Category Archives: current events

Sex and Fishing, like Peas and Carrots

Leave a reply

I’ve always linked sex and fishing and assumed the pair inseparable.

My fishing has always been a curious form of “date rape”, that despite my best efforts at planning an expedition to coincide with a locales peak fishing, I usually miss the best hatch and must listen to how “last week” was epic and now … not so much.

I (We) consult bosses, horoscopes, tide tables, Ouiji boards, psychics, priests, homeless neighborhood shaman, and our shrink, for signs as to when to leave, where to go, what to throw, and despite all the careful preparation we’re forced to relay our lack of success using terms of sex and violence, both intentional and unwitting.

If concerned coworkers inquire, or are curious as to the source of a visible bruise or abrasion, I’ll attempt to save face with some petulant comment involving the watershed, my adversary. and sex, where we were the unwilling “bottom” in the coupling, or in the instance of a successful trip, how we raped and pillaged our quarry without thought to his/her feelings, nor the moral consequences of our crime.

I’ve always assumed that backpacking fishermen like their suffering, and their sex, rough … and those favoring “glamping,” select guides and accomodations as they’d choose a hooker and motel room. Regardless of the flavour of your favorite kink, we always blame our inadequacies or premature conclusion on external factors; rain, wind, or insect activity – completely ignoring the obvious … that we rarely practice, and are fumbling our way through nearly every encounter.

With these musings as backdrop, I was recently surprised to read that most forms of sex and fishing are illegal, and the only reason trout streams aren’t echoing of police sirens and whose bankside vegetation masks undercover officers, is that we are licensed for purient behavior, under the auspices of Department of Fish and Game, and the folks being hauled off to jail lack immunity (and a license).

Hallam, from Dolphin Sands in Tasmania’s south-east was charged with two counts of making or reproducing a bestiality product and three counts of possessing a bestiality product

Due to the pending nature of the trial, information is thankfully scant, but we can assume rods, vests, waders, are considered props and/or accessories, subject to confiscation or contribute to additional charges. Ditto for any photograph depicting you and your dripping quarry, no matter whom is assuming the dominant role.

Neither am i sure of the quality of reporting, given the perpetrator was wielding “a live brown trout” in an ocean environment. Looks like my stilted prose and questionable source materials are rivaled by our obviously non-fishing, Jimmy Olsen ..

More importantly, as we don’t yet know the statute of limitations for past offences, it may be time to purge your camera, social media accounts, and accumulated scrapbooks of past sordid exploits.

Me and the Colonial Pipeline, which hostile Nation State did I offend?

dogecoinActually, I’m flattered … First the Colonial Pipeline was hacked and disrupted the entire East Coast’s supply of gas and aviation fuel, then Singlebarbed was hacked and disrupted the flow of poorly punctuated angling fantasy to both coasts.

Flattered … because I had not realized that we had become “Critical Infrastructure”, I still assumed our questionable wit and halting prose was worth less than nothing, but I was dead wrong. Obviously some hostile nation state assumed we were in line for a big chunk of Biden’s Infrastructure funding and attempted to convert their larceny into Billions in DogeCoin..

We’re back, a little worse for the wear, and as poorly punctuated as ever.

Why April is Really August

This weekend was the first evidence of balmy Spring temperatures, and the tingle of my “Spidey-sense” warned me about fishing – as my beloved sleepy little Central Valley bass lakes were liable to be the focus of millions of Pandemic fatigued neo-outdoorsmen – and the tinkle of discarded beer bottles would be accompanied by the heady roar of bass boats and party barges.

I was so right.

… but I don’t begrudge my fellow man some much needed recreation, all of us have been penned up for several months, and a bit of beach, a scrap of blanket, and a dab of sunshine is welcome tonic.

What raised my eyebrows was the condition of the lakes and the low water levels.

Most of the lakes I visited this weekend are at August water levels, consistent with the lack of any measurable rainfall we’ve received this year. What remains of these impoundments will be drawn down further to feed the agricultural industry, and we’re likely to see many of these reservoirs at critical levels this year.

Fish don’t bite when water warms to bathtub temperatures, you need to get your lake fishing done early.

Assume the bass are in mid spawn already, assume any hatch or bug activity will be considerably earlier than normal (both for the year and for the day), and plan on unseasonably warm temperatures and lethargic fish.

The snowpack number is misleading. While the official level is 50-60% of normal, the water level received by the Central Valley and surrounding foothills is considerably less.

