Monthly Archives: April 2010

We’ll accept introverts so long as they share their lunch

Skinny guys are all about scrambling over rocks, falling in, impatiently changing fly patterns, dawdling with waitresses and all the errata that accompanies fishing, and while they make a lot of noise, rarely catch much …

Fat guys use the same laws of Nature as fish; the calories expended for the next meal cannot exceed the calories contained therein, hence they grow old, bigger, and wiser.

Scientists are suggesting that the talent pool includes the shy and introverted, who may be every bit as talented as their rotund brethren, but as they’re reserved and quiet – we rarely hear their feats of prowess.

Shy types quietly fold their gear and get to bed early.

The sensitivity trait is found in over 100 other species, from fruit flies and fish to canines and primates, indicating this personality type could sometimes provide an evolutionary advantage.

Fat guys lack the desire to roam much so they patiently spend the day catching the six fish in their hole. Each fish a separate riddle to be savored and unraveled. Meanwhile their skinny counterparts throws sloppy casts, slip off rocks, grow impatient, and while they might cover three times as many fish, they’ll make twice the commotion and scare most of them witless.

… and sensitive types think their way up the creek, and are the beneficiaries of all them spooked fish.

The sensitive individual’s strategy is not so advantageous when resources are plentiful or quick, aggressive action is required.

Outspoken gregarious anglers burn daylight posturing for the waitress, holding court in the parking lot, usually at the expense of someone else’s beer, while the quiet fellows suit up early – ignore the noisy pantomime in the parking lot and are likely on their fourth or fifth fish.

But it comes in handy when danger is present, opportunities are similar and hard to choose between, or a clever approach is needed.

Which is why the hale-fellow-well-met spends the weekend groaning on the motel bed. The shapely lass encountered sunbathing bankside being the bride of the Raider’s 3rd round draft pick, and after bouncing off a couple of trees and watching his borrowed rod splintered into kindling, Mr. Extrovert may have lost interest in fishing – which’ll last as long as he’s prone, in the fetal position, and holding his nuts.

Assuming the theory sound, the best guides will be both fat and shy. As the outfitter lines up available talent, we’ll be looking for the concave fellow who doesn’t meet our gaze, whose handshake is reluctant and damp, and whose streamside patter and fly selection is done solely via Blackberry.

Tags: shy anglers, Oakland Raiders, Blackberry, extrovert angler, fat guy fly fishing, science

Where we stumble across the Good Old Days, and buy a couple of armloads of the stuff

Mustad 3116A As today is the much dreaded “Tax Day” I thought I’d interrupt that lethal mix of sulk and stress with a return to the 1950’s – more importantly, a return to 50’s pricing…

I stumbled on the Motherload of antique Mustad and Sealy Octopus hooks from a vendor on eBay, tracked down his store and wielded MasterCard’s Terrible Swift Sword to lay in a significant supply.

… we’re talking 1950’s Mustad iron; sharp as razors, with long lethal points, strange hook numbers you’ve never heard of and never seen except in picture books featuring flies by Darbee and his ilk, who bemoan the loss of all that quality iron common to the “good old days.”

They’re here, now – and you’d better jump on them before they’re all gone.

The smallest lot the vendor sells is 500 hooks (5 boxes) and the cost ranges from $6 / 500 to about $12 /500, unless you want salmon doubles ($49 /750) or something really large.

Grab a cup of coffee and settle in – there are hundreds of variations available and you’ll need to look close and read the description to get what you want – as the hook style numbers will be unfamiliar.

If it says “reversed” or “offset” it’s a Kirbed hook, whose point is offset from the shank (like many of the Czech nymph patterns). “Offset” means the point is 5-10 degrees to the right, and “reversed” means a similar move to the left. As most of you are unfamiliar with Kirbed hooks it’s something you may not appreciate, and therefore should be avoided.

They even have the old “Sneck” bend dry fly hooks (#10, #8) which are the old square bend hook that were popular circa WWII. The hooks and boxes are largely pristine, with no rust – the occasional discoloration of the paper bindle – but even collectors will be enchanted by their condition.

