Category Archives: current events

When Peanut Butter Cookies are a bad thing

Bring Your Own Bottle, of Oxygen Brownlining is fine, but I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. Fishing anywhere in Northern California would be best described as “Brown Lunging” regardless of elevation and venue.

I did manage to sneak out between shifts Saturday morning, fires traditionally dampen down in the evening due to the increased humidity, and the smoke decreases somewhat. I hit the American River at first light and the entire place smelled like Ma’s home cooked Peanut Butter cookies.

I managed to stick a single fish but lost it before it could be identified. I assume it was a Shad – briefly contemplating hanging it from a tree limb for an hour to smoke it …

I headed home before the worst of the smoke returned, nothing like smoking a pack of cigarettes per cast – even the hardiest fishermen would turn tail.

Next week is more of the same, bring your own oxygen mask or stay out of the area.

Mayflies responsible for Canary population explosion

The last of the brave birds It’s the burgeoning field of “BioMimicry” – the imitation of natural processes in a man made device. Mayfly gills and their movement appear to be the last great hope for canaries.

A tiny robotic replica of a mayflies gill is likely to replace the old “canary in a coal mine” – as its physical properties and size means it can move both airborne and waterborne particles over a sensor head without inducing a counter current with its movement.

The next step will be to construct a tiny artificial micro-robot that can reproduce the switchable gill action of the mayfly nymph. Such a mechanism could be installed in sensors intended to detect unhealthy air in otherwise stagnant areas, such as in subway stations or mines. If a miniature set of robotic mayfly gill plates can move air over a sensor, potentially harmful substances can be detected faster – and no canaries would be harmed in the process.

It’s a big deal because all manner of unhealthy items live in stagnant dank areas, and the speed the sensor registers means someone has a running start for the exit.

This may cause some consternation for us ardent fishing types, some fellow waving and yelling about BWO’s might be complaining about your Bad Wader Odor.

Oh, Hell – just throw a rock at Mr. CandyAss..

Her sunburn matched the flame coming out of her nose, I knew it was destiny

No, you ...you can't use my Sage It was the title that seemed out of place, “Escape to Montana’s Firehole Ranch for a Romantic Fly Fishing Getaway.”

I sat and pondered, scratched my chin and still came up blank – romance and fly fishing just doesn’t fit in the same sentence, I get the same nagging discomfort as if I’d ended a sentence absent a preposition ..

Divorce and fly fishing rolls off the tongue as if made for one another, and while “romance of fly fishing” is lyrical – it’s still unsettling. I just can’t figure how two predators can make nice long enough for a second date.

Naturally I’m thinking of the neo-primitive-archaic flavor taught to us by Mom, who stressed all the old school pointers; hold the barbwire down so she can trespass easily, look attentive when she’s attempting to talk over the roar of the fast water, try to smooth the boot print off the beef jerky before offering her some, and for that special  moment – intertwine arms when lathering on bug repellant.

I’m hoping in-stream romance has been updated since Ma gave me the basics, as I’m at a loss whether to throw an elbow when racing her for the pocket water, and the proper epithet to hurl when she says her fish was this big, and I’m convinced she lying.

Any gal I’d want to date would have a vocabulary of a Longshoreman, would shower almost as often as I did, might get squeamish if a limb was missing, and have the ethics of lukewarm toothpaste – why else would I take them fishing?

Then it hit me …

I, like you, would’ve proposed after she said, “I love fly fishing” – and if she didn’t laugh outright – we’d be newlywed’s – I could throw elbows, call her an outright lying SOB, and toss rocks at fish in front of her.

The theory is sound but the reality could be a profit oriented gamble, the Firehole Ranch might be gearing up for same-sex marriage traffic, and as I’m unfamiliar with their courtship ritual, it could be a cash cow..

Trendy ain’t what it’s cracked up to be

Red, sentient, and really pissed I can only assume I’m part of the larger malady, and you may have noticed the sudden quiet from my end of the Blogosphere. All I remember was a salad and a turkey-dog, then 48 hours of “Kill Me, please.”

