Author Archives: KBarton10

Part 1: The Timid Fellow’s Guide to Dyeing

The next time the wife complains of gray hair or dark roots you can leap to your feet and assist. Fiddling with Madam’s hair being a case of “come back with your shield, or on it” –  so you may want to practice a wee bit before restoring her lost youth …

Dyeing materials can be the easiest thing you’ve ever attempted, but it can also be the end of your relationship and the complete destruction of considerable high quality tying materials.

Despite all the complexity, coloration can be broken down into two real requirements, the first is easy – I need some red hackle. The second is incredibly difficult – I need some more of the same color.

Dyeing a primary color is easy. Buy the dye in the color you need, follow the labeled instructions, add fixative, and dry the mess out. Matching a color is much more difficult. The fellow that made it may have used a different vendor for his dye, dipped it for an unknown length of time, and you’ve got to reverse engineer that color back out of your pot – which is not trivial.

The Big Two:

For animal parts, furs, feathers, hides, and anything else natural (except plant fiber), you can use the commonplace dyes available in your supermarket, like powdered or liquid RIT – or you can use coal tar dyes – also known as “acid” or “protein dyes.

Each has its preferred fixative, RIT uses table salt – and protein dyes use any weak solution of acid. Muriatic and Acetic acid are the most common fixatives, you know them as white vinegar (5% solution of Acetic acid), and Muriatic is (a 10% solution of Hydrochloric) sold to properly PH your swimming pool. Both are readily available and cheap.

A whiff of Muriatic is most memorable, the inhale starts and the body instantly overrides the mind. If you don’t already have a swimming pool (and don’t care for noxious chemicals) stick with the plain white vinegar.

Each dye vendor has a completely different range of colors and compounds used to make them, which can add some unneccesary complexity when mixing and matching. It’s best to  pick one as the source of all your colors, relying on a combination of written notes and familiarity with his colors to breed consistency quickly.

I’ve recently changed to Pro Chemical & Dye as my protein source. I can buy dye in pounds or ounces, and the prices vary by color. If you remember your history books, different colors are the result of different rare earths and minerals, some being more expensive than others like Cobalt, which is why their pricing is disjoint.

… and the range can be significant. Coral Pink is $2.40 per ounce, and Yellow is $9.00 an ounce. They also have a full range of odd fixatives, dyes for synthetic fibers, instructions on use, and a great complement of detergents and degreasers.

RIT is somewhat self explanatory. You get what the supermarket or craft store stocks. Most salt fixed dyes recommend non-Iodized salt, but they plainly state that table salt works just fine.

The Strong and the Weak

Each of these types of dye have strong and weak points – and rules that you must follow religiously.

Rule #1: Salt-fixed dyes (RIT, Tintex) should only be used for earthen or pastel colors – never used to make bright or vibrant color.

There’s good reason for the above. RIT is a weak fabric dye and salt isn’t much of a fixative. If you think of the molecular level, the pigment has to “stick” to the filaments you’re dyeing, and the fixative is largely there to “score” the fibers and let the dye attach itself permanently.

Salt is really quite toxic in high concentrations so it acts like an acid, it’s just not a very good one.

Tan, Light Brown, Pale Yellow, imitation Wood Duck, gray, light Olive – any of the lighter shades of natural colors will allow RIT to do a serviceable job. It’s quite capable of dark colors as well – but stick to the Brown’s, Yellow’s, some Olives, and the warm end of the spectrum.

It also helps to use pure white materials when using RIT as it lacks the muscle to overpower tinted or off-white materials. In more advanced processes we can use this to our advantage, as in the Bronze Blue Dun neck -which is largely medium gray with a brown tint.

Rule #2: Bright, vibrant, or fluorescent, should always be Protein dyes.

Largely for the reasons stated above. Weak solutions of acid can better penetrate fibers and therefore deposit more pigment. If you’re after the steelhead colors; Purple, Red, Orange, and Green, and you need them vivid – stick to the protein flavor.

