Category Archives: Fly Fishing

There’s always some fellow that wants to paint outside the lines

Hot Orange isn’t high on the list of trout colors, so it’s only natural you suspect I’m up to something gaudy. Not the case, us Impressionists are freed of the narrow confines of caddis larvae and Giant Stone dry flies and recognize Orange isn’t really Orange if you don’t want it to be …

I’m still smarting from the “Polyester Sink Strainer” episode, wherein I subjected the kitchen to hideous odors and obscene colors, just to garner a couple of new halo colors to try.

Being a fan of the “Chaos Theory” of fly coloration, and believing that Mother Nature’s bugs are never a uniform coloration – and there’s always an inherent mottle effect besides the very obvious color difference between belly and back.

Angling books love to describe the “ … mayfly tumbling in the current” representation of nymphing, which I don’t subscribe to either. Throw a cat off the garage roof and he lands on his feet, ditto for dogs and in-laws, so invertebrates likely tumble briefly to regain balance, then swim like hell for safety, or the surface.

Colors can dampen as well as provide highlight or halo effects. My earlier example of adding neutral gray squirrel to yarn blends shows the “dampening” effect of gray, how it can take the bright edge off of the yarn dander and make it an earth tone of the original.

Highlights and halos are often wildly different colors added to dubbing to offer a flash or hint of color to the fly. A bit of boldness on the choice of accent can yield some surprising effects.

Like Hot Orange becoming muted and obvious and all at the same time.

An example of highlights or halo dubbing

Above are two examples of marrying odd colors together to seem much less so. Black and Hot Orange Angelina, and Black mixed with the Grannom Green. (Original colors shown here)

The bright portion of both has been overwhelmed by the surrounding black, and Hot Orange is now coppery colored, and most of the green has vanished.

My war on monochromatic is well documented. I have a goodly supply of the time-honored traditional colors, but most of the unique flies I use each season are a mixture of effects – but almost always polychromatic.

Which isn’t saying much, as any guide can tell you of the client that scoffs at the flies offered him, loudly proclaiming, “I catch all my fish on an Adams” – and if that’s the only thing the gentlemen uses, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Real differences in flies can only detected when pals are present. Count the number of outstretched palms, and figure you’re onto something.

Impressionists aren’t limited to flights of fancy, despite our being able to list a hundred great uses for Claret. We can use the scientific method when it suits us – or succumb to the inner child as we deem fit.

Glance at a natural then immediately glance away. What color was it?

Likely you’ll say brown, or dark, or olive-black – you’ll retain a distinct impression of the predominant color and identify it. Flip the bug on its belly and do the same thing. Now it’s tan, or olive, or another color, Mother Nature always provides a light belly and dark back.

The back color is your base – and make the belly color the halo. It’s quite possible that fish on an intercept may get a glimpse of both – and a foraging fish that’s uprooted the insect from instream vegetation or the bottom will see the tumbling variant – guaranteeing both.

AP Black with Halo colors

Above is the traditional AP Black tied with the mixed black/green on the body, and mixed black/hot orange for the thorax. Those Angelina fibers that are visible are quite muted, but also very obvious.

They look black to me

Moving the perspective a couple inches further away and we’d call both flies … black.

Fish vision and perception are still hotly debated topics, far above our pay grade. What I do recognize is that most artificials are largely stiff compared to the wild gyrations of real insects – and anything I can add that implies motion is as good as the motion itself.

… and Science be Damned, the real fun is in spattering the canvas with Puce, Mauve, and Day Glo yellow, as it upsets conventional bug theory and masks the fact I’ve never been much good at painting within lines …

Tags: Soft Crimp Angelina, AP Black nymph, dubbing highlights, halo dubbing, fish vision, Chaos Theory, Impressionism, evangelical fly tyer

Print being Dead, and here is where they buried her

It’s a daunting project that Project Gutenberg & Google has undertaken, scanning all the books in the world and making them available online. It’s not without incident considering they already incurred $124 million in infringed copyrights – but they’re forging ahead undaunted.

With Amazon’s Kindle creating quite the stir over Christmas, and competitors lining up to enter similar products into the mix – it appears we’ll have the opportunity to add to our fishing library virtually.

As my vision is on the wane – I can’t admit to comfort while straining over a dimly backlit screen, but it’s likely to intrude more each decade.

There’s quite a few famous angling tomes already available, and many out of print classics that are unavailable to anyone other than collectors.

