You spend most of your life chasing them and if successful you gleefully thump them into oblivion, unless your girlfriend is looking – in which case you search vainly for something semi-sanitary to smack them with and failing that you let them go …
… and year’s later you’re sitting on the side of the bed wearing an antiseptic paper gown – both cheeks exposed (and chilling rapidly), modesty hanging on a strained overhand knot. The doctor pages through your chart, making noises that sound like you screwed up, and turns to you suggesting, “you’ve less than six months to live unless your medical insurer covers the Trout Cure…”
Who’s blushing now?
Three decades of aquatic study convinced Bailey, 68, that trout are cheaper to raise and care for than rodents, and have inherently lower cancer rates, which lessens the margin for error in studies, Bailey said.
Initially I thought about joining PETA so I could have hordes of screaming protesters behind me as I shouldered past the thin blue line of campus security, enroute to “liberating” the brood stock. Once Trout Unlimited or CalTrout gets wind of this “egregious abuse of science” – we’d don Orvis Balaclava’s and hoist aquariums full of lumpy fish into darkened pickups.
Figure that most of these carcinogen riddled noble animals would be toed into the brush if caught, but one out of six would have mind boggling genetics and obscene tumors to make it nearly 14″ and weighing 78 pounds or more …
… why mess with Triploids when Old Lumpy would give his all for one last taste of a Light Cahill?
It certainly solves California’s reluctance to plant foreign Rainbows to interbreed with native fish, what with the life expectancy of a liberated laboratory rainbow measured in a couple weeks …
They spend their short lives in fear and their reward is a horse-sized needle thrust into a delicate area – rendering flesh inedible, and saving countless unappreciative anglers from death.
Mice must have a powerful lobby.
Tags: Trout in cancer research, OSU cancer research, trout tumor, PETA, Orvis Balaclava, fly fishing humor, trout fishing, CalTrout, Trout Unlimited, Light Cahill