Many of the Central Valley impoundments store water for agriculture, and will be drawn down over the next several months to water crops. What remains will warm quickly as there is less breadth and depth and as warm water holds less oxygen than cold, the fish will be averse to getting off the sofa and chasing prey …

I visited the Oak Shores area of Berryessa and three of the five underwater “islands” between the park and Round Island were already visible above the water. I visited both ends of Indian Valley Reservoir and what’s normally a six mile long lake is only four miles long, so it’s lost about a third of its capacity.

Those of us carrying or pulling a kayak can assume any concrete ramp is mostly out of the water already, as was the case at Berryessa,  and you’ll have to find your own way to the water. At Oak Shores I had to roll my kayak an additional 50 yards past the concrete launch path – and coming back uphill required at least one pause to catch breath. I’d assume May will add an additional 50 yards to the journey, and the slope will soon be none too gentle ..

In short, start your lake fishing immediately. This is one of those years where the “schedule” will be thrown to the winds – and only the fellow that was here last week will have good intel on conditions.

Hand Weights and Bicycles

bikeWeightWith another drought plagued, fire prone, and unseasonably warm trout season headed our way, it’s time to jettison the fly tying gear and double down on weight lifting and increasing the morning bike ride.

The hand weights and sudden fitness kick aren’t to sculpt my sagging frame into something attractive to local cheerleaders, rather it’s to mitigate what I know is coming this season; low water and unseasonably dry conditions will force us to fish further from the parking lot.

With California’s snow pack was at 55%, and only a sliver of Winter remaining, it looks grim for the coming season and little increase can be expected from existing levels. Continuing drought ensures that our creeks and waterways will be scrawny – and pools that would have supported a couple of anglers for a couple of minutes, will fish a single angler for a handful of casts.

Moving frequently due to the “skinny” water will put additional strain on aging muscles and require us to be in better shape to handle a full day’s fishing.

Lakes and impoundments will act similar. Walking the banks will prove easier as low water offers few obstructions other than accumulations of driftwood and plastic water bottles, but what was shallow last year will be dirt this year, and we’ll be forced downslope to find the water’s edge. That means climbing upslope on the return and having to negotiate all that loose cobble enroute to the parking lot.

Those of us unfortunates that will be lugging a 105 pound kayak, will have to drag the Beast an additional 100 yards to get to the water, and on the return, will have to pull it upslope to get the boat back to the truck. Wheel assemblies make this easier, but the uphill slope and uncertain footing will make boat recovery much more arduous than negotiating a paved launch area.

… hence the emphasis on increasing the legwork and overall tone needed for our preseason workout.

Each of the last couple of years have proved devastating in terms of fire severity and impacts – and this year will be no different. The back country will likely be under additional restrictions (based on COVID and fire weather) so we should plan on issues associated with feeding, housing, and campfires.

I lost access to my local fisheries for most of the 2020’s summer due to fires and the debris field that followed. 2021 is likely to be a repeat as the ground is parched already and what didn’t burn last year is ripe for a dropped cigarette butt or lightning strike.

The Pandemic also resulted in a questionable boon to Fish & Game as an 11% additional folks bought or renewed their fishing license this year. Frequent lockdowns and being stuck at home means outdoor activities are the only approved flavor of social interaction. We may see a small uptick in traffic to the Piney Woods as a result.  Restaurant occupancy and motel / campground availability may also influence by demand, so it’s appropriate to factor into your trip  a few additional bodies attempting to get fed and housed.

These pesky COVID variants offer the remaining wild card in the outdoor mix. Should their increased virulence cause an uptick in the caseload, we may have existing restrictions persist throughout 2021 – despite the boon of vaccinations. Most of California is still bound by the Governor’s Tier Structure, with dining and lodging subject to local county issues, so plan on camping,  and washing down that Beef Jerky with a little branch water … should accommodations prove to be in short supply.

Not Much Left Other than Fish

It’s been a month since the LNU Lightning Complex fire was contained around Lake Berryessa, and with no change in the status on the Bureau of Reclamation’s website, I took a run up there to eyeball what had burned and determine if the webmaster was simply lazy – or whether the infrastructure impacts were as bad as expected.

While I hoped for the former, it appears to be the latter ..

BerryessaLNU02020

The above picture (taken between the dam and Markley Cove) shows how the fire burnt down to the water’s edge and apparently burned hot enough to wipe the area of most of the vegetation.

The upper slopes of the lake faired even worse, as the surrounding hillsides were much drier and burnt much more completely, leaving their slopes completely featureless. The below picture shows the mountains above the Markley / Pleasure Cove area.

BerryHillsideLNU2020700

Roads in the area of the dam are choked with debris due to an aggressive hazard mitigation effort. Charred Oak trees and Digger Pine are perched precariously on the steep slopes above the highway and crews are removing the worst of the trees by skidding them  down the hillside into waiting trucks or stacking them into the available parking turnouts.

