Category Archives: current events

A real fly fisherman will neither starch nor iron his Barbour Jacket

Starring Muy Malo and Griff The mystery solved.

Why fly fisherman have cropped up hawking everything from credit cards to Snicker bars …

We … is back in style.

Goretex and Redwings rub shoulders with plunging strapless and Italian leather, and all the gals is wishing their man wore Pendleton.

Actual outdoor usage is still tawdry and forbidden, but looking like you can chop wood, mend fence, or stand hipshot with a scowl, sets all them urban hearts aflutter …

“I’ve heard some people saying that the heritage revival is the death of luxury,” said Mr. Bastian, the fashion designer. “But guys are just shopping differently.”

Yet another thing the Brawny Man can aim for: saving the American economy.

Outdoor Cutting Edge With patriotism a cornerstone of our conservation dogma, it may be time to wrestle the Tea Party away from political hacks, and rechristen it the Bull Moose Too Party. We can backburner silly notions of religion and family values, and focus on important issues like annexing Canada (which still has good fishing), Maine, and sweeping the Senate of folks that don’t love tuna fish.

A “fashionista tax” where the user must show a valid hunting or fishing license to buy Sorel, Barbour, or Simms, or pays double –  should ensure the budget is balanced in a fortnight.

Besides, nobody likes them guys anyways …

As the clothing looks good on the young, us aging Bull Moosers will adore adding additional entitlements for Cyprinids, Salmonids, and the environs they hold dear. Gleeful, knowing that while the young are busy posing fiercely at one another, they’ll be doing so at the expense of a meager pay stub – and the shrinking 401K – we leave them.

Only real difference between us and them other political hacks, is we’ve no plans for “Johnny Nintendo” to inherit a damn thing, what remains of the Greatest Generation and the Boomers will show Junior what selfish looks like …

… right after we kick them out of the house.

California Free fishing day tomorrow

Nasty! Tastes Nasty! Just a friendly reminder that Monday, September 6th is the second of the two free fishing days for California. Residents 16 and older do not require a license to catch, thump, or eat anything, in either fresh or salt water.

Note the lifting of the license restriction will not make fish tastier, so the screams of joy and adventure will not extend to the dinner table. Like all real fishermen – kids hate fish – unless a clown serves it …

… and then only maybe.

I’ll urge you to be firm despite the scowls and tears. Teaching them to catch fish may be an elective, but teaching them to eat what they kill is a requirement, a rite of passage.

Didymo bloom affects California’s Bear River, there’s algae in them there hills

Diatomes are tiny, invisible even It was only a matter of time, the Sacramento Bee reports that a nuisance bloom of Didymo has been identified in a 10 mile stretch of the Bear River, outside of Grass Valley, California.

But scientists know very little about the algae, and they’ve grown alarmed by a mysterious change in its behavior in recent years.

So-called “nuisance blooms” of didymo, like that in the Bear River, are being reported with increasing frequency around the world. Experts don’t know why, but suspect everything from climate change to a genetic mutation in the algae itself.

What’s unfortunate is that the Bear River is a popular gold panning site, and the modern day 49er and his suction dredge doesn’t fit the “clean, dry, protect” solution popularized for fishermen.

… and with Grass Valley being a compelling gateway to the Sierra’s and the gold bearing forks of the American, it’s possible we may see a few more pollination vectors than the birds, bears, anglers, and boat owner crowd.

Those of you frequenting this nearby watershed should be on heightened alert, and anything dampened should be quarantined per standard procedure.

This isn’t a zebra or quagga mussel the size of a sand grain, this is a single celled algae that is too small to see with the naked eye. Anything damp is a potential carrier, and that includes your fly line backing, trapped water in your wading staff, and your flies.

With last week’s Lake Tahoe mix up, where a visiting boater was barred from launching his craft after he identified its use at a “high risk” lake in Arizona, who promptly drove to another ramp and gave the officers different information and launched without decontamination, suggests us wading fishermen may be the only folks taking the invasive message to heart.

A nice $5000 dollar fine doesn’t offset what our pal from Arizona may have left us, but he can tell his pals we take our water serious …

Anglers no longer passive in battle against invasive species

solar_toothbrush The War against Invasives takes a bloody turn this week compliments of weapons that assist the socially responsible angler maintain his squeaky clean.