The Hidden Color Story

Rule #3: The color on the package is called a “reference color.”

This is where most of you will make the first hundred dollar mistake. You’ll dye a little rabbit fur or marabou and have some success. Emboldened, you’ll reach for an immaculate #1 Whiting Cream neck and match it with a medium Gray dye …

… and tears are the result.

The package is labeled with one of the many possible colors you may get. It’s not the color achieved by flinging the entire box into the water followed by a shovel-full of salt.

In my experience the reference color, that displayed on the packaging, is about halfway down the possible spectrum. That’s why your Whiting neck is now a rare color of soot…

Rule #4: Meathead, Read the Goddamn label.

RIT dyes plainly state, “this approximates the color achieved when adding one pound of fabric to the dye bath.” As your precious $75 is now soot-black, it’s your own damn fault.

Think about the weight of the material you’re about to dye and contrast that to the “one pound of fabric” that small package is intended to color. Adding a single box (or bottle) to the pot is about 6 times too much dye, giving you four seconds where the color was acceptable, and you missed it and it’s enroute to Ebony.

Let’s blacken Mama’s Kitchen shall we?

As the principal cook and bottle washer I’m allowed special dispensation in my kitchen – and can extricate myself from Hell’s fiery grip with the next gourmet meal…

If you aren’t similarly situated then you’ll just have to be cleaner than most.

All dyeing should be done in porcelain lined pots or stainless steel. There’s plenty of sour, odiferous, and caustic elements you’ll be juggling – so you’ll be buying these pots rather than using Mama’s.

You’ll need wooden spoons, Barbeque tongs, a Chinese deep fry strainer, and perhaps later – a candy thermometer. Most of this stuff can be scored at garage sales, so while walking the dog keep your eyes peeled. The above links are reference only, not a recommendation.

The deep fry strainer is for loose fur and feathers. You could also use a permeable bag of some sort – but this is how you’ll remove all the individual items from the dye bath. Tongs are needed for the larger single pieces – like chicken necks and saddles, or chunks of dyed hides. Remember all this stuff will be hot, so try to get wooden handles on everything.

A candy thermometer is needed for synthetics mostly. Most of them melt over a certain temperature, so you’ll need to constantly adjust flame to avoid exceeding the temp listed in the material data sheet.

Many vendors provide material data sheets on their web sites, and you can look up the melt point on a yarn or synthetic fabric easily. As most of the synthetics in fly shops are “super secret” – stolen from another industry and relabeled … well, good luck.

My entire kit cost me about nine dollars, as I’m the Scourge of the local Goodwill franchise.

You’ll use plenty of paper towels, a little dish detergent, and you’ll want hand sponges to mop up the slurps and spills, so lay in a different color than you use around dishes and food.

Rule #5: Hide all this from your spouse. If she sees all those cleaning products she’ll take it as proof that “love can change him” – so she’ll redouble her efforts after she recovers from her faint …

The Mark of the Professional is not success, it’s pink fingers

I’m going to leave the simple colors for your experimentation and head straight for the difficult and frustrating. We’re going to attempt the dreaded, “Lemon dyed Wood Duck” with only the Medium Bronze Blue Dun killing more quality feathers …

The Color Theory Component: Lemon Wood Duck can actually be dyed more than one way which shouldn’t be too surprising. Complex colors offer multiple paths to a single shade.

Golden Yellow and Tan is our starting point As Lemon Wood Duck is a tan/yellow tint we can start with tan and add yellow, or start with yellow and add tan. Pretty simple sounding, but dye concentration and timing are still wild cards.

I’ve selected RIT for the task. RIT does good pastels and earth tones, and it’ll allow you to put the “death rattle” in your relationship if you wish to follow along.

I chose Golden Yellow as there’s a hint of amber to some flank feathers, and a hint of orange is in the dye to assist me in that effect.

Feather Preparation: I’ve got a Blue Winged Teal and Gadwall mix left from last season. Both have the beautiful dark markings I like, and as a bonus I can use these feathers to make Bird’s Nest’s as well.

