Reading the article is like having your buddy lean over at the conclusion of your Chinese lunch and mention, “add the words ‘in bed’ to your fortune.”

In a set of recent experiments, researchers at the University of Rochester in New York monitored the effects of natural versus artificial environments — and found that nature actually makes us nicer. 

Only in this case, add “except fishermen” to every paragraph.

Previous studies have shown the health benefits of nature range from more rapid healing to stress reduction to improved mental performance and vitality

… except fishermen.

We use Nature to inflict a dizzying assortment of twisted ligaments, contusions, bug bites, blisters, wind burns, frozen limbs, peeling extremities, lacerations, imbedded objects, and broken limbs.

… we’ve got suppurating infections, exposure to hazardous chemicals, radioactive waste, and loud music.

If the fly doesn’t land where we want, if the fish doesn’t immediately eat it, if the wind doesn’t stop, if the felt doesn’t grip – it’s elevated blood pressure, and a string of blood curdling epithets.

Five hours of bumper-to-bumper traffic to fish in horizontal sleet or driving rain is not proof of “improved mental performance.”

Now we’ve found nature brings out more social feelings, more value for community and close relationships. People are more caring when they’re around nature

… except fishermen.

We abandon spouse and children, snarl at anyone encroaching on our riffle, hide our fly box from the curious, and lie about success and failure. Our only lasting relationship is with the clerk at the gas station – source of important toiletries, embalmed cuisine, and fuel.

Fisherman ain’t People. No way.

Tags: nature, science, fishermen, damn lies and statistics, fishermen ain’t people, fly fishing humor

I’m in that tiny minority of fishermen that see the Big Picture and won’t lose any sleep over whether a trout fed on deep fried Snicker bars is a true world record or not.

I attribute my pragmatic view to the slow death of the quality water – and the inexorable spread of taint. Too many humans in too small an area begats a slow corruption of water, soil, and air.

You recognize the issue all too well and while you’d rather it wasn’t on our doorstep, you’ve witnessed a lot of your former haunts become a shell of what once was…

Humans have to eat and water is precious. If you’re of the school that only a pure strain rainbow is deserved “World Record” status, then it’s likely you still leave cake and milk on the hearth for Old Saint Nick.

Considering that steaks will probably come from an amorphous blob of cattle-like substance – grown in vitro so we can reduce bovine-sourced Methane, and fish will suffer some similar fate; a scaly mass – fed brightly colored proteins via a latticework of tubes, surrounded by white-coated freshman wondering which gene to add next. Science doesn’t care for your silly little pastime – they’re worried about the important stuff ..

.. like feeding all of us snobs for the next couple of decades.

The beauty of science is all the permutations we’ll see before that sodden mass is ready for filleting, and some of them will be unsuitable table fare, they’ll be adding a bit of this to a dab of that and something’s bound to escape.

If it doesn’t eat all of us or befoul what little planet is left, it might prove to be a robust gamefish – despite having to wear a shark suit when you fish for it, as wading in anything less means you’re bait (fishing).

In the meantime, lighten up a little. What we know is going the way of the Model A Ford, and what we don’t know may make you scratch your chin …

… like the Superfish I’m always giggling about. It might be here … now.

“The duo has been feeding rainbow trout a diet of 5 percent Creatine, the naturally occurring amino acid (contrary to some, Creatine isn’t a steroid or a growth hormone, Hayward says) that former Major League Baseball slugger Mark McGuire said he used as he chased baseball’s single-season home-run record in 1998.

The results show that some of the rainbows are responding to the Creatine diet like humans who regularly take the popular yet controversial body building supplement and follow a consistent weightlifting program.

They’re getting stronger ..”

Stuff some fatty triploid with Creatine and we’ll need Double Taper 9 weights for dry flies … and if 5% is good, 75% would be sublime.

Your kid will be munching on a fish burger, that’s still wriggling despite being deep fried, wondering how you endured those “quaint” natural fish – while he’s knotting on another Titanium treble-equipped parachute.

But that has not prevented the researchers from leaping to an economic conclusion. ”Fishermen probably would pay a premium for a chance of catching fish that fought longer and harder,” one of them said.

… and Mr. Trout Snob, your lofty ethics will fall by the wayside when a membership to Brawny Creek opens. You’ll be so busy reaching for your checkbook to notice you’ve drooled on your cravat.

45 pound Rainbow the new World’s Record? That is so last week…

Tags: Creatine fed rainbow trout, performance enhancing drugs, Mark McGwire, super trout, steroid trout, good old days, world record rainbow trout, triploid, fish burger