Category Archives: Fly Fishing

Is Stretch Magic the Next Great stride in wader repair?

Good waders and good cars share similarities. At some point they’ve seen all their reliable miles and while you may delay the inevitable something new and gleaming is on the horizon…

… with payments to match.

My big feet in your living room

Buying large quantities of questionable fly tying materials does have one silver lining – you’ve got plenty for a wader repair.

I’ve got an 1.5” split on the contour and despite my best efforts could not get a couple ounces of Goop to hold a chunk of inner tube rubber where it was needed – on the rounded portion of the arch.

Staring at my bench in desperation yielded the 10 spools of flame pink Stretch Magic, which I will rechristen as “the next great leap forward in wading boot repair.”

Six or eight turns and an overhand knot and you’re done.

 Midcurrent almost had me with their piece on waist high waders – but wading through chemicals and solvents is extraordinary and I’d rather bemoan the loss of $60 for another set of Hodgemans versus the $200-400 for stylish waders and detachable boots. “Breathable” would be nice given recent 100 plus temperatures – it might also mean reaching for oxygen once you glance at the price and add the cost of wading boots.

Tags: Stretch Magic, Midcurrent, Waist high waders, hip boots, Hodgeman, Aqua Seal, wader repair, Goop, ingenuity

Singlebarbed’s Gear Review, the Redington RS4 – Rise 5/6

I’ve had the luxury of testing a Redington RS4 9′ #6 the last couple of weeks, complimented by a matching Redington Rise 5/6 reel. I managed to paint some algae on it from a half dozen tepid backwaters, including the Little Stinking and Sporting Creek.

Redington RS4 9' #6

Now with the rod shiny and scrubbed with anti-invasive bleach, I’ll have to return it.

… but not before passing on some commentary.

Action:

“Crisp” covers the first two sections, and immovable describes the last two. It’s a six weight rod in name only – as the rear half is nearly inflexible. It casts a WF7F with equal ease, and a WF8 doesn’t even flex the third segment.

RS4 reel seat detail Fast action rods have the bulk of the flex contained in the top third or top half of the blank, but the RS4 is an extreme case typified by a club-like lower half. All rods should demonstrate some flex regardless of action type, and the RS4 was much too stiff in the lower two sections to see real deflection. As a result, it delivers the line with great authority, too much for delicate work – it’s bestial characteristic better suited for slamming deer hair bass bugs or waterlogged streamers into a stiff breeze.

Which was ideal for the creeks I subjected it to …

Bead head nymphs hit the water with terrific force – a reminder to back off the delivery stroke for fear of the ensuing fountain of water and suddenly empty creek …

Outfitted with a ST7S it can deliver a bead chain enhanced shad fly in excess of 110 feet, yet I still couldn’t confirm whether the third section was participating in all that double hauling frenzy.

I like fast, but this taper ended after the top half – yielding a wading staff from the bottom two segments.

RS4 Finish Detail

Spline Test:

Peering under the hood reveals the engineering detail of rod construction, and I was disappointed in the results of the spline test.

Simply put, a graphite rod is built by wrapping a fixed length of graphite scrim (fabric) onto a steel mandrel. When the appropriate number of layers are applied, the material is trimmed lengthwise, wrapped and baked into the final blank.

The start of the wraps and the end of the wrap create two points with an extra layer of graphite compared to the rest of the blank – these are called the major and minor spline(s).

The major spline is typically the outside wrap – the last wind of fabric before it was cut, and the minor spline is the first wrap of fabric – but it’s buried deep in the blank so it appears less pronounced.

Laying a rod section onto a flat table, you can roll the edge of your hand in the middle of the rod to feel both splines – the rod actually “jumps” in your hand as the two “edges” of extra material roll underneath.

All wrapped fabric rods have this phenomenon, both fiberglass and graphite, bamboo rods usually lack a spline, as they’re constructed of (usually) six hexagonal strips glued together, therefore lacking any “extra” turns of material.

Guides are traditionally mounted opposite the major spline. This makes the “top” of the rod contain the spline, and as it’s the stiffest section of the rod, and the “outside” of a rod bends further than the inside when flexed, it’s the side with the most resistance to bending.

It provides power.

