It’s a stretch to be certain, but rather than assume we’ve taken Matching the Hatch to its logical conclusion; with all the permutations and combinations of insects and imitations well documented, have we overlooked the obvious and forgotten that even the most well trodden path can meander with time?

With chemical additives and female hormones bathing each successive generation of both insects and fish, will our meticulously imitated three-tailed mayfly have four tails within the decade?

“Much of what humans consume you can detect in the water in some concentration. We’re a nation of coffee drinkers and there is a huge amount of caffeine found in waste water, for example. It’s no surprise that what we get from the pharmacy will also be contaminating the country’s waterways.”

Outside of the obvious and potentially limitless changes due to caustic and odiferous chemicals, is their tacit agreement within the angling media to ignore the enormous benefit of resident fish strung out on Starbucks or Marlboros?

… guides have exploited these sacred cows for decades, and us being starstruck and completely obedient (as we’ve driven for hours and parted with considerable coin) have knotted on any number of trout chow, mashed ciggie, foamed latte’ imitations at their behest – while swallowing some explanation on how the October Caddis really has a big sooty arse just prior to emergence.

… and if you don’t remember that lecture, it’s because most of it was in Latin.

Both the over-the-counter and generic drug selections are neatly imitated via do-it-yourself M&M’s, Just add the Viagra, Quaalude, or Progesterone label and your fly box will be bursting with quality imitations.

Even the moral issues have been put to bed by steelheader’s.  They’ve gashed themselves publicly over their continued dependence on beads versus flies – and “Melt in your Mouth, Not in Your Hand” should be child’s play by comparison.

At least I’m not going to curl up in a ball all secretive-like when asked what I’m using, it’s a Hemingway’s Cuban – one helluva cased caddis imitation …

… only because the biggest Arcus Iris Salmo get all near-sighted once they grow past eight or eleven pounds, and all them rods, cones, and photoreceptors start sending misinformation that is countered by the Hemingway, E. Pluribus Unum…

Tags: Caddis, chemicals in drinking water, nicotine, female hormone, cased caddis, fly fishing humor