Waterfowl are one of the hideous feathers to dye. They’re full of grit, blood, and natural oils, and should be thoroughly soaked to get them cleansed and waterlogged. (I’ll cover the water logged component in the next installment when we do animal fur)

Soak and wash Prepare a bowl deep enough to get the feathers submerged using cold water and about half a teaspoon of regular dish detergent.

For added realism you can use Lemon Scented …

Once you given the feathers a vigorous wash (evidenced by the detergent bubbles at left) lay the deep fry strainer over them and let steep. The more water we can soak into the feathers the better.

After about 30 minutes of soaking rinse the feathers clean with about three passes of clean water.

Now we’re ready to get dirty.

In your porcelain pot add enough water to cover the amount of feathers you’ll be dyeing. You’ll want enough to keep them underwater as much as is possible.

Get the water hot enough so there’s plenty of steam coming off yet no evidence of boil. Set your flame on low from here on.

Drain the water from the feather soaking bowl and refill it with hot water from the tap. This ensures the feathers are hot when moved into the dye pot and reduces any shock to them caused by the move from cold to red hot.

Do not drain the feather water, we’ll pull them out of the water and plop them straight into the pot completely soaked.

Both writing and dyeing proves Less is More

We’re not dyeing a solid color, rather it’s more of a tint. We’ll use a “less is more” approach identical to the coffee brewed at your workplace. We’ll start with a woefully inadequate amount of coffee dye and gradually strengthen it to what’s needed. It allows us pinpoint control over the mixture because too little dye won’t color anything – and more importantly, it won’t color anything quickly.

Your starting amounts are dependent on the amount of feathers being dyed and the volume of water used. As you are likely doing a different amount start stingy, add more as I will.

One teaspoon of each, those are food spoons I’m starting with a tiny amount, one teaspoon of powdered RIT tan, and one of the Golden Yellow.

Mix the colors in your water and add about 1/2 cup salt as fixative, swirl until everything has dissolved cleanly. The dye bath is weak so chances are you can still see the bottom of the pot.

With the deep fry strainer, remove all the feathers from the soaking bowl and get them into the dye bath. As the feathers are pre-heated the tips won’t curl when the hot water hits them.

Pick a good reference point, and consider the Physics

The softest material of the feather will pick up the dye first, and the Physics of wet feathers means they’ll be two to three shades darker when wet than when they’re dry.

I’ll watch the duck “marabou” at the base of each feather as my initial color indicator as it will absorb color before any other element of the feather. This will be my clue that the feather portion is starting to take on color.

The marabou is no longer white I’ll shift the color watch to the feather tips once I see the marabou start to darken, as the tip is the portion I need to match to the real duck. Once the tip starts taking color, I’ll pull all the feathers when they’re about 3 shades too dark.

Sounds pretty simple.

Start adding more dye. Add one more teaspoon of tan, and one more teaspoon of golden yellow. Keep the feathers agitated and off the bottom of the pot. Anything touching the bottom of the pot for any length of time will curl or burn, so make sure you pull the stirring spoons out of the pot when not in use.

At intervals pull the strainer through and examine the effects.

After a couple minutes with little effect, add another teaspoon of each color. Mix each addition thoroughly to ensure consistency of color, while keeping your eyes peeled on the marabou.

The picture at right, above – shows the marabou starting to take on the tan color, not the yellow. We can’t afford to add anymore tan – so we’ll match the color by adding more yellow.

Add teaspoon of yellow. Marabou still tan. Add another teaspoon of yellow, marabou shows warming trend – so we’ll add one more teaspoon of yellow, and add nothing more. This eliminates all variables save the immersion time.

The Kid’s Hammy Hands were a blur in the Noonday sun

Test feather Yank a test feather from the dye bath and dry it by mashing it between paper towels, move quickly to fluff the feather out for inspection – as color is still darkening on the pot contents.

Looks good, but damp (nearly dry) feathers are one shade darker than bone dry.

We can see from the picture at left that the yellow is deepening and the tan has remained constant.