Cheap mass produced rods pay no attention to spline alignment, mounting the guides wherever they feel like – or however the rod segment lands in the wrapping harness. First tier rod makers typically align the spline and guides to ensure a predictable action.

Redington’s guides are mounted without regard to the spline of each rod segment, and each of the four sections has the guides mounted in a different angle to the spline.

When casting the rod you’d be hard pressed to feel the difference of spline alignment and guides. Mechanically, the rod is reacting differently on each segment and is twisting to compensate for the poor alignment robbing the casting stroke of energy.

A fast action #6 with reserve power – mounted properly with the spline of all four sections on the top, would make this rod a true #7, as the spline adds additional reserve power and resistance to flexing.

Finish and Fittings:

Black finished dual foot guides complemented by a single carbide stripping guide, offered a traditional look and feel. Sturdy reel seat hardware accented with the neo-standard graphite spacer – and a nice broad rounded thread to tighten the reel seat. The wide thread resists grit from causing the reel to bind on dismount – a nice “fishing” touch – as we excel at putting reels in harsh environments.

Outstanding cork with little filler – a rarity in today’s rods.  eight 3/4″ rings used versus the traditional thirteen 1/2″ cork segments.

The finish was applied thickly, with all decals imbedded under a blanket of epoxy. Small dots marked on the blank for guide alignment got additional coats – and the male end of each ferrule has epoxy extending down the blank for an additional two inches, a bit of overkill considering.

This “decal” coat was abrupt and noticeable on each rod segment, almost giving the notion of a sag in the finish. It’ll be a “”turn off” to those that delight in a rod’s appearance – and assists in stiffening an already unyielding rod.

Rise 5/6 Front

Reel:

The Rise reel was absolutely delightful. Solid construction and good craftsmanship on both tolerances and finish. The drag knob was large and accessible and turned easily even with muddy or damp fingers.

It’s a mid arbor reel with both sides ventilated for weight reduction.

The holes on the rear of the reel are small preventing dangling vest attachments from getting into the mechanism once the reel is brought into your chest, and the backplane thick enough to avoid the “cheese grater” effect should a finger get into the wrong area on a hot fish.

Disc drag with easy access for lubrication and maintenance, and a pleasing muted click to alert you to line paying out.

Suggested retail is $156.00 (Spool $80).

RS4 Case with visible reel

Case:

It’s a clever case design allowing for the reel to stay attached when stored away. It makes for one less item to forget in pre-trip planning – as the mylar window plainly displays the reel attached to the rod.

Summary:

This is a clubby workhorse rod – not some gossamer reed that will assist your posing in the parking lot. Fit and finish are acceptable, with the notable exceptions of superb reel seat and quality cork, but finish and engineering (spline mismatch) are not Tier 1 quality.

Considering that I fish with rods whose trim is painted on the blank, that shouldn’t give you much pause ..

It’s a beastial fast rod whose action is limited to the first two segments, the butt sections are inflexible and clubby. You’ll treat the rod accordingly – no wincing when you yank a stuck dry fly from an overhanging branch, it’s the kind of rod you loan an in-law without regard for its safety, whose butt is perched in sand and water while wolfing a sandwich.

You’ll toss it into the truck bed fully rigged, and if it bangs the bottom of the boat when you shift your weight, you won’t worry about any nick or blemish.

Crisp action bordering on the insensitive, quality accessories yet only average finish quality, it’s a yeoman’s rod – something to learn with and loan to a friend once you upgrade.

TC’s test of the same rod offers additional insight.

Tags: Redington RS4 Review, Redington rod, Redington Rise 5/6, fly rod, fly reel, cork, round threaded reel seat, scrim, epoxy finish, rod spline, mass produced fly rods, Chinese fly rod

When seven minutes buys you a couple extra decades

Us semi-pro eBay reel collectors are occasional victims of unchecked avarice – greed mostly. The pictures omit the missing screw, the bent rim, and the seller that’s hoping you won’t notice an unsightly wobble or loose spool.

That’s because we’ve got visions of Sugarplums dancing – the missing 3 1/4″ Hardy Princess Multiplier that we’ve lusted after for a decade has finally shown itself, and the “Buy it Now” button looms large and vibrant.

We open the box later to find a hint of malice – then gash ourselves for trusting anyone from Connecticut, especially with a seller ID like “Pwned.”

