I remember his comment as if it was yesterday. “It attaches to your belt and emits anti-mosquito sound waves, keeping the bloodsucking pests off you without changing your genetic code with a generous dollop of DEET …”

Upon his return from the wilds of Alaska we were doubly quick to ask, “Well, how did the mosquito thing work?”

His reply was ominous, “I had to get a transfusion in Fairbanks, and another before leaving Sitka. Eventually I flung the contraption into the brine as we approached Seattle …

As I wander through the app store on the iPhone (which I’m testing for work), you can imagine my uncontained glee when finding an outdoor application …

Despite the risk of carrying it strapped inside my waders, I can repel all manner of bloodsucking organisms, laughing all the while as I expose my nether regions to the impotence -  until my battery sputters and dies …

Which, I’ll guess, will be about seventeen feet from the parking lot.

I can only assume that “Kids-Safe Mode” is when you’re forced to give your own life to save your children.

You get a sudden waft of hot electronics, and press the phone into the midsection of the closest child, screaming, “Bobby, take your sister and RUN!” …