WASHINGTON – Khalid Ali-M Aldawsari, 20, a citizen of Saudi Arabia and resident of Lubbock, Texas, was arrested late yesterday by FBI agents in Texas on a federal charge of attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction in connection with his alleged purchase of chemicals and equipment necessary to make an improvised explosive device (IED) and his research of potential U.S. targets.

The affidavit alleges that on Feb. 1, 2011, a chemical supplier reported to the FBI a suspicious attempted purchase of concentrated phenol by a man identifying himself as Khalid Aldawsari. According to the affidavit, phenol is a toxic chemical with legitimate uses, but can also be used to make the explosive trinitrophenol, also known as T.N.P., or picric acid.

Dear Khalid,

Heard you were in some legal difficulty and figured to offer a bit of advice to your legal team. Virgins being in such scarce supply here in the US, I thought you’d trade a couple of those 40 you’ve been promised, should I do you this solid …

… besides, think of all the caterwauling and drama them gals would be capable of and the impact to your book study on how to use cell phone primers and lay det cord.

Can you say Green Highlander?

You might want to try the “I was only going to dye a lot of yellow saddle hackle for all those salmon flies I use in Lubbock”, but that’ll require a sympathetic judge – certainly one that fishes regular.

Your lawyer likely has a big dossier on all the federal circuit judges and can play fast and loose until you are promised a favorable venue, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

(… unless the trial is held within the boundaries of the state of Texas, in which case your ass is lipstick and you don’t know me.)

What I’d do is get a spare copy of Kelson’s off the Internet and study which of the old mainstays need the deep yellow picric acid provides. In a pinch, I’d refer to it as “infidel yellow” that way the interested parties listening to your testimony can discern the difference between your “cursed yellow running dog of an infidel” versus regular Banana yellow …

In fishing, a couple shades difference in color could mean the difference between frying fish, and frying like a fish – something them idjit Texicans are all too happy to introduce foreigners to …

Hope this helps.