Category Archives: entomology

Never has so few been shunned by so many over so little

No one’s accused us of being overly clean or bright, but we own the “adventurous” label hand’s down.

All brownliners have a host of aberrations; we’re as superstitious as baseball players, display enough nervous tics to warrant rehab, and practice strange ritual, reviled and largely misunderstood.

That’s why we only offer lunches to the folks we like. Slaw dogs may be the pinnacle of cuisine in the higher elevations, but Wasp cookies are “culinary cutting edge” regardless of which continent hosts the Brown water we’re in…

Native foods contain  precious anti-bodies to combat the accidental dunking, and coupled with our lay entomological studies – we seek education and immunization in every calorie ingested.

… and on slow days, it’s bait.

Adapt, evolve, and overcome; Darwin didn’t plan on sissies reproducing, and we take offense if we’re escorting one through the Brown Water.

Slogging through all that odiferous stream bottom usually eliminates the urge to dine, especially for the first couple of outings. We dispense with the usual formalities like crystal dinnerware and silken napkins, preferring the camaraderie of finger foods to break the ice.

Neat rows of Protein, no ceremony - just dig in It’s fairly common to mistake our fly box for the party tray as they look so much alike. Neatly ordered rows of “Czech Nymphs” await the angler bent on protein, but “Czech” for fish hooks before swallowing…

Brownliner’s have always espoused “green” dining – only because introducing such high energy foods to traditional fishermen turns them green in a hurry. We keep the recipes close to the vest, and discourage the casual diner from inquiries like …

Now we're going to see some green “…. what was that delicious, crunchy, invigorating item in the salad?”

“I’m so glad you asked, it’s a native species common to all brownline watersheds that feeds off decaying flora and fauna, has zero Transfat, and domesticates amazingly well.

Rich in protein, typically taking on the flavor of its host, it’s abundant, muscular, and rich in nutrition.

It’s our ‘little entomological nutrition powerhouse’ and a trade secret.”

I’ve just enough time to squeeze in a nap before midnight

Maybe we need to rethink what's attractiveWe’re being shortchanged, California anglers pay $35 bucks a year to fish from dawn till dusk – legal hours unchanged for the last half century.

It’s for the greater good, fish need beauty sleep – and I’m all for their being rested and refreshed the following day, but if the environment changes, shouldn’t these legacy rules change in lockstep?

Science is on our side, what with the recently released study on the Tennessee River, whose findings demonstrate radical change in mayfly behavior, complements of Starbux, and the Mega-caffeine craze…

Caffeine exists in a high-enough concentration to force-feed a typical baby mayfly the equivalent of 26.6 cups of coffee a day, according to Sean Richards, associate professor of biological and environmental sciences at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga.

We never put “two and two” together, enduring all those miniscule evening hatches assuming water temperature or weather prevented the normal hatch from coming off. What’s really happening is mayflies – and by inference, caddis, and stoneflies, are partying into the wee hours of the morning and emerging in pre-dawn darkness.

I never intended my hard earned license dollars to support prepubescent youngsters pissing away their youth in a cataclysmic blur of hyper-reproduction – where the frantic paroxysm of emergence occurs after legal hours – when wardens prowl and the legal anglers are abed.

Trout populations may not be in decline, and if we’re able to fish between midnight and when the Seven-Eleven closes, 100 fish nights might be common. Even “Whirling Disease” may be a myth, fueled by a diet of caffeine laced invertebrates, trout chase as much tail as we did.

Congress is busy bailing out the unfortunates that don’t fish – so save your moral outrage for the election, where we can really apply pressure.

“If you think about Prozac, it mellows people out for the most part, and gives them a state of well-being,” he said. “If you give that to a fish, then how well are they going to be able to avoid a predator?”

On second thought, don’t write anybody – things are peachy-fine, and I’ve just got enough time to squeeze in a nap before dark.

I’ll see hear you in the fast water.

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A Hexagenia by any other name is still low in Trans Fat

Mayfly Lasangna I think it was the Existentialist movement of the ’70’s that insisted we “think like the trout, BE the Trout.”

If you’re still struggling with the concept you may want to eat bugs, then again, there’s plenty of other philosophies that would permit you to achieve “self” by eating Ice Cream.

There’s strong evidence that early on, people in Europe and the Middle East routinely ate insects. In the Book of Leviticus, for example, the text states that most bugs are taboo. But not ALL bugs, it says. “These you may eat; the arbeh after his kind, the sal’am after his kind, the chargol after his kind, and the chagav after his kind….” Most scholars agree that these are really names for the same critter, the locust, in various developmental states.

Somehow there’s always a trendy SoCal eatery involved, as Californian’s insist on being on the cutting edge of every dubious trend possible.

“Right now, it’s the ‘in’ thing,” says Brian Vidor, proprietor of Typhoon, a trendy Pan-Asian restaurant at the Santa Monica, California, airport.

About six years ago, Vidor added stir-fried crickets and ants to his already extensive menu. The word swiftly spread, and soon the restaurateur found himself struggling to ensure that supply would meet the demand.

I’m not so sure the angling community is ready for “Singlebarbed’s Guide to Tasty Ephemera” – but what better way to break new ground than to prove Hydropsyche tastes like shoe leather, and the LaFontaine Caddis needs Garlic?

If you’re struggling with all of this, go lick your windshield.

The Yurok, one pound of hamburger with an imbedded treble

Sure, I can see that in the whitewater I’ve always thought the reason anglers treat aquatic insects with respect is the knowledge the winged version can’t suck blood – therefore trodding streambed was indiscriminate, without thought to repercussions.