They have a lot of hooks in 2X strong – and I loaded up accordingly. Contemporary hooks have lost so many of the specialty styles used for steelhead and shad that these are completely irresistible. Today’s vendors are nearly mirror images of each other – having dropped the marginally or seasonally popular hooks for the consistent sellers.

Sneck Bend Dry Fly wire (offset) Take a close look at the 3116A, 36712, and 3667 styles, as these are superb hooks.

Many of these have only two or three sizes available – and some of those are the old odd designations; #7, #9, #13. There are plenty of hooks in the 12-13-14 range, so they must’ve found an old warehouse full of hooks, rather than a picked over, former fly shop inventory.

It’s furrowed brow material. The fellow across the creek inquires what you caught that last fish on and you blow the water off it before busting his bubble, “ … it was a #13 Adams..”

This is one of those finds that isn’t supposed to happen, so look through all those bends and styles and jump on something, hard. It’s 20 twenty-five packs for less than a sawbuck – and I’ll guarantee to use most of them in future posts – insisting the hook is the real difference.

Eyeball the points on the above pictures – it should be enough to make you reach for the wallet. Be sure to look at the Sproat, Limerick, Round, and Viking categories – most of the fly iron is contained there.

Tags: Harlee Rod, antique Mustad hooks, limerick bend, sproat bend, sneck bend, offset point, reverse point, kirbed point, fly tying, bulk fly tying hooks, Harry Darbee, 2X strong, jump on it

The giggles die right about the time the fly gets wet

There was no genius on my part, Gary Warren presses a handful of aesthetically horrid flies into my hand – and while I’m recoiling in abject terror and mock offense, he’s cackling madly “trust me Bubba, you gonna want those..”

Only the best damn stonefly nymph ever

I’ve got a handful of bulky and garish panfish flies and we’re supposed to assaulting one of California’s pristine spring creeks…

I’m thinking my leg’s being pulled. Gossamer and precise I could handle, small and delicate I was expecting, but large-lumpy with a taste of cathouse was what I got.

Chenille has been one of many casualties over the last couple of decades. Once common on all manner of trout flies – wet or dry, it’s now mostly relegated to large flies. Smaller synthetic chenille saw a brief resurgence, but the steady onslaught of synthetics with similar yet more forgiving qualities have eroded its use considerably.

I keep skeins stashed in most of the colors, but my fishing has the diversity that warrants such a collection.

Variegated Orange & Black chenille, the Forbidden Color

After that evening on the creek I called it the “Forbidden Color” – whose name can only be whispered among life-long pals, as everyone else is slapping their knee and laughing at your sincerity.

“Honest, this stuff is patented fish death!” and strangers backpedal making helpless motions when you offer some – like you were insisting “they’re eating Vienna sausages, just put one on a treble hook.”

If it had a name I’ve forgotten it, and Gary never claimed ownership, only insisting that no better stonefly nymph had ever seen fresh water …

Best Stonefly wet

If any, the secret is getting the fly wet (above). Garish oranges become shades of brown and giggles are stifled as it’s suddenly predatory and eatable.

Early season I’ll carry no less than a dozen. It’s heavy, packed with lead or in bead head variant, one of those classic “money” flies that look right at home once you wedge it repeatedly in a trout’s maw.

Tags: variegated orange and black chenille, gary warren, stonefly nymph, early season nymphing, weighted nymph, bead head

A fitting end to a “Wedding Cake” Fin Nor

The miracle of modern chemistry Six weeks of rehab isn’t changing anything, it’s just celebrity traffic school for first offenders. Like the Phoenix, recently emerged and armed with the verve of the righteous, we’re supposed to wear our addictions like the Albatross, around the neck.

Proof positive that we’ve licked the Beast, or at least that’s what our press agent claims…

They missed all the really compelling addictions, certainly all those related to fishing and the outdoors – and not even a 24K clumsily rolled roach in honor of Tom Stienstra.

