Yesterday’s post suggests a combination of poor economics and seasonal excess have woken you to fly fishing’s retail malaise, where you’re prepared to let the vendors auger in under the weight of pricey zipper-front waders, multi-thousand dollar fly rods, and titanium imbued vest accessories, featuring trout shaped drink openers …
Given that bleak economic outlook, and if they’re not buying fishing tackle, where are “manly men” spending those precious dollars budgeted for recreation?
“Typically people think of celebrities and high profile men going under the knife,” said Stephen Baker, MD, an ASPS Member Surgeon based in Washington DC. “And while that may be true, the typical male cosmetic surgery patient that I see is an average guy who wants to look as good as he feels. Most of my patients are ‘men’s men,’ the kind of guy you might not think would have plastic surgery.”
-via American Society of Plastic Surgeons
Statistics released today suggest we’re about to jettison the whole woodsy thing in preference for looking woodsy. Actually “being outdoorsy” having all manner of discomforts including; no street lights, mosquitoes, and cold at night …
For us anglers it’s no longer appropriate to hoist the fish of a lifetime with outstretched arms. Instead, a Hero pose includes a Botox stiffened expression, ample cleavage, liposuction, and male breast reduction …
The list is comprised of the fastest-growing surgical and minimally-invasive procedures from 2009 to 2010. Criteria for inclusion: Procedure performed on at least 1,000 men in 2010. (Surgical procedures are listed in bold).
- Facelift – 14% Increase
- Ear Surgery (Otoplasty) – 11% Increase
- Soft Tissue Fillers – 10% Increase
- Botulinum Toxin Type A – 9% Increase
- Liposuction – 7% Increase
- Breast Reduction in Men – 6% Increase
- Eyelid Surgery – 4% Increase
- Dermabrasion – 4% Increase
- Laser Hair Removal – 4% Increase
- Laser Treatment of Leg Veins – 4% Increase
Once our angling media spots the trend, Fly Fisherman will regale us with an annual “Gutz & Buttz” Issue – rival to Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Spectacular – and we can jettison strike indicator articles in favor of Top 10 lists featuring; Best dressed, Best Unsmiling Pose, Most BreastMeat, Best Thousand Yard Stare, and Tightest Montana Guide Ass …
… which with obligatory centerfolds will sell millions of copies on both coasts (and none in the center) … giggle …
I just puked a little bit.
I’m surprised that ummm…”manhood” enlargments aren’t on that list.
Mostly because it’s cheaper to compensate with a Spey rod than actual surgery. Neatly explaining what fueled their adoption …
Dooode! That is so unkind! Ummm, what if they are short spey rods?
Actually, the size of the tool matters less than how one uses it…and someone who is good with a big tool is gonna get more. A lot more. Heh heh.
So here I was enjoying the fact that my hair and beard are beginning to gray a bit, indicating wisdom. And the lines around my steely eyes that speak of experiences and vistas unseen by the urban pavement dweller. Sigh…
Wait…I found the manhood enlargments on that list. They are just calling them by the industry term of “Soft Tissue Fillers”.
Been there, done that.
I few years ago I was climbing out of a canyon and reached the rim. I layed my rod on top of the ledge so that I could use both arms to pull myself up. Unfortunately, I ended up sliding down the entire canyon. I dare say, I put several rakish cuts in my new waders, received a free dermabrasion treatment along with some hair removal.
What if they’re noodly spey rods?
A lot of important questions are going unanswered here…