Fixing these aging warriors is a labor of love for me, akin to tying flies – with each scratch and wobble telling of great deeds and greater pratfalls, all in the name of fishing.

The spool latch mechanism is one of the few moving parts on a fly reel that is prone to eventual failure, yet so simplistic that it requires little more than a staple or hairpin to give a reel another hundred years of life.

The two styles of Hardy's (SA) system reel

Above are the two styles of System reels made by Hardy for Scientific Anglers. The black plastic center cap is the older series and had a poorly designed latch mechanism made from plastic – which failed early and often.

The second series replaced the plastic latch with the traditional aluminum cover and latch assembly common to all other Hardy models – a time tested design offering a greater lifespan.

The Plastic latch, pull the feet flat to add tension

Failure of the plastic assembly means the “feet” have weakened and need to be returned to their original shape.

Remove the cap to expose the plastic latch underneath. The two feet at the base of the plastic latch press against the cover to give the “spring” effect. Once the feet weaken and achieve a shape matching the interior of the cover – they’ll allow the spool to slide right off the center spindle. To repair the issue, merely pull the two feet back into a straight line as shown above, that’ll return it to a “spring” (as it’s pressed against the interior of the cap cover) and allow the spool to be mounted or dismounted while retaining latch integrity.

Old Style SA latch It’s a bad design, plastic just doesn’t have the longevity, and fatigues much quicker than the surrounding metal.

It appears wrapping some fly tying thread at the neck would also offer additional resistance to the feet being deformed – and for the terminal case, perhaps a replacement could be crafted from the stiff plastic of a pill bottle top.

The metal capped Hardy latches are a much sturdier design, but even metal springs weaken over time and have to be replaced.

The latch itself is a bar of aluminum or steel that’s been riveted to the spool. A small “V” of spring steel lies adjacent the bar and its contact with the interior of the cap provides the spring holding the latch tight against the center spindle.

Metal latch costruction

If the spring breaks it can be replaced with a similar “V” made from a hairpin or a spring steel staple from a heavy cardboard box.

Depending on the width of the flat replacement wire – you may have to grind it down a bit to fit under the aluminum cap.

Most of the time you can simply spread the existing spring outward, giving yourself another couple of decades before you’ll have to repeat the process.

Despite all the advances in reel design and materials, the latch mechanism is still quite simplistic – and over time the spring material will lose its vigor and need some coaxing. Contemporary large arbor reels are no different – and cracking open one of these engineering marvels can reveal equally simplistic mechanisms that’ll be prone to the same longevity issues.

The old Hardy’s use brass screws to hold the cap assembly in place, and these deform really easily. Make sure your screwdriver is sized to get complete purchase on the slot, if it’s too big it’ll shred the screw instantly leaving a ridge of razor sharp metal to greet them fingers.

The feverish debut of Sporting Creek

Evidence of the Sporting Fraternity Doctor Mom would’ve given me a good scolding, the Evil Eye, and an increased ration of Chicken soup.

 A significant relapse this weekend suggested I’d returned to work much too early, and after feverishly climbing back into bed Saturday, I was just as feverishly climbing out of bed Sunday morning.

For the next couple of months we’re enduring “plus change” weather, you add 100 degrees to the “change” and if you can’t get it done by 10AM it’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning…

I felt pretty good after securing the groceries and laundry by 6AM, so I packed a couple liters of water, rod and vest, and took off adventuring before I thought better of the idea.

Rumors of a vast fetid waterway full of Carp, yet limited by my tenuous health meant all the ground-pounding would have to be complete before the sun became oppressive.

Sporting Creek, in all her Glory

I had premonitions of success as I drove past the perfumed ziggurat of decaying garbage. My directions had omitted landmark detail, but a ponderous mound of earth, electrified fence, and airborne garbage bags marked the resting place of Solano county’s unwanted leftovers.

I was getting my hopes up thinking I’d be fishing something other than little insects, as a refuse pit offers so much more variety than traditional stream fare. I’m thinking partially digested Filet O’ Fish imitation, complete with golden deer hair “bun” and big treble – how the fish would pirouette lazily in appreciation before inhalation.

