Category Archives: commentary

Civil Service, the only career that doesn’t have a "for dummies" guide

The Sacramento Bee reports that both anglers and hunters have shown a small positive gain in California. Everyone interviewed is aghast for an explanation, and some truly odd theories are being bandied about…

  • Baby Boomers are retiring so they have more time to hunt and fish.
  • Women are participating.
  • The Organic Food movement, an offshoot of “eat local” – wherein consumers are asked to reject foods from foreign locales – and seek food raised locally.

When you see a culinary trend like that, those who have been associated with hunting or fishing say, ‘ I can go get me some of that’, ” said Sonke Mastrup, Fish and Game deputy director. “It adds to the allure or prestige. Not only are you serving wild game to your friends, but it’s game you got yourself.”

I damn near exhaled coffee through my nose after reading the above gem. Leave it to a deputy director to demonstrate how little the department knows about who their constituency is and what motivates them.

I would find it much more believable were they simply to say, “we counted all the kids bringing handguns to school as hunters, and if we found a knife or garrotte on them, we figured they were fishermen too.”

With the preponderance of Earth types, Vegans, animal activists, and folks that believe “radishes have feelings” dominating the political skyline – to say these folks want to shed blood as it’s “organic” is pretty damn out-of-touch.

Most Californians start backpedaling when they realize you own a weapon, and if offered anything without a Safeway price tag, they’ll politely decline – as somehow it’s not sanitary.

Just my two cents, let the pennies fall where they may…

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A Rose by any other name smells like controversy

It does get a little confusing at times I’ve seen much hand wringing and ire over fly names. Idle banter and fly fishing forum chat quickly turn to religious discussions over the ethical way to name your latest creation.

I’m puzzled why ethics should enter into it at all. Fishermen aren’t known as paragons of virtue, and fly fishermen are the worst of the lot.

At the crux of the debate is variations, how adding a green tail to a known pattern isn’t considered a new fly, merely a variant of whatever the tail got pinned on. I’ve no issue with the concept, just surprised how worked up fishermen get over the whole naming thing.

We could use a biblical scheme, laced with “begats” and immaculate conception – but we don’t use an oral history anymore, relying on books and printed media for hints of origin.

“Silver-Arsed Wombat Begat Green-tailed-silver-tipped Wombat begat Reduced-Low Water Wombat-with-egg-Cluster” seems overly tedious and would drive the guy labeling the fly bins crazy.

There’s the “Kentucky Derby” method, using Sires and Dams – but that’s  just as cumbersome.

Personally, I prefer the “Middle Management” naming schema – if the fly is deadly, I take credit for it – and if not, I blame someone else for its shortcomings.

I believe Darwinism holds for fly names as well, a hint of risque or fun is likely to make it more memorable than “that White fly.”

We’re not going to settle the issue here, but I’ve never cared for “tagging” flies with personal names – too many “Tim’s” and “Steve’s” for me to remember, and it lacks any of the flavor and energy that fly fishing represents.

Dave Whitlock started the “tagging” phenomenon back in the 1980’s, everything that came out of his vice was “Dave’s” or “Whit’s” – something or other – a practice that virtually guarantees oblivion. Old flies handed down from dusty tomes have catchy names and “Bob’s” or “Dave’s” isn’t among them.

I’m guessing immortality is the root of the practice, as vanity has no place in angling – especially after you smear insect repellant on your face using the same hand you dipped in the salmon egg jar…

Might as well name the creation whatever you like – and if you’ve just met the guy with his hand out for your flies – mention it’s a “Skunk with a Green Butt” rather than risk “Green Butted Skunk.” If you’ve just caught six fish and he’s caught none – no sense goading the fellow further.

But if you’re determined to inflict a new fly in everyone’s box – show some pizzazz .. I wouldn’t make room for Bob’s Stonefly Nymph on general principles – but I’d tie crap outta them if were called the “Snotty Dilettante” or “Rest-home Orgy.”

Think of the rest of us for once…

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Part 2 – Virtual Big Box, Orvis resellers and the debut of the cosmetic second

The marketplace for the hardwired angler Where’s them damn bargains you hinted at?

