If you fly fish you’ve beaten the odds

It’s the real reason the fly fishing age demographic is 51-55, we’re well read – men of science and letters, and have limited our excesses to Viagra and Internet porn.

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Man Finds Brick Of Unknown Substance, Snorts It, Dies
Thomas Swindal, 53, was offshore on Marathon when he and his brother Kenneth discovered a brick of an unknown substance, possibly cocaine, floating in the water.

They ended up tossing the package into a bait well until a short time later, when Kenneth said he turned around and saw his brother snorting some of the substance.

– via WPBF.com

Not every fisherman is lucky enough, nor smart enough, to make it this far … only to discover this last, most irritating, form of fishing.

In our youth it was braided Dacron, the City pier, and a balky Ace hardware boat rod. Fortune smiled if we had an accomplice that sprung for a box of Safeway Calamari and a 24-pack. Those of us that could deliver a six-ounce pyramid with precision (despite the beer) survived. Them as flung that ensemble over everyone else’s line often enough … eventually slept with the fishes.

Later it was the open face spinning rod, and our repertoire expanded beyond the Salmon-Egg-Marshmallow-Open-faced Sandwich of Death, to include Kastmasters, Mepp’s spinners, and other gaudy hardware …

… and we fled salt water in favor of the piney woods. While communing with Nature we stumbled over the drip irrigation and the vibrant green Hemp, neat rows extending under the forest canopy as far as the eye could see …

Them as forgot themselves in a mad rush to stuff it all in their vest – got the rusty bear trap or punji pit skewer – and angry Mescans boiled out of the underbrush once we became entangled in the pebble-filled tuna cans strung from concertina wire. Those that could run – did so to the accompaniment of small bore .223 rattling off the branches overhead …

… with the proceeds we bought the boat, the ice chests packed with cold suds, and attracted all them ne’er do well blood relatives who invited themselves to our liquor, and anything supple or tanned we’d draped across poop deck or fantail …

Which is why we pointed to the large brick of rat poison we’d slid into the water when they were sparking our girlfriend, knowing we were doing both the planet and humanity a solid.

19 thoughts on “If you fly fish you’ve beaten the odds

  1. paulk

    I’ve tried to read your blog, but you write in such a contorted sytle, I’m sorry I can’t go on. It’s not really the subject matter, it’s really the way you torture the language. If you are writing like you speak, I’m sure no one gets a word in edgwwise.

    Them as forgot themselves in a mad rush to stuff it all in their vest – got the rusty bear trap or punji pit skewer – and angry Mescans boiled out of the underbrush once we became entangled in the pebble-filled tuna cans strung from concertina wire. Those that could run – did so to the accompaniment of small bore .223 rattling off the branches overhead …

  2. Joe Eberle

    paulk –

    His style does take some getting used to. Go back and read some of his earlier posts. You’ll notice that his writing has improved remarkably during the past couple of years. By 2015 he’ll be worthy of a Pulitzer.

  3. Dr.Cane

    just think of KB as a fly fishing Hunter S. Thompson. I’m sure Keith’s vivid descriptions of psychoactive compounds & where they grow is pure fiction, and does not influence his style. . .
    Personally, I like quirky. Too many blogs/websties feature bland “I did this, then I did that” type writing.

    I read Singlebarbed to be entertained, not educated (though it’s amazing what you can learn if you pay attention).

  4. JP2

    Aaaahhhh,Grasshopper,one must flow with the current of Singlebarbed,mend the line of your mind to avoid the drag of thinking and logic.
    Skate not into the eddys of ‘what should’ and “WTF is he talking about?”…They only lead to the undercut bank of mediocrity,where the lunker brownie will inhale your insect butt…

  5. paulk

    Sincerity is lost when the hyperbole just keeps flying about. I’m pretty sure there is sincere expression in there somewhere.

  6. trout chaser

    An unknown coke-head does a couple lines off Charlies star with his ass in the air as a tribute to the king of erratic behavior. Meanwhile Charlie himself is doing his blow off a (porn) star’s ass. Symmetry.

    And who wouldn’t like to ingest some unknown substance he found floating in the gulf? Another solid entry for the Darwin Awards. Attempting to deepen the gene pool, one idiot at a time.

  7. Igneous Rock

    Since we are all men of Science and Letters,(some of us read Shakespeare in high school and some of us read Iced Tea). Everything after Letters is the punchline and not altogether like a Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers adventure of old. The Contortionist style of writing has been mastered by few. Mr. Paulk is correct. Thems as attempts high art and fails, must not quail at getting a little Salmon-Egg-Marshmellow-Open-Faced-Sandwich-of-Death on their face. Criticism is mastery’s reflection.

  8. Eccles

    Well, whether you think the writing tortured or not, KB in full imaginative flow is a delight that should be administered intravenously – snorting’s for amateurs.

  9. Yomama

    While I sometimes share Paulk’s confusion, things are made clearer if you live in California. Our woods, streams and coasts are not as imagined in Field & Stream, but are increasingly peopled by foks engaged in illegal commerce, traffic and agriculture. you CAN get a warning shot fired in your direction, and some of the packaged goods found loating off our coasts is best left untouched.

  10. Don

    paulk,

    As odd as you may find it, kb “speaks” to me… like the voices in my head.

    God help me should he go Ted Hughes on us.

  11. kbarton10

    Actually, it was me logging in as seventeen different people berating Him As Dares Cast Poo … but since his critique is fair and done without malice, I think he’s just won a Singlebarbed cap – as the greater community is always looking for more fellows well met.

    @Paulk, send me your mailing address via email and I’ll send along a new SB cap (that must be worn at a rakish angle …)

  12. paulk

    Keith,
    I really enjoyed the clarity in what you wrote here when you reviewed The Blitz on 7/24.

    “There’d be a whole phalanx of cars parked above Ocean Beach, each fellow sharpening his hooks or retying his knots while scanning the water from the Cliff House to Pacifica looking for the clouds of birds that signaled stripers pinning clouds of Anchovy to the beach …”

    Oh, you’re going to hate me, but I don’t advertize on my person. Thanks for the offer.

    Have a great weekend.

  13. Don

    Jim – I too am a fan, but do you really want all who see you to know your brain is wrapped Singlebarbed?

    Or is that warped?

  14. bigdewy

    KB’s prose may be a bit of a challenge for us linear readers to follow sometimes, but he makes the best damn scissors & dubbing on the planet and that’s what really matters!!

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