For fly tiers it would have to be Sterling silver hackle pliers. The bulk of our milk and egg money was pizzled away on exotic chickens while the kids went hungry. In the wrong company they could pass as a roach clip – that way you don’t have to reveal your obsession to them as are uninterested in anything other than your hoarding of the Tofu-Watermelon sandwiches.

hardy_necklace The rest of us could wear a fragment of the $800 rod we sat on, perhaps with the label foremost – or at least a guide wrap visible so we could give each other the nod, and cluck our tongues in commiseration.

… and it would be a great way to part with that odd extra spool from a reel long past its prime. Put an hour and minute hand on it and claim how you and Flava Flav invented wrap music.

Yeah Boy!

Tags: wearable addiction, hardy spool, Flava Flav, rap, hackle pliers, Tom Stienstra, Cast of vices

He didn’t pay attention to the limit either

Here I think I’ve got it bad – a two year ban on salmon fishing and me and my fellows either gashing ourselves over too much water or too little, and now they’ve banned fishing on the Sea of Galilee …

… makes you wonder whether that magistrate or agency middle manager wasn’t feeling the heat of a thunderbolt when he put that pen to paper.

So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. 8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.”

As the above passage suggests, given a little wiggle room, anglers have exploited fisheries since ancient times. Little doubt that all of Pontius Pilate’s regulations were ignored – who wouldn’t throw caution to the wind when the fellow yanking on the net next to you could walk on water?

As TC is wont to say, a sure sign of the coming apocalypse …

Tags: Sea of Galilee, fishing pressure, fishery closure, Jesus, Simon, walk on water, Troutunderground.com

Take our turn in the docket

There’s nothing new here. Rich American tourists jetted to exotic third world locale, wined and dined – with native labor herding game towards his lawn chair, iced drink, and high powered rifle.

Well heeled angling is just as comfortable. Remote lodges, private beats, and cold drinks on tap, a rich landscape for the tour company operator intent on catering to every whim – including illicit and titillating.

Now it’s our turn in the docket, with ABC News claiming all us portly monied types are intent on the porn – and it isn’t the fishing kind.

“It will start off with six [young women], then it will be twelve, and then it’ll be eighteen and then you guys will be just retreating. I’m serious.”

Society has always thought the rod and gun crowd had some deep dark secrets, apparently they’ve decided we’re into underage teens – having run out of teachers, swim coaches, and catholic priests to expose.

Another operator told the reporters that he would “make it happen,” when they asked about procuring underage girls for the trip. He said there was an unspoken code on these sorts of tours that no one messes with. The code, apparently, of exploitation.

There’s nothing new here. Some of the Brethren are so afflicted, they’re indistinguishable from the rest of the sweaty crowd at the TU banquet, they backslap heartily and laugh at all the same jokes.

The rest of us are snoring uncomfortably from the darkened bungalows, wishing the guys in #13 would turn the stereo down. After shelling out multiple thousands to visit Patagonia, Venezuela, or someplace with fish more plentiful than home, I’m all for bending a law or two …

… but most are physical laws, like how I can will my sore arm to be twenty again – so I can make just one more cast, or how I can make the mosquito netting an impenetrable fortress with my dwindling supply of Bug Off.

Sure, we’ve got our share of child molesters – no more nor less than any other sporting fraternity or fraternal organization, but the balance of us crossed a couple of time zones to avoid kids and wife – and enjoy that unspoiled pristine.

Tags: Dallas Safari Club, child exploitation, underage teens, fish porn, ABC News, nothing new here, Patagonia, twitchy gun owners

All superlatives taken with a grain of salt

There is a place in every burgeoning entrepreneur’s repertoire for daytime soaps or Judge Judy … Some hideous repetitive task looms, and as you eyeball the points, run your hand over the assembly for burrs, loosen or tighten screws, and whack a chunk of whatever is close by, the Good Judge is sending some sobbing teenager into the steely grasp of the bailiff …

Such has been my fate of late. The gloom of my living room and the toil of quality control leavened with the glow of the boob tube. It’s something learned from commercial fly tying; find a show that’s uninteresting – and focus on the task at hand, glancing up only for the obligatory flash of breast-meat or the dismemberment scene.