The Orvis resellers on eBay are Adam’s Outlet, a fly shop in Austin Texas, and Redwoodloft, a wholesaler in Virginia. Both companies have essentially the same Orvis inventory, but Adam’s Outlet is a fly shop, with a broad range of tackle and resells Hardy, Cortland, and Scientific Anglers rods.

Redwoodloft markets tackle under both the Redwoodloft and Redlineloft eBay stores.  One deals in the tackle and the other sells all the clothes, in the last month they’ve adopted the Adam’s Outlet model, and Redlineloft appears to market the bulk of their rods.

Too much filler to pass inspection (the only blemish I could find)

They’re the Big Boy’s, combining for nearly 50000 sales of Orvis products, it’s two “mean old dogs” warring over the same turf, adopting each other’s sales pitch and tactics, and evolving their offerings to maximize profit.

Other vendors exist, like Virginia Wholesalers – another largely Orvis reseller. In excess of 10000 sales – and in traditional style with incomplete sizes and disjoint quantities. They’re in a similar mode as Redlineloft – lots of clothing and sundries, rods and fly lines.

The eBay trail is forked and elusive, many vendors buy from other eBay sellers for resale under their own “tent.” It’s a common practice – and one glance at their buyer’s feedback will show where they bought the tackle from and how much they paid for the item.

Peeling the eBay Onion

We need definition and nomenclature to assist in answering the burning question, “exactly what are these rods and what’s my risk in buying one?”

Orvis Factory Second Badging

“Badging” is the practice of marking rods with maker’s name, rod attributes, and series information – we’re so used to seeing it we hardly give it a second’s notice.

Orvis rods on eBay have three styles of “badging”; “traditional” – identical to the rods in their catalog, with the addition of a small “R” branded on the cork grip. These are likely production overstock without flaw – simply offloaded to make room for next year’s models.

“Incomplete” – the rod specific information on the blank, the presence of the “R” on the cork, and “Orvis Graphite” in place of the normal rod markings. As the badging is different than production it’s likely these are cosmetic seconds, removed from the assembly process once some minute flaw is found.

More recently is the “Orvis Factory Second” label with “R” on the cork, and rod specific information. This could be a response to someone removing the tell-tale “R” off the cork and attempting to pass the rod as a full price purchase.

Both “Incomplete” and “Factory Second” styles lack series information on the blank, nothing identifying the rod as Zero Gravity, T3, Green River, etc.

Orvis Graphite Badging

All of the resellers have different explanations, and the “R” on the cork has been the subject of much conjecture.

Adam’s Outlet insists, “THIS ROD IS NEW. THE CORK IS MARKED WITH A SMALL “R” SO THAT IT CANNOT BE RETURNED TO ORVIS FOR A FULL PRICE REFUND. ORVIS WILL REPAIR THE ROD FOR A FEE IF BROKEN.

It’s understandable that Orvis wouldn’t want to extend carte blanche to a rod resold twice, but not mentioning it may be a “factory second” is a tad unworthy. It may or may not actually be a blemished rod, chances are it was sold to them as such.

Then again, Adam’s Outlet has more than one version: THIS ROD IS NEW,WITH ALL FIRST QUALITY PARTS (BLANK AND COMPONENTS). THE ROD HAS NO DEFECT BUT MAY HAVE COMPONENTS DIFFERENT FROM THE CATALOG VERSION. THE CORK IS MARKED WITH A SMALL “R” SO THAT IT CANNOT BE RETURNED TO ORVIS. ORVIS WILL REPAIR THIS ROD FOR A FEE IF BROKEN.

Using different components may be consistent with an “end of production” run of rods, wherein the maker simply builds what blank stock he has left with what fittings are scattered about – yielding a rod different from the catalog glossy.

Redwoodloft (Prior to 5/1/2008)

 Note:  “R” on cork grip indicates rod has been refurbished.

Refurbish may be something different than what I imagine – to me refurbish means the rod has been used and a component needs repair. A rod owner intent on repair wants the rod back, where would Orvis find a stash of “used” rods to refurbish? This may be a semantic issue (see Orvis comment below).