I squealed to a stop upwind and cross referenced the debris field with my map – but the thin blue line I was after was further east; so it would be regular-nasty and absent taint from buried leftovers.

… which was probably for the better, as most dumps have an onerous fee for parking…

I call it "carbon bridge" It’d be gracious to call it “stained with tannin” but the abundant alfalfa fields, herds of sheep and corn, made it more muck-coffee colored; bigger than I’d anticipated and with a lot of miles available for exploration.

The tell-tale puffs of mud in mid-channel confirmed carp, and “kissing” sounds from the Tules suggested additional quarry, bluegill and possibly some largemouth bass.

I was fast running out of gas, the combined weakness of doing too much physical too soon and increasing temperature. I’d covered a mile of the south bank – getting a feel for changes in depth and bottom structure.

It’s a perfect fishery for a two man team, one to spot fish or mud plumes from the roadbed – and the other to cast using the spotter’s directions. Once down at water level only tailing fish can be seen, and they’re understandably skittish despite their size.

I hooked two large Carp on the march back to the truck, both took the Laughing Damsel I’d tied for lake fishing. The brass bead chain gets the fly to the bottom instantly, and I just rolled it through the mud plume while watching the tip for a hint of movement.

Both fish scrubbed me off in clumps of elodea, and I was thankful as the idea of feverishly chasing after double digit fish on a 45 degree incline was daunting.

I call it “Sporting Creek” due to the amount of soccer balls, footballs, and basketballs at the high water mark. I counted 33 decaying balls in the first mile of bank, there’s some hidden story yet to be revealed.

Fish Can’t Read – but I’m not so sure

You just think they can't Fish Can’t Read is the latest in a burgeoning trend of online fly fishing magazines promising to be less trite than traditional angling fare.

No expense was spared in sweeping together an eclectic mix of caustic, opinionated burnouts – fresh-faced youth, all buttressed by vast expanses of partially clad salmonids; swathed in the warm colors of mountainous sunsets, the rich sepia of near dark, and clouds of bloodsucking insects.

It’s well documented that big fish can read, albeit lacking full command of the language, they’ve assembled a rudimentary understanding of local signage – allowing them to exploit “No Trespassing” and “No Fishing” with great impunity.

Brought to you by the lads from Dry Fly Media, first issue to debut August/September 2009.

Got content? Submissions are encouraged – part of the agility that is the online canvas…

A little scrimshaw will make that tie-dye less attractive

I had another chat with Kevin Compton the distributor for the Dohiku and Grip hook lines and was reminded to check up on our my favorite subject, competitive fly fishing.

My contention has always been that all real evolution in tackle is occurring due to the competitive angler – and us hobbyists are pretty content with the current state of rods, lines, flies, and fly fishing sundries.

Considering we’re enjoying rods and tackle whose roots are in the Space Race – competition merely showcases the trends and materials early. American manufacturers hindered by our reluctance to embrace the competition aspects probably scowl as did “Fatso” Goering, when he asked Adolf Galland what was needed to win the Battle of Britain..

“Finally, as his time ran short, he grew more amiable and asked what were the requirements for our squadrons. Moelders asked for a series of Me109’s with more powerful engines. The request was granted. ‘And you ?’ Goering turned to me. I did not hesitate long. ‘I should like an outfit of Spitfires for my group.’ “

… it must be tough on the Sage rep to walk off as the American team wave their Italian rods , but the B.A.S.S. circuit knows a sponsor when it sees one – and will be thrilled to wear the Sage decal.

Competition is by nature secretive and ever changing –  the only reason the Bassmaster’s winner divulges his secret bait is because he has to – and digging up information on contemporary competitive tackle is like pulling teeth – at best you get what worked last year.

Jiri Klima “googles” nicely –  the Czech fishing coach introduced a line of jig hooks and pre-weighted nymph forms unlike the “shrimp” style seen in past years. These are turned into Caddis jigs versus the more traditional nymph tie.

Naturally we’re clutching our chest in horror, “jigs” being the Devil’s handiwork and proof the competitive instinct is damning our sport to perdition.

I don’t see it that way.

The return of the semi-automatic, in your face

.. now that the French are using semi-automatic reels it’s time to crack out all those old Martin wind-ups, as what’s old is new again.

