Pistols or Swords, Sweetpea?

Singlebarbed reader and resident correspondent on Ostentatious Luxury and Land Ownership, A.Wannabe.Travelwriter thumbed his nose at me today – citing irrefutable scientific evidence that I hadn’t caught nearly all the species the Little Stinking offers

It’s the bottom one we’re considering eating

For them as are new, I call Cache Creek the “Little Stinking” – mainly because sometimes it is – and does. I dismissed his unprovoked attack premise, assuming it was an attempt at increasing the value of his ancestral estates – or the Winnebago he lives in – but science is science, and I may have overlooked the “good eats.”

Sacramento pikeminnow, Ptychocheilus grandis, native, resident, common
Pikeminnows are politically correct squawfish. Big ones are fish eaters, despite the lack of teeth in their jaws; they have sharp teeth in their throats instead. Pikeminnows are still common in free-flowing streams throughout the watershed. Much abused by anglers, they are in fact both good sport
when hooked and good food when properly prepared.

Names like Roach, Hitch, Crappie, and Hardhead aren’t going to evoke much culinary interest even if we omit the off-the-scale Mercury levels, but the Indians set store by these fish – perhaps they’re tastier than we think.

At this late stage all I’m risking is a couple thousand dead brain cells and two days off work.. I’m thinking I’ll try a fillet if he does …

He’s making nice inviting me on the 17 mile Cache Creek walk – but it may be an eco-terrorist trap; three full days in the company of “ologists” and ecology buffs may be more than my patience can handle.

The scientists would be fun to listen to – and likely could answer many of the questions I have, but if Mrs. Winterbotham does the “..oOo, lookit..” one more time – I’d have to point out the diseased bloodsucking leech boring into her ankle, and how amputation was her only hope.

I’m waiting for you guys to double-dog dare me …

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10 thoughts on “Pistols or Swords, Sweetpea?

  1. Smellslikefish

    I’m not sure whether you’re asking to be double-dog dared to eat some Pikeminnow or go on the death march. So, I hereby place the dare to eat the fish.

    Personally, I’d be real wary of anyone inviting me to hike 17 miles for any reason. That’s sadistic enough, but when you follow the link to that blog post titled “Bullets and Beer”, the photo shows a bottle of some Mexican swill. I’m not saying I won’t drink what that country tries to pass off as beer, but this whole hike thing sounds like it’s leading up to one big disappointment. Top it all off with the description “Kind of like an aquatic version of the United Nations” and I’d run like hell in the opposite direction.

    I don’t even know you, so it’d be just plain mean-spirited to dare you to go on that little adventure.

    Stick with the known hazard: the mercury tainted Pikeminnow. Mmmmmmm.

  2. A. Wannabe Travelwriter

    Mister S.B.
    Sir, if you ain’t up to a 17 mile, three day stroll down your favorite haunt—that little ol’ ladies will be doing—don’t blame a fear of exposure to some tree-huggers (or a little Mercury).
    And what’s a few more dead brain cells?
    I’ve read that if you drink enough expensive single malt Scotch you may be immune to the ravages of toxic heavy metals. Or at least you won’t notice the affect.
    And you weren’t dissing the Mini Winnie when you were crammed into the settee sipping yuppie desert wines.
    As to brewery reviews by Smells – north of the border my brew of choice is a lot darker and hoppier, but on a warm Baja beach, watching the sun go down, gimme a Pacifico with lime and a fish taco. Mercury-free, hopefully.

  3. SMJ

    A three day hike on the Little Stinking with a bunch of bureaucrats and academic types? I would never consider such an outing, which is why I think you should. You should also suggest that everyone subsist on only what they can catch. If you survive, you can write about your accomplishment, and I can enjoy the experience without having to endure all the toxins and sweating and suffering and other sundry unpleasantness. It’s a win-win. Just make sure you bring a cell phone and a GPS device. That will make it easier for the chopper to find you. I therefore TRIPLE-dog-dare you to do it.

    I’ve yet to taste a beer I didn’t like, and that includes Pacifico (sans fruit), but I have pedestrian tastes. So I’ve been told.

  4. Yomama

    JOE from San Mateo has it exactly right, and only a pale-arsed “gabacho” would low-rate Mexican beer. A 17-mile stroll, enhanced with such masterful and popular brews as Tecate, Dos Equis, Corona, Pacifico, etc., would be just what’s needed for the readers of SINGLEBARBED – clearly a group of intellectuals always thirsting for enlightenment – and as for those dedicated and knowledgeable ladies in their common-sense shoes, they’d start to look like sirens and mermaids, (if not practical duty nurses), by journey’s end. Everyone in favor os SINGLEBARBED making this scientific safari, raise your hands !

  5. SMJ

    I’ve just raised both my hands. Getting some strange looks from the people here in the office, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice for this cause.

  6. Smellslikefish

    “only a pale-arsed “gabacho” would low-rate Mexican beer.”

    You forgot to add “with good taste” after “gabacho”. Guilty as charged. And keep your eyes off my arse.

  7. fishhead

    Beware, even though this sounds like a tremendous character building experience, it also sounds like it may have overtones of the Blair Witch Hunt. You may want to take a video camera.

    Really, when you think about it, as long as you don’t have to carry all that beer and there is lots of it, you should be just fine.

  8. Kbarton10

    It appears unanimous for both adventures. I’ll spend the next week or so attempting to find some esoteric angling restriction – so’s I can claim I was, but can’t, on the Pikeminnow fillet… Either that or try the elementary school gambit, “You first” … Travelwriter is a sucker for wasabi covered anything – I’ll mention what he ate after he swallows..

    I wonder what “properly prepared” really means.. ground underfoot, or broiled with a piquant Parsnip & Watermelon sauce?

    Sounds like I’m going on a hike however.

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