… and I even oiled the damned things, because I knew you never would.

I received the first shipment of tungsten-imbued Sixth Finger scissors this week. After paying off all the owe-sies, vendors, and blood relatives, it appears I’ll have nearly 50 sets available of the 4.5” (original size) model. The “General Purpose” large size will be arriving next – as I’ve just approved the final design and finger hole placement.

5.5" Sixth Finger "General Purpose"

The last six months were spent testing three different fingerhole placements, and the hard part was choosing between the last two (shown with blue handles) – but the right-most won, allowing the 5.5” General Purpose to extend beyond the hand the same distance as the smaller 4.5” Original design.

This allows you to switch back and forth between the two styles without changing your grip or suddenly poking out an eye because you forgot which set you were holding.

The longer heavier blade comprises nearly half of the extra length, and we’ve shortened the spring without affecting the effort needed to press the blades closed. The adjustable screw allows for complete scissor disassembly for sharpening, or just give it a quarter turn every couple of years if they loosen with use (and abuse).

Care and Feeding of your New play toy

I’ve witnessed many hideous crimes committed on or with scissors – and only occasionally was it some other oaf – most were of mine own invention.

The 4.5” scissor is a “light duty” precision scissor. Adding faster colors, adjustable screws and tungsten inserts makes it a extremely sharp, light duty scissor.

… it doesn’t make it invulnerable to your hammy handed enthusiasms, nor should it be used to chew concrete.

The sweet spot for this design is the countless tiny snips and trims associated with preparing feathers, positioning, and the finishing of the final product. It will cleave moose hair off the hide, it’ll whack copper wire into pieces, and accomplish most of the fly tying tasks you’ll ask of it.

Do you think the new scissors would work well for tying glo-bugs? I’m looking for a super sharp, heavy duty blade that will last a while tying egg patterns. I’ll try the sample you sent and let you know.

… and my response:

The 4.5" is still a light scissor. While the tungsten allows it to plow through heavier materials, I’d use the 5.5" scissor instead. The larger size has a beefier blade as well as the tungsten – and glo-bugs are heavy work. I’d use the heavier blade only because it’s less about "can it do it" – than it is about "can it do a million of them."
Proper tool for the proper job rules – that heavier blade should allow you to chop a fistful of yarn a million times – the lighter scissor might be able to do it – maybe even well – but the pressures on the screw hole will chew the scissors up … the blades will loosen … and you’re left reaching for a new set.

The answer was in the question, “ super-sharp, heavy duty blade.”

Depending on what we were raised on as fly tiers warps our judgment completely. Surgeons have a thousand different kinds of scissor – each suited for specific tasks, yet us fly tiers insist that one pair of scissors be capable of mowing the lawn, mixing drinks, and walking the dog …

Just because you can cut the stem off a turkey quill with a pair of scissors doesn’t mean you can do it a million times without damage.

If you focus your usage in the sweet spot for any scissor, they will last a lifetime.

/end Momma’s lecture

The Avaricious Greed Part

My goal was to keep the price of both styles of scissor below thirty dollars. I was only partially successful …

The 4.5” Tungsten will retail for $28 a pair, and the 5.5” Tungsten will be $29 each. This is consistent with the market maker, Dr. Slick – whose 4.5” tungsten standard scissor is also $28.

But wait, there’s more …

My strident bellow about the inequities of the vendor community require me to trod rarified soil, anything less flirts with hypocrisy. While the gesture will be ignored by the larger community, my ethics require some small allegiance is owed those whose twenty dollars I’ve already pocketed.

Contrary to Harvard Business School and their tutelage, I see the customer as friend and compatriot, not competition.

Therefore, owners of the existing scissor can pick either flavor of the new scissor for $22.

Postage for a single set of scissors is $1.56 – and the padded envelope is $0.42 each, I’ll eat the bubble pack, tape, and the 20 minute wait at the Post Office.