The Solar-Powered Toothbrush is a multi-purpose tool allowing the ecologically concious angler to eradicate germs and plaque-causing microbes in his mouth, then aggressively scrub his wading gear and boots of all threats to the watershed.

The Soladey-J3X has a solar panel at its base that transmits electrons to the top of the toothbrush through a lead wire. The electrons react with acid in the mouth, creating a chemical reaction that breaks down plaque and kills bacteria. The toothbrush requires no toothpaste, and can operate with about the same amount of light as needed by a solar-powered calculator.

The researchers have already tested the toothbrush in cultures of bacteria that cause periodontal disease, and demonstrated that the brush causes “complete destruction of bacterial cells,” Komiyama said.

It’s the end of standing around the ice machine at the gas station, hoping your waders will freeze and thaw before the evening grab. Now you can go after the little bastards, listen to their screams of anguish –and watch them pop and sizzle.

Of course the next morning your mouth will taste like you’ve licked the inside of Goldfish bowl, but what’s a little suffering when it comes to ensuring the Pristine for future generations …

Me, I use an old head cement bottle and a dram of single-malt, making the entire experience heady and rewarding.

Test Invasive species, solar powered toothbrush, fly fishing hygiene, wading boots, waders, fly fishing humor, clean dry mantra

Introducing the Salmon Pout: Why fly fishing for Carp is the new Purism

In our Bold New World department comes a Salmon angler’s dream, an Atlantic salmon that eats year round, reproduces like a New Zealand Mud Snail and grows twice as fast as real salmon.

The only problem is the damn thing has to be taught how to swim.

Ocean Pout or Conger Eel

You grab a gene from a Pacific Salmon, add a couple more from the Ocean Pout (or Conger Eel, at left) mash the syringe into an Atlantic Salmon egg, and watch the magic happen…

Once you cull the progeny for misshapen ogres and hunchbacks – and fillet what’s left, you’ve doubled your seafood production and the consumer is none the wiser.

As the FDA faces unthinkable hurdles trying to regulate these test-tube fish, producers exploit loopholes in food laws with great glee.

But AquaBounty says FDA cannot legally obligate the fish producer to label the product as anything other than Atlantic salmon. Anything else is voluntary.

–via AOL News

On one hand I’m not so sure anglers will lose out in the mix. At some point a couple of extra genes may produce a scrappy opponent that will provide great sport when planted illegally in a backyard pond, or even the kitchen sink.

As most fishermen rarely eat their catch, we won’t care too much when some lab coat wads a big needle up Mother Nature’s finest, we can no longer afford the outpouring of cash for a weekend-long pilgrimage to the Pristine, or the gear necessary.

AquaBounty says it has launched a “blue revolution,” which brings together biological sciences and molecular technology “to enable an aquaculture industry capable of large-scale, efficient and environmentally sustainable production of high quality seafood. Genetically altered trout and tilapia are the next to be offered up to the nation’s fishmongers.

Once trout hits the aquaculture cross-hairs we’ll see some plaintive bleat from our conservation organizations and the IGFA, but they’ll be steamrollered into quiescence because of the larger issue, world hunger.

If we know we’re headed down this path, the next Theodore Gordon may be the fellow that grows a boutique fish purely for the sporting crowd. Throw a little bluegill genes into some Bluefin tuna, and squeeze the result into something colorful, yielding the Gangsta Trout.

Able to swim at a reel screaming 40MPH, can sheer a seven weight in a single jump, and feeds on Asian Carp, Zebra Mussels, and small children.

Lipstick on a Pig Trout

In light of what is about to occur, I see the Carp crowd having the last laugh, “sure, the water is tepid and the fish have Roman noses, but at least they don’t share any genetics with a Snickers Bar…”

Genetic salmon, Ocean Pout, Conger Eel, Heath Ledger, gangsta trout, asian carp, IGFA, bold new world, aquaculture, fish genetics, carp, fly fishing

Rod making legend lays off entire workforce

gudebrod NCP thread The Gudebrod thread company appears to be another casualty of recent economic upheaval, with banks unwilling to lend and small businesses caught without capital.

Gudebrod has been synonymous with silk and rod winding threads for decades, yet has been forced to lay off its entire workforce.

W.E. “Nat” LeGrande Jr., company president, said he is hopeful the layoffs, which occurred Friday, will be temporary. He said about 60 to 65 union and non-union workers have been temporarily laid off from the 274 Shoemaker Road facility while the financially troubled, family-owned company seeks new capital.

