Dame Berners is safe, but damn little else is

UK scientists have unearthed a startling new trove of prehistoric angling gear, containing evidence that fly fishing may have developed in prehistoric times

UK and Chinese scientists are suggesting that the Confuciusornis fossil discovered in China, may have been a dinosaur with a Mohawk of ginger colored feathers running down its spine.

… as this is the first evidence of a feathered animal small enough for Man to run around and beat to death, it’s thought the ginger hackles may have been used to craft fishing lures and flies.

As early Man wasn’t able to trod the river with impunity – everything in and out of the water being two or three times his size, possessing foot long teeth, and faster; these early “flies” may have been part of a rod-snare mechanism versus the “park ass on a rock and wait for the rod tip to move” style of angling practiced today.

Wood fragments found in a nearby cave suggest a tapered tree branch with both ends sharpened. This would allow the snare to be cast into the water, the rod stobbed into the mud nearby, with our prehistoric angler zig-zagging frantically – avoiding ravenous meat eaters while his prehistoric angling buddies shouted encouragement from the safety of a nearby cave.

… damn little has changed.

Ginger Cat's Kill

As our lust for science is well documented, I was asked to view the scraps of sinew and fossilized angling debris to assist in shedding light on these rare artifacts…

… and while puzzled by the “saber-toothed” imitation,  scientists reassured me that prehistoric Mayflies ate people with great gusto – and the rendition was anatomically correct.

Fossilized Confuciusornis Cape DNA testing proves the fur used was one of the many predatory cats that roamed the area, perhaps a lucky kill considering the flint spear points and unsophisticated hunting gear consistent with that era.

I called it a “Ginger Cat’s Kill” – due to the indiscriminant use of Confuciusornis hackle – and mentioned that the faint scratches surrounding the fossil had meaning…

Naturally we’ll have to rewrite a few passages involving the Etruscans and Rome … Dame Juliana Berners is safe – but damn little else will be.

Tags:  Confuciusornis, ginger hackled dinosaur, Cat’s Kill dry, fly fishing history, dame juliana berners, fossilized feathers, fishing snare, DNA testing, Whiting farms

5 thoughts on “Dame Berners is safe, but damn little else is

  1. KBarton10

    Outside of the jerked meat hanging from the rafters, the Punji traps, and dehydrated rations – the gun sheathed next to his laptop … that’s a Yes.

  2. Erik Helm

    Beautifully done. It is not too often I have to resort to cleaning coffee or tea off the desk ansd keyboard, but this is one of them. Whiting hackle indeed. That would tie one heck of a 5/0 prehistoric caddis.

  3. John Peipon

    You are truly a sick man, but not ill… You should see the way that I tie a Ginger Cat’s Kill.

  4. Igneous Rock

    He torments the spiders in his garage by tossing #16 Paradunns into their webs!

    Ginger Cat’s Kill….very nice.

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