Known galaxy-wide for our sympathetic stewardship, us Homo Sapiens having the accidental good fortune of eating everything above us on the food chain, so what do we do with an inferior species teetering on the brink?
… do we pause and reflect, right innumerable wrongs, or merely gash ourselves over our lack of foresight in the indiscriminate use of pavement?
Never.
We find even more novel ways to eat the few remaining survivors, or grind up the heretofore inedible beaks, feet, gristle, and unmentionables – to make even tastier things that require us to kill even more …
Coarse fish point and laugh when they see that silvery salmon smolt wandering around befuddled – still woozy from the long bumpy truck drive, and sick from the toilet flush down the long corrugated pipe into fresh water.
“Dude, the ocean is that way, you’ll know because the water tastes like crap and there’s twice as many tampons … but I wouldn’t worry too much because you’ve got to get past that bigarsed concrete wall with the screen that sucks you into the whirling death machinery.
If you make it you’ll want to hug the far side near Antioch, otherwise you’ll get sucked to LA along with all them trash-talking Stripers, who’ll probably pimp you out to them largemouth in Lake Cachuma or Castaic – and you’ll be spending your best years selling crack on some dimly lit weed bed … if they don’t eat you outright.
… or you could take the red pill – that salmon egg over there, and wind up mashed and forgotten in a Styrofoam cooler with empty beer cans and leftover Cheetos … Sure, it’s cannibalism of a sort, but at least you won’t get the Screaming Blue Shitz from all that Ag chemical in the valley.”
Naturally, a few of us decry that wanton exploitation of such a precious resource, but only after we’ve caught our fill and want to preclude others from matching our war stories …
… so we can make another couple of million paving some marsh so’s we can sell salmon donuts, that use parts even the vodka crowd blanch at …
Pampered and fed at the hatchery – head filled with nonsense about superior and noble, and some greasy-fat Pikeminnow fills them in on their destiny … you’d think we’d have the courage to do that.
Tags: salmon, smoked salmon vodka, salmon donuts, they were so thick you could walk across their backs, stewardship
Well, I’m not sure where you were going with that, but the implication, that using salmon to make nasty booze is somehow another nail in the coffin of Alaskan salmon is…well, kinda far fetched. Alaskan salmon are by no means in trouble (yet) and any small, sustainable local business is a step in the right direction for the state.
The problem of the few is how they keep getting fewer, and a fishery is never in trouble until it’s gone.
I’ll let history judge us – unlike myself it’s so painfully eloquent.
Bottoms up ! No wild salmon ever sees a bottle of “handcrafted” salmon-flavored vodka ! Just as “cherry” flavoring is based on almond extract, and all of your pets foods are extruded from a single vat (flavorings added later) you may be sure that artificial flavoring manufacturers can do “smoked salmon” (or “vodka”)in a pair of minutes. In fact, one might concoct one’s own. Everyone to the kitchen ! This one’s a snap ! I’d start with a dash of chipotle Mex sauce (for zest) then a touch of soy sauce… chicken broth.. Yours ???
Well, like that styrofoam ant thing you tied, I tied one on… but it don’t cast for shit!! Burp!
Geeze mineeze louise…lighten the mental stress claculator a bit fellas. KB’s just jerkin your string and he accomplished is goal.
Nice job Buddy, some it seems need a little river time…their cubicle is strangling their outlook on life.
Poor bastards…and I bet the drink light beer.
Hee hee hee! River time? Now that’s funny! I was just pokin’ back at ‘ol KB, no stress here. Well actually, I just blew out my tenth pair of waders in six years yesterday. Stressful… By the way, what’s a cubicle?
Now that is funny, I don’t care who you are.
I’ll by you a beer.
Is that selling crack on some dimly lit weed bed or selling weed or some dimly lit cracked bed?
It’s not the salmon vodka that gives you a hangover…it’s the mix you use with it. Or so they say.
Well sir I want to say I have seen it all now. What is the next thing…Trout flavored toothpaste? Wait. I think the Japanese have that already. I need a drink. Thanks!!