I expected most of the angling world to be in mourning, yet nary a mention of the possible demise of Wonderbread and the Twinkie, two of angling’s last remaining superfoods …
Hostess and fly fishing have an enormous amount of shared lore which has been lost on recent generations due to their insistence on healthy streamside fare.
Wonderbread started our interdependence on synthetics, being the first manmade material able to claim “lighter than air” and enjoying a speedy adoption among the dry fly enthusiasts.
It didn’t matter that “lighter than air” only applied to swallowing the meal, once down it was as leaden as anything spawned of a test tube.
Poptarts and Twinkies ushered in the purely chemical era, where we no longer feared food stains on our vests and could wad sandwiches and delicious desert snacks into the smallest of pockets, there to lie dormant for an entire season.
Flat, round, polygonal, or simply mashed, Wonderbread retained sandwich content in a semi-sterile envelope that allowed sunlight and a sweaty angler to warm it to room temperature and beyond – allowing us extra miles afield without fear of starvation, food poisoning, or empty calories.
Twinkies were synonymous with the notion of the floating strike indicator, as its delicious buttery shell once dubbed, “the Golden Life Preserver of Snack Foodage”, by countless anglers who’ve gone in over their heads yet were yanked to the surface complements of the protective shroud that was Twinkie buoyancy …
Both Ray Bergman and noted outdoorsman and baseball legend, Ted Williams likened the Twinkie to a culinary abomination, yet characterized the desert as the “Bamboo Rod of Parking Area Fingerfoods.”
We all recognize that we’re supposed to fill our vests with healthy fare; 5 Hour Energy Shots, Koolaid, and Pop Rocks, but considering what we’ve built on its greasy foundation, won’t you consider buying a box simply for old time’s sake?
…Ahhhh,Twinky,we hardly knew ye…Will break out the Speyside as a salute(and see if a Twinky makes a good nibble with single malt)
Dan White must be turning in his grave!
Oh SNAP……Man,that’s cold…but it made me laugh…
Those of us that have consumed mass quanities of Twinkies and are preserved for all eternity don’t have to worry about embalming once we pass to the fly fishing streams in the sky. What will the next generation of fly fishers do?
Mark
Most are counting on a lengthy mummification process due to pockets bulging with dessicant
It “could happen”, and seeking Chapter 11 protection can mean only a temporary inconvenience while shelf stock is replenished from the vault.
I understand that there is a secret stash of irradiated and double vacuum packed Twinkies and Wonderbread that was hidden both in Area 51 and an undisclosed location (UDL) near Camp David since the Reagan administration.
I was never hear, you never saw me…
Twinkies and Tang were responsible for a level of fly fishing violence delivered upon Lake Vernon that is only talked about in hushed tones. World peace is possible if America discards its’ weaponized Twinkies. We are at a crossroad.
KILl IT WITH FIRE!!!
Ehrm… Oops, sorry. Let myself go there.
hahaha great post , twinkiesss rule
Twinkies? I personally always preferred the wader-inflating, duck-call mimicking fun produced by Fiber-One bars. They will never achieve the cult-status of Twinkies, but they are the best thing going for tailwater fishing safety. I nominate F-bars for the flyfishing hall of fame. Period.
I’m in complete agreement over those fart bars but unfortunately have to lump them in with the younger crowd – and their insistance on sensible and balanced eating …
… even though the sounds coming from the fast water are enough to curl your toes.
Younger crowd? I’ve flyfished for almost 50 years, after starting as a teenager back when the Bay of Pigs meant something other than the Jersey Shore. Hell, as an oldie, I thought the fiber would be good for me. And it may have been. However, the guy downwind from me may have a different opinion. One of my buddies put together the best shorelunch I’ve ever had: Fiber-One bars and Old Charter bourbon. Hmmm Hmmm Tastie.