– via The Mercury

The company has been struggling since the loss of the Glide dental floss contract in 2007, which represented 63% of their net business, proving yet again how little angling dollars contribute to a company’s bottom line.

Us hoarders have learned to snatch up whatever stocks remain, as too often published reports of “temporary” setbacks are found to be permanent closures.

It’s likely someone will fill the gap, but if you’re an aficionado of their products I would lay in a goodly supply of the colors used most. They can use the bucks, and you’d be covered for the foreseeable future.

Gudebrod makes a wide variety of silk, nylon, and Kevlar threads for both rods and flytying. Their “NCP” (no color preservative) thread was quite the rage in the day as it remained opaque with no loss of color when a rod finish was applied.

Thread making must be a hellish business as we’ve lost both Danville’s Monocord and (perhaps) the entire Gudebrod line in the same year.

Gudebrod thread, rod wrapping thread, Danville Monocord, NCP thread,

All those lectures delivered by stern biologists go unheeded after it earns a nickname

… and while the tabloids make great fun over the adventure, the biologists grind their teeth in frustration.

How to get the invasive message across to a public that flushes pet alligators down the toilet, tosses piranha into the Old Swimming Hole once they outgrow the Goldfish budget, or toss that Boa Constrictor into the brushy area where everyone walks their dog – as it would be cruel to dispatch the oversized SOB now that it strangled the neighbor’s cat.

… then again, it makes an awesome, albeit controversial addition to some fellow’s life list. A story that’ll fetch free beer for months on the retelling.

I can’t help it if your finger freezes on the third tap of flakes feeding your child’s pet – that lumpy orange behemoth in the video would make any fellow question his forthcoming liability.

… as for flies, I’d think an emergent Cheetos would be just the ticket.

Monster goldfish, invasive species, fish flakes, Cheetos, goldfish flies, frustrated biologists, fishing for goldfish

The California Delta just another victim of conspicuous consumption

Father Serra and the Missions of Ca Another in a long list of reports on Delta water use, the state’s best and brightest suggest that 75% of the rain and snowmelt of the Sacramento and San Joaquin watersheds must flow through the Delta and into San Francisco Bay to maintain ecological equilibrium.

True to form the report was met with great skepticism by water users;

Big water agencies that rely on the pumps criticized the report in news releases as imbalanced and “purely theoretical.”

In human terms it means we’re already using twice what the report allows, and the tensions between folks holding rights to the water are bound to escalate.

Meeting all of those requirements would require San Joaquin farms, Southern California and portions of the East Bay and South Bay that rely on pumps in the southern Delta to cut their Delta water use by one-third in addition to recent cutbacks required to meet endangered species rules.

For other water users upstream, including utilities serving Oakland and San Francisco, the effect could be even worse — up to 70 percent, because the goal to increase river flows would make more water available in the Delta for pumps to export.

But those figures do not take into account water rights laws that say agencies with older rights — including some in the Bay Area — should not have to give up water for newer users, and that agencies closer to water sources also should not have to give up water to those relying on Delta pumps.

– via the San Jose Mercury News

As the report is non-binding it remains just another data point on what plagues all the western states. Limited water, too many people, rampant construction, and the conversion of desert to irrigable land.

Us fishermen and conservationists might start the teapot boiling, but we’ll be on the sidelines during most of the ensuing legal orgy – as cities sue other cities, farmer pitted against farmer, and decades of legal haranguing ties any real change to the courts.

… and it wouldn’t surprise me to see documents dating back to Father Serra and Sir Francis Drake waved about with great furor …

California delta, water wars, Sir Francis Drake, Father Serra, Spanish land grant, water rights, Sacramento River, San Joaquin River, San Francisco Bay

Matching the Hatch, the forgotten chapters

Thread them M&M's on the shank It’s a stretch to be certain, but rather than assume we’ve taken Matching the Hatch to its logical conclusion; with all the permutations and combinations of insects and imitations well documented, have we overlooked the obvious and forgotten that even the most well trodden path can meander with time?

With chemical additives and female hormones bathing each successive generation of both insects and fish, will our meticulously imitated three-tailed mayfly have four tails within the decade?

“Much of what humans consume you can detect in the water in some concentration. We’re a nation of coffee drinkers and there is a huge amount of caffeine found in waste water, for example. It’s no surprise that what we get from the pharmacy will also be contaminating the country’s waterways.”