Pull another feather every minute until the nearly dry version is exactly one shade too dark. Refill the soaking pot with cold fresh water in the meantime. We’ll be yanking the feathers from the dye bath and dumping them straight into the soak bowl. The fresh water will dilute any dye remaining on the feather and they’ll cease the coloration process.

The all-important Yank and Cleanse

Kill the fire under the pot and with the deep fry strainer gather everything and immerse it into the soaking bowl. It’s critical not to chase the few feathers left in the pot, since every moment you’re fiddling the mass of feathers can be darkening. Grab the easy stuff and start the rinsing process.

Like the detergent wash, you’ll want to run about three passes of fresh clean water through the soak bowl. Agitate and squeeze the feathers until the water ceases to yellow.

Now wash one more time because salt really sucks.

Salt fixed dyes can be an irritant to the tyer if the feathers are not cleansed enough. You’re busy tying Quill Gordon’s and wipe the back of your fingers across your eyes – leaving just enough salt to irritate them. Three passes for the dye, and a fourth for salt.

The final damp product, your monitor may vary

After all that pain and suffering here’s the final result. The feather on the left is damp and should lighten about one more shade when bone dry.

… and if my count is accurate the final formula was 5 teaspoons of golden yellow and 3 teaspoons of tan RIT.

Remember that each computer monitor will render a color palette differently, so I can’t promise what you’ll see. From my perspective I’m looking at a near match (once completely dry).

Dyeing your own materials is one of those final hurdles for any tyer aspiring to great things. If hurried it can also be the source of massive pocketbook destruction.

Many years ago I had the responsibility for dyeing most of the materials that the different shops stocked, and my scorched and maimed mistakes hidden in the trash where the Boss never looked. Most shops no longer do their own work, relying instead on prepackaged vendor colors instead of the fellow in a back room screaming from the dye bath emptied on his crotch.

Little wonder, that.

In the next installment we’ll cover acid dyes and animal fur, and while most of the preparation is identical there’s still a few tweaks you’ll need to know unique to hair and its coloration.

… and as this was in response to a reader request, if you have anything else you’d like me to cover, be sure to ask.

The "Get Out of Jail Free" card

This is the “get out of Jail free” card, less you think I was emboldened to the point of invulnerability. One careless misstep with the dye bath, one slopped pot of duck feathers on the kitchen floor and the “Grim Sweeper” will come off that couch like a Thunderbolt ….

The recipe is more like 50-50 tan versus golden brown, and yields mostly dark meat – jaundiced actually, but she saw the detergent and sponges and has big stars in her eyes …

Tags: Lemon dyed Wood duck, RIT dyes, how to dye fly tying materials, how to enrage your spouse, Tintex, Teal flank, Gadwall flank, deep fat strainer, porcelain dye pots, coal tar dyes, acid dyes, pro chemical & dye, bulk fly tying materials, feather preparation, dyeing feathers

Clean design, modular components, the product I’d like to see

I’m never surprised by a “better mousetrap” – only surprised that our industry is the source of so few.

With rubber soles being the standard of the future and while the vendor community wrestles with compositions, textures, and sticky – eventually settling on some blend they’ll label with a Star Wars moniker, you’d think they might see whose travelled that path terrestrially – before hitting the laboratory.

I’d describe it as an elegant design, a vibram sole equipped with a reversible cleat from Hammacher Schlemmer.

Reversible Cleats

Snapped into the sole of the boot is a cleated segment that’s reversible, cleats on one side, no cleats on the other.

Figure some minor modifications for underwater use, thicker and with a better restraint, but this style would allow an angler to adjust his footing on the fly.

Greasy river bottom? Park on a rock and flip them around for additional purchase (11 cleats on the sole, 5 on the heel). For a sandy bottom, pop them out and reverse them for an all rubber grip.

Now we won’t be wearing the cleats down while hiking along railroad tracks or any overland portages.

It would even allow me to purchase replacements, or offer sets with even more cleats than standard – due to the modular design.

