Author Archives: KBarton10

Fly fishing responsible for Global Warming

As if we needed another reason not to drink the water You drive a Prius (or it drives you), you only use fur from renewable animals that aren’t clubbed to death, you release all your fish, police your candy bar wrappers, and field strip your cigarette butts so only the wind knows of your passing …

You wear rubber soles and sterile gear for fear of leaving anything behind, and crap a couple of miles from any trace of moisture – using handfuls of leaves or Poison Oak rather than man-made anything.

Yet all that toil and effort is for naught, because you’re still responsible for global warming.

Cow farts and pollution are the primary and secondary offenders, but as we slowly relinquish our grip on fossil fuels and feed bovines something other than their ground up cousin – and then only the parts we’re scared of –  fly fishermen will become poster children for selfishness and environmental genocide, as well as propagating all those noxious gases burrowing through the ozone layer …

Spin and bait fishermen have lived up to their end, and likely as not are armed with spoiled produce to heave in our direction. All those years of “purest form of fishing – nose in the air – snootiness” will come back as half eaten or half rotten fastballs.

Not because we’re creating the gases, although this post and most parking lot recitals add measurably to global warming, it’s because we venerate the Unclean Thing, never to grace our hook with That Which Lacks Legs…

Studies of soil-dwelling earthworms had showed that the creepy crawlies emitted nitrous oxide because of the nitrogen-converting microbes they gobbled up into their guts with every mouthful of soil.

Peter Stief, of the Max Planck Institute for Marine Microbiology in Germany, and his colleagues noticed that no one had ever looked for similar nitrous oxide emission in aquatic animals, so that’s where they turned their attention.

“We were looking for an analogy in the aquatic system,” Stief said.

The researchers found that in a variety of aquatic environments, animals that dug in the dirt for their food did indeed emit nitrous oxide, thanks to the bacteria in the soil they ate, which “survive surprisingly well in the gut environment,” Stief told LiveScience.

– via Fox News / Live Science

It’s bad enough that the aquatic worm views a Whirling Disease microbe like a T-Bone, and adds insult to injury by becoming a host and farting uncontrollably …

Nitrogen rich fertilizers seeping into the watershed from evil ranchers and farmers – causing hideous, sustained mayfly and caddis flatulence – and all the Hex nymphs eaten despite their deep burrow as truly selective trout can spot the bubbles forty yards distant …

Scratch a third of the mayfly genus’s and anything else that burrows.

Tags: Nitrous Oxide, Ozone, Global Worming, Worm farts, mayfly flatulence, fly fishermen, fossil fuels, hexagenia limbata

“More function” versus “Less filling” would convince me to lighten my wallet

It’s my contention that the only thing spurring innovation is the much reviled competition scene, every other rod maker is fiddling with weight and thinking they’re being creative as all hell.

The idea is certainly clever, a fifth piece, lacking guides, that transforms a nine footer into a Czech nymph rod; but they might want to keep going and include a detachable handle and a three foot extension that makes a full blown spey or switch rod.

fifth_section

Why not more than a single use for a fly rod? It would go a long way to lessen the clutter in the garage, lower the divorce rate, and make rods multi-seasonal, and we could get a deftly accented quiver to carry all those spare sections.

No guides means we can snap them in or take them out at any time. If we’re striding the bank looking for trout and spy a pod of feeding carp, we snap in the stiff section, cut the leader back to 0X, and alter our timing.

Or the line makers could extend the multi-tip concept beyond the spey crowd, and we could snap in a weight forward segment that boosts the five to a six, even a seven …

Walton Powell (and others) have always insisted that rods can handle three different weights with little more than a timing change, suggesting them wily Czech’s were listening.

… and while the mainstream rods go for “less filling” over “taste’s great” they’re just marking time until Graphene can be rolled on a mandrel. The wait won’t be long as they’re already testing TV screens made with a four atom thick variant.

A material one atom thick that’s stronger than steel, almost transparent, and you dare not set the rod down in a strong wind … We’ll jettison the extra scabbard notion and take a segment out of our wading staff to extend the rod.

