On the hundredth post I asked, “I wrote 99, surely you can write one” – but it was an epic fail. I’d already run out of things to say after the 16th article and it showed.
Today marks my 1000th post and I know better than to ask what you like.
It was a simple and inauspicious start, the attempt to buttress meager writing skills, and I assumed a daily deadline would teach me to write in a harried environment – where I lacked the luxury of a compelling idea, or simply felt like it – rather I’d have to face the blank white screen when at my weakest.
My writing has improved a bit – it’s no longer halting so much as wordy or ill conceived – but in a couple more decades I’ll have graduated to pedantic or completely opaque – and have tossed punctuation to the curb.
Its been both difficult and rewarding and I shudder at reading anything from the night before – the obvious errors, wordy posts, vague detail, and glibness that seems less so on the seventh read.
I’d prefer doing “Celebrity Skin” – that way I could foist some grainy image as “Brooke Shields Nekkid” to an audience that was riveted to every post …
1000 posts, 4000 reader comments, and 30,000 spam messages blocked – hawking everything from hair restoration to amputee porn.
… which I ogled for completely scientific reasons, mostly so you didn’t have to …
Hey,
I am working on a promotional campaign for Xxxxxx.com and was wondering if you offered advertising opportunities on your site.Can you please pass along an ad rate sheet or your pricing options, if they are available?
If you do not have established rates, I can definitely suggest some already-proven options that we’ve had success in the past with other sites. For instance, we have worked with blogs who have placed the following description to help spread the word:
“With just three simple steps a day, Xxxxxx the #1 acne system, combines real medicines with soothing botanicals. Strong enough to kill your most stubborn acne but gentle enough to use every day, Xxxxxx lets you enjoy the clear, radiant skin you’ve always wanted.”
… and then there’s the advertisers. They remind me of all the things I’ve seen in glossy print that jar me from a reverie on angling technique or the stunning environments I’ve never seen and never will fish, and remind me to walk a fine line on the commercial endeavor.
They get Singlebarbed humor in the same measure as the angling industry:
Thanks for the inquiry Xxxxx, but no thanks.
Singlebarbed is a fly fishing blog and while my readers may be afflicted with hideous acne, I prefer them to remain that way.
I liken this to a magazine of one. It’s a mix of everything that would never be printed in a real magazine (for good reason), blended with the power of the Internet – allowing me to discard the notion that magazines are monthly, that demographics rule content, and editors that insist on sex when it’s the punctuation that needs the work.
It’s likely I’ve offended plenty. I’m not shy about sharing my perception of inequities foisted on us by politicians, vendors, established aristocracy, and someone’s ill conceived notion of angling.
I believe that a fishing rod shouldn’t cost as much as they do – that a wading mat is stupid, that brand does not make the fisherman, that a tight loop is the result of years of chucking little stuff at littler stuff, and youthful arrogance and Extreme is the new Elitism.
Maybe it’s your lunch hour – or perhaps a stolen moment at work, in either case it’s been my pleasure to entertain.
By my count there were six worthy moments and 994 that started with potential and died a horrible death. We’ll do better on the next thousand.
Tags: Singlebarbed.com, blogging, 1000th post
May your next 1000 be as crazy and freaking ridiculous as the first 1000. if so, i’ll tune in each day as i have!
1000 maybe, but only a couple involved gas masks. I say up the gas-mask quotient for the next 1000.
But in all seriousness, that’s a huge accomplishment, its a hell of a lot of writing.
Very nice Mr. Gump. I have enjoyed your chocolate mint meltaways as well as the occasional coconut surprise.(writing) Keep up your very excellent work.
Pedantic and completely opaque are sure signs you’ve arrived amongst the so-called fly fishing literati. Simply add a bird dog or two and just like cream or various types of aquatic pollution you’ll float to the top where you’ll be ceremoniously skimmed off and packaged in some sort of fancy wax paper.
Seriously though- congrats on 1000 good posts.
Well, that went by quick! How’s that song go? “The odds are 50/50 that I got sumthin to say”. 6/1000, we’ve had magazines and newspapers that failed that average on broader topics than fly fishing. Readers Digest comes to mind. Think I’ll log in tomorrow and see what awaits. Unless, of course, you get sent up to the big leagues.
That Xxxx stuff is supposed to work well in Chinese Hardy’s. You didn’t keep the free sample did you? Congratz.
Keith, you continue to do important things like forcing me to look in the Urban Dictionary for the correct spelling of “nekkid.” Seriously, though, your writing reminds me of whoever it was that said “Writing is simple. You just sit down and slit your wrists and bleed.” Hope you keep at it. Just stop when you feel faint.
I kind of feel like my favorite college professor just got recognized for his literary accomplishments—say, by receiving the Pulitzer Prize, by appearing on Oprah, or maybe being asked to write Sarah Palin’s second book she ever picked up.
At the risk of a Brokeback Moment (not that there is anything wrong with that…I’m just not into it), you have been a tremendous role model of how to write with compelling wit and wisdom.
While you have patiently attempted to teach the teeming un-teachable (like me) how to cast a graceful line, I wonder how many wannabe writers you have mentored in the art, which you have clearly mastered, on the written word.
I have only 266 posts to my nom de plume with a microscopic number of views, and even less comments, in comparison, yet I imagine myself to have improved—if not in my writing ability, at least in staying out of my wife’s way.
The only reason you don’t millions of more readers is that they have yet to discover you.
Looking forward to the next 1000!
Yea…so what, you still aren’t as cute as the Fly Fishing Chick…and she’s on TV.
great job…now get back to work.
Monty Montana
Congratulations and Thank You!
I agree with your manifesto, also.
Keep on kicking out the jams!
My Momma always said “Singlebarbed.com is like a box of chocolates…”
Congratulaions and thanks!
I counted five.
Hell, Reed you must’ve objection to the Michael Jackson post – that may have been my finest hour.
KB,
You are one of the finest, most prolific writers in Fishindom. Keep on, keepin’ on.