Neat.

Tags: Hammacher Schlemmer, cleated vibram soles, wading technology, modular design, good engineering, reinvent the wheel

It might’ve been called the Day of Best Intentions

Stay sober and drive safely It’s always been a Singlebarbed trait to delight in the suffering of others. We cackle and point fingers, toss barbs quicker than most – yet lack the social niceties that defines the true prima donna.

No, my good lord: banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins; but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company: banish plump Jack and banish all the world.
Henry IV.
Pt. I. Act II. Sc. 4. L. 520.

Our soiled punctuation linen is never far from public display. Some might sulk or nurse an imagined hurt, instead we’re giggling at our foibles with the rest of the crowd.

My New Year’s Resolutions

1. Accuse dry fly fishermen of unimaginable crimes.

Fish are wet, the river’s wet – you’re moaning over a leak in your waders, and being rained on – yet insist your fly remain dry?

2. Fish more often.

The press of Mankind on a finite resource is taking its toll. Salt or fresh, gamefish or no, the only certainty is that next year there will be less. These are the Good Old Days – don’t lose sight of it.

3. Embrace the Smart Phone format.

Now that people can (and will), read novels on their cell phones, the writers craft will have to undergo a revolution comparable to that engendered by the Gutenberg press.  While this doesn’t mean a generational change from Shakespeare to Doonesbury, you get the general idea.  “Less is more.” 

As eloquent as I’ve seen it phrased …

4. Share with the “young guns” (who’ll be carrying the banner the next half century) and imbue them with what was passed to you.

The good stuff.  Rare materials gifted by the prior generation – the reels  no longer made yet still purr after a century of use, and the knowledge that came after a lifetime of doing things the hard way.

The issues they’ll face will be more onerous than anything we’ve endured.

5. Fire Weather permitting, make that trip to Montana this year.

6. (you can fill in those I missed)

Tags: Good Old Days, New Year’s resolutions, fly fishing, smart phone, fly fishing, fish more often, them as inherits,

A most flagrant violation of a fly fishing reserved word

Nike Mayfly Most would agree that Nike has always been a poster child for cutting edge marketing coupled with a flair for picking the proper spokesman.

Michael Jordan is an empire unto himself, and while Tiger Woods is no slouch, the “Just Do It” mantra might have touched a nerve …

Nike’s mistake was using one of fly fishing’s most sacred words to brand a product – affording me the luxury of taking them to task.

Mayfly? You sure you want to name them that?

I’d sure want a $50 dollar running shoe designed for a single 100m marathon, complete with Tyvek uppers and embossed wings – until I learned the real “Mayfly” spent up to three years underwater and emerged for a week or so intent on nothing but sex …

… I’d tiptoe around these two or three times trying to determine whether I’d burrow, cling or crawl, scratch all my skin off – then mount the fellow holding the starter pistol …

Tags: Nike Mayfly, Tyvek paper, sexual stage, branding

Beware white vans carrying Skinheads

salmon_genome I’ve often wondered what a fly fisherman does when they’re 80 years old and joints aren’t as limber, reflexes likewise, and they yank your driver’s license as you’re unsafe at any speed.

I saw myself as one of the “past their prime” old bastards sunning themselves at the casting pond, throwing an occasional word of encouragement at the fellow prying a dry fly out of his forearm. Mostly I’d be watching all the strolling females a third my age trying to straight face lecherous intent.

I’m allowed that as I can aspire to a dirty minded SOB as well as an ex-fishermen.

Now I know better. Me and the “Over the Hill” gang will be slapping knee and laughing at all the legal manifestations of water rights and cloned fish, and how the IGFA will be slapping asterisks on positively everything.

Young guys will shrug and dine at “sustainable” eateries, like us they never cared for the fish eating – it was the catching that made fishing fun. The middle aged fellows who got the last taste of wild fish when they were kids will be protesting asterisks and whether a salmon that tastes like a potato is still a salmon or no …

We’ll have little choice other than acknowledge our part in pillaging the watershed; how we didn’t know our feet was spreading pestilence, and the taint of urban runoff made our hook wounds turn into flesh eating disease – dooming Carp and Sticklebacks into a lengthy and painful demise. We had the best of intentions with Catch & Release, and how were we to know?