I’ll not be alone in the docket, kindred fly tying spirits requested

I wondered briefly whether Edwin Teller had a similar moment as they wheeled “Fat Man” and Littleboy” into the hold of the USS Indianapolis. Did he wrestle with the devastation he was about to unleash, or was he simply enamored that the theoretical had legs …

… the big, atom smashing kind.

I was standing at the sink ignoring the pool of dye on the linoleum, the steady drip of florescent chartreuse that caused the gas burner to sputter loudly … because in my trembling hands was the means to complete the extinction of fish on Planet Earth …

… if used for what it was intended, or handed over to fly fishermen.

But Edwin won’t share the docket when PETA pronounces my sentence. Some emaciated Vegans will shaking their fists at me while the tinny translator in my ear struggles to keep pace with the swearing.

I saw the tapes from Nuremburg, and the movie, none of these pet lovers will resemble Spencer Tracy …

nuremburg

I need a half dozen fly tiers that are cool under pressure, can resist unleashing complete fish death locally, and more importantly are articulate and can convey thoughts about colors, tints, textures, and overall efficacy via email.

I’ll supply the nasty, you’ll need to tie some flies with it, and convey your unbridled lust in an intelligible response (English this time), while I monitor the front page of the local paper until news of your apprehension.

Yes, it’s that good.

Drop me an email if you’re interested in putting some final gloss on a product (followed by a potentially limitless incarceration).

When a great fish hook goes bad

With all the boutique players entering into the hook market and many discounters emerging offshore, it’s possible to run afoul of a good hook that fishes poorly.

Most of us don’t consider pinching the barb much of a modification, but the design of the hook often hinges on the barb being present. Plenty of great hooks can be made less so once the barb has been flattened.

PartridgeCH1A

At left is an old Partridge CH1A with a traditional Model Perfect bend, hollow point, and small barb. Those delicate little Partridge barbs are easy to flatten but the short point coupled with the Model Perfect bend allows fish to roll right off the hook.

Model Perfect bends aid the fish in that they’re a perfect half circle – making it much easier for the fish to pivot cleanly off the hook.

Sproat and Limerick bends (as do many others) are kinked to lodge the fish in a specific spot, making it a bit less likely for the fish to slide free.

That’s only a marginal advantage as no hook offers anything close to complete protection.

There’s simply not enough straight steel in the above CHIA to offer any margin of safety, with the bend starting just behind the barb a simple headshake will cause the hook to disconnect.

It’s not a function of quality, it’s the design of the hook that doesn’t lend itself to barbless.

Mustad4450 By contrast, a Mustad 4450 with its hollow point, model perfect bend, and enormous barb is much more sinister. Flattening the barb is a little more difficult than the microbarb-style Partridge, but the extra length in the point gives greater purchase and while the Perfect bend allows the fish to pivot – enough straight steel remains in the point and barb area to prevent their sliding off so easily.

Both are excellent hooks with the barb intact, but that’s no longer true once the barb is flattened.

eachabitdifferent

Partridge CH1A at top, middle is a Partridge HL1A, bottom is the Mustad 4450, each in size eight. Each style has just a bit more straight steel than the other (as points and barbs differ in each) which assist in holding the fish in place despite the barbless configuration.

As the micro-barb and chemically sharpened needle points have replaced many of the older styles like spear and hollow point, the distance between point and bend has grown smaller. Chemicals bathe the metal and etch on all sides simultaneously – yielding a symmetrical point often called a needle point.

Mechanical sharpening isn’t nearly as efficient, but that selfsame inefficiency (especially when hand sharpened) allows us to displace metal asymmetrically yielding the spear, knife edge, and hollow points. Which can be quite pronounced as in long swoop of the hollow point on the 4450 above.

Shanks lengthen over time and points recede, offering our quarry more leverage than ever. It’s incumbent on us to use the critical eye when enamored of some new hook – as it may have unforeseen consequences when fished.