Redlineloft (after 4/1/2008)

CONDITION: As pictured, rod is brand new, never used and in ORVIS rod sleeve (Color of sleeve may be tan or green). First grade cork (marked w/ a small “R” to prevent returns to Orvis – see photo). Orvis will repair this rod for a fee if broken.

James Hathaway of the Orvis Company has the best answer:

“The R stands for “Really Awesome”

Actually, you are correct, it stands for “Refurbished”. They are rods sold at our tent sales and things like that.

“Tent Sales” suggest the occasional “maker’s premise” type sale – held on special occasions and in limited quantities – belying the multiple thousands of rods sold through eBay.

For civilians with less principles, sanding off the “R” on the fully badged rod is child’s play. Orvis’s badging the rods with “Factory Seconds” and vendor greed seems to have partly addressed this problem.

Both Redlineloft and Adam’s Outlet are canny profit motivated vendors, they’ve got a lock on the market and selling a rod for double their money is good, but quadruple is better. Both vendors have adopted identical practices, rather than auction the rods they “fish” for anglers unfamiliar with their method.

How they’re Sold

The rod debuts on eBay as a “Buy It Now” sale, often at $250 – $500 price. The accompanying prose mentions “new PRODUCTION rod” and the MSRP is listed on the advert, showing the purported $600 new – only $350, so buy it now!

On the surface, that’s a $600 rod at nearly half price, and they sell plenty to the unwary. Both parties are happy, great transaction – and the only “foul” is the fellow could have purchased it for half that.

If the rod fails to sell, it shows up as an auction the following week. Starting price for Adam’s Outlet, 99 cents. Redline/Redwood starts it at $99 for the high end, less for the lower end tackle.

Both the “Buy It Now” and auction sales are seven days duration.

A canny consumer notes the rods listed from the vendor as “Buy It Now”, waits a week and bids on the rod he wants via auction.

Both vendors appear to be selling the same models of rod (see below for what’s available), so the best deals are when each has the same rod at auction. Often they’ll replace the recently sold with an identical model, and the two of the folks competing with you just bought one – suddenly your competition is greatly reduced.

It’s not necessary to be so discriminating on the larger lined rods, you can usually get the lines 8-13 with little competition. The market for large rods is much smaller, with AFTMA 9-13 garnering only a few bids each. In many cases you can get a traditional 9ft. 9 weight for the initial bid – $99.

That’s one hell of a bargain for a $600 rod, and it’s a self fulfilling prophecy, the patient angler gets the cookie.

What’s Available From these Lads

I’ve included the Excel ebay_vendor_record.xls spreadsheet of the rods sold by the two vendors, this file lists the models, pieces, line weight, series, opening price, and final sales price for January – March 2008. I’ve included both vendors (on separate pages) so you can see the magnitude of sales.

These statistics are from the feedback logs on eBay, which are pruned each month. Each vendor retains about three months of live log, so you can see what they’ve done recently – I saved these months so the facts aren’t lost with the pruning.

In my mind, the magnitude of sales is formidable – none of the shops I worked at could hold a candle to either vendor, in the best of times.

For completeness, assume 15-20% of the sales were not listed, unless the purchaser left feedback, the sale will not show on the eBay log, so you need to boost the dollar totals to compensate.

Who’s Hurt by all This

That’s the toughest question of all. Certainly the “little guy” gets a nose bleed – he’s stuck with last year’s inventory without the options of the manufacturer – and lives in fear that Sage or Scott may cut off his supply if he unloads them at cost.

The manufacturers solve the near term dilemma of what to do with unsold inventory, but pays dearly in reputation when their retail outlets find out they’ve been misled by a “do as I say, not as I do” posture. The retail chain won’t squawk too much – they’re dependent on product to add legitimacy to their storefront – without Simm’s or Sage products can you call yourself a fly shop?

The manufacturers can take injury if their practice becomes widely known and the reseller supply ample – no one will buy their $700 rods anymore – we’ll all wait 12 months and get it for $150.

You’ve got the tools, the available models, and the method, I’ll let you decide what to do with the knowledge.

Thinking outside the Box

Many are skeptical of the eBay process, assuming the vendors are not as safe as the local fly establishment. The shift from “human” vendors to companies has been largely missed by the casual shopper. There’s still plenty of human foibles and interaction – but the eBay marketplace seems dominated by established retail and wholesale outlets – not someone cleaning their attic like it once was.