The Past became the Future when fish farmers mapped the Atlantic Salmon genome.

We applauded knowing that they could build a wild fish out of spare Cytosine from junkyard hubcaps, Guanine from lawn clippings … it was a bold new world and soon the streams would be teeming with real gamefish.

Only their interest was commercial, and we hadn’t figured on them fiddling with the DNA pairings. Instead of silver Chinook we got pen raised Kentucky Colonel Salmon, in Lethargic and Extra Risky, and while they could spawn in sewers, each time they did so, white vans would pull up spilling skinheads in tactical outfits and how they’d point at the copyright logo on the gill plate and repossess them all.

As salmon flesh possesses so many essential Omega-3 fatty acids, those canny “anglers” at the home office eventually found it cheaper to grow just the ass of the fish rather than the front. It silenced the environmentalists who were rallying support to ban Krill harvests, and solved the dilemma of feeding fish to fish to make fish. Consultation with a consortium of Sushi chefs and Plastic Veterinarians taught them the fillet work needed to make the “export” side of the salmon indistinguishable from the “import” side, especially when saran wrapped with a brightly colored sale sticker over the pucker.

Same thing happened to the leases and beats across the pond. Owning river or land doesn’t count when fish genetics show interbreeding with a corporate trademark. The conservation organizations puffed up their chest and tried the legal angle – but they’d never heard of the case law surrounding Monsanto and their lock on genetic seeds – and they got smoked.

The judgment along with previous ones upon which it was built has been interpreted by many to mean that if any Roundup Ready® crop is found on agricultural land wherein it was not specifically purchased even if it found its way there through entirely natural means such as wind or insect pollination, the farmer is liable to Monsanto for “theft” of its property.

But best of all will be the demise of the IGFA and world records as we know them. They’ll wield the asterisk firmly until offered the big money by Long John Silvers who’s engaged in a bitter war with Colonel Saunders over whose fillet of fishlike substance has a higher percentage of Wild.

The largest salmon in the world has never been caught – and doesn’t swim. It’s an amorphous blob of test tube fed flesh in the Gorton’s Clean Room, kept under 24 hour guard and completely sterile conditions.

… and each day the conveyor belt spins up and that white light from the carbon dioxide laser begins cutting thousands of identical Gorton’s “Copper River Spring Chinook” fillets.

“… flash frozen for freshness.”

Meanwhile “Bob” and I take turns passing the National Enquirer around the bench, old eyes straining to identify the make and model of the broken fly rod pictured next to the sobbing child as Poppa is hauled away …

Brave New World, and another Epsilon Semi Boron in manacles.

Tags: Mapping the Atlantic Salmon genome, Monsanto Roundup Ready Genetic crops, Brave New World, Epsilon Semi Moron, lecherous old guys, retired fly fisherman, environmental lobby smoked, krill ban, it takes fish to make fish, casting club, Carp

Cal Bird’s Modified distribution wrap, for Monty Montana

In last Monday’s post we described the distribution wrap, a method to make feathers that were oversized act as hackle on smaller hooks. That post described how a single segment of even flank feather could be spun around the shank as hackle.

One of the more popular flies that Cal originated was the Bird’s Nest, where he’d use Tintex Maple Sugar dye to color heavily barred teal flank – and then use a modified distribution wrap to use feathers whose tips were crooked but whose sides were even.

Tintex Maple Sugar dyed teal flank

The above is a reference color from a batch of teal flank that Cal dyed for me. Tintex “Maple Sugar” is no longer made but the color can be reproduced with a good warm amber or imitation wood duck dye.

Tip clipped and used for the tail

Clip the tip and center stem of the feather and mount that fragment as the tail. The width of the sides sections determine whether the fly is lightly or heavily hackled. For the hook shown (#8) you will need about 3/8” segments on either side – about half of what’s shown.