The only thing quiet was the blog, as all my “ends” were suddenly clamoring for attention, with me hugging the Porcelain, suddenly really religious.

Little Red vine-ripened fruit, I salute you – and after three or four years, when I can look at you again, I may buy some more. Until then everything that resembles you has been banished from the pantry – and if I succumb to the desire of a BLT, I’ll slice a red donut.

Not being able to stray more than 13 feet from the water closet puts a crimp in fishing, but humor has returned so it appears I’ll survive.

The Sou’Wester meets the Burnoose

Hot Air Barons Fishermen have always gravitated to “whatever works, ” – and with declining revenue, less fish, and fuel costs, the choice may be as simple as a new career.

New Jersey’s commercial fishing fleet is the eighth largest in the US, and with the travails of the fishing industry well documented, they’re looking to branch out into the renewable energy market.

But the Garden State wants to be home to the U.S.’s first offshore wind farm. Fishermen’s Energy hopes to install eight turbines capable of 20 megawatts by 2011 off the coast of Atlantic City, and an additional 64 turbines and 320 megawatts by 2013.

I’ve always known fishermen to be the center of a lot of hot air, it’s about time we leveraged that gift for something material.

Civil Service, the only career that doesn’t have a "for dummies" guide

The Sacramento Bee reports that both anglers and hunters have shown a small positive gain in California. Everyone interviewed is aghast for an explanation, and some truly odd theories are being bandied about…

  • Baby Boomers are retiring so they have more time to hunt and fish.
  • Women are participating.
  • The Organic Food movement, an offshoot of “eat local” – wherein consumers are asked to reject foods from foreign locales – and seek food raised locally.

When you see a culinary trend like that, those who have been associated with hunting or fishing say, ‘ I can go get me some of that’, ” said Sonke Mastrup, Fish and Game deputy director. “It adds to the allure or prestige. Not only are you serving wild game to your friends, but it’s game you got yourself.”

I damn near exhaled coffee through my nose after reading the above gem. Leave it to a deputy director to demonstrate how little the department knows about who their constituency is and what motivates them.

I would find it much more believable were they simply to say, “we counted all the kids bringing handguns to school as hunters, and if we found a knife or garrotte on them, we figured they were fishermen too.”

With the preponderance of Earth types, Vegans, animal activists, and folks that believe “radishes have feelings” dominating the political skyline – to say these folks want to shed blood as it’s “organic” is pretty damn out-of-touch.

Most Californians start backpedaling when they realize you own a weapon, and if offered anything without a Safeway price tag, they’ll politely decline – as somehow it’s not sanitary.

Just my two cents, let the pennies fall where they may…

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$182 court costs and much less painful than a tattoo

They even have a band of the same name License plates are for showmen – especially now that the good ones are gone. It’s a devotion thing, and sporting a “Trout4lif” plate is Parking Lot Hardcore, serving notice the owner has suffered broken marriages, fishless fishing, failed careers, and squandered inheritance – for the love of the game..

.. just like the rest of us, only he prefers to advertise.

It was the guy ahead of me in line, another Cappuccino radical intent on changing society wholesale – changing his name as the first step to a New World Order.

At the age of 17, Peter Eastman, who grew up in Carpinteria, Calif., decided to change his name to Trout Fishing in America. He was influenced by the Richard Brautigan novel of the same name.

He’s got legal title to “Trout Fishing in America”, leaving the technicians at Mastercard scratching their chin on which is the first, middle, and last name – to etch on the plastic.

As true Outdoorsmen are on the way out, is this the opportunity to revert to Indian names – to celebrate our “few-ness” and gradual extinction?

“Trout Fishing in America” has a certain polish – but “Foul Hooked Carp” adds a touch of mysticism and uncertainty.

Some of the better fish names are left, so “Crappy Largemouth” seems to fit my personae and continual butchery of the King’s English. The guys at Visa will be too busy giggling to log my card, which I’d exploit heroically.

“Tight Lines” will go quickly – some fellow will be turning cartwheels until he realizes there’s no stipend from the salutation.

