Dear Older Bro,

You’ve been quiet of late which means you’ve found the joke gift that will enrage me – while you scuttle behind the Christmas tree and Ma’s protective skirts – making funny faces over her shoulder, knowing I can’t take a swing at you ‘cause Ma would be disappointed and knock us both senseless.

I’ve got a couple of brain cells left – perhaps more’n you – and have already guessed what deviltry you’re up to ….

In your glee at finding the gift that settles scores for the Simm’s floatation vest I gave you last year … the one whose bladder was filled with QuikDri concrete powder – that you managed to wriggle free from before your oxygen ran out … which I can’t believe you’re still holding against me, as any Captain worth his salt goes down with his ship …

… might I remind you that this gift is only effective if I see it – not wear it. Don’t buy the extra-large in Black for me to wear – rather the medium in Pink is more appropriate. In this manner Sweetpea will immediately claim “it’s the height of fashion pajamas” and will parade herself around with message displayed prominently until it’s nearly threadbare.

As Ma might read this, which is likely as the “hit counter” now stands at “two” – I’ll save all them sincere emotions for when Ma ain’t looking…

Your vengeful adoring Younger Brother.

Tags: QuikDri cement, demotivators.com, Simm’s floatation vest, Christmas