Measure the teal against the tail

The front hackle should extend half way down the tail. This is a reference measurement before clamping the near side of the feather to the hook shank with my thumb (to freeze the movement).

Near side clamped to shank with left thumb

Left thumb clamps the fibers to the hook shank to prevent movement. The left forefinger will come down on the far side clump and pinch it to the far side of the fly.

The forefinger squeezes the other segment to the far side of the fly

Now that both segments are measured and secured with finger pressure, bring the thread up to roll them around the shank and even out the fibers.

Near side has thread, far side is coming around the belly of the fly

The thread is shown distributing the feathers. The near side clump becomes the top half of the fly, the far side clump wraps the fibers around the belly of the fly.

hackle collar complete

The hackle collar is anchored. Like the original distribution wrap you can wind back towards the body to redistribute the fibers any way you like. Clip off the remainder of the feather once you’ve finalized the hackle placement.

Completed Olive Bird's Nest

The completed #8 Olive Bird’s Nest. Cal preferred the old Mustad 7957BX hook which was 1X long, 1X heavy, forged model Perfect bend.

Woodcock & Orange

Here’s the same wrap done on a #14 Woodcock & Orange. A collaborative effort; seal provided by [Unknown], Woodcock arrived at Christmas – compliments of the Roughfisher – and glue lump assisted by a holiday sugar rush coupled with unsteady hands.

For Monty Montana.

Tags: Woodcock, seal fur, maple sugar Tintex, teal flank, Cal Bird, Bird’s Nest, soft hackle, Roughfisher.com, Christmas sugar rush, distribution wrap

Time to get “heeled” and do your Governor proud

Our dictionary defines “keeper” not as a fish large enough to eat, but a significant other whose charity feeds our my addiction.California 2010 Fishing License

… I suppose she could be having a torrid affair with some buff appliance salesman – using this as camouflage, but does it really matter?

Most fishermen are packing the night before and are horrified that another year has passed and they’re without  Letters of Marque …

A gentle reminder that you’ve got about a week before your Governor puts his hand in your pocket.

… and don’t be surprised if the price has gone up a bit. A lot of state’s budgets are in disarray due to the financial meltdown and they’re looking to increase revenue stream.

California remains $41.50, same as last year.

About nine cents will make it to DFG and the fish, but it’s essential equipment.

Tags: California fishing license, Department of Fish & Game, significant other, keeper, torrid affair, letter of marque

Hexagenia Mayfly responsible for polluting the Great Lakes, Asian Carp rush to the rescue

Hex_Hatch In an interesting turn of events it appears the Hexagenia mayflies of Lake Erie may be blamed for polluting the lake.

… nasty little buggers, those …

In a similar experiment, Chaffin found that a burrowing mayfly can kick up buried phosphorus. Once that phosphorus is back in the water, it can fuel more algae blooms.

“There is an effect,” Chaffin said “I don’t know if it’s just a drop in a bucket, or if it is a main reason why we’d be seeing these blooms come back since mayflies have come back.”

Even if the return of the mayflies has contributed to the resurgence of algae blooms and low oxygen, it’s not a sign that Lake Erie managers need to kick the bugs back out.

“It’s not necessarily the mayflies’ fault that there’s so much phosphorus in the sediment,” Chaffin said. “The mayflies are going to do their thing if there’s a lot of phosphorus or not.”

Water managers are less than concerned as they know the arrival of the Asian carp will ensure those pesky mayflies get their comeuppance in spades.

… it’s the cheaper alternative to dismantling the electric fish barrier, boosting the voltage and dragging it along the bottom to zap hidden mayfly terrorist cells.

“I grew up on the shores of Lake Erie, so I remember there being no mayflies,” he said. “So every time I’m wiping mayfly guts off my feet, I don’t get too upset about it.”