Fly shops that adapt well to the e-Marketplace are doing a phenomenal business. Case in point, Leland Outfitter’s of San Francisco – to assist customers in the purchase of new rods and reels, they’ll take your old tackle and auction it for you on eBay. Professional photography and web savvy has given them a market no other fly shop has an inkling of – more importantly, all the used tackle sells smartly. Angler’s profit because their $700 rod is now $500, and Leland sells additional new tackle, a positive outcome for both participants.

Shoppers are still more comfortable doing business with a store – a great opportunity for a small shop with unconventional vision.

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Get enough virtual bricks and mortar, and you’ve created both a Big Box retail outlet, and the World’s Largest Fly Shop

Tough times are on us and if it’s not on sale it’s not a priority. Too many folks strapped with burdensome mortgages must make do with less, and the repercussions aren’t limited to the the fly fishing industry, it’s all industries, part of the Recession they whisper about in hushed circles.

We haven’t had one in 20 years or more, for some this will be an eye opener, coupled with the decline in the US greenback and 4.5% inflation and your dollar has to work much harder.

Virtual meets physical Fly fishing is a niche sport, and while rich folks aren’t likely to be affected, the rest of us will tighten our belts – with the obvious luxury of $800 rods and $500 reels, I expect to see the retail landscape get thinned considerable.

There’s multiple reasons for what’s coming, economics is the primary driver – but most fly shops are poorly capitalized and poorly run, compounding their burden. It’s a labor of love for proprietors, not the “last man standing” predacious Capitalism common to larger industries.

The manufacturers won’t help at all, their allegiance will quickly run to the “Big Box” stores in an effort to weather the coming storm, putting additional price pressure on the little fellow down the street.

So who’ll survive? Not a simple answer, but two styles of shop should continue to tread water; the small destination shop that has all the flies for the local waters, and the canny fellow that leverages the Internet to broaden his customer base.

I’m thinking eBay is the biggest winner, and some startling facts are coming to light after spending the last four months researching this “e-tailing” auction behemoth.

“I’m more interested if they have clearance items,” she said.

EBay is the undisputed King of clearance; it sells trash and exceptional items with equal ease. It boasts a friendly intuitive interface and allows unlimited sales without distinguishing between individuals and companies.

Hundreds of small fly shops make use of their auctions, a roughly equal mix of small seasonal destination shops and larger city stores. Most hawk their wares at retail prices, giving them a robust electronic “second market” or lengthening their season, making them independent of their locale.

So where does that new rod go after it doesn’t sell? The same place everything else goes – eBay.  It’s a potpourri of folks downsizing their garage, relatives selling Grandfather’s estate, and “bricks and mortar” stores taking advantage of the ease to market interface – to dampen their toe in e-commerce.

It’s the same story with last year’s tackle, eBay represents an enormous outlet for clothing, sundries, and last year’s graphite rods – it’s the largest fly shop in the world, and many fly fishing manufacturers are assisting in a way that’s not obvious.

New is better, and we’re reminded constantly in the angling periodicals. 65 million modulus was last year – this year it’s 73 million modulus, and if you have an ounce of decency – you’ll buy two…

Clothing and rods change every year – and small retailers can’t keep pace. Destination shops with a 6 month season – can’t unload high priced tackle as easily as urban, year round, stores – who are struggling to sell $800 fly rods in a worsening economy, and have an additional obligation having to stock a “comprehensive” shop. Rods and “big ticket” items make only a small percentage of yearly sales, yet they command a lot of inventory dollars. The rapid evolution of models leaves the “bricks and mortar” vendors struggling with old stock and assimilating the latest “improved” models.

Orvis Cosmetic second and its label While the “little guy” struggles with low-margins and high-prices,  manufacturers dump their leftovers on the wholesale market. Freed of the burden of hundreds of last year’s rods, manufacturers introduce next year’s model, unleashing their advertising juggernaut with little regard for their traditional distribution chain.