Tags: Partridge hooks, Mustad hooks, spear point, microbarb, fly tying materials, hook geometry, chemically sharpened hooks, needle point

Beats hanging the Puce and Mauve on a male torso

Female-Casting_clothed The fly fishing brotherhood has always prided itself in dimly lit showrooms, fly-specked plate glass, and unshaven trolls rummaging through backrooms for Good Stuff …

… if the proprietor doesn’t reach under the counter or fetch the item from The Back Room, we know we’re getting the “tourist” deer hair – or the Whiting neck everybody and his Momma pawed over and rejected.

Insert real lighting so you can see the moth’s flutter, empty the sodden ashtray up by the register, and yesterday’s coffee being reheated out of indifference, and you’ll have to compete with the tonier clothing shops like Orvis.

… customers are just as bad. Unshowered, unshaven, and unashamed, tromping over stained carpet in wet wading shoes, spreading invasives in the dry fly bins – then halting in admiration of the buxom mannequin in mid cast … drawn to the reel or vest she’s modeling while contemplating any number of childish impulses.

With our average age closing on 50, and given the maturity and character we’ve accumulated over a lifetime of struggles, it’s nice to know we’ve evolved enough so that gals can admire a lavender vest on something other than a male torso, nor do they need fear someone brushing them aside to peer under the mannequins tee shirt …

Ice fishing with Friends

Then again, a couple year’s worth of trolling fly fishing blogs will rot your frontal lobe, and with 50 being the new 20 …

… you cannot be trusted.

Full Disclosure: All the upskirt completely buck nekkid photos of the mannequins are available here, you letch.

Tags: female fishing mannequins, lecherous anglers, Orvis, the Good Stuff

Matching the Hatch, the forgotten chapters

Thread them M&M's on the shank It’s a stretch to be certain, but rather than assume we’ve taken Matching the Hatch to its logical conclusion; with all the permutations and combinations of insects and imitations well documented, have we overlooked the obvious and forgotten that even the most well trodden path can meander with time?

With chemical additives and female hormones bathing each successive generation of both insects and fish, will our meticulously imitated three-tailed mayfly have four tails within the decade?

“Much of what humans consume you can detect in the water in some concentration. We’re a nation of coffee drinkers and there is a huge amount of caffeine found in waste water, for example. It’s no surprise that what we get from the pharmacy will also be contaminating the country’s waterways.”

Outside of the obvious and potentially limitless changes due to caustic and odiferous chemicals, is their tacit agreement within the angling media to ignore the enormous benefit of resident fish strung out on Starbucks or Marlboros?

… guides have exploited these sacred cows for decades, and us being starstruck and completely obedient (as we’ve driven for hours and parted with considerable coin) have knotted on any number of trout chow, mashed ciggie, foamed latte’ imitations at their behest – while swallowing some explanation on how the October Caddis really has a big sooty arse just prior to emergence.

… and if you don’t remember that lecture, it’s because most of it was in Latin.

Both the over-the-counter and generic drug selections are neatly imitated via do-it-yourself M&M’s, Just add the Viagra, Quaalude, or Progesterone label and your fly box will be bursting with quality imitations.

Even the moral issues have been put to bed by steelheader’s.  They’ve gashed themselves publicly over their continued dependence on beads versus flies – and “Melt in your Mouth, Not in Your Hand” should be child’s play by comparison.

Hemingway's Cuban

At least I’m not going to curl up in a ball all secretive-like when asked what I’m using, it’s a Hemingway’s Cuban – one helluva cased caddis imitation …

… only because the biggest Arcus Iris Salmo get all near-sighted once they grow past eight or eleven pounds, and all them rods, cones, and photoreceptors start sending misinformation that is countered by the Hemingway, E. Pluribus Unum…

Tags: Caddis, chemicals in drinking water, nicotine, female hormone, cased caddis, fly fishing humor

Only on the Internet do we find the real advertising gems

Dead guys fly fishing

Dear Sirs,

Your recent week-long West Yellowstone clinic on “Long Lost Secrets of Fly Fishing Returned From the Grave and Brought back with Us,” was ill conceived, disgusting and worthy of a refund.

