Naturally you’ve rushed into the digital universe befriending every dimwit without bothering to check where they knew you from or why they wanted your address. The sudden deluge of farm animal porn in your mailbox was a clue that “liking” the 1100 people that haven’t had sex with goats, might not of been too bright, especially with your wife standing there shaking a fist full of contraband recently repossessed from your now wide-eyed offspring …

If only part of what the eRomance sites are claiming is true, how we’re fleeing that ancient and boozy flesh-stalking ritual, and rushing headlong into the thorny bosom of the Internet to meet our prospective bride – whose flashing eyes are purely digital, airbrushed flawless like Playboy – and with a fetching handle to match…

… to hell with women, why aren’t we digging up destination fishing buds? How much simpler it would be to befriend some fellow at the destination watershed, then sleep on his sofa while we insist he guide our every step. His reward for missing work and catering to our every whim, we’ll be best friends, like in grade school …

Us aging boomers can’t spell social networking, and are faced with hideous and insurmountable questions like, “Do I even exist if I lack a Twitter account?” Singlebarbed dares say “yes”, and is prepared to guide you through the Internet’s version of small talk, as only an antisocial can …

Bromance Relationship Rule #1: Don’t define your relationship online unless you plan on raising eyebrows at the casting club. If he pays his portion of the bar tab, gas, and meals without being reminded you’re in a stable and committed relationship.

If he balks at the gas pump or claims his wallet is in his other pants, (conveniently under all the gear strewn in back) chances are the relationship is tenuous and he’s got a commitment problem. If he opts for the “all I got is hundreds” – he’s hoping you’ll be generous enough to allow him to GPS your favorite riffle to return later and pillage it.

Hand him a five and motion at the mini mart, tell him to get you a pack of Wrigley’s. Once the doors close behind him, squeal onto the interstate, you can always break even by auctioning his rod and possibles on eBay.

Bromance Relationship Rule #2: If your current “steady” can’t make the trip, don’t change your online status to “available” until you’ve had a face to face discussion about fishing with someone else. It’s just not classy.

The last thing you need is someone sobbing electronically after you display a weekend’s worth of large fish pictures on your Facebook page. Big fish, lots of them, he wasn’t there. Reinforcing the notion that painting the living room should have been done last month as originally promised, instead of the entire community of his friends and wife able to snicker at his untimely and catastrophic emasculation.

Bromance Relationship Rule #3: If you find yourself checking your ex’s profile daily estimating length and girth, and seeing your favorite riffle pillaged and burnt, you should probably unfriend him.

To take this a step further, you should really give your former pal a heads up that you’re changing your status. Rather than making it “available” right away, maybe the two of you can settle on something less humiliating like “Have sack full of grape Intruders, will travel” or  “looking to raw dog Oncorhynchus mykiss, need riffle.”  After a few weeks or months have passed, and everyone basically knows you’re no longer an item, then it’s appropriate to go back to “available.”

Bromance Relationship Rule #4: It’s OK to share major relationship news online only AFTER you’ve picked up the phone and called your loved ones.

Your wife will be thrilled to know you jettisoned Bob somewhere on the upper river.  Bob always creeped her out in the first place. Your new pal ties all his own flies and has enough for the both of you means he may be a keeper. This time treat him like one. He’s neither a beast of burden nor a tackle dispensary, and wipe your feet before sleeping on his couch. Respect The Skills, especially if you value him for more than a single fling.