It’s the unspoken rule of the rod making community, “.. you will not undercut my pricing, and if you do we’ll cut you off.” It was the constant in my 20 years of fly fishing retailing, little has changed for the small shop today.

A shop’s only price flexibility is when they build their own brand on manufacturer’s blanks.  The occasional demo rod can be sold as it’s been handled, but margins on prebuilt rods are paper thin, making the smaller stores especially vulnerable to the whim and timing of manufacturers.

“Cosmetic Seconds” is a unique practice and not all vendors offer “blemished” rods. In the past it was limited to “warehouse only” sales or special events at the maker’s premises; that’s changed with the electronic marketplace, it now boasts a multitude of sins and advantages, and a canny angler can be both stung, and count coup.

Many eBay vendors boast of such deals, it’s more than rods and tackle, it’s dishes, hunting knives, and car tires. Rods are a microcosm of the larger practice.

A cosmetic second is a rod that’s passed the inspection of the blank, is structurally sound and is wrapped and fitted for sale. Either the final fit incurs a blemish on reel seat or cork, or the finish has a flaw that prevents the rod from passing final inspection.

It could also be a rod produced and not sold, excess inventory at the manufacturer’s facility – and is a real liability in an industry that does not allow drastic price reductions to dispose of leftover models.

I contacted Echo, Scott, Orvis, Winston and Sage, hoping for information that would illuminate this process better – but only Winston and Sage responded. Orvis acknowledged the missive but did not respond.

Sage was characteristically terse, “We do not sell any blemished or second quality blanks or rods.”

Winston elaborated a little: Our policy is that we do not sell “Seconds” or “blemmed” rods. Each person who handles and rod is empowered and expected to stop production of the rod when a problem is found. For example, if a builder notices a blem in the finish of a tip section they will not use that section but rather destroy it and get a different section. At that point they will ferrule the rod out and then send it to the next station. Then the person at that station inspects the rod. If all is good the rod continues through until it ends up in inventory. The goal is for every rod in inventory to be perfect.

Neither vendor distinguished between the “factory second” and excess inventory, nor could I find evidence that they wholesale excess product on eBay.

Surprisingly the Orvis Company of Manchester, Vermont is the largest contributor to the eBay phenomenon. Because of the volume of items and vendors found, it suggests this is a significant source of income – and a method of employing a “big box” style distribution chain without owning it publicly. It allows them to remain above the fray – retaining their “little store in Vermont” image – while undermining vendors that must sell their product at strict retail.  

I’ve researched the feedback logs of a half dozen Orvis resellers, who combined have sold nearly 50,000 Orvis items since January of 2008. The bulk of their sales are the seasonal clothing Orvis sells, but among their totals are more than 2000 Orvis rods, thousands of Orvis fly lines, flies, and all the terminal tackle necessary to equip a couple regiments of hardened fly fishermen.

The rods are selling briskly, averaging 22-25 per week, and I can’t think of any fly shop that does that kind of volume anywhere. In these declining economic times, I’d think some of the existing Orvis dealers would want a shot at this profit cow.

Orvis T3

Last year’s Orvis rod, a discontinued model or cosmetic second, starts it’s eBay life somewhere between $90 and $250 – a tasty bargain for a $600 flyrod. The trout models usually end up selling for about $180 (includes postage), and the larger line size rods (greater than AFTMA #7) sell for slightly less. Current rods sell for a higher premium than older tackle, despite one rod being only 6 months older than the other.

All the Orvis series are available with the exception of the latest rods. The Orvis “Helios” is available from many fly shops with storefronts on eBay, all offer them at traditional retail prices.

“Zero Gravity”, “T3”, “Green River”, “Clearwater” and “Silver Label” rods are available from wholesalers, but despite selling many hundreds of the rods, their selection is incomplete. This suggests “excess inventory” offloaded to jobbers rather than Orvis’s systematic use of a new sales channel.

Scientific Anglers and the venerable Hardy of Alnwick appear to use a similar mechanism, though neither is a mainstream US vendor – Hardy is based in the UK, and Scientific Anglers has all but left the high-end rod market, relying instead on their fly lines for the lion’s share of revenue.

