Franken-fly … and he’s got little tiny studs in his neck

The Wastewater Stone, the Squalid Most of you recognize that noble profile, that harbinger of clean water, the stonefly, hisself …

What you don’t know is this stonefly came out of my soiled little creek, the product of “kitchen table” genetic engineering.

Grab some adult females from the Pristine, squeeze the arse end into a vial, mix with a proprietary blend of fertilizer and toilet water and toss into your favorite dirty little creek. The law of averages suggests an unknown chemical cocktail will gestate a half dozen mutations, and if none eat you, it’s viable as brood stock.

As everyone is hopping on the Skwala bandwagon, naming every darkish, smallish stonefly found in wintertime a  “Skwala” – I’m calling mine a “Skwalid”, to distinguish it’s taste for brown water and the hearty genes necessary to tolerate agricultural waste.

In France and Italy it’s vineyards or olives. Generations of careful grafting and documented lineage, with each successive planting a bit closer to perfection.

Me, I’m in it for the money.

I can make a fortune selling Skwalids to homeowners underwater on their mortgages, looking for that something extra to sweeten that horrific drop in value.

Throw a fistful of Skwalids into whichever toxic rivulet drains your subdivision, and if a prospective buyer shows any hesitancy you can thrust a dripping specimen into his palm, pointing out your home is a shrine to eco-friendly, and how you wouldn’t blink at washing your dishes in the local wastewater.

Stoneflies? Well they’re proof positive …

2 thoughts on “Franken-fly … and he’s got little tiny studs in his neck

  1. Rex

    I’ve noticed stoneflies in some of our creeks here in Indiana as well. I haven’t seen them before this year. Rocks that once only had a smattering of caddis and lots and lots of blackfly larva stuck to their bottoms are now crawling with little golden stonefly nymphs.

    I can only assume the little guys adapted to, and are thriving on, the high amounts of phosphorus and nitrogen fertilizers in the water, much like a vegan falling off the wagon at a Bacon Festival.

  2. kbarton10

    Those Golden Stones are an invasive species, and it’s plain you’ve not been practicing “safe wading” – having spread them there.

    Count your blessings. The addition of more insect biomass has to show up in fish at some point.

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