Dear McDonalds Management,

I was at a loss when I found out the New Zealand Hoki had made the Endangered Species List. It’s not front page news as the name is unfamiliar to most, but you and I know it as the fourth fish  used in your popular Fillet O’ Fish sandwich.

You started with Halibut whose price thankfully prevented their extinction, but you’ve mostly eaten the other three.

On the chance you might be interested in a bit of positive press, I thought I’d bring to your attention a white meat fish that would fillet nicely, and may garner you a mention in a “green” vein, rather than the traditional, “Ronald McDonald, Corruptor of Youth, Pied Piper of Saturated Fats and Red Dye #3.”

More importantly, the Asian Carp – a.k.a Silverfin, Kentucky Tuna, etc., is available in virtually limitless numbers, reproduces unlike anything we’ve measured to date, and is available domestically. You can employ US citizens, most of which have lost jobs and homes and could use the work, plus achieve all kinds of Brownie points with the Obama administration and six or seven states – and all at the same time.

That kind of positive press is bankable, and any corporation would give both McNuggets for a crack at enhancing their brand in such a positive manner.

It should be relatively easy to find a series of spices and deep fry methodology that will replicate the unnaturally firm texture of your Hoki offering. Asian Carp being a freshwater fish might be a bit softer – but nothing you couldn’t fix with a touch of Portland cement.

The marketing possibilities are endless.

If there’s any environmentalist backlash, or Greenpeace inserts a schooner between you and the Great Lakes – you may want to consider the Frankenfish – but you have to kill it two or three times before it stops moving…