A canny “e-tailer” likely starts the auction near their cost, within 15-20% of what’s paid the manufacturer. They have a steep discount because the manufacturer is motivated, get a break for buying in bulk, and get to charge higher than normal postage, a huge revenue stream for eBay vendors, with many charging $20 or more per delivery.

With little detail other than auction prices, I’ll assume the vendors are paying about $80 for each Orvis high-end series rod, with the price ratcheting downward based on series – and their target demographic, entry and mid level anglers.

eBay empowers the seller with only two tools; the “Buy It Now”, and the traditional auction format. Auctions are typically seven days duration, with  hopeful anglers driving up the price. There’s little consistency other than the final price, as many retailers start their rods at 99 cents, playing havoc with my guesswork.

Pricing for Zero Gravity, T3, and the Trident TLS series typically started at $99, Silver Label around $75, and the Clearwater, Green River, Streamline rods at $20. The implication is the manufacturer is selling the rods to the wholesale vendors to recoup their materials, fittings, and labor, and generating profit – it’s a canny operation, but it’s likely to cost them later.

In my opinion, Orvis has provided a glimpse of what today’s rods cost to make. A pristine rod ($700) may yield around $595 profit, allowing for a simplistic calculation based on a $20 aluminum case and linen rod sock. That’s a 566% profit margin. For a niche industry like ours that’s required – you can’t sell millions of them – there’s not enough millions of us.

It reaffirms my “old guy” sensibilities that no contemporary* rod is worth more than $200, and thanks to the miracle of e-commerce, I can guarantee I pay a lot less than those that do.

Stay tuned for Part 2, wherein we look at the Big Boy’s of Orvis’s eBay vendor community, their auction practices, and how to score a $600 rod for a quarter of the price.

* Contemporary rod is defined as a mass produced rod from synthetic materials, spat onto a sheet of waxed paper, rolled under intense heat and pressure like a Twinkie, then fawned over by fanbois’.

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We could fix a hole or two in the budget, easy

Fish and Game budget peril Either we elected the President as governor, or elected the guy that shot the President as governor, I lose track .. California’s thinks on a grand scale whenever porpoises are in trouble, or tofu is being discriminated against, it’s the price we pay for being trend conscious. Then again we tend to be quite pedestrian on “normal” issues..

I look at what other states are doing and wish we were them, not often – but often enough to wonder whether they’d trade us some intelligence for ..say.. Hollywood, or Paris Hilton, or maybe just a couple extra days of sunshine.

Maine might go for the sunshine, and I’d trade straight up for “checking out fishing tackle from the local library.”  California only lends handguns or fruit smoothies – fishing tackle might both invigorate our ailing public library system and earn a kid a suntan.

Minnesota’s Department of Natural Resources, “wants me to fish” – at least  that’s what the postcard they’re mailing claims. It may be enough to wave in the Boss’s face and demand a holiday to fulfill my obligation to the State … If he blinks follow up with any of a dozen choice epithets, and remind them they’re just the kind of fellow the Department of Homeland Security ensures will get a cavity search should they ever fly anywhere.

California likes the national stage, if they really wanted to stimulate anglers why not make a new state holiday? Present a valid fishing license to your boss, and you’re entitled to skip Monday.

License sales would skyrocket, and we could all get a taste. You could pass your license to co-workers, for a nominal fee, and they could march into the Boss’s office with equal patriotic fervor.

I’m not picking on anyone, but we may have to coach our Vegan’s to say, “Fish – Fowl” with a straight face ..

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If fishing had an easy button I’d tape it down

It may beat freezing in cold water, I dunnoIf the kid is riveted to the game console rather than the out-of-doors, is the sacred traditions of the Woodsman being undermined by cheat codes?

I’m wondering aloud really, as every parent bemoans their kid’s console addiction while ensuring “little darling” has every game he or she desires. Dad is adamant that he’s going to take the kid “when he’s old enough” but by then will the game version have altered the reality?

What would the hard life of an angler be like, if he were always under pressure to prove his skills in lots of competitions? Activision believes that fishing shouldn’t be relaxing, and promises that their new game Rapala Fishing Frenzy will be action packed.

“Fishing Frenzy’s” are common, most occur the night before the trip when we can’t find our wading boots. In the field, the action is slow as molasses.