George Kelson – The Salmon Fly, how to Dress it and how to Use it (1895)

G.E.M. Skues – The Way of the Trout with the Fly (1921) and Modern Development of the Dry Fly (1910)

Mary Orvis Marbury – Favorite Trout Flies and their Histories

George M. LaBranche – The Dry Fly and Fast Water (1914)

Frederick M. Halford – Floating Flies and How to Dress Them (1886)

There are many hundreds of titles, some you may have never heard of – and the tags under each allow you to refine your search to specific areas of the online collection. Most of the books are old enough to no longer be copyrighted, and it makes sense that Google would want to avoid all the litigation until it’s determined how the author will receive compensation.

Kelson’s book on the Salmon Fly is still considered the Bible of the married wing, eyeless hook crowd. You can download it for free in PDF form versus paying $500 for an old copy.

I’ve read many of these and am continually fascinated over the convictions of their authors. Adding a certain perspective to read, “the Salmon, being the noblest of all fishes, eat Butterflies …” – then grab a copy of a current magazine and read, “they eat leeches because …”

… and in a hundred years will some fellow be giggling over our assumptions?

Our ignorance of history causes us to slander our own times. – Gustav Flaubert

Anglers today shrink from the old tomes as being antiquated and out of date – and while the language may be archaic, the lessons are still current.

Download a fistful of PDF’s and fish the turn-of-the-century Catskills, or a Irish freshet for sea run trout – then tuck them away as reference materials or simply a good read.

Tags: Project Gutenberg, Google Internet Book Archive, copyright, George Kelson, G.E.M. Skues, Mary Orvis Marbury, George M. LaBranche, Frederick M. Halford, Amazon Kindle, out of print angling books

Clean design, modular components, the product I’d like to see

I’m never surprised by a “better mousetrap” – only surprised that our industry is the source of so few.

With rubber soles being the standard of the future and while the vendor community wrestles with compositions, textures, and sticky – eventually settling on some blend they’ll label with a Star Wars moniker, you’d think they might see whose travelled that path terrestrially – before hitting the laboratory.

I’d describe it as an elegant design, a vibram sole equipped with a reversible cleat from Hammacher Schlemmer.

Reversible Cleats

Snapped into the sole of the boot is a cleated segment that’s reversible, cleats on one side, no cleats on the other.

Figure some minor modifications for underwater use, thicker and with a better restraint, but this style would allow an angler to adjust his footing on the fly.

Greasy river bottom? Park on a rock and flip them around for additional purchase (11 cleats on the sole, 5 on the heel). For a sandy bottom, pop them out and reverse them for an all rubber grip.

Now we won’t be wearing the cleats down while hiking along railroad tracks or any overland portages.

It would even allow me to purchase replacements, or offer sets with even more cleats than standard – due to the modular design.

Neat.

Tags: Hammacher Schlemmer, cleated vibram soles, wading technology, modular design, good engineering, reinvent the wheel

You might be a fishing wienie if

… sure it’s the season of friendship, hope, and orgy of consumerism, yet buried way down deep is still a hint of Christianity … hard to see, but baby Jesus is sandwiched somewheres between that Lexus commercial and all the reasons I need a 54” flat screen …

… absent the three wise men, whose star led them to Best Buy, where they’re poring over red and blue maps and the merits of Droid versus iPhone.

Yet, in all this I find Hope. Not that I’ve changed spots any. I’m still the opinionated antisocial prick of Posts Past – only there’s an item common to all fly shop clearance sales – suggesting you astute lads aren’t buying any. Simms Special Edition Wader mat

The Simms “Special Edition” wader mat. I’ve scratched my chin and after considerable thought decided if you own one of these, you’re a complete wienie.

Strong words from a fellow that takes pride in offending everyone, wades in crap, and thinks the purity of decay is the new wilderness.

I recognize the object and its function, freely admit that twenty bucks isn’t likely to break anyone, yet I just can’t find a single worthwhile reason to own one.

… and based on recent sales data and the canny shopping of a spouse navigating the unfamiliar waters of the local fly shop, Simm’s may have invented the fly fishing equivalent of Soap On A Rope.

Why? Gals know dirt.

They’re tired of stumbling over your wet wading boots on the floor of the garage, the mud caked waders flung over the dryer as your anti-invasive strategy, and would just as soon fix all that.