BerryLogging2020700

Because of the narrow roads and large equipment both flag men and delays are commonplace. Logging and the heavy equipment associated with handling the debris have reduced the road to a single lane of traffic metered by guide vehicles and punctuated by numerous stops.

The Markley Cove store is no more. The marina and launch facilities appear intact, as do the numerous pleasure craft moored to the floating docks, but boat launches are forbidden and the area closed.

MarkleyStore2020700

Above is all that remains of the Markley Cove store. Access to the launch ramps are currently blocked by security (due to a combination of the bureau’s closure of the lake and the need to protect the remaining property from gawkers and looting).

What’s apparent is the appalling amount of lifeless dirt and rock that’s exposed to the elements and the potential for erosion once the rains start. As the entire lake was surrounded by the LNU Lightning Complex, and it burned to the water’s edge in so many places, there’s little chance that significant mitigation  can be completed in time for Winter.  Spring runoff will deliver a big slug of sediment into the lake and its tributaries, and it’s likely we’ll see numerous road closures due to unstable banks and periodic mud slides .

Putah Creek is liable to suffer a similar fate.

Putah Creek drains Berryessa, and being the closest bonafide trout stream to San Francisco, commands frequent visitors and much vehicle traffic. While the Putah Creek campground and resort facility were spared, much of the drainage below the campground was burned severely. The fire charred the banks of the wide portion of Putah (dubbed Lake Solano), and the area between it and the resort was burned worse than I’ve seen it in past fire seasons. I would expect sediment issues in the creek itself as the far bank and its vegetation was largely obliterated.

In short, stay away.

Until the roadways are restored driving anywhere near the lake is a steady dose of idling waiting for a pilot car, or threading your way between a chipper/shredder and a parked logging truck. I’d guess the stretches with trees will be cleared rather quickly, and the areas with destroyed structures will remain problematic as they attempt to dig out what remains and the truck traffic associated with the debris removal will remain high for the foreseeable future.

Fish and GAME Reschedules Emergency Meeting

The emergency meeting to discuss potential area closures and restrictions on angling has been postponed until this Wednesday, April 15th, at 10AM.

The prior “virtual” meeting was inundated with visitors and participants and swamped the conference capabilities, so it is assumed this new date is more robust and can handle additional folks. The announcement and documentation links follow:

The Commission is rescheduling to April 15, 2020 at 10:00 a.m. the emergency agenda item to consider a regulation that allows the California Department of Fish and Wildlife to suspend, delay, or restrict sport/recreational fishing in specific areas within the state due to public health concerns relating to COVID-19. This regulation would automatically expire May 31, 2020.
The regulation allows for a temporary, adaptive approach to delay or restrict sport fishing based on local government and tribal needs and requests to protect public health and safety from the spread of COVID-19. The regulation itself would not implement any restrictions, but would allow for a tailored approach based on state, federal, tribal and local public health and safety needs and guidance. The California Department of Fish and Wildlife has received requests from certain counties, which can be found in the materials at the link below.
We thank the angling community and all our stakeholders in advance for their thoughtful engagement as we work together to help California in this moment.
The relevant documents previously posted for this item are available at http://nrm.dfg.ca.gov/FileHandler.ashx?DocumentID=178208&inline.

California Fish and Game to Vote on Possible Closure to Opening Day

California anglers are advised to check the Department of Fish and Game’s website tomorrow, as DFG and their respective Fisheries Commissions  will be meeting  to determine whether there will be partial or general closure of the upcoming trout season.

The issue is straightforward; will the migration of anglers from the Big City to the woods due to the Opening Day of trout season bring the COVID-19 virus from the urban centers into the relative pristine of less populated counties?

Nationwide this issue is being debated by many states. Ohio has ceased selling out of state licenses, Alabama, New York, and Pennsylvania have insisted fishing is fine – so long as distancing is observed, and other states have suggested it prudent to stay indoors and not fish – but have no specific prohibition against the activity.

Some states have declared fishing to be a “non-essential” activity and shut down lodges and guiding as an industry. Any angler considering of an out-of-state angling venue should check on the status of both their ability to get a license and whether lodging, guides, fishing, and facilities will be available.

Hardcore anglers have always been isolationists – so the general public is relatively safe from us congregating in any form, it’s the more social amateur fishermen that the state is concerned about. Opening Day is an excuse for the casual social types to drink to excess, blow daylight through living things, four wheel into prohibited areas, and kill without limit, and all of these social graces likely to spread the COVID-19 pestilence.

