Twenty years of data is pretty compelling evidence that  streams are akin to the mortgage crisis, we fiddle and tinker with obstructions and flows attempting to guarantee everyone living on their banks isn’t washed away in a flood, when Darwinism may be the better course for landowner and watershed.

In studying 3000 watersheds in the US, and thousands of jetties, abutments, dams, rip-rapped banks, and countless ways we’ve invented to make flows more moderate, we’ve managed to change nearly 90% of the major watercourses in the US.

Hooray for us as terra-forming locusts …

The down-side is that in taming the flow of any river, we’ve also begun to modify both the invertebrates and fish that live there. Naturally, all those modern palaces we erect near the bank must be preserved like tombs of the Great Pharaohs, and in so doing we erect countless structures to avert floods, erosion, and normal channel movement. All this secondary construction is successful in turning the wild current into something less so, which genetically selects for fish and invertebrates that survive best in slow current and lakes.

In short, you erected that fabulous log palace because you adored the big brown trout out front, but because you put a house where it doesn’t belong, your kids (if they don’t strike your name from all pillars and monuments) will be fishing over large Bluegill.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

… and because I’ve got a yen for both science and the absurd, perhaps we might extrapolate this latest theory as a larger metaphor for civilization as a whole.

With thousands of niggling little constructs that parents and society use to keep us in line, ensuring our environment is absent those savage peaks and valleys, have they really been quietly selecting for fat, diabetic, and urbane as the traits for the modern enlightened Man, ensuring there’s fewer of us sporting-aggressor types so’s we’ll never get within a zipcode of the Big Red Button and the Bomb?

Yes. Wow.

Us fellows that delight in the out-of-doors having outlived our usefulness. Hunter-gatherer skills shed for the ability to double park, more drawers in the bathroom for his makeup, and cooking is correctly guessing the number of seconds to wave a frozen unmentionable so all four corners of the box are warm.