… and there in the sale bin is their instrument of Truth. Precisely the same length as a four-piece rod tube – and when wrapped will fool you into visions of Sage, Scott, and she shouldn’t have … A carat and a half later (which you can ill afford) and the glee of Christmas morn shattered by a drip mat.

… and that’s the best case.

If we look at the raw physics, you used to have two wet boots, one set of wet waders (inside and out), a dripping hollow wading staff, and all of that gear wadded into the same area containing sleeping bag, half eaten loaf of Wonderbread, and room temperature Bologna – left opened in the trunk when you elected to dine afield.

Now there’s another wet, dirty object to taint your precious supplies, or leak into your sleeping bag …

Sherlockian deduction suggests it may be the car that is of greatest concern. Waders and wet boots stashed in finely tailored gear bags emblazoned with vendor label, crest of arms, or both – and while all else is neatly compartmentalized this will be draining into your cashmere interior – while you search the backroads for a rare steak.

… and the fact that you drove such a car down a pitted track to set gleaming next to mine, means you’re a wienie.

Volumes of literature and roadside signs warn you against invasive species. Tanks of chemicals allow you to sprits wading gear back to the sterile pristine, yet there’s a goodly compliment of passengers lining your “drip mat” – and while you and your gear are chaste, that mat is now host to everything you stepped in.

… which makes you a wienie.

Or it could be that you don’t want to get any on you, environment-wise. Slithering into a high priced prophylactic is done to curry favor with the outdoor clique at work, or perhaps it was the Boss – who thought this whole adventure thing would be a great team exercise. He’s self-made and only agreed to the boardroom suggestion of “off site” because he loves to fish.

If so, Mother Nature is likely to bust a cap in your arse and expose you as a wienie.

Try as I might I cannot come up with any desirable characteristics not furnished by an old Playboy or dog-eared newspaper, scrap of carpet, or extra floormat.

“Simms” brooks little argument and looks tastefully sexy in moonlight, but so does my tailgate. I remove dripping garments high above the taint of soil – where they’ll drain fetchingly next to the “4WD” accent.

… any fool can get a high-priced, low-slung euro-roadster down the hill, it’s getting up that grows the Iron Cross …

Unnecessary gear. Another item to forget on the day of departure, another excuse for a high pitched tirade by the car. It’s easier to move the loaf of bread aside, grab your buddy’s down jacket and use that …

… that only costs you dinner.

Tags: Simms Special Edition wading mat, fly fishing wienie, unnecessary bulk, waders, wading boots, invasive species, fly shop, baby Jesus, antisocial prick, IMHO

Fish Can’t Read, Issue #2 Return of the eZine

The second issue of “Fish Can’t Read” debuted yesterday, and the boys at Dry Fly Media have really done a bang up job. Lot’s of diverse content, photo essays, and meat … from numerous continents and a variety of gamefish.

… and yes, I added my two cents. This month’s column, “Three Flies Short” is “Paris Hilton is Now, but the Silver Hilton is Forever.” Wherein I accuse the last forty years of fly tiers of obscene crimes too horrible to mention here.

It’s a big, brash issue – filled with commentary and color, art and opinion, and is guaranteed to consume your entire lunch hour – and most of the next.

Quite a few pages, and with all the folks hitting the site – give it a minute to download.

Tags: Fish Can’t Read magazine, fishcantread.com, ezine, three flies short, fly tying, fly fishing, online fly fishing magazines, Dry Fly Media

Rivers of a Lost Coast released to DVD

You saw it, you loved it, and now you can drive the wimmenfolk batty with the original DVD, or merely the soundtrack – or both.

Rivers of a Lost Coast has been released on DVD, available for $29.95 from the folks at Skinny Fist Productions. It’s just in time to wreak havoc on the entire Thanks-Christmas holiday – and may cause the in-laws to stop fist fighting over who-likes-who-the-mostest.

Rivers of a Lost Coast

Bill Schaadt was a name mentioned with great reverence around the San Francisco scene of my youth. It was respect more than veneration, as his antics caused as much bile as admiration among anglers of the day.

I never knew the man, but like all of us – fished in his footsteps.

I’ve fished the Russian River many times, without success. Although I had a couple of near “hook ups” when I burst through the underbrush and emerged in the middle of a gay nudist beach … who thought my neoprene-encased svelte form was the second coming of John Wayne, hisself.