Last time I paid the postage and you got the scissors for $20, this time you’ll pay for the shipping … and get the scissors for $20. This discount will be honored by me only – so asking your local merchant will result in a blank stare.

I’ll keep the offer open until redemptions roughly equal the amount of original scissors sold.

I’ll be working this weekend to update the Google shopping interface (the purchase image in the center column of this blog) to reflect the models and the discount, and dreaming up a surefire way to query you on your older purchase thereby qualifying you for the same.

I’ll mention this option again when the 5.5” models arrive, so if you’re interested in an upgrade decide which flavor you prefer. A rain check will be available if I run out of stock, so there’s little need to rush blindly into a new purchase.

Just my way of saying … thanks.

… and if you simply must be the first on your block, just drop me an email to reserve a set, as this shipment is small and sales look to be brisk.

Full Disclosure: I am the principal vendor for the Sixth Finger scissor and will benefit from any sale of this ~~incredibly awesome~~ scissor. All superlatives used to describe the ~~male enhancing~~ qualities and ~~mind boggling~~ function should be taken with a grain of salt.

Tags: Sixth Finger scissor, tungsten carbide insert, scissor upgrade option, light duty scissor, precision scissor, Google shopping, daytime soaps, Judge Judy, thanks for your patronage

Izaak Walton’s ghostly hand crept out of the soil …

6thBlueTungsten

I could mention the carbon nanotubes, the helical wrap that ensures they’re the lightest, strongest most awesome ever…

… how they’re dipped in Boron, blessed by the Pope, and Izaak Walton’s ghostly hand crept out of the grave to snatch a pair …

But that’d be bullshit.

Blue, because it’s faster …

More tomorrow.

Tags: Sixth Finger Tungsten, fly tying scissors, testing, blue is faster

Why Iowa has never been mentioned in the same breath as trophy trout

Ask any kid old enough, and he’ll be the first to tell you that eggplant sucks, along with most leafy greens, tubers, and anything else Ma insists he eat before the dessert course …

… and as all them vegetable-hating kids grew up to be us, we won’t have any compulsion about boycotting genetically engineered eggplant if it means saving a Caddis or two …

(Remember, the Cook doesn’t appreciate tantrums from adults, so if you’re going to insist that pie comes before you eat them veggies, make sure all the impressionable youth is out of earshot.)

India blinked and banned Monsanto eggplant – and now the insecticide equipped “purple tomato” is languishing dockside while everyone else eyeballs the similarly equipped Monsanto GE Corn.

“Bowing to pressure from Monsanto and the other biotech companies, our federal agencies approved Bt corn and cotton without requiring any mandatory testing for environmental impacts. And the expected happened: a few years later, independent university researchers — again not the government — discovered that this Bt pesticide was potentially fatal to Monarch butterflies and other pollinators. After a public outcry, that particular version was taken off the market. But just recently new independent research showed that Bt was also potentially devastating to caddis flies, a major food source for our freshwater fish. Without mandatory government testing, we’re clueless about the universe of keystone pollinators and other species that are being decimated as the Bt plants continue to proliferate in our fields.”

– via the Huffington Post

Which may explain why Iowa is never mentioned as a trophy trout fishery … and why Trout Unlimited is going after your Fritos and Corn Dogs next.

Tags: Trout Unlimited, Fritos, Caddis, genetically engineered, Monsanto, India ban on Bt Eggplant, Huffington Post, Tofu, guide lunch, fly fishing

The League of Women Voters would decline to host it

There’s a cadre of coaches to groom candidates on the smallest of details – and what’s blurted out during the primary is refined into easily digestible sound bytes for the election.

Some hideous side of my character has always wanted a presidential election to rest solely on the angler vote. Perhaps it’s because we can finally ignore the issues that placate elements of left and right like family values and carbon taxes; we can waive the issues we’re not sure we understand – and we know he doesn’t – like stem cell research or drilling off Malibu, and focus on just the fishing angle … as unimportant and fractious as that might be …

… seeing Dan Rather with a straight face, asking insightful questions akin to, “Mr. President, do you think it fair to have fish forced to copulate, strip them of their children, raise them in an urban setting surrounded by concrete, then force them into the wild without food – and subject them to a gauntlet of marshmallow-laden treble hooks?”