Tags: Great Lakes, Asian Carp, Hexagenia Limbata, algae bloom, phosphorus sediment, mayfly burrow, fly fishing humor

You might be a fishing wienie if

… sure it’s the season of friendship, hope, and orgy of consumerism, yet buried way down deep is still a hint of Christianity … hard to see, but baby Jesus is sandwiched somewheres between that Lexus commercial and all the reasons I need a 54” flat screen …

… absent the three wise men, whose star led them to Best Buy, where they’re poring over red and blue maps and the merits of Droid versus iPhone.

Yet, in all this I find Hope. Not that I’ve changed spots any. I’m still the opinionated antisocial prick of Posts Past –  only there’s an item common to all fly shop clearance sales – suggesting you astute lads aren’t buying any.Simms Special Edition Wader mat 

The Simms “Special Edition” wader mat. I’ve scratched my chin and after considerable thought decided if you own one of these, you’re a complete wienie.

Strong words from a fellow that takes pride in offending everyone, wades in crap, and thinks the purity of decay is the new wilderness.

I recognize the object and its function, freely admit that twenty bucks isn’t likely to break anyone, yet I just can’t find a single worthwhile reason to own one.

… and based on recent sales data and the canny shopping of a spouse navigating the unfamiliar waters of the local fly shop, Simm’s may have invented the fly fishing equivalent of Soap On A Rope.

Why? Gals know dirt.

They’re tired of stumbling over your wet wading boots on the floor of the garage, the mud caked waders flung over the dryer as your anti-invasive strategy, and would just as soon fix all that.

… and there in the sale bin is their instrument of Truth. Precisely the same length as a four-piece rod tube – and when wrapped will fool you into visions of Sage, Scott, and she shouldn’t have … A carat and a half later (which you can ill afford) and the glee of Christmas morn shattered by a drip mat.

… and that’s the best case.

If we look at the raw physics, you used to have two wet boots, one set of wet waders (inside and out), a dripping hollow wading staff, and all of that gear wadded into the same area containing sleeping bag, half eaten loaf of Wonderbread, and room temperature Bologna – left opened in the trunk when you elected to dine afield.

Now there’s another wet, dirty object to taint your precious supplies, or leak into your sleeping bag …

Sherlockian deduction suggests it may be the car that is of greatest concern. Waders and wet boots stashed in finely tailored gear bags emblazoned with vendor label, crest of arms, or both – and while all else is neatly compartmentalized this will be draining into your cashmere interior – while you search the backroads for a rare steak.

… and the fact that you drove such a car down a pitted track to set gleaming next to mine, means you’re a wienie.

Volumes of literature and roadside signs warn you against invasive species. Tanks of chemicals allow you to sprits wading gear back to the sterile pristine, yet there’s a goodly compliment of passengers lining your “drip mat” – and while you and your gear are chaste, that mat is now host to everything you stepped in.

… which makes you a wienie.

Or it could be that you don’t want to get any on you, environment-wise. Slithering into a high priced prophylactic is done to curry favor with the outdoor clique at work, or perhaps it was the Boss – who thought this whole adventure thing would be a great team exercise. He’s self-made and only agreed to the boardroom suggestion of “off site” because he loves to fish.

If so, Mother Nature is likely to bust a cap in your arse and expose you as a wienie.

Try as I might I cannot come up with any desirable characteristics not furnished by an old Playboy or dog-eared newspaper, scrap of carpet, or extra floormat.

“Simms” brooks little argument and looks tastefully sexy in moonlight, but so does my tailgate. I remove dripping garments high above the taint of soil – where they’ll drain fetchingly next to the “4WD” accent.

… any fool can get a high-priced, low-slung euro-roadster down the hill, it’s getting up that grows the Iron Cross …

Unnecessary gear. Another item to forget on the day of departure, another excuse for a high pitched tirade by the car. It’s easier to move the loaf of bread aside, grab your buddy’s down jacket and use that …

… that only costs you dinner.

Tags: Simms Special Edition wading mat, fly fishing wienie, unnecessary bulk, waders, wading boots, invasive species, fly shop, baby Jesus, antisocial prick, IMHO