I apologized profusely, and tried the Gualala after that …

Tags: Rivers of a Lost Coast, Bill Schaadt, Ted Lindner, Russian River Steelhead, Skinny Fist Productions

Meet the Savior of the Brown Water, the Oil Spill Gordon

Thraulodes_Quevedoensis There’s a certain contentment knowing coarse fish will be around to confuse and entertain future generations of fly fishermen. They’ll be speaking with the same awe of “Silver’s”, “Grass”, and “Common’s” that we’ve reserved for Brown, Brook, and Rainbow.

… and while they’ll continue to siphon mud for hints of protein, we’ll still be able to gear up for dusk and the traditional hatch of dry flies…

thraulodes_nymph All those Catskill dries will have long vanished into antiquity, replaced by the Savior of the Tainted Water, the Thraulodes quevedoensis.

Discovered this year in Ecuador, the Thraulodes Mayfly appears to be pollution insensitive and thrives on concrete, human waste, and radiation.

United States protocols assume mayflies collectively are indicators of high water quality, but the Thraulodes quevedoensis signals that the assumption might not be entirely true in the lowland tropics of South America.

Flowers offered his theory on why this species of mayflies is able to tolerate the polluted conditions of the river, which gets sewage directly from the city and agricultural pollutants from farms upstream.

“During the wet season, the river gets torrential rains from the Andes Mountains,” he said. “During the dry season there are shallow spots in the river and algae grows. This can act as a purification system, and I believe this can keep the pollutants below critical level.”

The flies of tomorrow may sound similar, but us brownline types thrive on a hint of humor mixed with a leavening of pure insouciance, evidenced by our lust for the Fan Winged Corn Niblet, the Light Twinkie, and Oil Spill Gordon.

… the Bad News is future generations will be just as pissed, especially when their savior sports a 5.6mm body length … an #18 if they’re lucky …

Tags: Thraulodes Quevedoensis, pollution insensitive mayfly, Equador, Dr. Will Flowers, Catskill dry fly

We mourn our creek by testing the mettle of what our water grew

Sure I’m bitter and resentful but as a lay scientist I thought I’d find out first hand which is higher in my esteem, cheap produce or inedible fish.

If we measure just the carbon footprint, fish win. But as half of the populace disagrees with it being an issue, and despite my frantic attempts at dodging semi’s loaded with bell peppers and tomatoes, it’s a poor measure of inherent value.

I needed a common metric that was unimpeachable, some simplistic test that would be readily apparent to the casual onlooker, yet was based solely on the respective merits of the two species.

At ease in the current

Bell Peppers aren’t bad on pizza or a good hearty stew, and assuming the flatulence they cause is due to potential energy stored within its fibrous core, would that translate into a horrific struggle when they feel the sting of steel, or would it be like most produce – requiring farm machinery and a good waxing before showing signs of life?

The biggest Capsicum like an "ass down, stem up" sunny lie

Capsicum don’t range far for food, but don’t spook much either. They take surface flies extremely well as most of their food is delivered aerially – by both plane and tractor. Patience, coupled with their cunning predatory instincts allows them to remain motionless and invisible – despite the noise and commotion of nearby farm equipment.

The Pepper Cast, Right at 'em I caught this gaggle of “Red’s” growing flaccid in the sunlight – approaching them directly and casting right at the alpha bell itself …

As I’d never landed a bell pepper in full mating plumage, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

They’re bulky and muscular and retain their texture despite frying, boiling, or baking, so I was hoping they’d give a reasonable account of themselves – some small payback for extincting the fish in my creek.

I felt a brief jolt when I stripped the fly through the pack and set hook tentatively, unsure whether to get the reel handle clear of the vest or whether to duck to avoid incoming angered Capsicum. The lead pepper was clearly startled by the hook – and came out of the rye grass like an avenging angel …

Airborne and headed away in a hurry, and I’m frantically “bowing” to the beast each time it clears the fescue.

It stem-walked towards a couple of fir trees, and I’m leaning into the butt section trying to steer opposite – thankful that I’d rigged an 0X tippet.

It was plain this wasn’t merely a red pepper, it was likely a “Waldo” Pepper – known for aerial hyjinks and often sport a similar coloration when drinking heavily or during harvest months…

I start gaining line back, I may land it

The leader knot is getting close and I entertain visions of landing this brute. I’d tucked a plain brown double-bagger into my vest hoping sight of a familiar shopping bag with its welcoming Halloween colors and festive label would serve me better than the expected violence once “Waldo” spied the unfamiliar net.

