Author Archives: KBarton10

… and the best fish all to yourself

dirtyharry While the competition admires each other in their gear, commenting on how burnt sienna makes a striking statement when paired with olive drab – I’ll be leaning on a rusting tailgate pulling on last year’s patched and worn.

… and while the rest of the crowd glances furtively at the competition, waiting to see who’s going upstream – and which are headed down, I’ll pour myself a second cup of coffee from a battered thermos.

As the gleaming burgundy shafts with imbedded jungle cock are lovingly unsheathed – beginning a new round of show and tell, I’ll wedge my aged neoprene into ancient Wienbrenner’s and lace them up good and tight.

“The California Penal Code allows anglers to carry a gun while fishing and while hiking to and from their angling site. However, section 12025 of the Penal Code prohibits carrying concealed firearms in California. Section 12027, meanwhile, provides exemptions to this prohibition: “Licensed hunters or fishermen carrying pistols, revolvers or other firearms capable of being concealed upon the person while engaged in hunting or fishing, or transporting those firearms unloaded when going to or returning from the hunting or fishing expedition.”

– via Modesto Bee

… and as the crowd begins to break up and head in my direction, I’ll pull that 8” Smith from inside the vest, pop the cylinder out and give it a menacing whirl before snapping the assembly together with a quick turn of the wrist …

… and to no one in particular, “I think I’ll go upstream…”

At that distance no one will notice my hog leg is unloaded, they’ll be too busy pirouetting in favor of the downstream section – and the suddenly compelling fish it contains.

Giving me the opportunity to slide that monstrosity under the seat, as the thought of taking a header while adorned with that much iron brings the nervous sweats.

Tags: California Penal Code, fishing sidearm, heeled while fishing, solitude

A trout’s eye view, minus the assumptions

While the balance of nature might be perfection, most of its inhabitants are less so. Us fishermen are often knotted up in our notions of behavior and only underwater footage or other form of proof is needed to get us thinking outside the conventional.

Utah Fly Guides posted a video of Green Drake nymphs struggling to the surface – and as the video plainly demonstrates, they’re tumbling around in the water column and in the unfamiliar medium stability only comes with a solid anchor.

If this is what the fish sees; first a flash of light belly, then a split second of dark back, enduring all that effort to separate colors may be worth the effort. Then again, woven bodies involve considerable pain and suffering and share a certain stiffness coupled with a tendency to rotate around the hook with abuse.

With an upcoming foray into the Pristine scheduled, and a couple of ideas, I brushed the Orange and Pink materials out of the way to see what I could dream up.

Four colors of dubbing to blend belly to back color

As always efficiency is better than painstaking detail, and if they prove successful you’ll be better off with a couple dozen versus a couple period…

I started with the traditional color for the Drakes I’ve fished over in California, and the color of its underbelly. I made a quick blend of 1/2 belly – 1/2 back, and 3/4 belly – 1/4 back, then used all four colors to dub the body in short stages.

The effect is a nice harmony – a color spectrum that shifts from light to dark (in Olives) – and should make both back and belly colors visible to matter what attitude the fish has to the fly.

Transitional colors belly to back

In watching the video a couple times, I noticed the belly color offers the starkest contrast with the surrounding water – allowing me to pick out the “food” from the bits of leaves rather quickly.

We’ll never know what the trout sees, but transitioning colors in this manner yields no additional complexity and a rather striking end result.

Tags: Green Drakes, fly tying, color transition, trout fishing, blended dubbing, fly tying complexity,

I’m less than sensitive to your antiquated notion of dating

I’m feeling particularly turgid at the prospect of a spending the weekend with you, yet you remain swollen and bloated, claiming you’re retaining water and in no mood for a frolic. In my feverish condition I’m past considering your feelings, so I looked up other flames and they’re in similar shape, singing the same sorrowful tune and disinterested in a passionate tryst.

While reluctant to pay for pleasure, most of the guides won’t take my money, claiming everything North of South is blown out, knocked up, and stay away. Even the party boat skippers claim the ocean bereft of salmon, and my idyllic little stinkwater a lifeless yet burgeoning plume of dam release unable to provide the release I so sorely need.

I’ve little choice and fewer options, and the prospect of fixing sprinklers versus putting the boots to your watery, yet supple form, is just increasing my ire … and as a vindictive SOB I’ll spend those agonizing moments of forced idleness producing even more things that’ll prove irresistible later.

Pink and Orange Pee Wee

We’ve done dinner and the obligatory romantic comedy, now I’m requiring more than a peck on the cheek, or nervous handshake on your dimly lit boat launch – I’m not looking for your regard or your respect, I’m looking for some action.

