I can’t promise she’ll fish, but that last hurdle to sharing a trail with an unwashed lout has certainly been blown apart…

Thank the Space Program – now that they’ve mastered the flexible “O” ring, they can turn their attention to miniaturized, dehydrated, pulverized, and pastes we can stuff into vests and enrich our streamside wilderness experience.

Plagued by the obvious obstacles in conducting human sexuality research in Zero-G, namely how to make a fellow whose neither bathed, shaven, or changed his underwear in six months – comely, NASA scientists overcame the natural revulsion of both parties really one party with a revamp of their 70’s hit “Tang.”

Girls cannot abide the unwashed angler in full rut – and noticeably shrink from our return. Like astronauts, we’re now equipped with the traditional arsenal of romantic enhancements, and like that rarified “first date” they’ll overlook our obvious shortcomings and focus on our potential …

Dehydrated Red Wine powder; you guzzled it out of a bottle, box, Bota bag, now with a gallon of branch water you can make the Dark Woods less so …

Or if you’ve a yen for Jello Shooters, just pour it into an old newspaper yielding an 8.2% Pixie Stix.

They’ll stumble right past the dirty clothes and unwashed dishes – and won’t even notice the old hound you boot off your bedroll. It’s how we suckered them to our dive in the first place, no?