While both lodge and private streams are Orvis endorsed, neither of your featured speakers were licensed or bonded, and neither said much or, as far as I could tell, ever fished.

As I’d brought my family I couldn’t take part in the midnight seminars, and suggest you get more experienced speakers who won’t crumple into ashes at with the first rays of dawn.

My wife is a basket-case and has foresworn all future family Togetherness outings. Your repeated demands to use my daughter as a “ritual zombie sacrifice” was tactless and without regard to her motherly instincts. I didn’t mind so much, but you should’ve offered a significant discount on lodging and the return of her iPod.

I was especially disappointed in your entomology session, where we were limited to terrestrial insects attracted by your hosts. I had assumed it would be aquatic insects we’d be studying, with in-stream lectures, not blue bottles and their role in decay …

I’d give long thought to your continued participation as the host for this series. I cannot in good conscience recommend this farce to anyone.

Tags: real angling advertising, dead guys fly fishing, secrets from beyond, Internet advertising, fly fishing,

Just little packets of dander

While last week was an orgy of drips, smears, and spills, it was only half of the overall effort. Testing dyes to produce the one and twenty minute shades gave me a pile of sodden colors, but it’s not dubbing until it’s teased, torn, and turned into filament.

Fabric Dyer's Dictionary Wet dyeing is a mixture of chance and things we can bend to our will, “dry dyeing” allows us to micro-manage color and turn lemons into lemonade.

It also allowed me to experiment with a fabric color bible, and their recipes for 900 different colors from component colors.

I picked up the Fabric Dyer’s Dictionary ($16.29) from Amazon.com, figuring fabric and its rough weave might approximate dubbing colors fairly well. This particular book isn’t as useful as I’d hoped as it’s limited to the fiber reactive liquid dyes used on vegetable fibers, like soy, hemp, jute, silk, and cotton.

Sample page and color measurement

It does list the components of each hue – which may be enough for the casual colorist to get within striking distance of the color desired, but you’ll have to develop a conversion from liquid measure to dry, or convert your powdered dye to squeeze bottles as they suggest.

As the liquid phase of the project was complete, I’d need to convert their teaspoons and tablespoons into pinches of dubbing.

Mixing dry dubbing to yield new colors

A couple of dog brushes, a gauze mask, and elbow grease is all that’s required, that and plenty of fur in as many colors as possible.

You can’t use blenders on fibers that are measured in microns, this is more of the Singlebarbed’s Whizbang Dry Fly dubbing and the average fiber is only 12 microns wide – about one-thirtieth a strand of wool fiber, it’s gossamer and sticks to everything – and will only bind into clumps with blender use.

Tearing the fibers between the grooming combs aligns them in parallel and starts the blending of color.

All fibers pulled parallel to one another

Now it’s only a matter of how complete of a color blend you want. As an impressionist I’d rather have some streaks of the components available as it allows me to fine tune the actually fly by selecting a bit more yellow or a bit less, ditto for the gray.

About four mixing passes to reach this blending

Considering that you can do the same with existing packs of fur you’ve purchased from the fly shop, dry dyeing allows you to build custom colors unique to your fishery with little mess.

The above yellow-gray blend has been through about four blending passes to achieve this level of mix. Each pass was scraped against the other repeatedly, then lifted off the bottom comb by scraping the top “with the grain” and towards you, then laid down again on the bottom comb to repeat the process.

This is about as far as I’ll take each blend. It gives about four shades of color from a single clump, depending on whether you take the fur from a yellowish area or a predominantly gray section.

final color with its components

The final blend with its component colors – the flash has lightened the original gray measurably. The color is a good muddy gray – liable to be someone’s secret color somewheres.

Considering the ultra-fine filament size necessary for a good dry fly dubbing, the rending process will have particles in orbit all around you. If you’re sitting down to a extended session wear a simple mask to avoid inhaling the bunny, beaver, or filament you’re tinkering with, it’s only prudent.