Rapala’s flavor won’t teach patience – nor will it chill or dampen them cherubic little fingers. Now that Dad figures he’s old enough – is his eagerness to go driven in part by the memory of digital mayhem, a toasty bedroom, and Mom delivering popcorn?

The idyllic scenes and the first class graphics should captivate the player. Revamped controls should mean that fishing does not become frustrating on any of the three platforms (PS3, Xbox 360, Wii).

If fishing weren’t frustrating we wouldn’t be wedded to the hobby, as the suffering makes the brief moments of victory all the sweeter. If Dumpling gets turned off by a balky joystick, what’s he liable to do with his first dozen backlashes?

A proper fishing game needs to capture the adrenaline-pumping intensity of sport fishing,” said Adrian Filippini from Fun Labs.

There’s plenty of adrenaline in fishing, but real intensity results from slipping on a rock into a frigid torrent, imbedding a fly into the posterior of someone’s poodle, or scrambling for purchase on a sheer slope wearing felt soles. It’s bad enough that the game sets unreal expectations – but they’ve removed the hint of the fun to come.

The game does teach teach important skills they’ll use on the fly fishing forums – that vast wasteland of misinformation and discontent. Thread jacking is an art form and takes considerable practice.

Mayamo: I kinda like fly fishing. Being out in the middle or a rather fast moving river trying not to slip and float away while constantly working at dropping the fly just where you want it and occasionally working a fish.

Sponge: Ah, but you have the choice of three outrageous sandwiches to quietly nibble on: Jumpin’ Jam, Extreme Egg, Totally Tubular Tuna, Badass BLT and Awesome Avocado…

Sponge: That’s five. I got carried away, so exciting is rollercoaster ride of Rapala Fishing Frenzy.

Adodric: I could go for a badass BLT right now.

Chris: Yeah, now I’m hungry. 

Mad Jack McMad: There was this fishing game for the Dreamcast, I had a demo of it from some magazine. Sega Bass Fishing, I think. It had the most crazy assed metal theme song ever.
When you hooked a fish it was as if you triggered some mad capcom boss rush. The screen would shake, and FISH ON!!!! would blast all over the screen, the music would go wild… I don’t know, maybe real fishing is actually that intense for the paragons of the sport.

Maybe it is lad. It’s clear you’ve mastered the prerequisite skills to be a “paragon” of the parking area …

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Explain "Catch and Release" to the Judge

Do your explaining here It’s absence is glaring and with all the hand wringing over the decline in hunters and fisherman, no mention that less of us may help things, after all, we’re the barbarians putting pressure on declining populations – why no uptick in critters?

Politicians and the Captains of Industry may like our dwindling numbers – as we’re one of those gadfly groups that complain bitterly about exploitation of natural assets, and have upset the applecart on many occasions.

The Eco-fringe has insisted repeatedly that we’re the root of all evils, but they too are silent. Statistics on the decline of licenses have existed for the last decade – and if there’s less of us, why no small restorative effect?

I can only conclude that we’re not the reason for much of this mess, and despite the blood on our hands, we’re among the least offensive of the predatory groups.

We all know our license dollars assist in wildlife management and fund wardens, most of these agencies are “on the ropes” – as their funding has been hammered twice; they’re the first to take cuts in bad economic times, and there’s less of us to make up that gap.

The Fish Geek points out that less of us means less conservation dollars, less restorative projects, and states are scrambling to unlink wildlife budgets from license sales. Gasoline tariffs, sales taxes, and speeding tickets are being contemplated as a replacement.

I’m thinking the silver lining in all this is everyone else that swears we’re beasts now gets to put their money where their mouth’s been.

We’ll still buy our licenses and contribute more than anyone else, but “85 in a 65” means more trout, and that might be worth it.

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That’s OK, we slept since then

It's We ate all the big stuff, most of the medium sized stuff, and we’re working on the small stuff now. Next comes the really small stuff, those critters so important to the food chain that their absence upsets the entire apple cart.

West coast salmon virtually collapsed this year despite our best lip service, we said we were conserving them like a sumbitch – and industry estimates backed our play. Then the bottom fell out – and everyone shrugs their shoulder and points at “not enough krill” – we were managing the take just fine.