The hero shot, with upchuck

Like the Roma tomato I fought earlier, aerial antics appear to jostle the delicate internal organs of Capsicum Annum as well. It’s unfortunate, despite the heroics shown early in the fight, these internal injuries tend to take the starch out of the quarry if the battle is prolonged.

Any chance of “Catch and Release” will require a firm authoritative hand on the rod in order to keep the fight decisive and short.

As the rest of the bushel was alert to my presence, I faded back onto the patio and let them “cool” a little.

In summary, a tenacious yet fragile foe. A bit of Smallmouth bass mixed with the aerial grace of a deflated football, try not to get any on you …

They’re not a complete replacement for my beloved Salmon, Pikeminnow, Carp, and all the other tainted inhabitants of the local waters … but if I was “hope to die” desperate and needed to get bit, they’d be right up there with rabid dogs and hookers.

Tags: Capsicum Annum, red bell pepper, angling for vegetables, catch and release, fly fishing humor, tippet, rabid dogs, hookers

How to jumpstart a legend

It’s Life’s Darkest Moment. All them hours painstakingly crafting a weekend trip to a trophy lake known only to a handful of trustworthy associates who aren’t, and its azure beauty has been despoiled by hordes of fly fishermen from some club somewheres …

Normally you don’t mind sharing, but those thousands of pre-trip hours spent daydreaming in your cubicle sold you on solitude, voracious fish, and the entire wilderness experience.

Not to worry.

Singlebarbed's Farce Fins Act nonchalant as you change out your fins for the Singlebarbed’s “Farce Fins.” Paddle through their fish and once all eyes are focused on you, lift a foot out of the water, scream – and beat a trail of froth back to the beach.

A squeeze bottle of Ketchup tucked in the bib of your waders completes the effect.

While you sob on the sand, to the consternation of the assembled throng and their apprehensive spouses, produce some frayed object and claim it’s a bite mark from a hideous gigantic beast that thought you were a food group.

Skeptics will be pulled from the water by their wives, no need to be too convincing, just remember to gasp Loch Ness rather than Elliot Ness ..

Tags: Float tube, Loch Ness, Elliot Ness, Mermaid fins, fly fishing stillwater, Ketchup, life’s darkest moment

Will smart gadgets be as fashionable if they’re honest?

You can only wrap graphite or mount cork on a cylinder in so many ways. Once you’ve run through the gamut of blank colors, off setting trim, and hook keepers, why not mimic Microsoft and start adding stuff no one asked for?

Especially now that all the gadgets will be getting smart …

Wi-Fi Direct will make it easier to liberate the mounting gigabytes of digital family photos that are trapped in cameras, smart phones or PCs. Now those gadgets will be able to connect directly to digital photo frames, TVs or printers.

Add Twitter into the mix and every hooked fish, tree limb, and extremity can be immortalized in a vast stream of consciousness guaranteed to have the folks at home blowing snot bubbles.

Temp 54F. Wind SE 10 mph. Tree contact. Rock. Elevated angler blood pressure. Fish miss – estimate 4”. Vertical attitude adjustment. Sensor submerged. submerged. lateral drift. Angler vocal …photograph taken, posted to Facebook…

Back at the office, we’ll be undressed in mid pantomime – while insisting the fish was 18” long and fought for hours, when everyone’s already seen our Facebook page and listened to us swearing over the Twitter feed.

Rod companies can imbed cameras, sensors, weights and measurement, dispense fly floatant or insect repellant from the rod handle, and record it all for posterity – uploading it to the Internet as soon as we get within cell coverage.

Fly fishermen and the gadget obsession is the stuff of legend, but without complete control over content and censorship, we’d never ask for a “smart” rod that made an accurate record of our outing.

… leaving the rod companies to insist we need it, that it’s lighter than air, and spin our skepticism into something we think necessary and vital.

With a memory stick tucked in the vest and device-to-device communication we could store thousands of images and sensory data that would be embarrassing to us – yet a boon to science. We’re willing to abandon felt soles for the Greater Good, why not embrace honesty for an even greater fisheries reward?

… until that fellow up-riffle sidles closer, hacks into our data and starts downloading all the flies we’ve tried and their result. The canny angler will have his “master caution” light start to blink at first intrusion so he can grab a smart rock and …

Tags: Wifi Direct, fly fishing gadgets, facebook, twitter, Internet, smart rods, graphite, fly floatant, fisheries