A fly tyer is responsible for the entire sub-prime mortgage debacle, and the proof is on my tying bench.

I know where I’m fishing, I know what bugs live there, yet I insist on tinkering with what works, in favor of just tying what’s needed. It’s not just me that’s afflicted, as I have heard many fly tyers gnash teeth over the same self destructive behavior.

Local intel reveals ALL the fish are committing suicide on any Gold Ribbed Hare’s Ear. In response, you starting digging out bunny parts slamming them onto the hook, and a vision appears;

“The Gold Ribbed Hare’s Ear would be better if it had a red tail.”

Just as quickly the vision is gone, and you look down at your blistered fingers and see 34 dozen Hare’s Ear’s with a red tail.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

As I’m a willing victim of this aberration I’m not sure I can shed light – but intuition suggests greed and ego may have a hand in the outcome, it could also be a left brain/right brain issue, as I always struggled to keep the crayon inside the lines in elementary school.

I assume that “good can be made great” which is why most tiers tinker with patterns, and all the great chefs in the world are men. (Even more than fly tiers, men share the “tinker-lust” despite repeated and very public failures.)

I don’t want a fly tyer managing my 401K because the self destructive dimwit would be swinging for the fences with every purchase. If a safe but staid 10% return is available, he would ignore that in favor of some shady penny stock that he “visioned” was going up five bucks.

Plagued by these artistic visions, it’s little wonder that greed and excess have spilled into the mortgage market, as all of the fly tying mortgage brokers and hedge fund managers said, “Hell yes you qualify, I seen it!”

Technorati Tags: sub prime mortgage, tinkering, fishing

Never quite satisfied by what works, and always succumbing to base instincts, artistic flair, and some esoteric material ill suited for whatever you should be tying.

I had a live sample for the #20 Blue Wing Olives, complements of the Trout Undergrounds precise photography. Modified to give me more to see, as old eyes and tiny dries are not a good match.

I needed some standard searching patterns for the traditional midday grind, simple nymphs to replace those left imbedded in brownline shrubbery; Olive AP nymphs in size 14, and some Hare’s Ear’s in size 12.

Not having to give them all away is a first, normally all the fishing pals show up at my door with their hand out. No matter how many I tie up I am left with two after the feeding frenzy.

Until all of the sewage and wastewater effluent is washed off the waders it’s best I fish alone. I figure the fish downstream will be too busy complaining to notice the hook until it’s too late.

October Caddis in case they’re needed, if not these will make a nice carp fly, heavy wire hook and ribbed with Angelina to add a dab of flash.

I tied some Elk Hair Caddis which always receive a warm welcome, and added some #18 Pale Morning Duns to give me something visible and a color change. With the odd scraps already in my fly box, it will give me added versatility, and should any prove tasty, I have a dozen or more of every pattern.

The Pale Olive Paraduns were spared my fiddling with the recipe, in large part because in my youth I had to tie 200-300 dozen of them per year. It’s quite possible I was asleep when I tied these, as were the only pattern that escaped augmentation.

I managed to repair the significant holes in my fly box for this weekends expedition, I carry so few flies that I am quite practiced at forcefeeding something to a trout. In a pinch – that’s why God made rocks. 

Domestic bliss shattered by my failure to iron shirts, but as it was for  Science, it’s a worthy martyrdom.

Angelina fibers are available in a heat fusible flavor,  insert a pinch of fibers into a paper napkin, pass an iron over them a couple times and the of fibers fuse flatly to each other, yielding a “Tyvek” style mesh cloth.

This fabric is only as strong as the volume of fibers used and the degree of their overlap. Additional experimentation is required to find the best pattern to melt; parallel fibers, cross-hatched, further testing is needed to  determine what proves strongest.

One look at the result and about 75 different uses pop into your head, so allocate some time to fiddle.

Mayfly wings was the first thing I saw – the opalescent hue looks just like a shiny spinner wing. I trimmed a set for a #18 hook and managed to secure it without too much trouble. They are light and flexible wings – they will bend in flight rather than remain rigid and “helicopter” the tippet.

