Sights like the one at left are increasingly common on the wildland-urban interface.

I like to blame the vendor community (unjustly) but only because I like to think they’re at the root of the requirement that our fishing rod costs the better part of a grand, we can’t mountain bike without our bike costing double that, nor brave the white water in our kayak without our craft costing the same as a Nimitz class carrier.

It’s not at all surprising that our light-fingered brethren would learn the costs of the things we’ve left visible in the back seat as there’s a Big 5 in their neighborhood too.

With us preoccupied with fish and fast water, and potentially miles upstream, it’s not surprising our vehicles have become such easy pickings.

Avoiding unwanted attention and the shattered window that follows is an urban skill like any other. Our chariot looks every bit as appealing as the BMW next to us, and alarms and force fields no longer matter, their bleat considered “white noise” in the City. Real proof against unwelcome surprise is making someone else’s car look twice as tasty as yours ..

… it’s the classic bear joke, how you don’t need to run fast – you only need to run faster than your buddy …

The Pig:

“The Pig” is the easiest possible subterfuge, simply transfer the contents of your back seat to the front, so it looks like you’re an uncaring sloth whose table manners and palate rival that of a Yeti in full rut.

Cell phones and expensive tape decks aren’t hand-in-hand with mustard down your shirt front, and the Bad Guys know it.

Any real fisherman has to clean his back seat before “Momma” spies the debris field of illicit and forbidden snack food wrappers, none of which are permitted on his diet, nor by his physician.

The opposition can’t help but notice the rancid banana peels and sodden carpet which convey an eloquent message, “these are not the Droids you seek … move along …”

The Animal:

“The Animal” is a product of my own creative genius, I drape a jacket on the passenger seat like I’m making something sentient comfortable.

From the driver’s side it appears as some unknown creature is sleeping peacefully in the passenger’s seat. All the identifying elements like paws and fangs aren’t visible, so it might be a dog, a ferret, or something worse that’ll awaken when the window breaks to tear out your carotid artery.

Sleeping, or expired from the heat of the car interior. Resulting in it convulsively crapping itself and vomiting Purina all over the inside of the car, which having baked most of the afternoon is liable to smell like death itself …

… making your car look twice as attractive as mine, which IS our intent.

“The Animal” is merely a badger fur collar removed from a woman’s coat, large enough so I can fluff it into a full three dimensions.

… and yes, that minivan was parked next to me, but he also left a mountain bike visible, way more attractive than the sleeping feral unknown in my front seat …