Makes those tie-dye Abel’s look mighty drab – but scrimshaw will do that to you. The above Vivarelli Grayling runs just a bit under $1200, with the more mundane models, made from carbon fiber, around $250.

Nope, there’s no US maker with anything similar.

Eleven foot three weights are exciting to many, but competition is having its greatest impact on hook development. The absorption of the Redditch-based Partridge by Mustad marked a low point in fly hooks, the remaining manufacturers offering little variety and nothing but established styles.

Something as simple as a nickel/chrome hook for Shad or Steelhead left only Eagle Claw’s 1197N as the sole silver hook available. Targus has added one more in the 3908T – a replacement for the traditional Mustad 3908C that was swept under the carpet with all the other “marginal” sellers.

Dohiku_Nymph_Special_HDN302 While the Clouser minnow allowed fly tiers to consider jig hooks for streamers, the Czech nymph crowd have introduced the Nymph Special, a bent shank nymph hook designed specifically for bead usage.

Debarbing a traditional Model Perfect bend-forged wire hook has always been problematic; forged wire is much more brittle than its round wire equivalent – and the Model Perfect bend is the poorest for purchase and retention in fish flesh.

Sproat and modified Sproat dry fly hooks in round wire replace those missing short shanked Mustad’s like the 7957B and 7948A – both considered nymph hooks yet set the standard for tying our heavy water (large fish) western dry flies like the Humpy and many others.

Seeing the reintroduction of small niche players means big dividends for the rest of us. They’ll struggle with production, temper, wire, and all the other ills of hook making – but they offer us some interesting diversity – sorely lacking on the shelves now.

The upturned beak point, kirbed points,  and elongated “spear” style looks like it’ll address many of the barbless issues we’ve had in the past. Especially those makers that yanked the barb off their standard hook with no thought to redesigning point and bend to compensate.

I’ll be testing some of the styles from Knapek, Skalka, and Dohiku, in an upcoming article – I just need to learn Yugoslav and Czech first … maybe some Japanese as well.

A long and fishless summer headed my way

It must be why them backwoods fellows always get tagged with toothless and inbred, their lack of interest in Physics is what separates them from their urban kinfolk.

Despite ample deer tilting with MAC trucks, locals don’t gather them up and fling them off the Interstate to see whether they splat or splash – while their urban cousins delight in the practice.

New trash to delight the onlookers

Discussing particle physics with Bud Light, only the particles are washing machines and dead domestic animals and bob in the current almost as well as the beer cans.

I call it home.

I’ve spent the last couple of months trodding the rarified waters, some considered clean, and some fit for laundry. Standing in the shade of the bridge I’m struck by the real difference between where the river starts and where she finishes is the shape of the trees, and local interest in  physics – big particles, goat sized even …

The Underwear is twice her normal size – so the Shad may be done until next year, and the Little Stinking hadn’t seen me for some time – so I paid my respects to her bony remnants.

New trash and new “NO Trespassing” signs caught my eye, the river is about 1/10 normal flow – and the beavers have moved in to claim what’s left. The Cache Creek Conservancy has posted the banks to ensure no one alters the foliage, but the channel is forgotten – and anyone can have their way with the damp part.

Funny how the watershed can be parceled into dry part and wet when money hangs in the balance.

The creek is now only a series of beaver dams, with a thin rivulet of water connecting them all. The largest edifice is nearly four feet tall and marks the Conservancy proper, a warm currentless holding pond we’d call “frog water.”

The Concervancy Frog Pond

The size of the dam is inspiring, keeping a mile of river channel filled to historic norms, where it’s bridged again by another beaver family both above and below the housing development.

Not many fish visible – and most of those were young-of-the-year rather than holdover fish. I stung a couple of four inch Pikeminnow and managed the capture of a live crawdad – which answered some of the questions I’ve had about their swimming style and streamlining characteristics, taking a couple of reference shots to capture their live coloration.

Olive Crayfish

They’re fast movers and with legs and antennae tucked under them, swim as gracefully as minnows – in short bursts.

Reddington GS4 #6

I’m struggling with testing a Reddington RS4 6 weight and matching reel (for a later product review), nothing’s amiss with the rod other than letting TC set it up as a “cast right, reel left” – more evidence them woodsy types have trouble tying their shoelaces.