If fishing is permitted this year it is prudent to check on the availability of camping – as many of state parks are already closed due to COVID-19, and it’s possible that motels and commercial options will be impacted as well. All of the National Parks are already closed, including Yosemite and Yellowstone, and it’s unclear when they will reopen or whether angling will be affected with additional restrictions.

It’s a drought year, so if you setup a spike camp in the woods, please watch that fire ..

Use that COVID-19 induced idleness to prep for trout Season

Shelterinplace300It’s likely your supervisor sent you home with an ill defined “work from home” edict that was hurriedly dumped in his lap from corporate.  For most  of us that amounts to “checking your email” coupled with online meetings as our only obligation.

With trout season a short month away, and your boss hoping you won’t show for the next couple of weeks, what’s a home bound self-reliant angler to do with all that extra time?

Shelter in place, hopefully.

As cataclysms of this magnitude are never foreseen and rarely welcome, one thing is certain,  sitting at home mesmerized by the plummeting value of your 401K is neither pleasant nor entertaining – and while a bit of idleness may be welcome, this is hardly what you had in mind for an ersatz holiday.

As “shelter in place” comes with numerous restrictions our normal angling time wasting pursuits of womanizing and drinking are off limits. Not because we’ve lost interest or suffered a sudden moral imperative … they involve people and are therefore ill advised.

Rather than fixating on the Stock Market or chewing fingernails over the prospects of future employment, focus on all those tackle related housekeeping chores you gleefully ignore each Winter, and get your vest and its contents ready for any opportunities that show them selves over the next couple of months.

Even if the COVID-19 virus is short-lived the economic effects will take awhile to work themselves through the world’s economy. It’ s likely numerous disruptions associated with all that supply-chain upheaval may keep you at home for the Trout Season Opener, so it’s an opportune moment to focus on some of the small pleasures that remain – instead of all the horrid news streaming at you from every device.

THINGS TO DO WHILE UNDER HOUSE-ARREST

Check all backing knots and retie them

Most of us haven’t caught anything bigger than fifteen inches in the last couple of seasons and the last time your backing knot saw daylight was the day you tied it. You’ve been promising to check all your terminal tackle for the last decade and always “shine” the responsibility, now that you’re enjoying some enforced idleness why don’t you peel that floating line off of your reel, test the backing, retie the knot, and reel it through a damp cloth with a dab of silicon gel.

The result will be about six additional feet with every cast, which may be enough to reach that enormous trout that surfaced in midstream …

Unbox all of your flies and touch up the hook points

It’s prudent to pull all of your flies out and check for rust, moth damage, and dull hooks, and while you’re at it, inventory the lot. COVID-19 is likely to disrupt the fly tying centers; India, Sri Lanka, and Malaysia – and may cause some fly patterns to be in short supply. Now may be the time to inventory and assess what’s missing, so toss all those that are rusting badly, and sharpen what remains.

While you’re at it, pinch all their barbs, as you’ll lose a few when the entire point cracks off –and can replace them now before the rest of us realize we’re light on #16 Adams.

Read that book you bought and wanted to read

Over the last couple of decades fly fishing has dwindled to a few time-tested techniques and a couple of new ways to cast. Exacting imitation has given way to attractors, and many of the tools and techniques we’ve enjoyed for the last hundred years lie dormant – while we “high stick” or spey-everything.

Chances are you’ve got a couple of books tucked away that may reacquaint you with Flymphs, wet flies, the Leisenring Lift, or any number of hoary and ancient techniques that still work wonderfully. “Mini-jigs” and articulated awesomeness are just fine – and so are many of the simple things that don’t involve Tungsten or 11 foot rods.

Learn how to tie flies

I learned to tie flies from books – which is a fate I would not wish on and enemy. With Youtube resources and Internet-ready big screen TV’s, learning how to tie flies is easier than ever.

Fly tying is the next best option to fishing, but it’s akin to buying a house if you get overly enamored. Chicken feathers cost considerably more than a 20 piece Kentucky Colonel, so you’re trading up for the skills but the price for all that dry fly dander can be truly breathtaking.

Practice casting and rid yourself of that tailing loop

Most of us practice casting while fishing, instead of warming up those skills prior to the season Opener. As fly casting is both hazardous to those behind you as well as yourself, now is the time to work out those kinks in the safety of your backyard, rather than waist deep in your favorite trout stream. Considering how much time is spent unsnarling the knots caused by tailing loops and the flies lost by an ill-timed forward cast, it pays to practice prior to your first trip afield – rather than repeating all that unspeakable horror when armed with a sharp hook.

