There’s too close a parallel between a visit to the dentist and angling.

Some hammy handed stranger wads steel in your mouth – and while you flop helplessly in the chair, they comment on all your imperfections, take pictures and then release you with a smirk.

Makes me wonder whether fish have the same reaction – disappearing from view and shaking their head to rinse the finger flavor out.

I floss regularly, especially on traditional dress salmon flies and wets – but I’m constantly scolded I’m not flossing enough. I tell him I prefer natural dubbing over floss, and I get that same pained expression – just before he punctuates the message by strumming a nerve ending.

Are we being fished, and is that the root cause of our fear? All my appointments are morning and evening, corresponding to the periods of peak fish activity. The hygienists are largely attractors – yet it doesn’t appear they’ve embraced important tenets like Matching the Hatch.

You’d assume that an 8:00AM appointment wouldn’t limit the choices of fluoride to Strawberry or Bubblegum. I’d rinse savagely if they offered  Bacon and Eggs or Coffee, perhaps evening sessions should include Steak or Chicken Chow Mein rinse, or perhaps a couple fingers of Scotch.

Too much circumstantial evidence not to make an angler uneasy, as dental terminology and fly fishing share common ground:

Bite stick vs fly rod – something the dentist wads in your mouth to determine bite alignment. Something a fly fisherman throws in disgust when he isn’t bit.

Drift vs Drift – unwanted teeth movement. Unwanted fly movement.

Space maintainer vs thrown rock – a device that preserves the gap between teeth when a tooth is removed. A device that preserves the gap between fishermen when a fisherman is removed.

Forensic dentistry vs Catch and eviscerate – The area of dentistry that assists the legal and law enforcement community. The kind of fishing where a really big hook is removed from a really small fish, typically accompanied by squeezing too hard while wrestling steel from soft tissue.

Ernest Syndrome vs Ernest Schweibert syndrome – A facial pain syndrome typified by spontaneous pain on the side of the face. A pained expression that results when the fish is neither trout nor salmon, or Scotch is blended versus a single malt.

Cleft Lip/Palate vs Catch and Release –  A common craniofacial defect in which the upper lip and nose form incorrectly during embryonic development. An imperfection in the face of a salmonid caused by catch and release regulations during embryonic development.

Air Abrasion vs Poorly tied –  A resurgence of an old technique whereby cavities are prepared with a device similar to a sandblaster. The spontaneous decomposition of a fly due to inexperienced tyer and heavy handed casting.

Hare Lip vs Hare’s Ear –  A politically incorrect and historical term for a cleft lip. A political incorrect term for scalping a defenseless bunny and insisting the crime was warranted.

Too damn much common ground for us not to dread the bi-annual gauntlet of pain and suffering. It might be the proof positive that fish do feel pain.

I’m scheduled for an early morning dissection, I’ve found that if you scream and swear enough the hygienist will flee in panic, allowing you to palm a half dozen root canal tools – they’re great dubbing teasers.