…. by my account that 4″ fish took 86 feet of fly line – might’ve spooled me if I hadn’t discovered I was surrendering line with every turn of the handle. That’s the beauty of the path less trodden, flip the reel on top the rod and crank like you mean it.

… and no witnesses to point and laugh.

The hoary spectre of precise imitation rattles its chains

They compare culinary notes...I’ll unleash a storm of precise imitation, a half dozen tell-all manuscripts, and turn both coasts of fly fishermen on their collective ear…

… and I’ve always wanted to do that, just once …

Having fished for American Shad for many years I’d always subscribed to the “attractor” theory; they smack flies out of spite/anger/curiosity but they didn’t feed in freshwater…

Conventional wisdom said, “Shad feed on krill and plankton in saltwater, but don’t feed while migrating…” This is “fishing wisdom” talking and after you get a similar response from the first nineteen fellows that know more than you – you stop asking.

A recent article in the American Fisheries Journal suggests Shad do feed in freshwater, but neither regularly or with much gusto..

(Extract follows – the article body is available only for purchase)

We evaluated the feeding habits of American shad Alosa sapidissima on spawning grounds in the St. Johns River, Florida. Feeding intensity in freshwater was generally low but highly variable. The items consumed were mainly pelagic (cyclopoid copepods and woody debris), although benthic (mollusks and sand) and surface (adult insects [Coleoptera, Hemiptera, and Odonata]) organisms occurred occasionally. The stomach fullness index varied by location for males, suggesting that ingestion is related to prey availability. Feeding by females also varied by location and continued during final oocyte maturation and active spawning. Egg cannibalism was suggested by the presence of some eggs morphologically similar to American shad eggs in the stomachs of males and females collected when females were running ripe. The results from diel sampling suggested that individuals consumed approximately 1.727 kJ/d in freshwater, which represents only a small fraction of the estimated daily energetic expenditure during the spawning run. Unlike iteroparous populations, Florida’s American shad probably do not conserve energy for out-migration. While this low incidence of freshwater feeding did not maintain fish weight, it may increase available energy and thereby increase fecundity.

Gives us something to think about. Shad don’t feed much and when they do eat mollusks, wood, shad roe, moths, damsel/dragonflies, and midges.

…which neatly explains why Shad are attracted to florescent flies with eye-watering vibrancy and dripping shiny … after completing a thousand mile journey to an exotic locale they’re sampling the local cuisine – same as we would.

shad roe Before you run out for eleven dozen egg flies of steelhead vintage, shad eggs are about a size 20.

Calf liver would be a close approximation to an egg sack – but the bait issue would send you mincing about gashing yourselves in mock horror – so I’d go for a couple packs of rubber dogshit and shape it with a paring knife…

… that shouldn’t offend them delicate sensibilities too terrible much.

My public school system only awarded degrees in Modern Chemistry, now the kids get Angling?

Degree in Timewasting mostly The credential is slowly winkling it’s way into our sport, and I have mixed emotions about the legitimacy that implies..

It was the same when I worked for a large brokerage house (now deceased); I asked the traders what it took to be a stock broker and was surprised how little training was required, “Basically, we offer positions at $1100 per month (1990), and after they take their Series Seven exam they’re brokers – so we turn them loose on their friends and family, and if they ever ask for their salary – we fire them.”

… OK, maybe I’m less surprised after the last six months …

If my kid ever darkened the doorway and announced proudly how he’d chosen to spend the next five years studying angling – he’d taste the boot heel, and as the door slammed behind him he’d hear the tail end of, “Good, start with the Fillet O’ Fish…”

Five years of womanizing and beer drinking I’m expected to pay for – but angling? Screw that …

We’ve got certified casters, certified instructors, and the Certifiable, can we assume there’ll be a “certified angler” shortly?

I’d bet on it.

Vendors have been “endorsing” all manner of anglers for decades, it’s the best way to cement brand loyalty and outfit a new angler from head to toe. A couple days on the lawn and a pancake breakfast on the Battenkill, with little pewter pins tacked on starched olive vests to mark coming-of-age.

That’s neither extreme nor hardcore, so the process will be amended to include rigor, that way we can have gradations of certification akin to military awards – with Oak Leaves, 1st Class, and with Cluster.