… that’s right, I’m looking for the nasty.

Sure, you’re the coquette and playing the field – but them other fellows are nice guys, who’ll keep their hands off your ample shoreline and respect your irritating seasonal largesse.

… flirt with Igor, the Hunchback of Folsom Dam … but while you’re giggling over the scowls of fishermen below, I’ll be in the bushes contemplating the unspeakable … waiting for your return home.

Tags: American River, enforced idleness, tired of this bullshit, Pink Pee Wee, fishless weekend, snow melt,

Stifle the Giggles or you’re in Contempt

I’m not sure my wooden visage could stand the strain. Facing the Magistrate in all seriousness – and staring at 12 years in the Big House, I’d make a yeoman’s attempt …

“Honest, Your Honor, me and Bob there – was actually shark fishing, and them chocolate swizzling Dutchmen just opened fire out of pure orneriness …

Yessir, it was my AK and the RPG was mine too, but we was toodling around looking for a big Finn to blow holes in – not them scrawny Dutchies …”

If Twinkies and coke could get Dan White a reduced sentence, I’d gamble Hizzonor was a fisherman and take my chances – hoping “Bob” could keep his giggles under control – and not blow snot all over my sweet smelling defense attorney.

Captured by Danish commandos, after having their inflatable sunk by freighter-based signal flares, five Somali’s are opting for the “we wuz merely fishing” defense …

Farah Ahmed Yusuf, 25, accused the cargo ship of attacking the Somalis after engine failure had forced them to abandon their shark fishing expedition and seek help.

"The intention was to fish," he said.

"As we came closer, we put our hands in the air. While we had our hands in the air, they shot at us. They attacked us."

I’d call it a dry, it’s mostly barbless, but I’m unsure whether it’s cast with a one hander or something bigger … I’ll take a dozen however – as an RPG would prove useful in heavy traffic.

… and only this oldie-but-goodie to demonstrate proper technique.

Tags: RPG, Somalia pirates, Fishing Defense, shark fishing, Dan White, Twinkies

Spread of Invasives coincide with the density of Hedge fund Managers, anglers are in the clear

The National Academy of Sciences claims the “filthy rich” are living up to their moniker, as population density and per capita income are corresponding closely with the volume of invasive species in Europe – more closely than climate, geography, or physical barriers to species introduction.

… which shouldn’t be that startling, as rich countries have the taste for exotic imports and the means to consume them – and rich people have the ability to globe hop to distant and rarified climes and take nasty with them – or bring nasty back…

High numbers of alien species are supported by
a high human population density and great wealth, reaching the highest values in regions with more than 91.1 inhabitants/km2 and wealth exceeding about US$ 250,000 per capita

Using a similar algorithm and a map of the per capita income for the US, I’d think Maryland is a ticking time bomb of infestation, being the richest state in the Union on a per capita basis.

While you contemplate flight to those last pricey enclaves of pristine, remember you’re statically certain to infect those upon arrival. Do us all a favor, migrate to some pricey loft in the Big City – we’ll allow you the occasional visitation rights once you’ve been thoroughly decontaminated.

Tags: invasive species, the rich done it, National Academy of Sciences

I don’t remember my vest being wet

The snarling black lab with the faded red kerchief reminds me it’s his garbage can – and despite my wish to pass, he’s unwilling to share either contents or the path.

Fishing of late has become a series of indignities; rain when there shouldn’t be any, sun when there shouldn’t be any, and mean arsed black Labradors who beat me to the river just to harsh my mellow.

I can’t wade anywhere near where I fished last year, the water being too high and too cold, and can’t cast far enough – now that the river’s twice as wide. Yet I still wade out with high hopes and practice something or fiddle with flies, and after a couple hours stride back to the truck contented.

American River flows

Make that three times as wide, as of today’s graph…

aircraftfabric I had an opportunity to confirm model plane fabric is tough as nails. Thirty minutes of abuse on a seven weight head didn’t even scratch the carapace.

… and despite being hung up on rocks a half dozen times, that point is still sharp enough to make any gamefish blanch …

Tags: American River, fly fishing for shad, cubic feet per second, terra firma, wino dog

The new austerity and the dawn of the dollar bag

ziploc_bigbag Been a big week for the Singlebarbed staffers, first we’re designated a “High Value Site” by the Trout Underground and it’s too late to take it back, and we’ve moved to swanky new digs on the Internet – which has left us broke and penniless …

So we’ll start with an austerity post, a belt tightening move that’ll show those spendthrifts in government they’re doomed, hopefully a preview of tomorrow’s primary election.

