If the goal is to touch up the eyes I’d think grabbing the carcass and sawing it across your face would brighten your complexion better. Enough scales drying delicately around your brow and you’re guaranteed to be the toast of the gravel bar.

If they ever open the season in California, thoughts of conservation should be tossed aside; stick it, kill it, rub what’s left of your face, then grind the leftovers into the gravel …

Made from Hokkaido (chum) salmon, Japan being a poster child for fisheries management – usually sending vast factory ships to manage other countries fish – much to the glee of its natives …

… as Hokkaido Salmon are endangered, it makes perfect sense to pile onto an already diminished species, as success means more homes closer to the waters edge – absent pesky enviro-folks lobbying to the contrary.

… no mention of rubbing a big fillet of farmed fish on your face, likely because the orange dye hasn’t set, leaving you looking like your tongue after an OJ Pixie Stix.

I could keep a straight face long enough to claim you looked radiant – if I saved a few fish in the process.

tags: Madonna, salmon eye care, Hokkaido salmon, California, salmon cosmetics, Pixie Stix