… then again it could be Boy Scout badges, where you can drape your accomplishments over your gut, and watch the riffle clear of riffraff at your approach.

The current flavor emphasizes the Big Three; casting, knots, and entomology (flies). Certified “fly fishing schools” all list some variant of the above like an intro to fly tying – or some similar difference. That’s way short of the mark. Angling certification should make you sweat akin to your driver’s test – where you hoped that little squinch-eyed fellow doesn’t ask you to parallel park.

A couple of weeks on etiquette is sorely needed; it’s bad enough the SOB can’t cast – but he’s put down all my fish too..

Toss in a couple of heartstoppers like, “identify which feather is called ‘Greenwell’ ” – have them demonstrate a Bimini Twist, and for graduation we could have them barehand a Ling Cod, replete with those icicle teeth …and we’d be getting somewhere.

Lastly, issue them an identity card with a unique serial number so you could build a database like the Sexual Predators system. Internet based so when you sidled up to your next prospective mate she could find your shortcomings via her cell phone.

… besides, that pick up line was truly awful, now she suspects …

Yep, he’s a certified angler.

I’ll return to my senses as soon as I get my head out of the oven

I like trout better.

Dammit, it looked real Big trees, cold water, and a ready shade tree with rock to perch under – so I can dangle them big, tired Lumberjack feet in cold water …

I’ll be back to my senses shortly. I’ll remember the sphincter-puckering roar of that 100 car freight that surprised me on the outside turn, the cannot-assume-anything trek up the Upper Sacramento’s leafy bank – where the first step is four inches and the next step is four feet.

I’ll remember them bad burgers and wilted green thing accented with a spear point of grayish-red tomato; defying description even with the advanced color palette of a fly tyer…

But the present is a 112 degree blast furnace of Central Valley, where the shade trees have been plowed under – the fish simmer in warm water nursing hateful grudges and bad temper, and the angler starts perspiring while unlocking the truck.

I bounced all over the Upper Sacramento this weekend – submitting my portly frame to all manner of abuse pursuing the hidden, passed over, and seldom fished…

Mostly I found out the “why” them labels were attached, rather than ferreting out massive fish overlooked by the throng. Lots of anglers, lots of bugs to please anglers – and the fishing both enjoyable and arduous.

There’s no question the fish are keying on the large bug – both dry and nymphal forms. Those multi-colored beadheaded “Mutt” stonefly nymphs knocked the fish for a tizzy – and I spent a goodly portion of the weekend fishing all the colors, and Olive proved the biggest hit … the Purple a distant second.

Olive Mutt, No preconceived notions about colors, it's my strong suit

Naturally I’d prefer to chalk it up to intense entomological research coupled with amazing foresight, but the yarn colors dictated all those oddball patterns – I was merely crazy enough to fish them.

Morning's light Fishing is dominated by the unorthodox – a lesson drilled home after chasing year’s of uncooperative slimy – it’s the lack of boundaries fish display when hungry, despite the countless reams of angling text arguing the contrary.

The fish were small and plentiful, mornings spent wading up the center throwing weight at every good looking rock, evenings spent flinging even bigger dry flies – with the occasional #14 Yellow Humpy chaser. Egg laying Golden Stones were much in evidence and once keyed to the color the fish ate yellow whether it was large or small.

So did I – and despite the proprietor’s claim, that salad was past its prime …

One quick trip to the “Bachelor Store” (Chevron MiniMart) addressed the culinary hardship – and I dined on flat rocks in the river – tearing dried animal flesh and rinsing the result with trail mix and warm water.

The angling pressure is significant, and only the early riser gets to dictate his fishing grounds, as the throng starts arriving after breakfast.

I don’t get to fish with the Brotherhood too often – and as the tackle intensive, large-arbor crowd showed late in the morning, I’d perch on a rock with my “rat meat” and watch them move through the runs I’d completed.

That part of fishing will never change.

While the Chicken Fried Steak sure looks good on the menu, the time lost ensures you’re second through the prime water, and the digestive stupor guarantees you’ll miss the first half dozen fish …

… leaving us portly predacious types in the Jungle eating rat meat, and growing stronger.. (when we ain’t wilting from the heat.)