I’m sure you’ll opt for “none of the above” but at the minimum, start exercising those leg muscles so you’ve got options once you’re waist deep in the current. The distance you’re able to travel from the parked car will determine the population density of your competitors and who’ll will have to cough to clear a spot in the pool …

Classic Bamboo GETS New life as Chinese imitate Tapers

tonkinWhile the Trump administration’s negotiators fence with their counterparts in the Chinese delegation, the issues under discussion may be closer to home than we suspect. Intellectual property and copyright infringement are hot topics as American companies protest copycat products flooding markets and brands suffer accordingly. Fly fishing’s high priced rod market  may be the latest victim in the trade war as a similar blitz of products may be aimed at the classic bamboo fly rod market …

The fishing industry has seen cheap imitations before and they’ve made little headway against our classic rod smiths, but this time may be different, as they’re copying all the classic tapers from the Grand Masters of bamboo, and are pushing them onto eBay at a fraction of traditional costs.

On the one hand, if the tapers are identical to the hoary and ancient bamboo master of antiquity, this gives us the opportunity to cast and fish something potentially quite special, and as the finished product is only $150 per set of dual-tip bamboo blanks, makes the experiment really affordable.

On the other hand, knowing the avaricious nature of many of those wishing to exploit an already high priced market for classic fly rods, we’re likely to see these show in the restoration market, given how easy it would be to pass a newer blank of a classic rod, “… refinished Payne, it’s a steal at any price!” – and only the experts in bamboo construction able to identify which is the contemporary milled blank, and which is the bonafide article.

Currently eBay is hosting bamboo blanks for Thomas & Thomas 7’6” 2/3wt,  H.L. Leonard (Taper 804) 8’ 4wt,Phillipson Pacemaker 8’ 3” , F.E. Thomas 7’ 6”, H.L. Leonard (Baby Catskill) 7’ 2/3 wt, P. Young (Parabolic) 8’ 5wt, Orvis Midge 7’ 6” 3/4 wt, and Orvis Superfine  6’ 6” 5/6wt, Payne (Taper 97) 7’ 4wt, Garrison (Taper 206) 7’6” 4wt, Winston 8052 8’ 5wt, Heddon Black Beauty (#17) 9’ 5/6wt, and many more tapers and makers including Hardy and Powell.

Each set of bamboo blanks range from $95 to about $150, so cost is negligible compared to contemporary pricing, and only the product itself remains unknown. With friendly feedback so easy to manufacture it’s prudent to eyeball what’s offered, yet purchasing the blanks without confirming construction, tapers, and quality, makes this purchase fraught with risk.

There’s not a lot of detail on the seller other than their location  (China) and past sales, and from their feedback log it appears the blanks have only been selling for about one year. Prior feedback mentions feathers, boas, and a sprinkling of wooden items, so the tie to the fly fishing industry remains, but with a different suite of products.

While the geography is friendly to the notion these are Tonkin cane, the pictures offered aren’t of high enough quality to confirm any of the claims of the seller. so caveat emptor remains the watchword.

Classic rod collectors would be wise to study up on which glues and finishes are consistent with old rods – and what methods exist to detect animal glues from modern epoxy, as any recently restored classic will resemble the Chinese imitation in all but hollowing and construction … all of which are hidden in the final fit and finish.

Sell your Rod while YOu Can

My reaction was to slide under the desk and start looking for all that 9mm I had squirreled away for the Zombie Apocalypse.  At this late stage, a life spent torturing fish (and worse, documenting same) have earned me a rarified spot right up there with Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Adolph.

As scientists have been telling us for many years – fish do feel pain when hooked, only now they’ve discovered the worst, that they can remember who done this to them and can recognize human faces from underwater …

(Queue the Jaws soundtrack …)

“… have impressive pattern discrimination abilities, but also provides evidence that a vertebrate lacking a neocortex and without an evolutionary prerogative to discriminate human faces, can nonetheless do so to a high degree of accuracy.”

Jesus. We’re screwed. The only truly good news is that fish don’t have either Hellfire missiles or drones, so fleeing the parking lot swathed in Hoodie and sunglasses may get you to the Interstate.

spearedBob

It’s tough to acknowledge that PETA was right all along, and while we’ll walk soft and sheepishly avoid their gaze, their smugness will evaporate when the first near-sighted Salmon detonates itself in the reefer of that Whole Foods delivery truck on the Causeway.

Fly tiers will be the first culled given that Chickens are looking to settle scores for a half-century of heavy handed anglers wrenching hackle off their backside.

“Chickens (Gallus gallus domesticus)19 and jungle crows (Corvus macrorhynchos)23 can also discriminate pictures of human faces”

The upside being all them stuffy “featherwing Salmon guys” are even deeper in the Hurt Locker.