The photo shows what happened after I gave it a good yank. The direction of the original fibers when fused will have to be tinkered with so they don’t tear out. A #18 hook doesn’t give much area to tie down, the wing frayed badly when abused.

The intact wing shows the effect of the fabric trimmed to a shape, I folded the material and cut both wings at the same time, leaving a narrow adjoining section to tie to the hook. That was my mistake, as the narrow “neck” between the wings did not have many fibers secured. When pulled, the wing slowly fragmented into oblivion. Visually it’s a nice wing effect, but durability requires us to test further.

My next attempt was to roll up some fabric into a cigar shape then trim to the proper length once attached – exactly as a polypropylene yarn spinner is tied. I figured more fibers would be secured in the small tie down area and the wing should hold together much better.

The result is depicted above, after I mauled them badly trying to pull them apart. The fibers separated a little bit but that was the only evidence of damage. Like all good flies the more it’s eaten – the better it looks.

The above pattern is what we used on Fall River and Hat Creek for the Trico spinner falls, when the solid black flavor didn’t yield any fish we switched to this variant – it went by many names, mostly we called it a “female Trico.”

Now I just call it “too damn small for me to see” – along with every other fly smaller than an #8.. I will debut these this weekend on the foam line just for the fun of it – assuming I get out of the Doghouse by then.

del.icio.us Tags: trico spinner, angelina fibers, mayfly spinner, Hat Creek, Fall River

What is really needed is a rehab clinic for fly tiers that have entered that hideous tertiary phase…some polite nurse behind the counter to welcome the twitching wreck of a man that brakes for road kill.

I admit nothing, and removing the taxidermy kit from the back seat would be a good first step, but like all addicts, I talk a better line than I practice.

It always starts innocent enough, driving a back road enjoying the evening and a flash of color by the center line has me applying brakes, frantic downshifting, and a drag chute. Safely off the pavement its time for a furtive glance in both directions and then check the latest offering of the Asphalt Gods.

Any real tier worth his salt can tell sex, species, approximate the decay level, cross reference it with his mental inventory, and determine value – before he locks the brakes up.

We’re sicko’s, masterless ronin, owing allegiance to nothing, other than the knowledge that steel belted radial season is open year round. The real trick is getting the game processed so’s not spend the next decade in some gladiator academy, protecting our hindquarters.

The same mantra applies when your dimwit neighbor shows up with a dripping carcass, you mentioned the “fur and feathers” thing, granted it was after the third beer, now there’s blood dripping on your doormat, it’s time to fish, not just cut bait.

Birds are easy, the skin is loosely connected to the rest of the critter, and even a dull Buck knife can quickly cape or remove the portions that you want. To complete the task just scrape any fat off the skin, and then stretch the cape feather side down on a piece of cardboard box. The skin will dry and harden within a couple of days. Oil will seep out – the more fat left on the skin, the more oil – but this can be wiped away during the drying process. Cornmeal applied to the skin will absorb all oil, and not be toxic to your dog, after he inhales the cape off your tying bench.

Hides are more complex, as they have much more connective tissue attaching them to the host animal. Same rules apply, you need to scrape all the fat off the back of the hide, then tack it up (hair side down)stretched onto a cardboard surface. Hides take a lot longer to dry as they are much thicker, and can contain much more sinew and fat.

If you engage in this behavior, remember that Mrs. McGillicutty will take a dim view of you pelting her tabby on the lawn. It won’t matter how legitimate the kill was – or who done it, you’re toast.

Ditto for all birds and mammals in or out of season, you are culpable and will be ticketed if you attempt to take any animal parts from the roadside. It’s a fair assumption, that might be a high value target and you may have swerved intentionally.

In California, all road kill of size is picked up by the California Department of Transportation and incinerated. Their concern is the health risk; all animals have ticks, fleas, and assorted blood sucking things attached to them when alive. Most will quickly depart a corpse, but you’re at risk for whatever may be present, including rabies and assorted other maladies.

I’m just prepping you for the time when you round the bend of the river and allegedly spot a Great Blue Heron in pristine condition, cold as stone. I’ll let you wrestle with the moral and criminal repercussions on your own.

Technorati Tags: road kill, fly tiers are disgusting, rehab