The choice monikers will go faster than domain names, no sense being late to the party and getting stuck with “Hooked In The Arse By Cheney.”

Would that make me the "Black Sheep" of Dry Fly Fishing

Genetics has a lot to do with it F.M. Halford has been called the “father of dry fly fishing” due to the many books he wrote while fishing the River Test in England.

The thatched fishing hut where Halford prepared his flies stands opposite Oakley Farmhouse, near Winchester. In short, if trout fishing has a spiritual home, this stretch of water is it.

The Oakley Farmhouse has recently been listed at 2.6 million pounds (5.1 million US dollars) but before you tap your 401K, know the fishing is no longer part of the property:

You would similarly have to join the syndicate at Mottisfont to fish from Oakley Farmhouse, where your application would have an excellent chance of being accepted.

Your application might stand a chance, I checked my heraldry and am descended of a long line of debtors and pickpockets, it’s not likely they’ll take to my quaint blend of boorish manners and colonial charm …

It is here, too, at the Grosvenor Hotel, that meetings are held of the Houghton Club, the most selective fly-fishing club in the world. Founded in 1822 with 13 members, its membership has ballooned to 25, but little is known about its activities – except that it has a changing area reserved for the Prince of Wales.

I would be very quiet, very polite, and learn of the intricacies of single malt versus blended; after a hellish six seconds – I’d make the mistake of mashing someone’s hand in a friendly grip, backslap his Lordship while he’s drinking and wind up a poacher on my own property.

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11 Tons should be around 100,000 fish

Sigorney Weaver won't be there to help, you're on your ownEagle Lake rainbows ravenously feeding in Davis Lake may be akin to a scene from  Aliens  – and may warrant the same solution, a nuke from orbit.

…it’s the only way to be sure.

Today, Lake Davis will be the recipient of 11 tons of Eagle Lake Rainbow Trout – most will be addled by the long drive and fishing is likely to be brisk and fruitful. 3000 of the fish will be trophy sized, up to 13 lbs, and will be released simultaneously with the normal stock.

For those of you outside California, Lake Davis has been “nuked” twice to kill the Northern Pike – now that the poison has cleared the watershed, the Department of Fish and Game will begin restocking it as a trout fishery.

The trophy fish will be released in Honker Cove, which may have to be renamed to Rorke’s Drift – as the battle will be one sided until they’re escorted out of range.

Planting will continue through Saturday, with the inaugural opening scheduled for 10:30AM, Saturday morning. There’ll be a number of fishing seminars and events scheduled in coordination with the re-christening of the fishery.

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We could fix a hole or two in the budget, easy

Fish and Game budget peril Either we elected the President as governor, or elected the guy that shot the President as governor, I lose track .. California’s thinks on a grand scale whenever porpoises are in trouble, or tofu is being discriminated against, it’s the price we pay for being trend conscious. Then again we tend to be quite pedestrian on “normal” issues..

I look at what other states are doing and wish we were them, not often – but often enough to wonder whether they’d trade us some intelligence for ..say.. Hollywood, or Paris Hilton, or maybe just a couple extra days of sunshine.

Maine might go for the sunshine, and I’d trade straight up for “checking out fishing tackle from the local library.”  California only lends handguns or fruit smoothies – fishing tackle might both invigorate our ailing public library system and earn a kid a suntan.

Minnesota’s Department of Natural Resources, “wants me to fish” – at least  that’s what the postcard they’re mailing claims. It may be enough to wave in the Boss’s face and demand a holiday to fulfill my obligation to the State … If he blinks follow up with any of a dozen choice epithets, and remind them they’re just the kind of fellow the Department of Homeland Security ensures will get a cavity search should they ever fly anywhere.

California likes the national stage, if they really wanted to stimulate anglers why not make a new state holiday? Present a valid fishing license to your boss, and you’re entitled to skip Monday.

License sales would skyrocket, and we could all get a taste. You could pass your license to co-workers, for a nominal fee, and they could march into the Boss’s office with equal patriotic fervor.

I’m not picking on anyone, but we may have to coach our Vegan’s to say, “Fish – Fowl” with a straight face ..

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