Outside of the obvious and potentially limitless changes due to caustic and odiferous chemicals, is their tacit agreement within the angling media to ignore the enormous benefit of resident fish strung out on Starbucks or Marlboros?

… guides have exploited these sacred cows for decades, and us being starstruck and completely obedient (as we’ve driven for hours and parted with considerable coin) have knotted on any number of trout chow, mashed ciggie, foamed latte’ imitations at their behest – while swallowing some explanation on how the October Caddis really has a big sooty arse just prior to emergence.

… and if you don’t remember that lecture, it’s because most of it was in Latin.

Both the over-the-counter and generic drug selections are neatly imitated via do-it-yourself M&M’s, Just add the Viagra, Quaalude, or Progesterone label and your fly box will be bursting with quality imitations.

Even the moral issues have been put to bed by steelheader’s.  They’ve gashed themselves publicly over their continued dependence on beads versus flies – and “Melt in your Mouth, Not in Your Hand” should be child’s play by comparison.

Hemingway's Cuban

At least I’m not going to curl up in a ball all secretive-like when asked what I’m using, it’s a Hemingway’s Cuban – one helluva cased caddis imitation …

… only because the biggest Arcus Iris Salmo get all near-sighted once they grow past eight or eleven pounds, and all them rods, cones, and photoreceptors start sending misinformation that is countered by the Hemingway, E. Pluribus Unum…

Tags: Caddis, chemicals in drinking water, nicotine, female hormone, cased caddis, fly fishing humor

The End of fly fishing as the World has known it

Lands and sticks to any surface, carries seven times its weight and releases on command? Teensy little nano-soldiers that deploy needles to adhere – and they’re going to waste them on insurgents and forest fires?

It’s my goddamn tax dollars at work, so how much to add a barb?

I always knew dry fly fishermen would ruin the sport completely, not with the ascots and monocles, sipping liquor or shaded verandahs, merely their obsession with seeing the fish grab – and how much more fun that was …

Now that Nintendo and XBox will be elbowing Sage and aged bamboo out of the picture – and a visible fish can be impaled by flies regardless of depth, we’ll all decry the blood sports as “lame” and return to the sofa whence we came.

Fly tiers out of business, the sporting fraternity torn asunder, hundreds of years of tradition out the window, and who knew?

Swarm robotics, the ability to manufacture nano-insects that respond to nimble joystick-trained fingers dancing across an iPhone, and the Army will be buying millions of them.

In the long term, the U.S. Army certainly sees miniature “bug” UAVs as a big part of its battlefield operations. According to a recently released roadmap, clouds of them would be used to survey buildings and various sites before soldiers enter them.

– via Federal Computer Week

Controlled by Ipod's and nimble little fingers

– via US Army Unmanned Aircraft Systems Roadmap 2010-2035

Sure there’ll be old surplus units. We’ll be able to buy a couple of hatches worth and felt pen them to look like Pale Morning Duns … It’ll be part of a package offered at destination hotels, “two nights stay plus fishing” (on some private reserve managed by PETA) where “duffers” can remember how it used to be, while irritating children impatiently wait on Grandpa and his needs.

It’s certain that someone on the Joint Chief’s is a purist – what with trout shaped dirigibles and attack Mayflies, in light of the carnage about to ensue, I just wish he’d foreswear the joints for a couple moments of clarity …

You and I won’t have much to worry about as we’ll be incarcerated along with the rest of the “Catskill 700” … we’ll hear jackboots grinding on gravel just prior to the SEAL team emerging from our riffle – our vest painted with lasers before we’re dropped to the earth, all the while protesting innocence while some kid renders sentence:

“Yessir, he’s got a pocketful of black AR-97A’s, and a fistful of subsurface agents in his vest – looks like cheap Chinese produced knockoffs, probably carrying a biologic payload …”

“Huh?, those are Black Gnat’s, I got them a … (solar plexus blow with gun butt) … huff .. huff .. wheeze.”

Small finger skills qualifies me to assemble the SOB’s which is a plum assignment compared to the sweltering heat of the prison laundry – where all that hard work scrubbing invasives will pay off for the rest of you … for the State.

Tags: Nano robots, swarm robotics, fly fishing humor, fly tier, fly tying contraband, dry fly purist, less joint more chiefs, SEAL team, nano-insects, attack mayfly