Of all the aquatic bugs the giant stoneflies occupied that “reserved tier” among bugs; they’re easy to identify, only a little more agile than a rock when flying, and land with similar grace.

Wad a pound of anything on a fish hook and it’s a legitimate imitation, just the kind of starter fly for a novice tier – and no matter how well crafted the fish are usually receptive.

Me, I like watching one of those big brutes crawl down someone’s shirt collar midstream – and applaud the “break dancing” that follows – if the bug don’t getcha the creek surely will..

For those driven to be overly serious about their bugs, Illiesia is an online publication devoted to stonefly research and populations. It’s strictly scientific literature, but before you scream “Skwala” you may want to look again with a microscope.

Me, I’m screaming ” SWELTSA YUROK “, a new stonefly discovered this year on the Trinity and Klamath Rivers here in California. Since no one else has a pattern, I’m going to be rubbing shoulders with Izaak Walton shortly..

Hush, I’ll put in a good word for you guys ..

My Garage Door attracts the Slow Learners

The difference between my garage and the Pooty water might not be muchIt just goes to show you how ungrateful Mayflies can be..

I always invite them to the party, the fact they rarely show is likely a source of amusement – but mighty damn important to me. Then I turn my back, and they cover my garage door with moot evidence of their scorn, no courtesy knock at the door, no chance for me to attend.

The empty beer cans I can handle, but the fact that they leave their clothes lying around makes me grit my teeth, am I some sexual miscreant that I have to clean up their debauchery?

I bet that pavement was a shock, while idly pleasuring themselves in mid air them females ignored the “wave off” and found concrete an unwelcome companion to egg laying.

I’m sure the Mayfly males were appropriately sensitive, “Get up, let’s do it again – this time higher.”

It’s one of many perils when air, water, and land are all roughly the same color palate – there’s no telling what you’ll find with your morning paper…

Mayflies responsible for Canary population explosion

The last of the brave birds It’s the burgeoning field of “BioMimicry” – the imitation of natural processes in a man made device. Mayfly gills and their movement appear to be the last great hope for canaries.

A tiny robotic replica of a mayflies gill is likely to replace the old “canary in a coal mine” – as its physical properties and size means it can move both airborne and waterborne particles over a sensor head without inducing a counter current with its movement.

The next step will be to construct a tiny artificial micro-robot that can reproduce the switchable gill action of the mayfly nymph. Such a mechanism could be installed in sensors intended to detect unhealthy air in otherwise stagnant areas, such as in subway stations or mines. If a miniature set of robotic mayfly gill plates can move air over a sensor, potentially harmful substances can be detected faster – and no canaries would be harmed in the process.

It’s a big deal because all manner of unhealthy items live in stagnant dank areas, and the speed the sensor registers means someone has a running start for the exit.

This may cause some consternation for us ardent fishing types, some fellow waving and yelling about BWO’s might be complaining about your Bad Wader Odor.

Oh, Hell – just throw a rock at Mr. CandyAss..

Trout Bling

Makes you wonder a bit about the Caddis in all the rivers prior to the Gold Rush, it might’ve been more lucrative to scare the trout away and collect them yourself.

I'd fight the trout for this anytime

French artist Hubert Duprat creates jewelry using case building Caddis, remove the larva from it’s “low rent” quarters – insert him near gold flakes, pearls, and other precious objects, and he’ll make a pricier case fit for art.

To begin with, I put the insect in a gold-filled environment for as long as it takes the creature to form a rough case. The larva must be able to move around in its new case and be picked up without any risk of breaking the fragile construction. First, I only provided the larvae with gold spangles, but then I gradually added beads of turquoise, opal, lapis lazuli and coral, as well as rubies, sapphires, diamonds, hemispherical and Baroque pearls, and tiny rods of 18-karat gold.

Thankfully insects possess enormous strength relative to their size, because the exchange of sand and gravel for gold is a significant weight issue. It’d sure be nice to train a couple thousand in gold recovery. Sprinkle them out of your pocket while wading, the slow learners become bait – while the rest return bearing nuggets.

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Seems innocent enough until you try to breathe

Hexagenia Limbata Car Cover I remember seeing a documentary on this years ago, where they left on the overhead lights of a gas station to observe a Mississippi river Hex hatch.

So many bugs were attracted it took half a day  to clear the parking lot using bulldozers.

Fishing would be out of the question, as I’m not sure you could draw a breath of air in the crush of mating mayflies. A short loop of the National Weather Service radar shows a 90 minute hatch – and the airborne phenomenon the Mississippi can produce.

“Some roads across the Mississippi River in and around La Crosse were covered with bugs, piling into ‘drifts’ on bridges over the Mississippi River and its tributaries,” the National Weather Service reported. “Local businesses with high intensity lighting soon found large piles of dead mayflies accumulating under the lights by midnight.”

I see two dozen adults and get excited, my guess is you see the first couple drift by and you’re yelling for your buddy to run for his life.

All you’d need is Tippy Hedron running by headed for a phone booth…

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You may want to airbrush out the fish hook if you’re determined to prove your point

Name it and achieve immortality How’s your entomology? The 50 million year old mayfly likely needs to be keyed to genus and species.

..or you can take the shortcut, and hope no one notices you might have bent the rules a bit..

An Islamic text entitled “The Atlas of Creation” has created quite a stir, it purports to show Darwinism doesn’t exist – assisted by fossil evidence in amber to prove the point.

The only problem is that little nameless caddis fly, not the one preserved in amber, it’s the “live” one next to it … the one that hasn’t changed in all them millions of years.

My what a big hook you have

I’d say there were red faces aplenty – especially with that big old hook there for the scientific community to pounce on.

Come to think of it, that hook does look old…

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