Now they’re suctioning Krill – mostly because of the health benefits associated with Omega 3 fatty acids; you take a couple tons of the fundamental building block of the entire saltwater food chain, mash it up and add some Yellow Dye #3 – puke that into capsule form and serve it up to an aging overweight population as a miracle cure for what ails them.

Naturally the estimates of Krill populations vary depending on whether your livelihood is derived from their capture; scientists estimate 100 million tonnes, and the fishing industry claims there’s five times that amount.

Me, I see it as simple genetic manipulation, akin to the same stuff various organizations protest most violently. In the one case, we’re tinkering in an area best left to Divinities, and in the other – screw them, they’re just  salt water insects nobody’s exploiting yet.

It’s a kind of unknowing hypocrisy, what they really fear is we’ll unleash a biological atom bomb that’ll destroy the Earth in a couple of weeks, whereas destroying the Earth in a couple of decades is just fine.

I don’t get it.

Egghead scientists and eco-radicals get on the Telly – and once they start frothing the rest of us turn the channel. Normal folks are excluded from the same exposure because they don’t froth at the mouth, and make poor sound bites.

That leaves me, a semi-literate SOB wading up a polluted creek thrilled to catch 3″ fish that no one else wants, knowing that next year they’ll be 2″ – and fewer.

Just remember, Soylent Green is made from People…

At 65 it was your Doctor that said "Let it Be"

Fur Protesters That just ain’t fair, they get McCartney and I get the Hulkster?

McCartney, 65, posed for a photograph for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) organization accompanied by the words: “I am Paul McCartney and I am a vegetarian”. It also features the quote: “Many years ago, I was fishing, and as I was reeling in the poor fish, I realized, ‘I am killing him — all for the passing pleasure it brings me.’

Jesus, Paul – but did you ever contemplate the impact of hearing “Say Say Say” twice in an hour, on grainy AM radio?

It comes with being an “A-Lister” – the national podium wherein no sound byte is ever discarded, and a “cause celebre” is required to expose your social conscience, after lining your pockets with coin from  commoners. We expect it nowadays, some esoteric cause swathed in flash bulbs, Rolex’s, and toy poodles – destined to make us choke on our porridge.

I wouldn’t resent it so much if he had his catharsis over a lamb chop..

The closest I got to a celebrity was guiding Clint Eastwood’s mom on Fall River. Clint owned the old Crosby Ranch on Rising River, and I had to ask – “Mizz Eastwood, how come you’re fishing here, Clint has all the good stuff under armed guard!”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t let me fish there,” was her response. I found out shortly that Clint was smarter than me, as I’m trying to pry fish out of her grip to release them, and she’s trying to kill them with a pipe wrench.

Nothing wrong with quirks, Lord knows I have my share..

Which C-Lister do we want as our spokesman?

Hulkamaniacs do Bass, Baby You can enjoy your pristine wilderness-kinda experience, then wonder why your congressman boots you out of his office, despite amusing his secretary with fish costumes and chants about indiscriminate water bottle use.

Money and “C” list celebrities are the new Tammany Hall mob, a lethal combination of pandering and getting the message across; it doesn’t matter whether you get the autograph or not, it’s the soundbite that counts.

Today, FLW Fantasy Fishing(TM) awarded the first of seven historic fantasy sport prizes: $100,000 to Christopher Toring of Minneapolis, Minnesota. With the groundbreaking announcement of FLW Fantasy Fishing and the largest fantasy sports payout ever, including $7.3 million in cash and prizes, the excitement and anticipation has kept participants and fans on the edge of their seats and eager to become $100,000 richer — just by playing FLW Fantasy Fishing.

I figure the entire fly fishing industry has a combined advertising budget of less than $7.3 million, the amount the fantasy fishing game is giving away.

But wait, there’s more…

Hulk Hogan just signed as the spokesman for the contest, can the reality show be far behind? Nothing like a canny marketing juggernaut to kick sand in our sandwich – I have to applaud, they know their demographic, and are destined for something astraddle the evening news.

Don’t despair, Ted Nugent still fishes, and I think Mr. T is available.