The much anticipated, oft imitated, debut of the $1 wader bag.

A glimpse at the Singlebarbed Freezer

Ziploc bags big enough to hold a set of damp and odiferous waders – or their companion felt soled shoes, destined for freezing or quarantine. Now “Mama” won’t come unglued at the sight of your muddy brogans taking up precious space in her freezer – or leaving tell tale signs of your trespass.

… and for the fly tying crowd, we can finally secure those long graceful tail feathers, and not find them chewed past usefulness and in the process of infecting the rest of the drawer.

Ziploc® Brand Big Bags are available in three big sizes:

  • L equivalent to 3 Gallon (11.4L) 1.25 FT. x 1.25 FT. (38.1cm x 38.1cm) 5ct.
  • XL equivalent to 10 Gallon (37.8L) 2 FT. x 1.7 FT. (60cm x 51 cm) 4ct.
  • XXL equivalent to 20 Gallon (75.7L) 2 FT. x 2.7 FT. (60cm x 82 cm) 3ct.

A canny fellow would find a way to secrete a box under the driver’s seat. After you swerve to accidentally blindside that cud chewing Milk Cow in your out-of-control-Prius, you can toss the carcass into the back seat in a tasteful and sanitary bundle.

Tags: Ziploc bags, fly tying, tail feathers, felt soled waders, Internet service provider, high dollar web site, austerity, California primary election

A bit more diversity than they’re comfortable with …

Brownliner Disneyland It’s one of those stories that’ll make the biology community grind their teeth in frustration, but it may be a light line paradise for the agile brownliner, whose only concern is turning a Sow’s ear into a silk purse, and can ignore the tears of infants …

Everything from Piranha to Gar are being carefully released by pet owners into the Tama River near Tokyo, and are surviving Winter’s chill compliments of the warm water given off by wastewater treatment plants in the area.

Fish that have outgrown that little starter aquarium, become too difficult to handle, or due to the economy – owners have been uprooted to distant locales, and their exotic fish released into the creek to fend for themselves.

Over 200 species have been collected so far, yielding an ecosystem so diverse the locals are calling it the “Tamazon.”

For the brownline community this may be the equivalent of Disneyland, with every fish a potential IGFA record.

… then again, after a long battle the newly vanquished lays gasping in the landing net, comes a scream from the throng above:

“That’s Tinkerbelle, you put her back!”

Scientists agree that genetic diversity is the best way to build a sustainable wild population, I just don’t think they had Goldfish in mind.

… and while we’re on the subject of unlikely gifts to our sacred fishing waters,  my favorite is the discovery of a Vast Underwater Boneyard of Used Toilets off California’s pricey Marina Del Ray.

Authorities are wondering who would take the trouble to dispose of hundreds of toilets into the briny depths, while diving enthusiasts claim the authorities done it years ago, and now it’s the secret  “honey pot” of spearfishing.

Even the most crazed fly fisherman would blanch at the prospect of eating something that’s spent its formative years in the downstream surge of a toilet.

Tags: Tamazon, exotic aquarium fish, invasive species, fly fishing for Oscars, brownlining,

Can your shop withstand so much awesome power wielded by unwilling skeptics?

Angling is a close second, as it’s always the sex industry that takes technology into areas the engineers never considered. For every tale of starving college students laboring in a dank garage that begat Internet millions, there’s an X-rated knockoff launched about 26 days after the Whizkid’s IPO.

… and a month after the first trademark infringement lawsuit, the angling version debuts.

I’ll call it one of the few legitimate uses for Twitter that I’ve seen, Lake Ontario’s charter boat captains giving up to the minute fishing reports via the Internet.

Meanwhile us fly fishing types will be left whining – unless all those outfitters insist on hooking crotchety old guides to their Twitter feed …

… with the resulting mayhem fairly predictable:

bushjoker
    BushMaster 		 LightBreeze goodHatch Adam16 working, also Prince16BeadHead
@Bush: dude, whereUat? denied
        FLYGuy
 
     YOJIMBO		 WANT GAY PORN? TONZ OF FREE MIDGETPORN GET PORN NOW!!!!!!
 
@FlyGuy: AintTelling. Clownshoes, youMotored myFish yesterday, Moron.   		 bushjoker 
     BushMaster

       FLYGuy		 @Bush: This what you call a fish report, OMFG your shop total suxors.
 
Adams are Ghey, only Tardz throw lameness. Lick the heels of your master.   
    TheDRAKE

… and if an iPhone falls into the deep part, will it make a sound?

Tags: The Drake, twitter, Internet, fly fishing guides, fly fishing outfitter, charter boat, fly fishing humor