates shoe size

“Bait and Switch” describes most restaurant menus I’ve ever seen. Crisp green lettuce, ruby red tomatoes, white onions, crisp pickles – then the order lands with a leaden thump, and the sodden mass of “cow-like substance” winks back at you…

I always assumed that’s why they took the menus away when they took your order, so you couldn’t point at the picture and protest.

The “Cheeseburger in a can” looked promising, it’s the only meal that advertises itself with no letdown, you don’t need to open it, you already know what it looks like.

For the Epi-Curious the “Tail Pipe Barbeque” has Brownliner written all over it. Slap some grease meat into the device and head for the creek. On arrival you can add bun and assorted condiments, and be the envy of all them tired heroes plodding back to the car.

For the Blueline fishermen we’ll add cutlery, as they don’t appreciate the natural floatation qualities inherent in cow fat.

What’s missing is a couple of large diameter hose clamps, and extra garlic – in case I encounter something tasty near the center divider…

Technorati Tags: road kill, tail pipe barbeque, meal at streamside

Fly fishermen are always preoccupied with bugs and hatches, alternately bemoaning the lack of – or the lateness of the bugs. An enterprising artist has taken that one better, incorporating time and insect obsession to yield art.

I can’t confirm whether he’s a fisherman or not, but the watch parts should make additional weight unnecessary.

I don’t tie many spiders, as I’m reluctant to share the planet with them, incorporating a fish hook into the mix appears to be child’s play.

This is one of those subjects where the fine line between realism and “screaming like a schoolgirl” is blurred.

I’ll let you peruse Mike’s gallery of art, I’m scared to…

I lack the refinement to get sentimental over rod materials, mostly because I went from a steel Ace Hardware rod, straight to Fiberglas. Gentlemen of leisure owned bamboo, but only the Ladies lived in my neighborhood. If you’ve gambled away the ancestral castle and suffer further indignity by being banished to the garage, we may have the decor you’re seeking.

Perhaps you earned the “ManCave” banishment by emptying the entire box of mothballs in your tying stash, we warned you. Now you sit shivering, scratching tentatively at the door hoping they’ll let you back inside where it’s warm?

No chance. Wrap yourself in a car blanket and gaze in fondness at your bamboo light fixtures.

I have nothing against Canaries, but they’ll be joining the ranks of the unemployed due to nano-science. It’s bad enough that the television has smiling, well coifed, ersatz people hawking underarm protection – but soon they’ll be hunting fishermen with torches and pitchforks.

Lots of different applications for the Electronic Nose in business, even in Society, but around fishermen these devices will likely achieve nano-overload. We’ll be the “dead spot” in coverage, the metrosexuals will turn surly, and we’ll be shunned as troglodytes.

I lurk on the fringe of society anyway, so no great impact to my social itinerary – you productive types may want to look at a new hobby though.

A couple of months from now and Orvis will debut the “Seersucker Florida Guide Shirt (available in; Sand, Mango, and Peach Blossom), that’ll display an LED on your Louis Vuitton Faux Semblant Rectangle LV Landscape sunglasses, a “pooty” meter, warning you when you’ve reached a socially unacceptable level.

That’ll give you ample time to tell the guide to head for the  barn. I’ll wave, then slide my pram over to your spot – where “Igor” and I will “bust a cap” on your fish.

Technorati Tags: electronic nose, Igor, metrosexual, nano-technology

I can’t decide whether it’s chumming or littering, I guess I’ll leave it up to you.

“Weed’Ez” is artificial weed cover for fishermen. Plunk it into the water, and create your own navigational hazard. For merely $19.99 you can foul the propellers of your fellow fishermen, transport unwanted parasites to pristine waterways, and then get pissed and abandon it after you snag it repeatedly.

Each Weed’Ez pack includes four individual 60-inch plant clusters, which consist of three attached “stalks.” A float on top of each Weed’Ez keeps it floating upright, while a clip at the base lets the user attach a sinker for keeping the artificial plant anchored to bottom. Constructed of a tough synthetic material that won’t absorb water, Weed’Ez are tear resistant, even in the icy conditions of winter. When not in use, Weed’Ez fold up and fit into an included mesh storage bag, not much larger than a paperback novel, and light as a feather. Retailing for $19.99, Weed’Ez are portable and affordable fish attractors.

A perfect stocking stuffer for that hard to please fisherman. Remember that sound carries a great distance over water, and your trip will be shortened if you yell at your pal, “Dude, You need more Weed? I brought a ton with me..”

Technorati Tags: weed’ez, Don’t Bogart the Weed’ze, artificial weed