You have to admit you’d be riveted, especially with NBC and your family asking whether he’d pooched the answer or no…

We won’t have the pleasure anytime soon, but as the UK attempts to form a coalition government, the Angling Times was put in an enviable position as it interviewed the Opposition Party’s candidate for Prime Minister, David Cameron.

As it’s not my election, nor am I privy to a single solitary issue – we are allowed free reign.

“Angling isn’t just safe, we will actively promote it. I am a fan of fishing.”

The above sounds suspiciously like the “some of my best friends are fishermen” coached response. “Fans” are for organized sports, not the disorganized, every-man-for-hisself, rabble that fishing is so famous for …

Q: Can you tell us if you’ve ever fished?

“I’ve got quite a good fishing heritage. My grandfather was a brilliant fly fisherman and I remember when we went on holiday together up in North Wales and we had a picnic on the banks of the River Clwyd. My sock floated off down the river and he cast for it and got it on the third time. It was 20 yards downstream and flying down the river, and I remember thinking ‘what a God among men’. He was a very good angler and also had pike to 24lb.

“I still do a bit of fishing, but not as much as I’d like to. I went mackerel fishing with the children this summer and we ate everything we caught, I’m pleased to say. I do a very good smoked mackerel paté.”

A point for mentioning fly fishing, two more for comparing talented fly fishermen with gods – but undone by the smoked mackerel paté reference (at least in the Colonies), and losing his sock might be equated to misplacing a hangar full of MIRV’s, so it’s a wash.

Q:How important do you perceive recreational angling to be in this country?

“Incredibly important. There are four million people who, in one way or another, take part in fishing and it’s an incredibly widespread sport that a lot of people get an enormous amount of pleasure out of.

“I am an outdoors person. I love growing my own vegetables, I love being in the countryside, I love walking, I like fishing. I like all these things. It is a great way to spend time outdoors and to have a pastime, to take exercise, and it’s something we should be encouraging.

“Fishing is very good on every level. Whether it is well-being, whether it is bio-diversity, whether it is understanding nature, I’m a fan and a supporter.”

The numbers suggest his pollsters have him up to speed, but vegetable growing first – fishing mentioned fourth. Any presidential candidate worth his salt would have mentioned “I grew dope in college, but never inhaled”… and if fishing was second, he’s a stoned throw from coronation.

Q: How can you assure anglers that the Conservative Party is the party for anglers?

“First of all, the leader of the party likes fishing and that is a good start. In any given year I will be trying to catch a mackerel or trying to catch a trout. The main thing is that we will have a team in DEFRA who understand and support all country sports, including angling, which is the most popular. And I think in terms of the policies we are developing, which are pro bio-diversity, pro countryside, pro sport, I think you will have a very, very big listening ear to speak to.”

Which is about what I’d expect from a fellow running for office. He’ll listen plenty while running for office, not so much once elected. The only bright spot being his equanimity for all types of fishing:

“We need to make sure we don’t over-emphasise game fishing as against coarse fishing. We need to be balanced. We won’t forget sea anglers either, who are one of the fastest growing parts of fishing.”

… so he may have swayed some of the Brownline contingent, but all in all I’d say it was a pretty miserable showing.

Our version would have some apoplectic senator at the other podium, coifed and controlled until his pollsters saw this as a final gasp, in which case he’d pound lectern and insist, “dammit Bob, you ain’t been fishing since you was twelve, and by all accounts you were a complete sissy-bitch!”

… “Mr. President, you have thirty seconds for a counter-rebuttal…”

Tags: fishing politics, Angling Times, Opposition party, David Cameron, brownline, coarse fishing, presidential debate, didn’t inhale, fly fishing

Singlebarbed

Fly fishing the Unloved & Unclean