Breakfast will be a bit of a liability, but I can just point out the cars in the parking lot with coolers.  While he’s separating the body and chassis by way of the ripped off door, I’ll be cleaning my fingernails and keeping an eye out for cops. “Big Fluffy” as a sidekick kind of opens the field a bit allowing me to ignore most human niceties, fishing regulations, trespassing issues, and neatly guarantees my solitude in your riffle.

Brutus the grizzly bear enjoys his 25,000-calorie breakfast — 35 pounds of treats such as raw chickens or carrot cake — but when his human best friend, naturalist Casey Anderson, presents him with a fresh, flopping fish, Brutus is confused and uninterested.  Raised by Casey from birth, Brutus is used to having his food delivered.  Now, Casey sets off on an adventure to the Alaska wilderness to observe Brutus’ grizzly cousins salmon fishing, hoping to gain new insight into their technique and teach it to his six-foot, 800-pound, furry friend.

I want this guy’s job …

Once “Pooh Bear” and me shoulder through the remnants of the fly shop’s door jamb, I’d mention, to no one at large, “Brutus needs to learn to fish, I’ll take that Scott, two of those Sage’s, the zipper-front Simms, and a handful of those Bogdans in the display case – all on the house, right?”

… and if some fellow feeling plucky so much as trembles a lower lip, I’ll point and tell my furry pal, “Look BooBoo, it’s a talking Twinkie!” They don’t have to know that “Fleabit” only kills for red licorice – and they can find that out in syndication…

Then we get helicoptered into some serious pristine, and as I gear up – I’ll glance at the competition and tell Brutus, “clear the riffle …” The salmon and steelhead will be running – as will all the guides, nature lovers, and sleepy-eyed fellows that got there at the crack of dawn.

Any handler worth his salt recognizes there’s no need for a magnum sidearm, all that’s required to immobilize a hungry, charging bear is a theater sized Ju-Ju-Bee’s.

Tags: National Geographic channel, teach a bear to fish, salmon, grizzly bear, Bogdan, Scott, sage, simm’s, Casey Anderson