The first batch of colors

It doesn’t take much to yield a spectrum of colors suited to your watershed – and contrary to vendor offerings, you’ll have few wasted colors, and they’ll be complex blends – none of the drab monotones that dominate commercial dry fly dubbing.

I’ve concentrated the colors above in the olive and brown range, giving me 10 shades of each, plus 5 shades of gray, and a quick spectrum of warm colors suitable for most of the common California colors of mayfly and caddis.

This is just a start however, as I’m building a comprehensive selection to replace all the odd packs of vendor dubbing accumulated over a couple of decades.

Fly-Rite, Spectrum, Hareline, and all the traditional flavors just cannot compete with a naturally floating filament measured in microns. They’ll be relegated to a dimly lit drawer once I’ve matched all the remaining hues needed.

The color syllabus can only be used as a hint for the colors to clump on the combs, but as dry dyeing offers you complete control – you can add a pinch of what’s missing and match an exact color very quickly.

Something for you to tinker with while waiting for the creeks to subside.

Tags: bulk fly tying materials, dry fly dubbing, dry dyeing, fly tying blog, fly tying, fabric dyer’s dictionary, Hareline, fly-Rite, Spectrum, fly fishing, dog comb,

A special ring of Hell awaits these fellows

Ruby red, lemon yellow, orange orange It’s a fact that only chance collocates decent fishing with anything resembling cuisine.

At best there’s the local flavor of greasy spoon, a fast food franchise or two, and a local pizza parlor – at worst, there’s whatever you left in the motel refrigerator supplemented deftly by the minimart.

The evening hatch dooms us to whatever is open after 9PM, so choice isn’t always an option that first evening … all that changes the second night as celibacy becomes a viable alternate.

As us fishermen are sensitive to impoverished local economies we’ll gun it past the national chain (which closes too early anyways) and opt instead for the indigenous chow …

Common to all watersheds and exotic venues is the plasticine menu, featuring ruby red tomato slices with dew bursting from every pore, crisp green lettuce plucked by the Green Giant hisself, anatomically correct chicken pieces with hints of gold and russet in its greaseless crust, everything is plumb, buff, nutritious, and warm.

Even the liver looks good, and you know you hate that.

Then that sodden, gelatinous ocher mound is slammed between your fork and knife – and just before you insist it isn’t what you ordered, something vaguely recognizable (usually a beak or foot) bobs to the surface where it stares at you menacingly…

 

It’ll do likewise around 2AM no matter how well it’s chewed, nor will it alter shape or form during its entire journey through your gastrointestinal tract and beyond.

For the first time we get to peer behind the menu and see the sinister SOB’s and their sickening craft.

Tags: fishing cuisine, food shoot, cheese pull, greasy spoon, evening hatch, fly fishing humor, fly fishing exotic venues,

Informal research crystallizes the Invasive Species Issue

Singlebarbed reader “Ed” recently took me to task on my curmudgeonly stance to invasive species, outlining newly minted facts that was sure to change my mind, and those of my readers …

On Saturday I was visiting a girl friend and we were using her kayaks which hadn’t been paddled in awhile.  We cleaned them up, washed them out … turns out the one I was in had a bit of a leak so I went to shore to empty it …

Copperhead Invasive 

… and found it carrying a lethal copperhead. Naturally, my first thought was for the watershed so I spritzed it with 409, which blinded the SOB, made it angry as hell – and it was fanging anything that moved.

I stomped it six or seven times with rubber soles and while they flattened it some, I couldn’t get any real purchase to finish the job, so I grabbed my extra pair of felts and beat it to death …

… and they’re right, there was twice the guts, eyeballs, teeth and scales on the felt than on the rubber.

You may want to rethink the felt – rubber thing.

… and my response was particularly evasive given the circumstances:

“Ed, just how long have you known this gal, and is she sending you a message? … Just sayin’ is all …”

Tags: invasive species, copperhead, girlfriend, Formula 409, kayak fly fishing, rubber soles, felt soled wading shoes